by Thia Finn
“Good, good. You’ll appreciate your hard work when we hang that platinum album on the wall or you get an award down the line. I can’t emphasize the importance of your freshman album.”
“So what now?” I asked.
“You keep working until you’re done. This EP needs at least five great songs and the full CD is going to need ten. How many do you feel are ready?” He leaned over the desk and folded his hands together.
I looked at Hayden. “We have five recorded already and three more ready to record.”
“Great, great, but still some work to do.” Damn, the man needed to shoot me now. I didn’t think I could keep up this pace.
AD left to finish the tour. They weren’t going overseas this time so it wouldn’t be as long away as before.
It put space between Carter and me. I didn’t have to think about him all the time which helped my emotional side. It also helped with my lyrics. A lot of emotions tied up in my heart about us flowed out onto the pages. With him not around, I could allow it because the luxury of acting on emotions wasn’t there.
Hayden needed this recording to be over with so he could spend more time with his son. Crew missed his dad and with Peri gone, the sweet angel spent long hours with the nanny. The older woman’s loving and fun personality made it easier for Hayden to be away, but he missed Crew terribly.
Sometimes our days and nights floated together. We would take breaks outside so we could see the sunlight and remember what it looked like. I didn’t think writing music would be this overwhelming, but Cash pushed us to our limits. He wanted to get the CD out as quickly as we could following our tour. He kept saying, “the iron’s hot, we have to strike.”
I considered throat punching the guy sometimes and then Hayden would crack a joke and bring me back to reality. I finally decided if he could do it with Crew waiting for him, I should stop complaining. He clearly had more at stake than I did.
“Hey, we missed lunch. Want to walk down to the food trucks and get something? If we get out before he cracks his damn whip again, he’ll never miss us,” Hayden whispered to me.
“Let’s do it.” I turned on tiptoes and headed for the back door.
The bright sun caused my eyes to water when I stepped out.
“Halo, it’s not that bad. No need to cry.” He laughed at me.
“I’m not crying. Wait, maybe I am. I’m crying for my pillow. I’m so sad my brain is crying, too.”
He smiled. “What would it take to cheer it up?”
“About twenty-four uninterrupted hours would work.”
“Maybe I should have asked who would cheer it up.” He looked at me as we continued down the sidewalk.
“Uh, no one at this point.” I didn’t want to think about Carter.
“What’s going on with you and Carter? I thought y’all might be getting back together. You looked pretty content on the bus together.”
“I thought that, too. Then he didn’t come home when the two of you went out. He never tried to talk to me about it. We left, remember? He hasn’t tried to contact me, and they were home for a few days after we got home.”
Hayden stopped walking and gave me a strange look. I continued on saying over my shoulder, “Whatever. It doesn’t matter anymore. He’s clearly loving his life, but I refuse to live that way.”
I stopped in line in front of a Vietnamese food truck, and he continued to Torchie’s Tacos. We met up at a table a few minutes later.
“I need to tell you something, Halo. I never realized you were left out of that conversation after I came home that morning. I assumed someone would fill you in on what happened.”
“I don’t care, Hayden. You two are adults and can do whatever you want to do.”
“That’s how it looked to anyone who didn’t know, but that’s not exactly the truth.”
“Sometimes the truth is all about perception.”
“In this case, the truth is a lot worse than people were led to believe, especially for me and in a way, for us.”
“Whatever the truth is, Carter didn’t think I needed to know it. He never bothered.”
“That’s on Carter. He should’ve told you, but maybe he didn’t for a reason.”
“You’re right, but he failed to give me one or have anyone else give me one. Anyway, I’m done with that situation. Moving on. Starting over. Having fun.” While that all sounded good, it was a line of shit, and I knew it. I didn’t know what I wanted to do at this point. I knew whatever I decided it wouldn’t include Carter.
“When he gets back home, you two need to talk. He needs to explain and you need to give him a chance. Nothing good ever came from not talking, Halo. You know that.”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t or he would’ve at least tried to contact me by now.”
Hayden looked at me over his taco and nodded.
We walked back in the studio and Cash stood talking to Johnna, the receptionist.
“Oh, glad you’re back. Look, why don’t you two take the weekend off? It’ll be good to look at your music after some downtime. AD’s last show is tomorrow night back in L.A., and I want to be there.” He turned and looked at us. “Unless you want to go with me.”
“No,” we both said in unison.
“That’s what I figured you’d say. Go home, rest, read mail, do whatever. I’ll see you both on Monday.”
He didn’t have to ask us twice. We waved at each other and left the parking lot. I couldn’t wait to put my head down on my pillow on my bed. My apartment may be tiny, but it was home and I desperately wanted to be there.
I rose up and looked at the clock. It was mid-morning. I’d slept since I got home and when my stomach growled, I knew I’d missed a few meals along the way. I stumbled out to the kitchen to put on coffee. My phone showed I’d missed a few calls and texts so while I waited for the dripping to finish, I opened the messages.
Peri: Where r u? should have come with cash
Gunner: why didn’t you come out here
Chandler: Girl, what were you thinking? You should have come to L.A.
Carter: Hey.
That’s it? “Hey”? What the fuck? Why did he even bother?
When the coffee finished, I looked at the calls. Besides the spams, Carter called three times but didn’t leave messages. What was going on? He doesn’t contact me after I leave and now all of a sudden he texts and calls?
“Dammit, Hayden. You little shit,” I said it out loud. He had to have talked to Carter and told him what I said. Why would he do that? I made up my mind to call Hayden when I woke up enough to scream and yell. Hayden had no right to tell Carter what I said about him or us.
I filtered through my mail while I had my coffee. My phone pinged again. How did Lola get my number?
Lola: you awake
Me: sorta
Lola: want to go to brunch? I’m off today and all alone
Me: sure, what time
Lola: soon, I’m starving
Me: me too. I’ll see you in an hour
Lola: Kirby lane?
Me: sure
I showered and dressed quickly. Traffic could be a nightmare. Lola waited on the bench out front for me.
“Hey girl.” I hugged her.
“Hey, yourself. What’ve you been doing? I haven’t heard from you since you’ve been home.”
“That’s because Cash has been killing us. I swear the man locked us away in the studio with only bread and water for weeks.”
Lola laughed. “Gunner’s told me how Cash gets when it’s time to cut a new album.”
“I wish Gunner offered that info to me. I probably would’ve stocked up on food and energy drinks.”
“Maybe that’s why Cash didn’t tell you. Those things are bad for you, you know.”
“Okay, nursey. I understand, but we were dying in there. Too many long days and nights in a row. We hardly went home the entire time.”
“You should’ve called me to rescue you.” We sat and looked over the menu ordering when the waitress returned with
our coffees.
“I’m surprised you aren’t in L.A. with the band.” I wrapped my hands around the tall mug as I spoke.
“Gunner wanted me to, but I want to take off next week while he’s home so I switched with some other nurses. I can hear them another time. I need some Gunner time first.” She gave me a devious smile.
I laughed. “Oh, right. I get it.”
“Actually, I hope I get it,” she said with a smirk.
“You’re bad. You know that, right?”
“If you only knew.” This time she wiggled her eyebrows up and down.
“Are you trying to make me jealous, because it’s working.”
“No, you know Carter’ll be happy to see you when he gets back home. Haven’t you talked to him?”
“That would be a no.” I stared into my coffee cup. This subject needed to be declared off limits.
“Really, because when he left here the last time, I thought he’d be in constant touch with you.” She seemed sure of herself by the tone she used.
“I haven’t spoken to him since before our last show with them. He came back to the bus the next morning after being out with Hayden and, I’m assuming, women. He glared at me and then climbed into his bunk. Oh, and then he left me one text, ‘Hey.’ That’s all he said to me.”
“His head’s so far up his ass, he can’t think for the lack of sunlight.”
I started laughing at her statement. We thought exactly alike.
“You hit it dead on. Dead on.”
The food arrived, and we both ate like it was our last meal. When I finished, I sat back and had another cup of their delicious coffee.
“So, how are things with you and Gunner?” I didn’t want to go back to the previous conversation.
“They’re great. He’s ready to be home. He misses me.”
“I bet so. Why don’t you go with him more?
“I’m not ready to give up my job yet, but I’m getting there. He wants the band to hire me to be their full-time medical care provider on the road.”
“That’s a great idea. What’re you holding out for?”
“I don’t know. At first, I felt like he offered it as a suggestion just to get me on the bus with him, but it seems like those guys are always going to clinics for stupid stuff. I’m working on my Master’s Degree now so I can be a nurse practitioner. I need to be able to write prescriptions when they’re sick. I could see to everyone.”
“That would be awesome. With the amount they employ, you’d be great to have along.”
“I’m still thinking about it, but I’ll probably give in by the next tour. What about you? Got any future plans? Have you been seeing anyone since you got home?” She looked me in the eyes like she wanted some definite information.
“Hell no. When would I have time? Remember, task master Cash?”
“Yeah, but you’ve had time to do other stuff, too.”
“Uh, no. We haven’t. The man kept us there day and night working. I’m surprised we got anything done after the first week or so from the exhaustion. He finally let us have this weekend off so he could go to L.A.”
“So no dates with hot men? You’re such a beautiful woman. I’m surprised they aren’t beating down your door.”
“I don’t encourage fans to come see me, and we weren’t playing in the area. Where would I meet men?”
“Don’t you have friends around here? You’ve lived here a while, haven’t you?”
“Yeah, but I’ve been concentrating on my music. I’ve had a few boyfriends in college but nothing serious since I took the two years off for this. My friends from school all left for jobs since getting one in Austin’s hard to do. The competition’s stiff.”
“That’s true. Well, what about Hayden? No interest there?”
I smiled. “Isn’t he a cutie? More like a little brother to me, though. Besides, he spends all his time with Crew.”
“Yeah, he and Crew are a team.”
“The right woman will come along and snap those two up. She’ll be a lucky woman to have them.” She nodded in agreement.
“What about someone else working for AD? No one gets your juices flowing?”
The way she said it I laughed out loud at her comment. “My juices flowing, huh? Whatever do you mean by that?” I said it like an innocent teenager?
“You know exactly what I mean.” She wiggled her eyebrows and leaned in to speak softly. “Like one of the hot guys you would want to push you up against the wall and kiss you like he meant it while rubbing his hardness up and down you making your panties all wet for him.”
“Stop! You must really be missing Gunner.” Just listening to her description made me move around in my seat.
“That’s an understatement. I think I’m going to do that to him when he gets here.” Her face turned red. “I can’t wait to see him, but we’re not talking about me. What about you?”
“I don’t know.” I sighed. “I really thought Carter and I might have another chance. I loved him something fierce before he left. In my mind, he loved me, too. Now I’m not so sure. He’s been hot and cold around me. Then, whatever happened that last night before we came home he never told me about it, and he’s only sent that one text. I’m not sure there’re enough embers burning between us to give it another chance.”
Lola gave me a funny look which made me wonder if she knew something I didn’t know.
“Weeelll,” she started.
“What?” She had my full attention.
“I’m not supposed to say anything, but I can see this project needs a little push.” Her voice had a hint of mystery to it.
“Say about what?”
“He’s decided to make some life changes.”
“Okay. What kind?”
“Carter made some decisions while he was here to get his life in order.”
“What kind of order? You’re being too vague.”
“I shouldn’t be saying anything, but you need to know that you’re involved in the changes.”
“Me? Why? He doesn’t even like me other than to have impromptu sex. You know, like I’m not much different than a groupie?”
“Girl, you are so wrong on that account.” She had to be making this up.
“I gave him all the right signals when we were on the bus together. Hell, I even attacked him on the couch and initiated hot sex. He never even mentioned it after we were done. How can you say he’s interested in me?”
“I know things.” She smiled that devious smile again.
“Then spill. You’re driving me crazy.”
“I can’t.”
“What the hell, Lola? You can’t start a conversation and leave me hanging like this. Besides, I might not want to be part of those ‘things’. He’s left me before, remember. I don’t know if I trust his man- whore ways. The things I heard about him and Gunner.” I stopped and looked at her. Maybe she didn’t know about them.
“I know all about their menage days. We don’t have any secrets because they almost cost us our relationship in the beginning. Gunner’s big on honesty. I failed to disclose some things to him, and he decided to walk away because of it. Once we found our way back to each other, we had a long heart to heart and told each other everything. We vowed to always be open and honest from that point on, and we have.”
“Wow, that’s great you got all of that out of the way. I doubt Carter cares enough to do that with me. I’m not really sure I want to know all of that anyway.”
“Let’s just say, those two have been everywhere and done everything. Some things my mind can’t unhear but wish it could.” The laugh she gave me made me wonder what kinds of things she knew. “Do you think it’s even possible you and Carter could have a relationship?”
“I don’t know. When we split the first time, he wanted his freedom to explore the world. My heart didn’t get it, but my mind did. He was young, about to go on an adventure of a lifetime. Things exploded for them on their first real tour after meeting Chandler’s dad. Opportuni
ties other bands only dream of were handed to them on a silver platter. They deserved it because their music backed their claims, but it all happened so fast.”
“That’s true. They achieved greatness overnight compared to bands that spend years getting there.” We agreed on that completely.
“I suppose now that they’ve achieved their dreams, he might want me back. I feel like I’ve been waiting for him my whole adult life when really, I didn’t wait around. I’ve been busy doing what I wanted. Now, he’s back, and I’m still here. It makes me look like such a loser.”
“No, it doesn’t. Maybe your mind knew all along he was the one. Maybe subconsciously, you’ve been waiting.”
“Possibly. I guess I’ll have to see how things go now. Our CD is about to be released. I don’t know what’ll happen then. I’ll be gone touring so Carter’s time will be his own.”
“True. Separate tours will make life hard for y’all.”
“Yeah. The temptation for him will be knocking at the bus door every night. I won’t stand by for him to answer it if we get back together.”
“No, you shouldn’t.”
The waitress came with our check. Clear skies greeted us outside.
“Don’t be a stranger, Halo. I’m here if you need to talk or want to get together. I don’t work every day. Oh, and don’t mention the info I gave you about Carter. Let him have his day.”
“I promise not to spoil whatever it is you didn’t mention. You’re a devil in disguise.”
She smiled. “Call me.”
“I will when Cash’s through using me up.” I hugged her goodbye.
I hadn’t forgotten the things she told me. Now she had me guessing what all she didn’t say to me. What would he want to plan? Guess we would see soon enough. They’d be home tomorrow.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Waiting until I got home to see the changes in my house made me anxious. I prayed that between Lola and the decorator the transformation would please me. Lola might have been raised globe-hopping, but she knew what a house needed to be a home.
I knew when I drove up changes had been made. They painted the outside to a more pleasing shade with rock and beams added to change the style. I opened the front door and a pleasant fragrance of cookies baking wafted through the opening. Was I at an open house or something? Whatever it was, I loved the smell. I hoped they left me some chocolate chips in the warmer.