Secrets and Tea at Rosie Lee's

by Jane Lacey-Crane

  ‘We could stand here like idiots doing this all day, but I promise you I will not take that money.’

  I knew he was serious but I was determined not to owe him a penny; I decided to put it in the post and send it to him later. That would shut him up.

  ‘Don’t take it, then,’ I said, stuffing the note back into my purse. ‘I don’t need your money, Jack. I’m doing fine.’

  ‘I know. I can see that. I’m not trying to imply anything else – don’t be so defensive. You always were a stubborn girl.’

  He kept hold of my hand as he looked at me.

  ‘I can’t believe it’s really you, after all this time. It’s so good to see you, Abigail. You look great.’

  ‘That’s a lie but thank you anyway.’

  I looked down at my tatty jeans and Converse trainers and felt very underdressed. By contrast, Jack looked immaculate in a grey three-piece suit and grey tie and I could see a very expensive-looking watch on the wrist of the hand that was still holding mine. We were so different now; as kids we’d been equals but not anymore.

  He was still holding my hand, in no rush to let it go, it seemed, and although I knew I should move away I didn’t. I was looking up into the face of a grown man but all I could see was the boy he was. The same sparkling eyes, the quirky smile and slightly unruly hair that, despite so many years gone by, could apparently still make my stomach do somersaults. He was the first one to break the silence.

  ‘You look beautiful to me.’

  I wasn’t sure I’d heard him correctly; it was hard to make out the words above the sound of my heart thudding in my chest. I felt very hot and he was standing very close – too close. I should have got into my little van and driven away as fast and as far as I could, but I didn’t. Why? Because you wanted him to kiss you, screamed my libido, which appeared to have recently woken up after a prolonged nap. No, I didn’t want that – did I? He left me, he didn’t even try and get in touch, he just left. He knew what my father’s disappearance did to me, how it devastated me, and yet within weeks he’d done the same thing. I wasn’t stupid, I knew it would have been his parents’ decision, but he never even tried to contact me. I think that was what hurt the most. I hadn’t gone anywhere, my phone number was still the same, so was my address. If he’d wanted to reach me then he could have done; now it was too late. The anger began rising, like a bubble inside my chest, and I couldn’t control it. With my free hand, I slapped him – hard – across his cheek.

  ‘What the fuck! What was that for?’

  ‘Get away from me, Jack. What are you trying to do to me? What do you want from me?’ I shouted. ‘You may be the rich boy now, but you can’t just come in here and call me beautiful like nothing ever happened!’ That last remark sounded ridiculous – why was I complaining about being called beautiful? But I was so angry. I reached up to pound my fist on his chest, but he was too quick for me; he grabbed both my wrists and held them still.

  ‘You only get away with that once, Abigail.’ He was angry with me, but I didn’t care.

  ‘Could you move your car, please? I have work to do; I have to go.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘What? You can’t keep me here, Jack. I have to go.’

  ‘Then tell me how I can reach you.’

  ‘No,’ I said firmly.

  He shook his head, exasperated. ‘God, you’re so frustrating, Abigail. You ran off yesterday – couldn’t wait to get away from me, I seem to remember. And now you’re looking at me like you want to do the same again. Why?’

  Because looking at you, being so near to you, is making my heart hurt, I wanted to scream at him. When I didn’t reply, he reached up and gently touched my cheek.

  ‘You haven’t changed, you know, not to me. As soon as I saw you yesterday, even from right across the room, I knew it was you.’

  He stroked my cheek lightly with his thumb and looked at me as if I were the most amazing thing he’d ever seen.

  ‘I was so stupidly happy to see you but you couldn’t get away from me fast enough. Why?’

  ‘I have to go, Jack. Please let me go.’

  ‘You haven’t answered my question. Why did you run? Why do you look like you’re about to do it again? You look almost scared of me.’

  I’m terrified of you, I wanted to scream, I’m terrified of how you can make me feel even after all this time. I straightened myself up to my full height, which admittedly wasn’t much compared to him, and took his hand away from my face.

  ‘I’m not scared of you, Jack,’ I lied.

  ‘Please don’t run away from me, Abigail. There’s so much we have to talk about. It’s been so long. Can we meet somewhere? Just to talk, to catch up?’ His eyes were searching my face, pleading for a response; he reached out to hold my arms again. His touch seemed to burn through the fabric of my shirt. He looked so desperate that I almost gave in but I knew deep down that there would be no point in our meeting.

  ‘I can’t imagine what we’d have to say to each other after all this time. Can you let go of me, please?’

  Reluctantly he released me from his grip and dragged his hand through his hair. He seemed as if he wanted to say more but we were interrupted by a female voice, coming from across the car park.

  ‘Jack, there you are!’

  We both turned to see Lexie Morgan coming towards us; I wondered how long she’d been watching. As she drew closer my heart sank to my scruffy shoes; she was even more glamorous than I remembered. She was dressed in an immaculate white trouser suit, her blonde hair pulled back into a neat ponytail, which emphasised her perfect skin and high cheekbones. Full lips, glossy hair and a perfect white smile – every normal woman’s basic nightmare and the perfect companion for Jack Chance, high-flying tech millionaire and man about town. I was desperate to get as far away from the pair of them as I could – and fast.

  ‘I’ve been looking everywhere for you. I thought we could head out to that place in St Katherine’s Dock for breakfast.’ She came to stand between us.

  ‘It’s become our absolute favourite place to eat since we’ve been here.’ That last remark was directed at me and I smiled graciously.

  ‘That sounds lovely. Mr Chance and I have concluded our business so I’ll be on my way. If you’d be so kind as to move your car. It was lovely to meet you, Miss?’ I pretended I didn’t know her name. Very childish of me, I knew.

  ‘Morgan. Lexie Morgan.’ She shook my hand. ‘Have we met somewhere before?’

  ‘Yes. We met yesterday. I catered some of the food for the party.’

  ‘You made the desserts!’ she exclaimed, letting go of my hand. ‘You are so talented. They were fabulous.’

  I couldn’t tell if she was being sincere or not. ‘It was just a few cakes and pastries, nothing special.’

  ‘Are you kidding me? They were amazing. Tell her, Jack.’

  ‘They were delicious, Abigail. You did a great job,’ said Jack.

  I looked at him and he held my gaze for a few seconds. Something sparked between us, a moment of connection that scared the shit out of me. It was too much; I had to get out of there. Lexie coughed awkwardly and the moment evaporated. Jack turned to her, as if he’d only just realised she was there.

  ‘Get in the car, Lexie. I’ll be there in a minute. Mrs Cowan and I still have a few things to talk about.’ Jack guided her around to the passenger side and opened the door for her.

  ‘Such a gentleman, isn’t he? It was nice to see you again, Mrs Cowan.’ Her head dipped inside the car and she was gone, hidden behind the tinted windows. I took that opportunity to get into my van, but Jack grabbed the door before I could shut it behind me.

  ‘You never told me how I could get hold of you again if I needed you, Mrs Cowan.’

  ‘You’re right, I didn’t. You won’t need to get hold of me again, Jack. Our business is done.’

  I grabbed the door handle and pulled it shut so fast that he had to jump out of the way. He looked momentarily stunned. I was half expecting –
or was that hoping? – that he would rip it open again but he didn’t. He stared at me for a second or two and then walked to his car and got in; Jack and Lexie, in their own little world of luxury upholstery and tinted glass, and me, back in my crappy green van. It’s better this way, I told myself. I’m happy where I am and I’m sure they are too. Jack’s car pulled away and I was finally able to manoeuvre out of my parking space. By the time I exited the car park he was long gone and I had to fight an unexpected urge to cry.

  Chapter 7

  ‘He did that on purpose! Just so you wouldn’t be able to sneak in and leave! That’s so romantic!’

  After dropping off my afternoon deliveries, I’d called Liz and told her about my encounter with Jack. Unsurprisingly she’d rushed straight over and insisted on all the gory details.

  ‘Don’t be silly, Liz, he couldn’t have known it was my van.’

  ‘Of course he knew it was yours! I told you he was interested, didn’t I? This is so exciting!’ She bounced up and down in her chair, looking like a toddler who needed a wee.

  ‘Keep your bloody voice down, will you? Flo’s still cleaning up in the kitchen – I don’t want her to hear. She’ll feel compelled to tell Lucy and I definitely don’t want her knowing anything about all this. It’s bad enough you gave her his name yesterday.’

  Liz placed one hand on her chest and raised the other. ‘I promise I will not mention to your daughter that there’s a very real possibility you will be having some hot sex in the near future. You have my word.’ She was grinning from ear to ear and I looked shocked, which just made her laugh uncontrollably. As she wiped away a tear she said, ‘Why do you find it so hard to believe that a man like that would want you? Have you not seen yourself? Have you been hiding behind that sodding apron for so long you’ve forgotten what you look like?’ She stood up and gripped me firmly by the shoulders.

  ‘I’m no Lexie Morgan. She looked stunning, Liz. I felt quite the dumpy troll stood next to her in her designer suit and killer heels.’

  ‘Pah!’ Liz gave a dismissive wave of her hand. ‘That little girl doesn’t stand a chance against you and the power of first love. You mark my words; this is not the last you will hear from him.’

  ‘You’re being ridiculous. You should have seen them together – the designer couple. And she’s not as awful as I thought. She was very nice about my food.’

  Liz didn’t look convinced by my assessment. ‘Well, she was bloody awful yesterday. Never stopped complaining.’

  ‘Maybe she was nervous or having an off day. She really did seem quite…’ I paused ‘… sweet.’

  ‘Ugh.’ Liz pretended to gag. ‘The sweet ones are the worst. You should watch your back.’

  ‘What for? We’re not in competition. I don’t want Jack – she can have him. They seem well suited. It’s all good.’ I moved across and started clearing away some empty cups from the next table.

  ‘Why won’t you let yourself be happy?’

  I stopped wiping up some spilt sugar and looked at her. ‘What do you mean?’

  She came across to me. ‘It doesn’t always have to end badly, you know. You should take a risk now and again, let someone in.’

  I shook my head, mainly because the lump that had formed in my throat was stopping me from speaking. A fat tear rolled traitorously down my cheek.

  ‘Sweetie, I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry.’ She stepped back and held me at arm’s length. ‘I just get so frustrated with you and your total inability to see the good in yourself.’

  ‘Take no notice of me. I can’t seem to stop crying at the minute. You’re very sweet, Liz, and I know you’re just trying to help, but there’s really no need. I’m all right.’ I wiped away my tears with the sleeve of my shirt and plastered on a bright smile.

  ‘Just think about it, Abby, that’s all I ask.’

  ‘I will,’ I said. I think we both knew I was lying.

  ‘All righty, then, I shall leave you to your cleaning and head home.’

  ‘You could stay and help. I’m sure I’ve got a spare apron somewhere.’

  Liz wrinkled her nose. ‘I’m sorry, do we know each other? When have you ever known me to clean?’

  I laughed. ‘Fair enough. I’ll call you tomorrow.’

  ‘Make sure you do, my darling.’ She gave me a peck on the cheek and then shouted towards the kitchen. ‘Goodnight, Florence!’ When she didn’t get a response, she leaned in to me and whispered, ‘She really doesn’t like me, does she?’

  ‘I’m afraid you’re just too posh and too rich for Flo.’

  ‘Oh, well, can’t please everyone, I suppose.’ She threw me an air kiss and then she was gone. I breathed a sigh of relief and flopped down into the nearest chair, exhausted. Flo came out of the kitchen holding her coat and handbag and sat down next to me.

  ‘She’s gone, then, has she?’

  ‘Yes, Flo, she’s gone. You should give her a chance, you know. I think the two of you would hit it off. You’re very similar in a lot of ways.’

  ‘Ha!’ she exclaims. ‘I don’t think so. What could we possibly have in common?’

  ‘Me.’

  Flo turned to look at me, her eyes full of concern. ‘Are you all right, Abby? You look tired.’

  ‘Just been a busy day, that’s all.’ I pushed myself up out of the chair and Flo stood too, shrugging on her coat.

  ‘Have an early night, then, sweetheart. Go to bed with a cuppa and a good book – that’s what I’m going to do. I’m reading a great one at the minute. It’s got an Italian prince in it who falls in love with a common servant girl and they get up to all sorts. It’s really naughty but it’s good, very tastefully done,’ she said with a wink. ‘I’ll lend it to you when I’m finished if you want.’

  As much as I would have loved nothing more than to curl up with a good book, not necessarily one of Flo’s soft-porn volumes, I had something else that I had to do that evening.

  ‘I’ve promised to go and see Mum tonight, so no early bedtime for me, I’m afraid.’

  Flo smiled. ‘I spoke to your mum this morning and she did mention that she hadn’t seen you for a while. I told her how busy you’ve been with all the extra work for Liz. Don’t worry about it, Abby. I’m sure she understands.’ Flo didn’t sound convinced and neither was I. I was pretty sure I’d have to spend most of the evening justifying my lack of visits to my mother, just like always. It didn’t matter though – nothing I did was good enough. I could have spent every day with her and it would still be wrong. Flo patted my hand reassuringly.

  ‘Your mum is one of my oldest friends but sometimes even I want to strangle her. Don’t let her upset you.’

  I smiled at that. Flo was the only one of mum’s friends who’d stuck around after her breakdown. She would turn up at our door, armed with cake and sweets for me and Matt, and then she would go up to Mum’s room and sit with her for hours on end. She’d never told me what they’d talked about but, then again, I’d never asked. I was frightened that I’d scare her off with my questions and she’d stop coming to see us.

  ‘I’ll be fine, Flo. I promise not to strangle her, not tonight anyway.’

  ‘Night-night, love.’ She pecked me on the cheek and made her way to the door. ‘Be sure and lock this behind me, now, won’t you?’

  ‘Yes, Flo. I always do.’

  Shrugging her coat collar up around her ears, she walked out into the street. I watched her tiny form as she made her way up the road and when she got to the corner she turned and gave me a little wave, just as she’d done every night for the last ten years. But tonight, that little gesture made me want to weep. Enough with the tears, Abby! What is the matter with you? I swiped my hands across my cheeks and took a deep breath before leaning down to fasten the bolt at the bottom of the door. I turned and looked around at the empty café and my eye wandered over to the table by the window. Suddenly I was fifteen again, sitting there with Jack, holding hands and wondering how my life had been turned upside down.
>
  *

  ‘What do you mean he’s just gone?’ Jack asks me. ‘He can’t have just gone.’

  ‘I’m telling you, Jack, he has. I haven’t seen him for three days now. Mum won’t talk to me about it – I’ve asked her but she just keeps saying it’s better this way or something.’ I’m clutching Jack’s hand and I can’t stop the tears from falling. Immediately he moves from his place across the table and comes round to sit next to me. I bury my head in his shoulder and I sob. After a few minutes Ted comes across to us.

  ‘What’s the matter, Abby? What’s happened?’ Ted’s brow is creased with concern. I can’t seem to speak without sobbing so Jack tells him everything.

  ‘It’s Abby’s dad. He’s gone, just left them. Abby’s mum won’t tell her anything.’

  I finally manage to find my voice as I wipe away snot and tears with my sleeve. ‘She’s just been sitting in her bedroom crying and I don’t know what to do.’ Ted is shaking his head sadly but he won’t meet my eyes.

  ‘Where’s he gone, Ted? Why won’t anyone tell me?’ I’m pleading with him but he doesn’t say anything, instead he just turns and walks back out to the kitchen. I see Rose putting her arm round his shoulders and then looking past him, out to me in the café. They are deep in conversation for a few minutes and then Rose pushes through the beaded curtain and comes over to me.

  She’s quite a formidable-looking woman. Her red hair is set in curls that are kept under a headscarf whilst she’s at work. It’s the same hairstyle she’s had since she was a young woman, but she will admit to getting a bit of help with the colour now that she’s developed a few grey hairs. She has it set once a week, in the salon next door, and trapped in the chair under the hairdryer is probably about the only time you will ever see Rose sitting still. She never stops; she’s always doing something useful.