Jeff had the excuse of ignorance. I had no excuse at all. How did you apologize for something so ingrained it didn’t even feel wrong? Worse. What if there wasn’t a way?
I decided to drive out to Jenny’s. If anything, she could punch me in the head for hurting Morgan. I found a spot beside a van and walked down the hill to the red metal building. All three bay doors were up, and cars of every make and model were being pulled apart and put back together by men in coveralls.
Jenny came around the back of an old Impala. Grease painted her arms all the way to her elbows. She had a smudge on her chin, and a Band-Aid on her forehead.
“Afternoon, Grant.” She smiled, but something in her expression told me she already knew.
“What happened to your head?”
She touched the Band-Aid. “Low clearance on a Toyota hood. It’ll get you every time.” She took a rag out of her pocket and cleaned her hands. “If you’re looking for Morgan, he’s not here.”
“I didn’t think he was. That’s why I stopped by.”
“Still not speaking to ya?”
“How’d you guess?”
She jerked her chin in the direction of her office. “C’mon, we can talk over a fresh pot of coffee and moon pies.”
She pulled two chairs over to the table near the wall. “Just put those magazines on the windowsill.”
I did.
“You take cream and sugar in your coffee?” Jenny went around to the other side of the desk.
I followed her to the edge and propped my elbows on the countertop. “Cream is fine.”
“I asked Morgan what happened between you two, but he wouldn’t say.”
I pressed my thumb and first finger against my eyes. “Well, obviously I fucked up.”
“How so?” She fixed the coffees. Despite wiping her hands, she still left gray thumbprints on the Styrofoam.
“I made the mistake of telling him he couldn’t do something.”
“Oooh boy, yeah, that’ll get him madder than a wet hen. Just be glad he let you keep your teeth.” Jenny opened the cabinet under the desk and came up with a couple of moon pies. “Here.” She tossed me one, and I caught it. “Let’s go sit down. I’m not as young as I used to be, and my legs get tired.” We went to the table and sat.
Jenny opened her moon pie and sipped her coffee. I just looked at mine.
“You gonna talk or stare?”
“I’m not sure where to start.”
“How about whatever you told him he couldn’t do?”
I scrubbed my face and peered at her over my fingertips. She ate her moon pie, all the while watching me like a hawk about to pounce on a mouse. I seriously began to wonder if this was such a good idea.
I flopped back in my chair. “Did you know Morgan has a gun?”
“Yup.”
“And it doesn’t bother you?”
“‘Course it bothers me. But I can guarantee not for the reasons it bothers you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well,” she chewed, swallowed, drank some coffee. “I’m willing to bet you’re bothered by the fact he has the gun. Whereas I’m bothered by the fact he feels like he needs it.”
I hadn’t really thought of it like that. Once I did, I couldn’t decide which was worse. “He’s that afraid of Dillon?”
Jenny put down her moon pie. There was the barest tremble in her bottom lip, then she cleared her throat and it was gone. “I’ve never seen anyone get to Morgan, Grant. At all. Ever. He’s taken everything the world has thrown at him. I’m not saying it didn’t knock him down, but damn that boy got right back up. Then he kicked someone’s ass.
“But Dillon? I don’t know why or how, but the SOB broke him. He cracked Morgan open and took something out. He’s not just scared of Dillon, he’s terrified of him.” She popped the last bite of moon pie in her mouth and ate it.
“He told me he thinks Dillon will come back.”
Jenny nodded. “Yeah, I guess it’s possible.”
“Well if he tries anything, he’ll wind up right back in prison.”
She laughed. “And I’m sure that line of thinking keeps people from doing bad things all the time.”
Of course it didn’t. “Shit.”
“You can say that.”
“How much danger is Morgan in?”
“I don’t know to be honest. But Morgan thinks he’s in danger. That’s enough to worry me. I can only imagine what the man did to break him. But I don’t because I wouldn’t be able to stand the nightmares.”
I didn’t need an imagination. I’d seen men broken before. I don’t care who they are, it’s never pretty. And I don’t think any of them ever healed.
“Is he safe with that gun around?”
She snorted. “Is that your way of asking me if he’s gonna accidentally shoot himself or someone else?”
“Yeah, I guess it is.”
“Accidents can happen to anyone, even Morgan. But I’d say his chances are way down there in the ranks. You ever seen him shoot? Boy’s like Billy the Kid. Except Morgan’s not stupid enough to go twirling a fire arm around on his fingers.”
I drank my barely warm cup of coffee.
“You want another?”
“I’m good, thanks.” Well, as good as I could be considering the situation I’d gotten myself in. “I don’t know how to fix this, Jenny. I’m not even sure how it fell apart. One minute, we were fine, the next?” Morgan was kicking me out with the order to not come back.
“Who’s to say there’s anything to fix?”
“I haven’t seen him in almost a week.”
She laughed. A real throw back your head belly shaker.
“What’s so funny?”
“You, Grant. You.” She wiped the tears from her eyes with her thumb. “Pining like some love struck school girl.”
I opened my mouth to argue, then shut it. She was right. Then the last thing I wanted to say fell out. “I think I’m in love with him.”
I glanced up at Jenny who smiled at me while she drained her cup. “'Course you are. You’d have to be deaf, blind, dumb, and dead to not be.” She reached across the table and ruffled my hair. “Now eat your moon pie.” Jenny took her cup over to the coffeemaker.
The moon pie wrapper split with a loud crinkle. I broke off a bit of cookie and ate it. “I can’t remember the last time I ate one of these.” The bad part was that I couldn’t even decide if I liked them.
After a couple of bites, the taste grew on me and I was able to make short work of the cookie. Then I only had that sad plastic pouch with its lonely crumbs. It might as well have been an analogy of my life.
Jenny leaned on the table and regarded me over the edge of her cup. “If it’s any consolation, he loves you too.”
“Maybe under different circumstances it would be.” Right now it just made things worse."
“You wanna know his secret?”
Sure, I did. I was just afraid I’d slip and fall on it. “Is it going to make things worse than they already are?”
“Only if you misuse it.”
“I wish I could promise it wouldn’t happen.”
“As long as you try not to that’s all that counts.”
I folded the wrapper into a neat square. It spread back out as soon as I let go, looking almost as perfect as it did before I’d creased it. “All right. Tell me.”
“Morgan lives every day on the edge of a prison. He’s helpless against his body and mind, and he has to fight continuously not to drown. So he seeks control in everything from how he arranges his food, to riding his bike to work. Even those kinetic sculptures he builds is his way to control the light inevitably controlling him.
“And it’s exhausting, Grant. He needs you, Grant, and I think it scares him. Especially after Dillon.”
“Then how am I going to help him?”
“You’re going to have to convince him to let you. And he’ll fight you, Grant. He may even hate you. But if you can do it, I think Morgan will find
the kind of peace he hasn’t had since Lori died. He might even find more.” Jenny stood. “But just in case I’m wrong, you might wanna look into getting some dental insurance.”
********
They say, be careful what you wish for.
I sat for another two days trying to come up with a plan. Even in my head, every scenario ended up less than favorable. How the hell did I convince a man, who wouldn’t so much as let me make him come, he could rely on me?
Mulling over the things Jenny said made me realize something else too. Morgan fought for control, but he didn’t always win. And I’d made it all the more humiliating by telling him he couldn’t—shouldn’t—do something because he wasn’t capable.
Since I failed to come up with a plan, I decided I’d just show up and hope for the best. I was just about to call Toolies to see if he was there when the phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Grant.” Jessie.
“Just the man I wanted to talk to.”
“You’ll have to save it for later.” Tension strained his voice.
“What’s wrong?”
“The FBI is here, Grant. One of them’s that guy from the other day. He wants to arrest Morgan.”
“What? Why?”
He made an angry sound. “Something about money, fraud, extortion, and a whole other list of accusations that honestly sound like bullshit but I’m not no lawyer.”
I stomped on my shoes and grabbed my jacket. “Have you called Jenny?”
“She’s out of town. She told me to call you. Morgan’s not handling it well. Deputy Harold is here. He’s trying to convince this asshole FBI guy to let the local boys handle it, but I don’t think he’s going to win the argument.”
The screen door slapped against the frame behind me. “I’m on my way.”
I shot out of the driveway fast enough to spray gravel across the asphalt. Driving more than forty-five in the dark was stupid. Especially with all the deer crossing the road. The speedometer hit seventy on the straightaway, and I could only hope Bambi wasn’t in the mood to play Kamikaze.
There was no way Morgan was involved with whatever bullshit Jeff had dreamed up. He was just pissed. I knew he could be a vengeful shit when he wanted to; I just never imagined he’d use Morgan to get back at me.
Two sedans were parked at the front of Toolies with a police car between them.
I’d hoped this was Jeff trying to bluff his way into getting me to talk, but a second car meant he wasn’t alone, and he might not even be in charge.
Angry voices carried out into the parking lot.
Yelling meant people were losing their cool, and when that happened, they got stupid. An affliction law enforcement was not immune to but twice as dangerous for them because they thought they were.
I yanked open the door. The three men in suits and Deputy Harold looked up. In the sudden silence, there was only the high-pitched keen from Morgan coming from somewhere in the back.
“He’s locked himself in the bathroom.” Jessie nodded at the three suits. “And these assholes want to break down the door.”
I pointed at Jeff. “This is low. Even for you, this is low.”
“Believe it or not, this doesn’t concern you.”
I barked a laugh. “Yeah, right. You’ve only been following me around town for over a month because you like the scenery.”
I ran down the hall. The pain-filled sound Morgan cried cut deep.
“Morgan?” I knocked. “Morgan, it’s me.” There was a stutter in the constant wail. “Please open the door.”
“If he doesn’t open the door, we’ll go in after him.” I didn’t recognize the FBI agent who’d stopped at the end of the hall. Jeff stood beside him. But his partner, I’d seen driving the Bronco a few weeks ago.
“Both of you, get back.”
“That’s not your call,” Jeff said.
“The hell it isn’t. You’re playing a game here and could get someone hurt.”
“No game. Mr. Kade has committed some serious crimes.”
“Extortion? Fraud? Bullshit. I think they’ve had you locked up in a surveillance van so long you’ve suffered oxygen deprivation. Or maybe you just have your head shoved that far up your ass.”
Jeff pulled an envelope from his jacket. The remnants of a certified mail sticker stuck to the back.
“What gave you the right to go through my truck?”
“The fact you’re under investigation.”
“Did you have a warrant?” I met him toe to toe. “Last time I checked search and seizure required one.”
“What do you know about Morgan Kade?”
“Enough.”
“I don’t think so. I don’t think you know jack shit about him.” Jeff slapped me in the chest with the envelope, and I snatched it away.
He nodded once. “That’s a letter from a lawyer who’s been trying to contact your friend in there quite some time. Apparently they discovered an unauthorized transaction being deducted from a client’s account on a monthly basis for the past five years. They wanted to settle this without involving the authorities, but Morgan has refused to cooperate.”
I skimmed the letter. It confirmed everything Jeff said. I still didn’t believe it.
“We’re not talking small change here, Grant. He’s taken more than a hundred thousand dollars.” According to the letter, Morgan threatened to disclose personal information on the client’s wife.
“This makes no sense.” I folded the letter back up and crammed it in my pocket. Jeff scowled, and I said, “I’m returning it to its rightful owner. And if I were you, I’d start praying he doesn’t sue you for violation of his civil rights.”
“There was no violation, Grant. See, I have a warrant for you. I can look through everything you own, at any given time. Which means I could look in your truck and collect anything I deem pertinent to your case. The letter from the lawyer just happened to be a bonus. You see, we contacted the lawyer, his client filed charges yesterday. Since we were already here, we just saved them the trouble of having the locals pick him up. And since this happened over state lines, it puts the case in FBI jurisdiction.”
Jeff’s cocky expression said it all. He couldn’t get to me, so he was going to make Morgan’s life a living hell. “Let me go talk to him.”
“He’s resisted arrest, assaulted an agent, and you want me to let you go talk to him?”
“He doesn’t deal well with change, and if he hit one of you, you probably deserved it.” I should have kept my mouth shut about the second part.
Jeff flexed his hands, making his knuckles pop. I knew from experience he only did it when he was a few steps past angry and you’re chances of reasoning with him were running thin.
“I’ll go talk to him. Then we’ll sit down, here, and figure this out.”
Jeff raised his eyebrows. “We will, huh? And why would I do that, Grant? Why would I even entertain the idea of trusting you with getting him to cooperate, when you’re nothing but a criminal yourself?”
I glanced back at the door. Morgan was quiet now, but the lack of sound didn’t comfort me. “You’ll let me.” I turned back to Jeff. “Because I have something you want far more than anything Morgan has to offer.”
Victory shone in his eyes. He’d played his hands, and I’d folded. To Jessie, I said, “Do you have a key?”
He pulled one out of his pocket.
Jeff shot him a dirty look. “I thought you didn’t have one.”
Jessie shrugged. “My mistake.”
“Go sit down.” I went back to the bathroom door. “We’ll be out in a minute.”
“We haven’t agreed to anything.”
“Yes, you have. Now go.”
There was a tense moment where I was afraid Jeff would refuse just for the chance of punishing me. But I was right. He wanted what I had far more than the stupid charges brought up against Morgan. Him and another agent put their heads together. Then the one I didn’t know nodded.
“You�
��ve got ten minutes.” Jeff and his buddies vacated the hall.
“Grant, he’s not going to go,” Jessie said.
“He will.”
“If they try to arrest him, they’ll wind up hurting him.” The look in his eyes said they might even wind up killing him. Because he was right, Morgan would not go without a fight. He would not let someone take control of him and decide his fate.
“We’ll figure something out.” I waved a hand toward the dining room. “Would y’all mind sitting down in there with the Three Stooges?”
“If they insist on taking him in, we’ll go to the station,” Harold said.
“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.” I waited until they left before I opened the door.
Morgan stopped pacing when I turned the deadbolt. His wayward hand threw thoughts in rapid fire, and the tic in his shoulder continuously snapped his torso to the side. Even with his head down, I caught a glimpse of the torment on his face.
“It’s just me.”
He nodded. Then he walked over and pressed himself to me. I wrapped my arms around him. His muscles continued to spasm.
“Everything’s going to be okay.” He made a sound, almost a word, but it broke into a rough whimper. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think Jeff would involve you in this.”
He nodded again. I petted his hair. Slowly the worst of the tics died down.
“I didn’t do it.”
I don’t know what made me feel better. Him saying he was innocent, or him just saying anything at all.
“I know you didn’t.”
“I never wanted the money. I told her that. But she wouldn’t listen.”
I kissed his temple. “And who’s she?”
He shuddered and buried his face into my neck.
“I know this is hard, but I need you to talk to me and tell me who this woman is.”
His answer wasn’t much more than a sigh. “My mother.”
********
Morgan stalled out at the end of the corridor when he saw Jeff and his fan club occupying a booth near the door.
“Afraid we’ll run?” I said.
“Nah, even you aren’t that stupid.”
I squeezed Morgan’s shoulder. He fluttered a hand near his temple. All three agents wore the same confused expression.
In The Absence Of Light Page 27