Kanika and I helped Ron decorate his apartment. It was a wonderful experience to go with them to furniture workshops and help pick eclectic designs. Kanika is very good at it—her own house is done up beautifully. I picked up so many tips from her. I now know all the good places in Pune to get lovely, authentic furniture. Some of them are vintage pieces, some are antiques and some are replicas. Ron’s apartment looks fabulous now. He’s got air-conditioning installed all over the house. After we finished doing it up, he invited us to his place for dinner.
The three of us met there after we finished the extra classes for the children. The Sankalp centre (and Ron’s home) are both within walking distance from my own place. Kanika and I walked back together, and since it was late at night, Ron escorted us, and then went back to his apartment.
Next weekend is my first wedding anniversary. One year has gone by so quickly—can you believe it? Kanika has invited all of us to her home for a meal. She is throwing a party for us. My mother-in-law was very pleased about it and I think it is very sweet of Kanika.
I took a while to reply to your letter because I wanted to think things over. My first instinct was to say yes, I do want to meet you. I long to see you, Suraj. It has been a while since we met. But I do not want to do it without telling Bhuwan.
I know I have told you in the past that Bhuwan does not own me, and that I can do what I want. That was how we began writing to each other in secret. I had to convince you to agree, as you felt this was wrong.
Now the tables seem to have turned! You want to meet me (and trust me, I very badly want to as well), and I am hesitating, as I haven’t yet told Bhuwan. I do plan to tell him sometime, though. And once I tell him, we can perhaps meet the following weekend? The very thought of it fills me with excitement, my friend. It will be wonderful to see you. I would love to show you around Sankalp.
I hope you understand, Suraj.
Take good care of yourself, my friend. Remember, I am only a letter (and a few hours) away.
I hope we meet soon.
Your friend,
Veda
Veda read and re-read the letter she had composed. She had finally got the tone right on the fourth attempt. It was friendly, casual, and it did not betray how she really felt. It was strange, that she was thinking so much about this. Earlier, when writing to Suraj, she had never thought twice and had dashed off whatever was whirling in her head at the time. But now, she was measuring each word. She knew it was silly to do so. It was not that Suraj would sense what was going on inside her head. And yet, she couldn’t bring herself to communicate as casually as before. It was as though, by admitting that she had feelings for Suraj that went deeper than mere friendship, something inside her had irrevocably changed. She had, up until now, convinced herself that they were just friends and nothing more.
But she knew that was not true anymore.
On the one hand, she had no real connection with Bhuwan. Yet he was so nice, kind and sweet towards her. She couldn’t help but wish he had some of Suraj’s qualities, though, and that she could connect with him the way she did with Suraj. She knew it was unfair to compare them—but she couldn’t stop.
Guilt was slowly growing inside her, and she had no idea what to do about it. It wasn’t something she could control. She solved the problem by focusing on Sankalp and throwing herself into work, so that she forgot about everything else.
When Veda got home that night, she found a letter waiting for her with her address neatly written in Vidya’s writing. She rushed to the bedroom and opened it, as she wasn’t sure if it was from Vidya or Suraj. It was from Vidya.
November 1996
Joshimath
Dearest Veda didi,
How are you? How are the students of Sankalp doing? How is Kanika?
I like how I write to you—like I know them personally! Strangely, even though I have never met them, I feel like I do. Please do convey my regards to them.
Happy first wedding anniversary, didi! Are you excited about it? Have you planned how you are going to celebrate it?
Didi, your firebrand is completely facing the heat here. Papa and Ma are so angry with me. They say that I have ruined their name and that everyone is talking about us. Papa shouted at Ma the other day, saying that it was her upbringing that had spoilt us girls. Ma started crying. Later, I heard Paro didi telling Ma, ‘Just think about it. You raised all your girls the same way. Look at Veda. She is happily married and settled. So it is not your fault.’
Later, I thought about it. You are a role model because you obeyed them. You sacrificed your happiness and did what they wanted. That somehow makes you a person to emulate? Don’t get me wrong, didi—I do admire you very much. But what I am reflecting on is how our parents and society in general view girls.
The girls who do not protest and who obey the rules are rewarded. The rule breakers like me are punished. Why? Only because we dare to have our own wishes? Only because we dare have our own dreams?
Who gives you a right to dream, didi? Who takes it away? Isn’t it our right alone?
Kunal is still not talking to me. He invited Dipu for a drive in his car right in front of me, and ignored me, acting as if I did not exist. I did not even glance at him. And you know what—Dipu went with him. I thought she was my friend. I thought she would try and initiate a conversation between him and me, so we could clear the misunderstanding. Instead, she chose to walk away with him.
I have stopped talking to her as well. Life is better when you do not have false friends. Even if you are alone, it is better than having people who betray your friendship.
Do you remember the nerds of my class, Anita and Rajashree? I have started hanging out with them now. It was mostly because I couldn’t find anyone else to hang out with. Kunal and his gang are the ‘cool kids’. When Kunal ostracised me, all the others did too. I was like an outcast.
I think the company we keep in college is very important, didi. These two girls study all the time. I think I am influenced by them now, more than I care to admit. I have started finding the course interesting now—can you believe it?
It made me think about how we form opinions. When I was hanging out with Dipu and Kunal, I found the course boring, as they kept saying that it was boring—I was influenced by their thoughts. Now that I am with Anita and Rajashree, I am seeing the course through their eyes. They refer to so many books outside the syllabus. They write down case studies. For accounting, they work out many more problems after they are done solving those in the textbook! Now I take pride in being able to solve these problems.
I asked them both what they wanted to do after college. Anita says that she will apply for chartered accountancy, and that she has decided that she will do an apprenticeship in Delhi. Rajashree is determined to get into IIM. She has already started practising the questions they ask in the Common Admission Test. I had a glance at some of the past papers the other day. I liked the questions they asked! I especially liked the reasoning section. I told her that I want to study with her, and she said I am more than welcome.
As for Suraj, I don’t think there is any need to take Bhuwan’s approval as such. He is your friend. You knew him long before you knew Bhuwan. Let me ask you something—you said Bhuwan and Kanika are friends. Did Bhuwan ask your permission before he met Kanika, when they planned that little thing to outwit your mother-in-law? Let us now presume he was just meeting her to chat and to catch up because they are friends, and they were friends before you got married. Would he ask your permission then?
Didi—Suraj lives so close to you. It would mean a lot to both of you, if you met. It would mean so much to him, as he is coping with loss.
What kind of a friend would you be if you weren’t there for him in his time of need?
Stop acting like you need anybody’s permission to lead your life.
Just go do what gives you joy!
Write back soon, didi.
All my love,
Your nerdy firebrand,
&nb
sp; Vidya
Chapter 25
December 1996
Pune
My dear nerdy firebrand,
I love that name! I was very happy to read your letter and find out the latest developments at your end. Ma called me up the other day to complain about you. She had to call twice to get me on the phone, as the first time she called, I was busy at Sankalp. My mother-in-law and she had a long chat. When I got back home, my MIL told me that Ma had called, and that she would call me back on Sunday, as that was the only day I was home. I think she was being sarcastic and it was a jibe at me. I am not sure, but I let it pass.
It is the truth, though. I am so busy these days that I don’t have the time to think about anything other than the students at Sankalp. The progress we are making is painfully slow, but it is steady. Initially, the extra two hours that we spent at Sankalp to coach the students was not helping, as some of them could not turn up at that time. They have jobs and errands, and they keep odd hours. It is difficult for us to get access to the office basement at these times, as we have got permission to use it only for two hours in the evening.
So do you know what Ron said? He said we could meet at his apartment and the students can come there. Isn’t that sweet of him? So now they tell us at what time they can come for extra class, and if it is outside the permitted hours, we simply meet at Ron’s house. You should have seen the kids the first time they landed up there. They were in complete awe of the place. They behaved so well. Now they have quickly got used to it, and they love coming there.
We were having a class on prepositions the other day. We were trying to teach them ‘below’ and ‘above’. I had made a chart on which I had drawn a large, multi-storied building with multiple windows. Kanika and I had painted the windows, and we had done it in such a manner that, when you opened the window of each house, you could see who lived inside. We did this by cutting out flaps like window panes, and sticking another chart paper behind that one, so that each window opens to reveal an occupant. Each occupant has their name beneath the window. It looks very beautiful. Kanika and I spent many hours making it. The children loved this little prop. This is a good aid to teach them, as we can ask them questions like, ‘Who lives above Mr Brown?’ ‘Who lives below Mrs Das?’ or ‘Where does Mr Brown live?’
We frame the questions in such a way that it will make them use the terms that we want them to get familiar with.
Using this chart, I asked Sanju: ‘Who is below Miss Usha?’ I opened the window below Miss Usha’s window. The right answer was ‘Mr Brown’.
But do you know what Sanju answered? He said, ‘Didi, below Miss Usha is khidkee.’ (He meant a window.)
Ron heard this, and said in his British accent, ‘Blimey, who is khidkee?’
Kanika and I collapsed in laughter, as did the children. It was hilarious and I am chuckling as I narrate this to you.
So we have such funny moments in class too, which leave us in helpless fits of laughter. Even though we are working hard, classes are always so much fun!
I thought a lot about what you had so beautifully elucidated in your last letter, about the girls who are ‘rule breakers’. You are so right, Vidya. I think society does expect women to conform to certain norms.
Take my mother-in-law, for instance. She has been educated only till Class 8. She wasn’t keen on my working at all. If you think about it, it is because she has been conditioned to see life that way. She stayed at home all her life, and she doesn’t see any need for women to work. She never broke any rules, and she conformed to societal expectations. She wants me to do so too.
If not for Bhuwan, I wouldn’t have this job. I would still be at home, pressing her feet, making tea for her and cooking. I would have gone mad with frustration.
If I had dared break the ‘rule’, I would have probably been rewarded. But most women are so afraid to break out of the mould of societal acceptance. We have been taught to be obedient, sweet and kind. The thing is, breaking rules comes with a price. (In your case, it is facing the anger of Ma and Papa, being talked about, etc.) The reward for breaking the rules is not certain. Hence, most of us find it easier to not break rules and be ‘good girls’.
I am happy that you have stepped outside it. I am with you, my dear sister. Though I did not have the courage to do it myself, I am delighted that you are able to live life according to your own terms. Well done!
I also did a fair bit of thinking on what you said, about whether Bhuwan asked for my permission to meet Kanika. You are so right. Why is it that I feel like I have to ask his permission?! I don’t have to. Again, it is societal conditioning which makes us think so. We have been conditioned to please our husbands, please our children (if and when we have them) and to please everybody else, before pleasing ourselves. I think it is time I broke an unsaid rule too. I think you have convinced me, my dear sister.
I do want to meet Suraj. Yes, he is my friend, and you are absolutely right—I don’t need Bhuwan’s permission to meet him.
One part of me thinks that, when you are married, you owe it to your partner to tell them about what goes on in your life. With Bhuwan, it has been a year now, and I still barely know the person that he is! I do know his habits and routines, but I haven’t been able to get beneath that surface, and truly get to know him. He never tells me about who he meets, who he sees and what he does. I do not know any of his colleagues’ names or any of his friends other than Vikki.
Let me also confess one thing, my dear sister—I think I have started having feelings for Suraj. I know in my heart that he is more than just a friend to me. That is why I hesitate to meet him.
I am afraid. I am terrified to break the rules.
Where will it lead? What path will it take me on?
I do not know.
But something tells me I am about to find out. Thanks to you!
Write back to me, and study well! Convey my regards to your new friends, Anita and Rajashree.
I wish you a very happy birthday in advance. I shall call you up on your birthday and wish you too.
All my love,
Your rule-following sis,
Veda
January 1997
Pune
Dearest, dearest firebrand rule breaker,
I did it! I broke the rules. I met Suraj!
He came to Pune on Sunday morning. Bhuwan was out of town again. He had left on Friday and was slated to return only on Tuesday. So that gave me a long window. I knew this well in advance, and I wrote to Suraj saying that I could meet on Sunday, as I had classes with the Sankalp children the whole of Saturday.
On Sunday morning too, we had a few classes at Ron’s apartment. But I finished at 8.30, after which I was free. Suraj came to the cafe at the office complex. It was just a short walk for me from Ron’s apartment.
I did not tell Kanika or Ron that I was meeting a friend. I did not see any need to. Suraj was sitting in the cafe, his back towards me, and he kept looking around anxiously, to see if he could spot me. He kept glancing at his watch too. I could see him from a distance, but he did not see me as his back was turned towards me. I walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder from behind.
He jumped up and hugged me so tight, I thought I would stop breathing. He was genuinely happy to see me. He looked so much older than he did in college. Maybe it is the stress of living by himself. He suddenly looks all grown up. He said I hadn’t changed at all.
We had a cup of coffee and we chatted for a while. It was just like how it was when we were in college. There were no awkward pauses, no silences—we just kept chatting and chatting. It was as if no time had passed at all. He has always been very easy to talk to. Then, after about an hour, it seemed odd to keep sitting in the cafe, and he asked me if there was any place I would like to go. I hadn’t thought about it or planned anything. I asked him what he would like to see, and he said that, if I did not mind, there was a historical place around, and he would like to see that. He said he had asked someone from h
is office who was from Pune about places to see, and they had recommended Shaniwar Wada.
So we took an auto-rickshaw and went there. It is a prominent historical landmark in Pune, and I remember Kanika once telling Ron about it. Even though I have lived in Pune for so many months, I haven’t seen much of this city. I was more than happy to go wherever Suraj wanted.
It is a beautiful palace, right in the middle of the city! I can imagine how grand it must have been, when it was built in 1732. (It is that old!) It was the seat of the Peshwas, who ruled the Maratha Empire. Once upon a time, it was a magnificent seven-storied structure. The Peshwas, when they had commissioned the building, wanted the entire thing to be made of stone. However, after the construction of the first floor, the people of Satara complained to the king that only a king can sanction a stone monument, not the Peshwas. So they completed the rest of the building using bricks. The British took over this gorgeous building in 1818.
In 1828, a mysterious fire broke out here, and only the part made of stone, the base floor, survived. The rest of the floors were destroyed. Now, we only have descriptions of the rest of the floors. Suraj and I stood there staring at this wonderful building and imagined every scene that we had read about. It was a powerful experience. Together, we pictured the grandeur: the doorways with teak arches, the ornamental teardrop teak pillars, the numerous chandeliers, the rich Persian rugs, the paintings on the walls, the polished marble floors. . . . That palace truly came to life in our imaginations. We stood there, staring at it in awe. No words were needed. It felt like the rest of the world had faded away, and we were in a time capsule—just him and me. It was a magical moment.
We had lunch only at 3.30 p.m. or so. We walked to a local eatery and gobbled up vada pavs, and drank thick, milky, strong tea. It was the best meal ever! I got back home by 5.30, and Suraj left for Mumbai. He said he was elated that we had got some time together, and so was I. He hugged me again when he left. My heart was beating so fast, Vidya.
The Rule Breakers Page 20