Mia gave a slow shake of her head. ‘You’ve been a much better son to him than I ever was a daughter.’
He smiled. ‘I doubt William would agree with that. You were, and always will be, the most important thing in his life,’ Ethan said as Mia looked up at him.
‘No, I believe Grace has that privilege. As she should have,’ Mia added firmly, just so that there should be no more misunderstandings as to how she felt about her father’s second marriage. ‘Talking of which, I really should go and reassure her now …’
She looked at Ethan pointedly, knowing there was nothing left for them to say to each other, that they had already said all they needed to say. And yet knowing she didn’t want this conversation with Ethan to end. She didn’t want to be apart from him for even a second, let alone go back to England without him.
‘Yes, you should.’
‘Mmm.’
‘She’s been so worried about you and William.’
‘Yes.’
‘She’ll be so happy for the two of you.’
Mia felt the now familiar sting of tears in her eyes. ‘I know she will.’
And she did know.
The time for Mia’s cynicism and distrust was well and truly over. Had absolutely no place in the genuine love that shone in the warmth of Grace’s eyes whenever she looked at William—a love that Mia’s father undoubtedly returned.
‘Will four o’clock be okay?’
She blinked at Ethan. ‘Sorry?’
‘For your flight back to England this afternoon?’
‘Oh. Yes. Four o’clock is fine.’ Mia straightened, realising she had already dragged this conversation with Ethan out to an embarrassing degree.
Earning his pity would be even more painful than knowing Ethan could never return the love she felt for him. Had always felt for him.
‘I’ll go and offer to help Grace prepare the lunch.’ Mia held her head high as she walked down the hallway to the kitchen, determined not to break down in front of Ethan.
Even if every step away from him made Mia feel as if her heart were breaking.
Grace turned and took one look at the wealth of emotions on Mia’s face as she entered the kitchen before moving forward to gather Mia into the warmth of her arms. ‘You poor darling!’
‘So this is goodbye.’ Mia said to Ethan later that afternoon, as the two of them stood at the bottom of the steps leading up into the jet standing behind them on the tarmac.
Mia’s small case was already on board, and the engines were running as it waited to take her back to England. Once again she was grateful for the shield of her sunglasses to hide how red and puffy her eyes were from the amount of crying she had done today.
Mia’s emotions were so fragile at that moment that she would have preferred not to spend any more time alone with Ethan before she left, but it would have seemed churlish and ungrateful of her to refuse when he had offered to drive her to the small private airport this afternoon.
Her parting earlier from her father and Grace had been traumatic enough, but having to say goodbye to Ethan was so much worse when Mia had absolutely no idea when or if she would see him again!
Especially so after Ethan had seemed so politely distant on the drive here …
‘For now.’ He nodded abruptly.
Mia blinked. ‘I—Yes.’ She attempted a smile. ‘I’m sure there will be lots of family occasions when we’ll have to be polite to each other for the sake of the parents, at least.’
Mia couldn’t have told Ethan any more clearly than that just how much of a trial she was going to find those occasions!
His mouth tightened. ‘I’ll try to keep them to a minimum.’
‘I—thank you.’ She gave a pained frown.
Ethan bit back his impatience. ‘No problem. Do you have everything you need for the flight?’
‘I only brought my case and bag—oh, I almost forgot to give you these!’ She began to rummage through the contents of her large shoulder bag to produce a square box that she held out to him. ‘I … I was economical with the truth yesterday, when I said I hadn’t brought any with me …’
Ethan slowly took the box of cookies from her. ‘Economical with the truth …?’
‘Okay—I outright lied,’ Mia acknowledged.
He frowned as he looked down at the box he now held.
‘Why?’
She shrugged. ‘I think I was just being difficult.’
‘Because I was the one to ask you about the cookies?’
Mia shifted uncomfortably. ‘Probably.’
His frown deepened. ‘Do you dislike me so much that you had to lie about something so trivial?’
‘Of course I don’t dislike—’ She abruptly broke off the fierce denial. ‘I don’t dislike you, Ethan,’ she repeated evenly.
‘I disagree. You may have forgiven William for keeping the truth from you all those years, but you haven’t forgiven me, have you?’ It was more a statement than a question.
‘Don’t be silly, Ethan,’ Mia dismissed awkwardly.
Was it ‘silly’ of Ethan to know that Mia had avoided his company completely following their conversation this morning in the hallway outside her father’s study? Was it ‘silly’ of him to feel the distance that now yawned between the two of them? Was it ‘silly’ of him to realise from Mia’s silence that having him drive her to the airport was the last thing she had wanted? Was it ‘silly’ of him to know that Mia couldn’t wait to get on the plane and fly back to England?
And to realise that the reason she felt that way was because more than anything else she wanted to get away from him …
Ethan had no idea what he had expected once William had told Mia the truth, but it certainly wasn’t this—this complete estrangement between himself and Mia! He had thought—had hoped—that her knowing the truth at last might make things easier for the two of them. That they might at least become friends.
‘Ethan …?’
He focused on her with effort, a nerve pulsing in his clenched jaw as he saw the puzzlement in her face as she looked up at him. ‘I guess this really is goodbye, then?’ he said.
‘Until Christmas,’ she agreed brightly.
Christmas? How long away was Christmas? Months, damn it. ‘Maybe we’ll meet up at the parents’ before then?’
‘Maybe.’ But she didn’t look too enthusiastic about the possibility. ‘I really do have to go, Ethan.’ She glanced up the steps of the plane to where Karen stood waiting to welcome her on board.
Ethan stepped back stiffly, totally aware of the invisible wall about Mia that said don’t come any nearer. ‘Have a good flight.’
She nodded abruptly. ‘And you take care driving back to the villa.’
Ethan stood and watched as Mia climbed the steps up into the plane. Saw the way she smiled at the warmly welcoming Karen before she disappeared inside the plane without sparing Ethan so much as a second glance.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
‘MIND if I join you?’
Unlike the last time this had happened, eight weeks ago, Mia had absolutely no doubt it was Ethan talking to her this time, as she sat in one of the booths at the coffee shop taking her afternoon break.
It had been a long six weeks as far as Mia was concerned, when the only news she’d had of Ethan came from the regular visits she now paid to Grace and William’s home in Berkshire. As Ethan had predicted, the older couple had returned from the South of France only days after Mia, and she had driven out to have dinner with them the following evening. She had continued to have dinner with the two of them at least twice a week since.
And Ethan hadn’t been present on a single one of those occasions.
Mia could only presume that absence to have been deliberate on his part. Which made his being here at the coffee shop now all the more surprising …
Mia schooled her features before looking up at him, hoping that the hungry need she felt at just being able to gaze her fill of him again wasn’t too obvious!
Ethan
looked wonderful, but tired, Mia thought as her gaze became searching on the grim tension of his face. He also looked as if he had lost weight this past six weeks …
The fact that he wore one of those dark and perfectly tailored suits with a formal silk shirt and meticulously knotted tie was testament to the fact that Ethan had obviously come here straight from his office, and yet he somehow still managed to look less—less kempt than he had when Mia had last seen him seven weeks ago. His hair looked as if it was in need of a trim as it curled over the collar of his shirt, and there were dark shadows under his eyes and grim lines beside his mouth. Both those things were emphasised by the fact that his face seemed thinner, leaner, those sculptured cheekbones more prominent beneath the hollows of his eyes.
Mia forced a bright smile. ‘You look as if you need one of my triple chocolate cookies!’
Ethan was well aware of how he looked. Just as he was aware that in contrast to his own drawn appearance Mia looked glowing in a fitted black sweater and low-rider black denims. Positively glowing. Her eyes shone deeply green, her cheeks were tinged with a becoming flush and no longer as hollow as they had been, and her smile was one of complete ease.
What had Ethan expected? He knew from his conversations with his mother that Mia visited the older couple often now—comfortable and happy visits that were becoming easier all the time. The two women were even intending to go Christmas shopping on Mia’s next day off.
He glanced around the almost empty coffee shop. ‘Not so busy today?’
‘The lull before the after-school storm,’ she said lightly. ‘Can I tempt you with a coffee and a cookie? On the house,’ she added teasingly.
Ethan shook his head. ‘If you’re not too busy I would rather go somewhere we can talk privately.’
Mia tensed. ‘There’s nothing wrong, is there? My father and Grace—?’
‘Were both fine when I had lunch with them earlier today,’ he reassured her. ‘And, no, Mia, this is just me wanting to talk to you.’
Mia’s heart gave a leap in her chest. Before common sense took over. Ethan hadn’t wanted to see her on his own behalf for the last six weeks. There was absolutely no reason to suppose his visit today was of a personal nature either. There was certainly nothing in the grimness of his expression to indicate he had longed as desperately to see her again as she had him!
‘It’s a little cold to go to the park today,’ she said, the temperature outside having dropped to single figures the last few days. ‘But we could go upstairs to my apartment?’
‘Fine.’ Ethan’s tense nod wasn’t in the least encouraging.
Dee raised knowing brows as Mia walked past the counter, before her eager gaze quickly passed on to the broodingly handsome Ethan as he followed Mia down the hallway to the stairs leading up to her apartment. No doubt Mia’s young assistant imagined the two of them were going upstairs for a romantic tryst!
If only …!
‘So.’ Mia’s hands were tightly gripped together as she turned to face Ethan once they were upstairs in the comfort of her sitting room, Mia having ignited the gas beneath the log fire to give the room an extra glow. ‘What can I do for you, Ethan?’
‘May I?’ Ethan waited for her nod of assent before slipping off his overcoat and laying it over the back of one of the chairs, his grey gaze enigmatic as he looked across at her. ‘How have you been?’
How had Mia been?
Emotionally? Extremely lonely. The sort of deep and aching loneliness that persisted even in the midst of a crowd. Even when Mia was busy at work, or when she visited Grace and William and felt surrounded by the warmth of their love.
Because it wasn’t Ethan she was with. And it wasn’t Ethan’s love that surrounded her.
But otherwise? Her relationship with her father and Grace was blossoming. The coffee shop was still amazingly busy. And she was healthy. Very much so, in fact …
‘I’m doing well, thanks. You?’
He shrugged as he pushed his hands into the pockets of his trousers. ‘Keeping busy.’ He nodded abruptly. ‘I—do you think I might have that coffee after all …?’
‘Of course.’ Mia was relieved to have something to do.
Although she was a little less certain of that when Ethan followed her out to the kitchen and stood in the doorway, watching her as she moved self-consciously around the small confines of the room preparing the coffee, placing several triple chocolate cookies on a plate too, before picking up the tray to carry it back into the sitting room.
‘Here—let me.’
Mia gave a start as she realised that Ethan had moved silently across the kitchen to stand beside her, was taking the laden tray away from her now. The leanness of his fingers brushed lightly against hers—enough to cause a shiver of awareness down the length of her spine.
That quiver deepened as she briefly felt the warmth of his body so close to her own, but Ethan was obviously completely unaffected as he turned away abruptly to carry to tray through to the sitting room.
Mia drew in a deep and controlling breath before slowly following him, still uncertain as to what Ethan was actually doing here.
He satisfied that curiosity as Mia sat on the couch to pour the coffee. ‘I thought that we ought to talk about Christmas.’
Mia eyed him uncertainly as he stood beside the glowing fireplace. ‘Christmas …?’
‘Yes.’ Ethan sighed. ‘We talked about it briefly while we were in the South of France, and I thought we had agreed—Mia, I know you’ve been avoiding me the past six weeks, and I can understand why that is, but—’
‘I’ve been avoiding you?’ she cut in incredulously, before her expression sharpened. ‘What do you mean you understand why that is?’
He gave another shrug. ‘I appreciate that you probably feel a little … awkward being around me again after we spent the night together.’
That was one way of describing how Mia regarded the night they had made love and slept together six weeks ago!
‘And?’ she prompted.
‘And I’m not here to put any pressure on you to see or be with me again. I just think it would be better for the parents if we could talk about Christmas.’ He began to pace restlessly. ‘I know they want both of us to be with them for the holidays, and the way things are between the two of us at the moment that’s going to be very difficult. For all of us.’
Christmas was still five weeks away, but Mia had already accepted Grace and William’s invitation to stay with them. After years of spending Christmas on her own, she was very much looking forward to being with her family.
All her family …
Another reason for Mia to accept the parents’ invitation had been because she was sure Ethan would have to make an appearance some time during the Christmas period …
She moistened slightly numbed lips before speaking. ‘You would rather I didn’t go to Berkshire for Christmas?’
‘No, of course not!’ Ethan protested impatiently. ‘If the two of us can’t come to some sort of an understanding then I’ll be the one to make other arrangements.’
Mia frowned as she slowly handed him one of the two mugs of coffee she had just poured. ‘Such as …?’
He shrugged. ‘I can always tell the parents I’ve decided I’m going skiing this year.’
‘And are you?’
‘I’m really hoping not.’ Ethan grimaced before sipping his coffee. ‘Believe it or not, these past few years I’ve actually come to like and appreciate family Christmases.’
Mia did believe him—had no doubt that the years he and Grace had spent Christmas on their own, although a happy time for them, still wouldn’t have had the warmth of the real family Christmases they’d had with William the last four years.
She gave a shaky sigh. ‘Then it’s me you have a problem being with?’ Her heart sank at the very thought of having Ethan so disinclined to spend time in her company he was even considering turning down the invitation to spend Christmas with their parents.
Eth
an didn’t have a problem being with Mia at all! Well … no more of a problem than he’d ever had …
He put his coffee mug down on the table before distractedly picking up one of the triple chocolate biscuits from the plate and taking a bite. His senses were immediately assailed by the delight of eating one of Mia’s unique-tasting cookies.
The box Mia had handed him at the airport that last afternoon in the South of France sat alone and unopened in the kitchen of Ethan’s apartment. A silent and constant reminder of the woman who had baked them …
The cookie he was eating turned to sawdust in his mouth, and he put it down on the plate mainly uneaten before straightening determinedly. ‘I’m not the one who expressed a definite wish not to see you this past six weeks.’
Mia looked up at him blankly. ‘Sorry …?’
Ethan breathed impatiently. ‘I’m not criticising you for feeling the way you do, Mia; I’ve already told you I completely understand why it is you feel that way. I’m just hoping we can talk this through and—’
‘Come to an understanding,’ Mia finished with another frown. ‘Ethan, I haven’t expressed a wish—definite or otherwise—not to see you since we all came back from the South of France …’
He looked puzzled. ‘But—my mother said—’
‘Yes?’
Ethan felt slightly dazed as he looked down at her. ‘I’ve been spending time with my mother and William specifically on the evenings you weren’t going to be there.’
‘I’m well aware of that.’ Mia sighed.
‘Because my mother told me that was the way you preferred it …’
‘Grace did …?’ Mia looked even more bewildered.
Ethan became very still, his thoughts racing with the possibilities of this conversation. And, no matter what direction he approached the problem from, it all came back to his mother having told him that Mia would prefer not see him at the moment.
‘Oh, hell …!’ Ethan groaned as he dropped down onto the sofa beside Mia. ‘I’ve been played, Mia,’ he muttered disgustedly. ‘And by my own mother, damn it!’
‘I don’t understand.’
No, she probably didn’t, Ethan appreciated. Mia knew him well—very well in some circumstances—but his mother appeared to know him better than even Ethan had realised.
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