I can’t tell you how painful it was. It felt like someone was skinning me alive. The pain was that intense, that physical. I never expected it to strike that way. I thought I had dealt with it by the time I went to live with my grandmother. But after coming back here, the wounds have opened up yet again. It is a searing pain. An acceptance of a finality that they will never come back. I cannot lie and say that I am fine. I try to cope. The sorrow is deep, engulfing, and there are days when I wonder why I came back to this flat.
My office is quite close to my home. That was one good thing that my father did—he bought this flat in Bandra itself, and the office is just a short drive away. I drive my dad’s car. I think about how they would have felt if they could see me now—wearing formal clothes and going to work.
The people at work are very nice to me. My father knew so many people, and every day I get invited for dinner, or someone brings a home-cooked meal for me. I don’t know how long it will continue. Obviously, they cannot keep it up forever. I do not want to accept these invitations as I do not want to talk about my father. But they think they are helping me, and they have seen me growing up. So it would be rude to refuse. I have to suppress everything I feel, and pretend things are fine, and listen to them recount memories of my father. It is so hard, Veda, so terribly hard. It tears me up from the inside.
Work, on the other hand, is interesting. I am working in the sales department, and I am a junior sales officer. The work environment is excellent and this company has emerged as the fourth-best company to work for, in a survey conducted recently by a reputed business magazine. The work culture is very participative. They take a lot of care to ensure that young officers feel proud and take ownership. And it works! I enjoy my job. There are programmes such as ‘High Potential Future Leader’ (HPFL), and if you get selected for that, which is essentially the fast track, the growth in your career is accelerated! Then there are things such as Youth Day celebrations, Friday team outings, etc. The training they provided has been excellent. I have some mentors here, and that helps too.
The building itself is large, with floor-to-ceiling windows, and is nicely done up. Computers have been introduced (we have the 486-Based systems, and for those who want to learn, there are free training courses). I find it very interesting, and I now work on my own computer. Many of the older officers and managers can’t seem to get the hang of it, but it is one thing which I have quickly picked up.
I read your last letter at least thrice. I LOVED the photocopied pages you shared from your letter to Vidya, where you have described your students. I also read the brochure you enclosed. I am extremely happy that you are so enthused about your new job. The children sound delightful. I think I would like to meet them and interact with them. You are doing some excellent work, Veda. I liked the thinking questions—and I answered a few myself, in my head! I would love to have a conversation with you about them, and I want to know what your answers are.
I saw in a newspaper the other day that work has started on a six-lane expressway between Mumbai and Pune. The entire project costs Rs 16.3 billion!
Veda, when I read that, a thought occurred to me and it has been in my head for a while now. Have you realised that even without the expressway, we are only a few hours away from each other? I can easily come to Pune on a weekend and we can meet. I would like that. And it is perfectly okay if you say no, so please don’t hesitate.
If you think our meeting will cause a problem at home, then I don’t mind at all if you tell me we cannot meet.
Do let me know.
Your forever friend,
Suraj
Chapter 22
October 1996
Kailash Mandir Colony, Pune
Veda read Vidya’s letter over and over, and she chuckled in delight over what her sister had done. How brave she was! Veda wished she had some of Vidya’s courage. She would not have found herself in this position then—stuck with someone she had to share the rest of her life with, but with whom she had nothing much in common. They only shared a room and a home. She glanced at the clock. It was already 11.30 p.m., and she had an early start the next day. But she could not resist writing a quick reply to her sister.
Bhuwan was travelling on yet another work trip. Since he wasn’t at home, she sprawled across the bed on her tummy. She felt wonderfully free, with the entire bedroom to herself. It was funny how such little things filled her with a sense of exhilaration, she thought. She did not miss him. Instead, it was a feeling of relief that had come over her. She had not realised how badly she needed this space in her marriage. She wondered what he was doing in Delhi at that very moment. Was he already asleep? Was he enjoying being away from her too? Did he feel the same way that she felt? Veda wasn’t sure. Whatever it was, she was glad for this little break from him, even though he was far from being a tiresome or irksome husband; if anything, he was considerate towards her. Yet, this felt nice.
Veda propped herself up on her elbows, and lying on the bed, she wrote Vidya a letter.
October 1996
Pune
My dearest, darling, firebrand!
A hundred kisses to you. And a big hug. Well done! If I was in Joshimath right now, I would stand up and applaud you for what you did. But instead, here I am—sprawled across my bed (Bhuwan is travelling on work) and writing to you. Forgive my handwriting—it is untidy as I am not sitting at the desk, but instead lying down and scribbling away. It feels wonderful to have the entire bedroom to myself.
I am writing this quickly, because I have an early start tomorrow. I shall post this on the way to Sankalp. I was thinking that it’s such a good thing you gave those envelopes with the address written in your handwriting to Suraj. My mother-in-law receives the letters as the postman delivers them when I am at Sankalp. I suspect that she cannot read English very well, but can recognise your handwriting by now, and so she doesn’t bother much about it. The letter is there, waiting for me on the console table at the entrance, when I get home. I am always excited to get a letter and earlier, whenever a letter arrived from you, I knew I would usually get one from Suraj too. But now I have to open the envelope and see if it is from you or Suraj. That adds to the excitement.
You are right in what you say about true friends. Don’t worry too much about Kunal. If he is a true friend, he will understand you and forgive you. I also don’t think that boys get into as much trouble as we girls do. So I don’t see why he should be that upset. The consequences are harsher for you than for him.
Vidya—I got a letter from Suraj. He is in so much pain about his parents’ death. He wrote to me about being in the flat where he had lived with his parents, how painful the memories are and how he is struggling to cope. His work is going well, though. He wants to meet me, Vidya! He says that if I don’t want to meet for some reason, he will understand. I am tempted. So very tempted. But I also feel like I am betraying Bhuwan. Bhuwan has been so kind to me. Sneaking off and meeting Suraj without telling him just doesn’t seem right.
The news at Sankalp: we now have five more volunteers—thanks to the speeches I made at the colleges I visited. Do you know, I was a little nervous before we went to the colleges. But then, I just imitated you! I remembered how you used to practise your debates for hours and hours, and I remembered your mannerisms and expressions and the way you spoke. All I had to do was mimic them. It worked! Ron and Kanika both said I spoke well.
The trained volunteers are assisting the junior batches. Kanika, Ron and I are in charge of the most important batch in the centre, which is the Class 10 batch.
Aparna reviews our progress on a weekly basis. She goes through the work of each student personally. She is very keen that we get a ‘cent per cent result’ this year. Till now, not a single Sankalp centre anywhere in the country has had all their students clear the Class 10 exam. You can imagine why, as I have told you the very difficult backgrounds these children have. So, if we manage to accomplish this, it will mean a lot of recognition for us. Aparna seem
s to be certain that we will be able to make it. I too think we stand a good chance. So do Kanika and Ron. Most of the children in our batch are very smart and eager to learn. A few are keen to learn but are a bit slow. They are the ones we have to pay extra attention to.
Ron is also keen on achieving this goal. He says, if it happens, he can appeal to the Carman Foundation for a larger grant. Aparna is hoping that our Sankalp centre will be chosen as the model for others.
Ron is planning to stay back for eight to ten months in India, till these children finish their exams. He has got his visa extended. It came through easily because he intends to teach. He can stay for two years now, if he so desires.
My mother-in-law’s snide remarks about my work continue. But you know what, Vidya, it doesn’t bother me so much anymore. I am happy that I am able to do some good work at Sankalp.
I make dinner after I get back from work, and I help her make breakfast AND lunch before I leave. So it is not like I am neglecting any of the ‘home duties’ that she has assigned me. Yet, she is disgruntled!
But what has changed is my reaction to her. Earlier, I would be tense, worried and scared of her. Now I just humour her with a smile on my face. I just switch off from whatever she is saying, because I am usually thinking deeply about what happened in class, or what has to be done the next day. I am lost in my thoughts. Sankalp is like this alternate world that I escape to. My MIL just doesn’t get it! I guess she must be wondering what has come over me. She tries her best to bully me, but now I have learnt to calmly side-step her. Also, I am out of the house most of the time, and I have to tolerate her behaviour only for a few hours; I guess that helps too.
I just looked at the time, and it is past midnight! I had intended to write only a short letter, but I had so much to say.
Write back soon, my firebrand.
I am so proud that you stood up for what you want.
Waiting to hear from you.
All my love,
Your sis,
Veda
Even though a couple of weeks had passed since Veda had received Suraj’s letter, she had not replied to him yet. Each time Veda thought about his letter, her heart fluttered with excitement, and at the same time, plunged her into despair. She had never experienced anything like it before.
He was in Mumbai and he wanted to meet her! It was the best news she had heard since she got married, but it was also the worst. She was ecstatic about him being this close to her, in terms of distance. But she also foresaw the problems in what he was asking of her.
As soon as she had received his letter, her first instinct had been to ask him to come over, as at that time, Bhuwan had been out of town. She had the perfect excuse as well. She could have told her mother-in-law that she had to visit some colleges, and met Suraj instead.
But it just wasn’t right. She told herself that she couldn’t do this to Bhuwan. Writing letters was one thing. They didn’t see each other, and they were miles apart. But meeting him secretly was taking it to the next level. Veda wasn’t sure if she was ready for that.
Suraj had very tactfully told her that, if she didn’t want to meet, he would understand. Oh, how she longed to see him! But each time she had started a letter to him, trying to explain what she felt, the words escaped her, and she crumpled up the paper. After several such attempts, she had given up trying to explain. Bhuwan had started travelling a lot these days and he was once again out of town. She decided that, when he returned from his trip, she would tell him about Suraj. If Suraj wanted to meet her, he could come home, and he would have to meet her mother-in-law as well as Bhuwan. Veda wasn’t sure how her mother-in-law or her husband would react to a male friend of hers suddenly turning up. She instinctively knew that her mother-in-law would not be okay with it. That was only to be expected. But she wasn’t sure about Bhuwan.
Bhuwan came back from his trip a couple of days later. Each time Veda thought about bringing up the topic of inviting Suraj home, she stopped herself. Why she did that, she herself did not know.
‘How did it go?’ Veda found herself asking Bhuwan instead.
‘Eh? What?’ Bhuwan looked puzzled.
‘Your trip, Bhuwan. How did it go?’ Veda asked.
‘Oh, it went well. It was the usual work,’ said Bhuwan.
‘What exactly do you have to do on these work trips?’ Veda asked.
‘The usual, Veda. Client meetings, presentations—all of that,’ said Bhuwan.
That night, as they lay in bed, Veda wondered why she did not want to bring up Suraj’s letter. Why was she hiding it from Bhuwan? The answer troubled her. She had definitely started having feelings for Suraj. She longed to see him. She waited to hear from him. She loved reading his letters and she loved writing to him. She had so much to tell him. Though she had told Bhuwan about Sankalp, he hadn’t asked too many questions, nor had he bothered to find out how much it meant to Veda. Veda got a distinct feeling that for Bhuwan, it was just something that his wife did to keep herself occupied.
But Suraj was keen to see the centre, meet the children and know more about what she did. He had answered the thinking questions and wanted to discuss them with her.
Suraj was interested in all she had to say. With Bhuwan, it seemed to come from a sense of duty, and then too, it was minimal. She knew she would have to reply to Suraj soon. She decided to do it over the weekend.
The next morning, when Veda reached Sankalp, one of the student volunteers from the junior classes told her that Aparna wanted to see her in her office. Veda frowned. This was not the norm at all. The students had just started arriving and the volunteer said that she would take charge of the class till Veda got back.
Veda took the elevator and went into Aparna’s office. She found Ron and Kanika already there.
‘Come in Veda, have a seat. We just have a few things to discuss,’ said Aparna. Her tone seemed brusque and unfriendly. Both Kanika and Ron looked tense.
‘See these assignments?’ said Aparna, as she thrust a stack of papers in Veda’s direction.
Veda took them from her as she sat down. They were the assignments that she had graded two days ago.
‘Yes, I know these. I graded them,’ said Veda.
‘The standards are too low, Veda. Look at the errors that the children are making. Other than Kajol, there is not a single student in the class who can write without making grammatical mistakes. If this is how they write in the boards, not a single child other than Kajol will clear the exams. This is not what we expect,’ said Aparna.
‘But Aparna, these children have come a long way from when they—’ Kanika began, but Aparna did not let her finish.
‘Look at the prepositions they use, Kanika. Not a single thing is correct. They do not know the difference between “under” and “over”, “on” and “in”, and they make mistakes in so many basic things. And these are Class 10 students. Sure, they might have come a long way, but what we are concerned about is how much more there is to be done. And what is this? Did you see this?’ she said, as she pulled out a paper from the stack.
Veda glanced at it and knew immediately that it was Sanju’s. In a few pages of his assignments, instead of writing the answer, he had drawn elaborate drawings of planes and buildings. He had also written captions describing each illustration.
Veda had written a comment that read, ‘Nice drawings. But for an English exam, we need to write, not draw.’
‘Look Veda, I know you mean well, but this kind of remark will only encourage a kid like Sanju to do whatever he likes. We have to make him follow the rules. We don’t need rule breakers here; we need conventional answers. So don’t write such remarks from now on,’ said Aparna.
Veda nodded.
’The next class test is two weeks from now. I hope to see better results than these,’ said Aparna.
Ron and Kanika nodded. So did Veda.
‘I also wanted to inform you about one other thing, Veda. Kanika has recommended that you be made a teacher. That means
you are eligible for a salary. Congratulations,’ said Aparna.
Veda was overjoyed to hear this. They would be paying her! She had a real job now.
‘Oh! Thank you so much!’ smiled Veda.
But Aparna was very business-like about it. She did not return her smile.
She continued to talk about raising the levels of the children’s written English. She also said they could do better in maths, and added that all three of them would have to work harder.
When they were in the elevator on their way down, Veda said, ‘Thank you so much, Kanika! You never told me about this recommendation you made.’
‘You deserve it, Veda. You have worked so hard. I had sent the recommendation last month itself. But it got approved only now. Well done!’ she said, as she patted Veda’s shoulder.
‘Congratulations,’ said Ron, and Veda thanked him.
Kanika remarked that she was not too pleased about Aparna not recognising the progress they had made with the kids. ‘I thought we were doing a good job. These children couldn’t even speak a word of English when they joined. Look at the progress they have made.’
‘I think Aparna may have a point though, Kanika. They aren’t going to pass the exams if they write like this. Let’s give them some additional coaching. Let’s start today itself, or tomorrow, at the very latest,’ said Ron.
‘Yes, Kanika. I think we need to start the extra classes soon,’ said Veda.
‘Yes, just before you came, Aparna mentioned that she had managed to get permission from the sponsor company to use the premises in the evenings as well. So she has done her bit from her end; now we will have to work extra hard to do ours,’ Kanika agreed.
The elevator reached the ground floor, and the three of them started walking down the stairs to get to the basement. They were a few minutes late for their daily classes.
The Rule Breakers Page 18