Jeff came at me, shirt half unbuttoned, and his cock practically crawling down his thigh. I kicked a sawhorse into his path, only then did he stop.
Confusion took some of the heat out of his eyes, and the color from his cheeks.
“Go home, Jeff. Or go back to your hotel. Or wherever the hell you’re staying while you stalk me.”
“You’re serious.” He flicked a look over me. For some reason, it made me realize I wasn’t even hard. If anything, my nuts had crawled a few inches higher in an attempt to escape.
“It’s over. Everything. Your lies about Lorado, your BS scare tactics.” His chest continued to rise and fall. “And us. Especially us.”
“I told you I’d do everything to keep you from going to jail.”
“Do you really have that kind of authority?” For a second or two, there was a dark flash in his eyes, whispering of secrets untold. “Out of curiosity, Jeff. What are you not telling me?”
He wiped his mouth and turned away.
“At least tell me why Hines is so hot to have my client list. It won’t do him any good. You know that.”
I don’t know if Jeff meant to, but he nodded. “So when are you going to tell him?” He buttoned his shirt.
“Who’re you talking about?”
“The kid you’re fucking.” It was the way he said it. Like I was doing something obscene.
“What the hell does Morgan have to do with anything?”
Jeff brushed at the dirt stains on his shirt. “You know being a thief is one thing, but having sex with a—”
I didn’t even know I’d shoved him into the wall until I was there, our faces inches apart, and a rage so deep I was less than a hair away from wrapping my hands around his neck and breaking it. I’ve been angry in my life more times than I could count, but what boiled inside me then wasn’t something I’d ever experienced. I think it caught Jeff off guard too because he reached for his gun, but it wasn’t there.
“I’ll ask you one more time.” My voice warped into something thick and dangerous. “Why are you bringing up Morgan?”
Jeff stepped aside, and I didn’t stop him. “Touchy, are we? A little bit of guilt maybe?”
“For what?”
“I just wanted to know if you’ve told him.”
“And what is it I’m supposed to tell him?”
“That you’re not going to stick around. How in two maybe three years you’ll be in some far off place where the US government can’t touch you, enjoying the millions your business has made you.”
“Who says I’m leaving?”
Jeff laughed and shook his tie at me. “Oh, now that’s a good one.”
Thing is, now I’d said it, I meant it. I mean, the thought had been there, every morning I got to wake up next to Morgan and every night I got to fall asleep with him at my side. I could see beautiful beaches in pictures, but I’d never experienced anything like him. There was no sunset, no sunrise, no virgin stretch of coast worth losing the opportunity to look him in the eyes, to know I was worthy of the opportunity.
Something must have shown in my face because Jeff left his tie half looped and shoved on his jacket. “What the hell has happened to you, Grant? You used to be…”
“What?”
“Normal.”
Now I laughed. “And somehow I’m not?”
“Normal people don’t take advantage of mentally impaired people.”
“Morgan’s not mentally impaired.”
Jeff headed toward the door but not quick enough to hide the look of disgust on his face. I snagged him by the arm of his jacket. “He’s a grown man, capable of making his own choices.”
“I’m not talking chronological age here.”
“Neither am I.”
“He isn’t normal.”
“Doesn’t mean he isn’t smarter than you are, or me, for that matter.” Jeff’s expression didn’t change. “Look, I thought the same thing you did when I first met him. But I was wrong. He’s different, I’ll give you that, but the way he’s different isn’t a bad thing.”
“Whatever.” Jeff pulled away. “The least you can do is tell him you’re not sticking around. Maybe by the time you ship off he’ll realize what that means.”
“The relationship was his idea.”
Jeff paused with his hand on the doorframe. His knuckles whitened with the flex of his hand.
“He thought it would be more entertaining than crossword puzzles. He knew my plans were temporary.”
Jeff watched me from the corner of his eye.
“Yeah, were temporary. Not anymore. I mean it, Jeff, I’m staying here as long as Morgan will have me.”
Then there it was. Defeat flashed through Jeff’s eyes so quick and fleeting I could have imagined it, only his body betrayed him. It was like all the fight drained from him, pulling his shoulders down until he was almost a shell of a man.
And I still didn’t feel anything for him even though I thought I should.
“I’ll fax a copy of the search warrant to your lawyer. If I were you, I’d seriously reconsider the ethics of your clientele. I need those names, Grant. Even if it’s just a few. I need dates, times, and route. We both know you’re nothing but a common criminal, not Robin Hood, not some self-proclaimed equalizer. You help people move stolen goods. That makes you as much of a thief as they are.
“Until you do something to right that, you’re never going to be rid of the FBI. We’re going to watch everything you do, every place you go, and search every piece of trash you throw away.
“Eventually you’ll fuck up. And when you do, I’ll be there.”
He headed down the steps to the trunk of his car. There he changed his shirt and tie both. Didn’t surprise me one bit he kept a spare. Jeff the FBI agent kept his closet color coded, his sock drawer like a file cabinet, aligned his shampoos in alphabetical order and his cologne by engagement.
I knew a lot about him he didn’t realize, for reasons I was ashamed to admit.
“While you’re here, you should try the biscuits over at Fran’s. They make them fresh every morning, but you have to get there early or they run out.”
He fixed his tie and slipped on his glasses. “I will not give up, Grant.”
“Like I said, early.”
“I’m done trying to help you.”
“Ask for Miranda, she’ll fix you right up.”
“Eventually, you will go to prison. Maybe some time in an eight by six room with nothing but a brick wall view will loosen your pride and you’ll realize just how generous I’ve tried to be.” Jeff slammed the trunk shut. New shirt, tie in perfect order, you would have never known just minutes before he was ready to go down on his knees and suck my dick.
A cloud of dirt followed his sedan to the main road. It paused at the stop sign a lot longer than it needed to. Just when I began to worry he might turn around and come back, he made a left and vanished beyond the stretch of trees and farmland.
********
I arrived at Toolies about fifteen minutes before Morgan’s shift was due to end. It was Tuesday so the only ones still hanging around were the regulars who practically had name plates on the seats they occupied.
I don’t know why, but it always made me sad to run up on patrons who were committed to wasting the evening of their life perched on a vinyl stool with a beer mug in one hand.
Jessie smiled at me and tossed the towel he held over his shoulder. “Look what the cat dragged in.”
I parked it at the corner.
“Thirsty?” He had a mug on the counter in front of me before I could answer. I took a sip. Shit got better every time I tried it. “So what’s new?”
I shook my head. “Not a whole lot.”
“Well, you need to hurry up and find something.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“I have to tell the blue-haired ladies something when they ask about you.”
“Blue-haired ladies?”
“Yeah, your fan club.”
T
he heat in my cheeks had nothing to do with the alcohol.
Jessie laughed. “I was thinking maybe we could get a couple of glossies made, you sign them and I could sell 'em. Split it fifty/fifty.”
“Remind me to kill the SOB who invented camera phones.” I drank my beer and tried to push aside the fact people still gave me the look. The one they got the moment they realized where they’d seen me before.
But every time I went to Berry’s store, he reminded me it could have been worse.
I didn’t even want my imagination to wander in that direction.
“I thought Morgan was riding his bike home.”
A clump of foam stuck to my lip. I wiped it away. “He was. I just kind of showed up hoping he’d let me give him a ride back instead.”
Jessie clicked his tongue. “You got it bad, my brother.”
I did.
“But it looks good on you. Good on Morgan too. Been a long time since I’ve seen him this happy.”
I drank some beer to try to cover up the stupid grin on my face. I don’t think Jessie was fooled. Personally, I couldn’t remember if I’d ever been this happy.
The door to the back swung open, and Morgan came through with a bin on his hip. He paused for a second before rushing past to the last dirty booth. After he cleaned it, he wiped down the tabletop until it gleamed. Then he was gone, without a word.
Jessie collected money from one of his customers. When they left, to me, he said, “You two argue?”
“Not that I’m aware of.” But by all his actions, it was as if I hadn’t even existed. “You mind?” I threw my thumb in the direction of the back.
“Naw, sure, go ahead. He’ll leave out the back anyhow.”
I left my beer half empty and made a dash through the kitchen. Morgan was rinsing his hands in a large sink close to where they washed the dishes. Clean pots and pans hung neatly on the hooks overhead.
“Hey,” I said.
He turned off the water and took out a paper towel from the dispenser, used it until it was too wet to be useful anymore, folded it up, threw it away, pulled out a second, and repeated the process.
“Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine, Grant.” The deadpan reply was worse than any scream. And the fact he wouldn’t look at me?
“Talk to me, Morgan.”
He hung his smock up on one hook next to his jacket. The nights were getting colder now, and honestly the windbreaker wasn’t enough, not with just a T-shirt underneath. I was glad I’d made the decision to come pick him up. The last thing he needed was to get sick, cause he’d never go to a doctor. Luckily his feet had healed with minimal care, but pneumonia was a whole other story.
I could see me trying to get medicine down his throat. It would be like trying to bathe a feral cat.
Morgan took a sweatshirt with the store logo from another hook, slipped it on, then picked up his jacket.
“Why are you here?” He put on the windbreaker and zipped it up.
“I wanted to give you a ride home.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s cold.”
Morgan pulled a stocking cap from his coat pocket and put it on. “I told you I was going to ride my bike home.”
“I know, I just thought—”
He tucked back waves of blond hair with his beautiful fingers. “I can take care of myself, Grant. I’ve been doing it for a long time.”
“I never said—”
“When I tell you I can ride my bike home, I mean I can ride my bike home.” He flicked thoughts, and his shoulder jerked.
“It’s colder than you thought—”
“It rains sometimes too. I get wet. I use a towel to dry off.”
“Morgan, that’s not the—”
“I don’t need you making decisions for me.”
“I’m not, I—”
“I’m perfectly capable of—”
I grabbed him by the shoulders. “Will you shut up for a minute and let me finish? I’m not,” I tried to catch his gaze and failed. “I’m not here because I thought you shouldn’t ride your bike home. I’m here because I wanted to give you a ride home.”
His body jerked with a series of tics. I held on. “What’s the diff… difference?”
With the sock hat on, his bangs were corralled back and there was nothing to hide the anger blooming in his cheeks or how his gaze darted around, going everywhere but to me.
“One, you do because you’re worried the person might be making a bad decision, the other, you do because you miss them. You care about them and you want to be with them.” Morgan dropped his chin to his chest. I cupped his face, and he didn’t fight meeting my gaze. He had such beautiful eyes. Surrounded with dark heavy lashes, the brown was made all the richer. Just the tiniest flecks of mossy green surrounded his iris. But what took my breath away were the moments he focused on me. It was like having my soul examined, but in a good way. Scary, but good.
His fingertips were cold on my jaw. He drew a path down my neck to my shoulder. He retraced the path up my neck to my jaw. His touch reached my lips. There he rubbed the dip at the top of my chin. The only place I never seemed to grow hair. I wasn’t sporting much of a beard, maybe a few days of a shadow, but it was all it took to make the bare piece of skin stand out, giving me the illusion of a cultured pattern.
Morgan rasped a thumb over my chin. Chills raced down my chest turning into a heavy weight when they reached my stomach. My skin warmed head to toe, my muscles tightened, and my cock hardened enough to threaten a slow crawl out of the top of my jeans. I hoped Jessie would stay busy up front. I didn’t need more videos on YouTube. Although, at the moment, I don’t think I cared.
“Yesterday, you said you didn’t want to fill the space anymore. You wanted to be with me.”
Morgan touched me again, and the effect echoed twice as loud.
I tightened my hold on him. “Yes.”
“Why?”
Why? It was a simple question, and there were a thousand things I wanted to say, but none of them felt good enough.
Good enough for Morgan.
I let him go and stood there with no answer. No way to put into words how he made me feel. How touching him connected me to the world. How tasting him breathed life into my lungs. How I hadn’t been alive until the moment I saw him and even then I’d resisted, afraid of what I’d felt, fighting what I feared.
How I thought I knew what love was only to realize, standing in front of him, I knew nothing.
Morgan waved a hand at the back door only to follow up with a string of flutters and snaps. “I heard from a pretty reliable source it’s a lot colder than the weather man said it was going to be. I didn’t put on any long underwear, and only one pair of socks. Do you think you could give me a ride back to my place?” He shrugged. “I mean if you have the time. If you don’t…”
All I could do was nod.
Morgan led the way out the back door. It occurred to me I hadn’t paid for my beer, but I’d make it up to Jessie next time I was in town. I didn’t know what was happening between Morgan and I at the moment, but I wasn’t about to break it. He pushed his bike over to the truck, and we lifted it in the back. He made a few adjustments, wedging it into the corner and turning the wheel until the pedal acted like a brace, before getting into the passenger side.
Morgan didn’t speak until I parked the truck and asked, “Do you mind if I come in?”
His shoulder jerked and he snapped his fingers, then there was only silence.
“Please talk to me.”
“Did you have sex with him?”
I squinted at Morgan. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m assuming it was the FBI agent, Jeff.”
What the hell had Jeff gone and done? “Did he tell you that?”
“No.” Morgan sat back in his seat. His wayward hand made an escape attempt, but he tightened his hold on his wrist. His knuckles turned ghostly.
“Then why would you ask me that?
”
“But you saw him today. Was it at your place or in town? My guess is at your house. It would have been private.”
“Yeah, he came to the house.”
“You weren’t expecting him?”
“I’m never expecting him; he just shows up. Why would you think I had sex with him?”
“I don’t think you had sex with him. That’s why I’m asking. I didn’t know.” Morgan nodded. The fingers on his wayward hand opened and closed. “So did you?”
“No.”
His shoulders fell.
“Now will you tell me—”
“You have scratches on your neck, and your chin.”
“I’m covered in scratches and about three layers of calamine lotion. I’ve been crawling under the house all day and fighting off army ants.”
“We don’t have army ants, Grant. Just black ants. Sometimes farther south you see fire ants, but not often. Army ants or they’re sometimes called Legionary Ants don’t really have nests, and you’d only run into them in Africa or parts of Central and South America.” He took a breath. “You have teeth marks on your collarbone. Even army ants don’t have teeth.”
I’d looked myself over in the mirror a good twenty minutes after I showered. Not because I wanted to make sure Jeff hadn’t left evidence but because I wanted to make sure I hadn’t missed painting any of the ant bites. Sure I’d seen the scratches, but they’d just been scratches.
I turned on the cab light. Maybe it wasn’t bright enough, but I still couldn’t see teeth marks in the rearview mirror. “Something tells me any attempt at a surprise party would be a waste of time.”
Morgan wrinkled his nose. “Surprise party? What does that have to do with anything?”
“You see everything even when there’s nothing to see.”
He dropped his gaze and reached for the door to get out. “Not always. The last time almost got me killed. That’s why I asked.”
I stopped him. “I swear nothing happened but not because he didn’t try. He came on, hard, I turned him down, but it took some pushing, shoving, and parking a sawhorse between us.”
In The Absence Of Light Page 24