by T. S. Joyce
“Nooo!” Rike yelled at the top of his lungs. And there was the crow, growing inside of him. He could feel the love the crow carried for the white wolf now. The devotion. He’d bonded long ago, and that’s why Rike hadn’t been able to see other girls. Why none had kept his interest. His crow had chosen his one mate when he was a boy, and his inner animal had spent the second half of his existence hiding her so Rike couldn’t find the love of his life…and ruin her.
And here came a new flood of memories. Bailey in a white sundress and cowgirl boots, her feet dangling from the edge of a bridge as she laughed and talked, the sun hitting her hair and making it shine like silver. Holding hands with her. Playing in a kiddie pool when they were six or seven, and she fell out and scraped her knees. Him kissing the scratches. Her little thank-you smile. In their teenage years, her stroking his cheek when he showed her new bruises from Lucian. She fixed his old, weary, battered soul with a touch, like she was magic. Ice cream shops and family dinners without their fathers. He and Ethan pushing her for hours on a tire swing. Movie dates when they turned fourteen. Her walking up the creek bed with her flip flops in her hand as she chattered on happily. The ring he saved up for and bought her for her fifteenth birthday, and the green mark it left on her finger. The exact moment Lucian had thrown out an Alpha order for him and Ethan to Change, locked their crows in a cage, and then threw them in the backseat of his old Dodge pickup. And Lucian had just left all that carnage on the front lawn. That was the exact moment Rike’s crow realized they couldn’t come back here. The moment he accepted the cage. The moment he figured out how to protect Bailey from the sleeping monster within him. The moment he locked away all of Rike’s memories of his childhood.
Caw! Save her! The animal exploded from his skin, and before Rike could stop himself, he flew through the bedroom window like a torpedo, shattering the glass as he went.
He didn’t know where he was going.
Only that he had to get as far away from Bailey as he could and protect her from the Blackwood monster he would turn out to be.
Chapter Fifteen
The woman on the front porch looked straight at Rike when he landed in the tree nearest her house. Bailey’s house. It looked the same and different. Same shape, but somewhere in the last fifteen years, someone had painted it a soft petal-pink with white shutters. It looked like a dollhouse.
The crow had thought about going to his old house where he, Ethan, and Mom had lived, the one Lucian had come back to when his bloodlust had been sated for a few days and he would pretend to be head of the household. But the crow wasn’t ready to see where his old life had ended. He wasn’t ready to visit the place where he’d watched so much destruction and pain. This was the best he could do tonight—Bailey’s old house.
Bailey’s mom sat on the porch swing with a mug of something hot and steaming cupped in her small hands. She looked a lot like he remembered, and so much like Bailey it was uncanny.
“Caw, caw, caw, caw, caw!” he called out a greeting to an old friend.
“I see you, Crow. I wondered when you would come back.”
There was a neatly folded stack of clothes beside her. She patted her hand on the denim of a pair of faded old jeans, and her smile was kind. Joanna Wulfe, ex-mate to the Alpha of the Wulfe Clan and best friend to Rike’s mom all those years ago, stood and carried the pile of clothes to the middle of the yard. With unhurried steps, she made her way back toward the front door. “You come on in when you’re ready. I have something to show you.”
He was supposed to fly away. That’s what his plan had been, but he was weak. Bailey was in his head now and he’d detoured here because he couldn’t resist her pull. Because he’d been selfish and wanted a few more minutes to think about her before he tried to make Rike forget about her again. To protect her. She deserved to live a safe life, and Rike wasn’t safe.
And now he was perched in a tree, frozen, staring at the pile of clothes with the certainty that Joanna had an invaluable gift waiting for him inside—something to do with his Bailey. With his brave Little Wolf.
It was pointless to stall. He’d made up his mind the second he’d heard the door click closed behind her. The crow flew down to the yard, spread his wings to slow himself, and Changed mid-landing. Rike grunted and landed on his knees beside the clothes. The jeans barely fit, and his knees split the threadbare fabric when he made his way to the house. He pulled on the too-tight T-shirt as he went.
The porch boards were cool against his bare feet, and he hesitated a second before he pushed the front door open.
A hundred memories hit him at once. It still smelled like cookies. How many dinners had he, Ethan, and Mom eaten here? Their moms had been tough as nails to deal with the mates they had. They’d leaned on each other and given him, Bailey, and Ethan the most normal life they could.
“In here,” Joanna called.
He followed her voice through the living room to the quaint country kitchen.
“Looks different in here,” he murmured.
“I saved up for years to get my farmhouse sink,” she said with a proud smile. God, that smile…
“You look like Bailey. Or I guess she grew up to look like you.”
Joanna’s smile grew even brighter as she looked him over. Her attention drifted from his tattooed arms and neck to his beard and back to his eyes. “You sure look haunted now, Brandon.”
“I go by Rike.”
“That’s right,” she murmured, the smile slipping. “Bailey told me.”
“She talked to you about me?”
“She headed over here the second she broke off her pairing and went lone wolf from her Clan. She was scared.”
“Of me?”
“No,” Joanna said, huffing a laugh as she sat on a stool at the kitchen island. “That girl was never scared of you. You were her air. When you left…” Joanna shook her head, and now she was the one who looked haunted. “I never got her back. Even if you didn’t mean to, you took her with you.”
Rike winced at the little blast of pain behind his eyes. “I…I didn’t remember. I think I wasn’t supposed to remember so I could leave her alone.”
“Now, why on earth would you leave her alone now? She went rogue for you. Do you know what happens to a wolf who is alone? They are ignored by their people. Not just their Clan either. By all wolves. They cease to exist. She’s seen how hard it is to deal with a lonely animal, to deal with being completely shunned. She’s seen how hard it was, and she did it anyway.”
“Why?”
Joanna rested her cheek on the palm of her hand. “Why do you think?”
“Me?”
She dipped her chin once.
“She’s too loyal for her own good.”
“Nah. Loyalty isn’t a bad thing if it isn’t blind loyalty. She saw you for exactly what you were. Exactly who you were. She was always quick as a whip on people. She could look at someone and tell if they were good or bad. If they were worth her time or not. That girl watched your father, watched you, and deemed you worthy.” She stood from her place at the kitchen counter and gestured for him to follow. “Come.”
Rike followed her to the back of the house to Bailey’s old room. And again, the memories were overwhelming. His first real kiss had happened at the desk in the corner. He’d been doing his homework, or trying to focus, but he’d grown to love the white-haired, white-skinned girl who got funny looks from people in town, but who he thought was the most beautiful girl who’d ever taken a breath. She looked so nervous as she sat on his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck, and then he’d made his move. Finally. He’d pressed his lips to hers and now, as a grown man, he could still feel how entirely she’d changed him just with a kiss. God, how could he have ever forgotten that?
Inhaling deeply, he stepped into the room. Joanna was fingering old soccer trophies lined up on the desk. She knelt suddenly, pulled a box from under the desk, and offered it to him.
He took the burden from her arms with a frow
n. “What’s this?”
“She lost the ring you gave her. That little promise ring—”
“The cheap one that made her finger turn green.”
Joanna chuckled. “Yes, that one. She lost it at a water park one summer. She was heartbroken over it…just…” Joanna swallowed hard and shook her head. “She went back to that water park all summer, said she liked it there, but I knew what she was doing. She was looking for your ring.”
“Why would she do that?”
“Because that’s all she had left of you. She knew crows gave a gift when they picked a mate, and in her mind, that was your gift to her. And she’d lost it. And ooooh, she was awful to herself for losing it. You know her, she’s tough. But I heard her crying at nights, and my heart broke for her. When she lost the ring, it was like burying a loved one. She always had it in her head you would come back for her, so she stopped living. Bailey was stuck in this in-between. She wasn’t a normal teenager. She’d seen terrible things, she had the wolf, and she missed you terribly. She had this scholarship to go to college and, God, I wanted her to go so bad, just to get away from your memories for a little while, for her to get away from the Wulfe Clan. But my daughter was born with my stubborn streak, and she wouldn’t be moved from this area…just in case you ever came back. So, don’t pretend, Rike. The most harmful thing you can do to my daughter is to pretend you will be able to leave her again.”
Joanna made her way to the door then paused with her hands resting on the open frame. “You aren’t your father.” She looked over her shoulder at him. “You aren’t. I see so much of your mother in you. Hold on to those pieces of you.” She gave a soft ghost of a smile and left him there, holding the box of treasures.
And treasures they were because when he opened it, he was stunned to find every shape and size of miniature crow figurines. Necklaces, bracelets, amulets, paintings, black and white photos, and at the very bottom, a note scratched in hurried handwriting. Where are you?
Rike sat on the bed beside the box and heaved a breath, let the scrap of paper fall from his fingertips. He buried his face in his hands and squeezed his eyes tightly closed.
Where was he? More importantly…who was he?
Joanna’s voice played in his head. You aren’t your father.
Maybe it didn’t matter who he was.
Maybe what mattered most was who he was not.
Chapter Sixteen
Why was Bailey so nervous? It was just drinks at a bar. With strangers. Who were polar bear shifters, mountain lion shifters, and moose shifters. Who could kill her now that she was a lone wolf and didn’t have the protection of a Clan. But they didn’t know that! Or that she was a wolf. Everything was fine.
“Wooooolf!” a blond-haired, green-eyed woman crowed from the bar the second that Bailey walked into the GutShot.
“Aw, mother fucker,” Bailey mumbled through gritted teeth and an attempt at a smile.
“My, what big teeth you have,” a woman with short, black hair murmured as she walked up. The lady threw back a shot and then waved Bailey closer. “I’m Ava, Hairpin Trigger’s mate, and this little hellion right here is Karis. She’s—”
“The mate of The Warmaker,” Bailey finished for her.
“Yes!” Karis said, her face lighting up. “That’s me! You know me!”
“Know of you.”
“Cool, cool, and this one over here is Ten. She bites, but she’s mostly nice.”
“When I’m not a trillion years pregnant,” Ten said, a pout to her full lips.
“I totally feel for you,” Karis said, rubbing the swell of her own belly.
“Another round?” the bartender asked.
“No,” Ten mock-wailed, “just water.”
“Don’t worry, Ten,” Ava said jovially, “seven more months, and you’ll squirt that little squirrel baby out and then you can get fucked up again.”
Ten looked nonplussed and took a long drag of her ice water with the neon orange umbrella in it.
“Where is Vina?” Bailey asked, taking a seat next to Ava. God, she couldn’t believe she was sitting next to a newly Turned polar bear shifter and the first lady of the Two Claws Clan right now. She must have a death wish.
“Bathroom. She was holding it, waiting for you, but I suspect that girl has a bladder the size of a peanut. We’ve been here way too long.”
“We never get out,” Karis chimed it, “so when Vina wanted to meet at a bar, we totally thought eleven o’clock was a respectable hour. Plus pregnancy. This is way past my bedtime. I feel wild and crazy right now!”
Bailey’s eyes went round. “Wait, you’ve been here since eleven? I thought we were meeting at midnight.”
“Which is when lots of normal party-people meet up,” Ava said, “but we sleep early and wake up early to run the ranch, so we’ve been drinking for an hour already.”
“Water,” Ten said with dead eyes. “I’ve been drinking water for an hour.”
“They have really good fried mushrooms and loaded chili cheese fries here,” Bailey said. “I mean, if you have cravings. Congrats by the way. On the…squirrel…baby.”
Ten’s face lit up, and she started ordering from the bartender like a pro. Enough food to feed a small army of people from the sound of it.
“Vina told us all about you,” the blond at the end of the row said.
Ava introduced her. “This is Trina, the only mountain lion female of the New Darby Clan.”
“And single as fuuuuuuck,” Trina sang, lifting a half-full shot glass of what was either apple juice or whiskey, but probably the latter from the slur to her words.
“She’s going through stuff,” Ava murmured with a head nod.
“You’re here!” Vina squealed, running up from a hallway and pulling Bailey into a hug. “See! I told you all she would come.”
“Okay,” Bailey murmured, patting Vina on the back. She wasn’t a huge hugger. Vina didn’t smell like booze yet though, so it wasn’t a tipsy embrace. She only smelled of happiness and relief. Huh.
“Why did you tell them I’m a wolf?” she murmured, feeling fourteen percent betrayed.
“Because you shouldn’t start a relationship off on a lie.”
“A relationship?”
“Well, a civil, respectful relationship sounds awesome,” Ava said. “I’m tired of war.”
“Same,” said Karis, Ten, and Trina all in unison.
“So I say we can be buds if we want to be buds,” Vina said. “Doesn’t matter what animals we are, or how…how…”
“Bloodthirsty?” Ava offered helpfully.
“Yes,” Vina said. “How bloodthirsty our mates are. We can be okay with each other if we choose to be. Ally Clans and all that.”
An older gentleman with a gritty rock ’n roll voice announced a karaoke singer on the other side of the bar. A red-haired teenager with braces climbed up on the stage and started slaying an old Eve 6 song.
“Hell, yes,” Bailey said through a grin as she watched him with the others. This reminded her of her junior high days. She and Rike used to sing this together.
With a frown, she checked her phone for the hundredth time today. She’d sent him the I love you text with no response.
“He’s okay,” Vina murmured. “He’s always okay. Ever heard that saying ‘tough as a crow’?”
“No.”
“Well, that’s probably because I made it up, but it should be a thing. I’ve never seen a group of stronger men than in Red Dead Mayhem. And Rike is Second. He didn’t get there by accident, Bailey. He’s a beast. Physically and mentally.”
“If it was Ramsey going through the shit, what would you do?”
Vina smiled and dropped her head slightly. “Same thing you’re doing, I suppose. Worrying and wishing I could fix it somehow. But Ramsey’s looking for him. He’ll have him all patched up by tomorrow.”
“I’ve texted him three times, and he hasn’t said anything.”
Vina squeezed her forearm and gave her a soft
, sympathetic smile. “Men are different when they hurt. Sometimes they get quiet about it because they don’t want to show weakness. Give him time. He’ll come back.”
“And what if he doesn’t? I’ve lost him before and I know what it feels like, and it’s scary, thinking about doing it all over again.”
Vina grinned. “He’ll come back. I promise.” She swung her attention to the bartender. “This girl is way too sober. I need two lemon drop shots.”
“One for each?” he asked.
“Nah, two each.”
“Oh, I want one of those too!” Trina ordered.
“Me, too!” Ava said.
Ten looked unamused and slurped loudly on her ice water. Karis laughed.
“But…” Bailey said, not ready to quit that conversation. “How do you know when your man will come back?”
Vina rested her cheek on her palm and twitched her gaze to the door behind Bailey. “When they look at you like Rike is looking at you, you just know that man ain’t goin’ anywhere.”
“What?” Bailey turned around, and she froze as her eyes landed on a tall, black-haired, black-bearded, musclebound, tatted-up behemoth of a man with haunted, soft brown eyes that were only looking at her. “Rike,” she whispered.
There was this moment when everything faded away but him. The room went quiet, the walls of the bar disappeared, the notes of music dipped to silence, and the only things that existed were her and Rike. He wasn’t Brandon anymore. He wasn’t the boy she’d known; he was a man who’d lived half a life she didn’t know about. But her heart and her animal still looked at him just the same as the day she’d held his bleeding hand. And from the way he was looking at her—like she was the most beautiful thing in existence—she thought maybe…hopefully…he felt the same about her.
He tipped his head to the right and gave her a crooked grin. Blinking hard to break the trance he’d put her in, Bailey looked to where he’d gestured. The dance floor. The music had come back, and a country song was playing.