Secrets and Tea at Rosie Lee's

  ‘Do you need me to do anything for you?’

  I didn’t dare answer that one honestly; I was shocked by how easily I could come up with a very satisfying list of things he could do for me. I bit my lip to stop myself from saying them out loud and just shook my head. He nodded and wandered out of the kitchen and into the tiny living room across the hall. I let out the breath I was holding and leaned against the worktop for a minute. Christ on a bike! Behave yourself, Abigail. You just told him off for not behaving and now look at you.

  I had to try and gather my scattered thoughts. I was so confused I could scream. Being friends was what I’d wanted, it had all seemed so much neater and easier to keep him at arm’s length, but now he was here, sitting in my shabby-looking front room, being all handsome and considerate – that wasn’t playing fair.

  ‘Where have you gone for that tea? Ceylon?’ His voice made me jump.

  ‘I’m coming,’ I shouted back, grabbing the tray holding the cups from the side.

  When I walked into the living room he was standing by the window.

  ‘Admiring the view?’ I asked.

  He turned and grinned at me. ‘It’s a lovely view. I like looking at it.’

  Ignore it, Abigail, just give him his bloody tea. I passed him his drink and he took it and sat down on the sofa. Leaning back, he looked very comfortable and as if he wasn’t going to be rushed. He patted the cushion next to him.

  ‘Come and sit, let’s talk.’

  Oh, no, Mr Chance, no way. I’m not putting myself within touching distance. I perched on the arm of the sofa, out of reach. Jack raised an eyebrow but said nothing. He sipped his tea and looked round the room; I was embarrassed by how shabby it looked. It was clean and tidy, but I’d never really had any spare cash to waste on interior decorating. Maybe I should bring Terry Egan up here and show him around? I thought. That ought to be enough to convince him that I didn’t have a million pounds squirrelled away somewhere. The thought of that man made me shudder and I wrapped my hands around my mug of hot tea to try and ward off the chill I felt. Jack sipped his drink, watching me over the rim of his cup. Eventually he spoke.

  ‘What did Flo mean earlier, about “bloody Americans” in the café this morning?’

  I was hoping he hadn’t heard that.

  ‘Lexie came to see me this morning. You only just missed her, actually.’ A look of something I couldn’t quite place flashed briefly across his face. He put his cup down and leaned forward, forearms resting on his thighs.

  ‘What did she want?’

  ‘A green tea. I tried to tempt her with a sticky bun, but she wasn’t interested.’

  ‘Ha, ha. Very funny. I meant what was she doing here?’

  ‘I know what you meant. I’m just not sure whether I should be discussing this with you.’

  ‘Why the hell not? What did she say? She didn’t upset you, did she?’

  ‘No. She was really sweet and surprisingly mature for a girl her age.’ I recalled Lexie’s laser-sharp insights into my motivations and it made me smile.

  ‘What’s funny? I’m not sure I like the idea of the two of you having secrets.’

  ‘Why not? Got something to hide, Jack?’ I asked, playfully.

  ‘No. I’m an open book.’

  I sipped my tea, trying to buy myself some time. What should I tell him? ‘Be honest’ – Lexie’s words echoed in my mind. ‘She felt like she needed to see me, to reassure me that there wasn’t anything between the two of you.’

  ‘Go on.’

  ‘Well, like I said to her, it doesn’t make any difference either way. You and I are just friends, right?’

  ‘Right. Friends.’ Jack took a large gulp of his tea and sat back in his chair.

  ‘She also told me that she loves you.’

  He didn’t react. Instead he stared at the floor and sighed heavily.

  ‘You knew that already, didn’t you?’

  He nodded.

  ‘When did she tell you?’

  ‘She didn’t. Not in so many words anyway. The day after your parents’ funeral, after you and I had talked and decided to be friends again, I told her about it. I told her that you were important enough for me to want to give that a try. She said that sounded great but there was something in her eyes, something sad that I hadn’t ever seen before. I kinda guessed then.’ He put his head in his hands and when he eventually looked up at me, I could see the guilt in his eyes.

  ‘I felt bloody awful when I realised. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it. I’m such an idiot. I’ve hurt her, someone I care about. I never meant to do that. I thought I’d always been very clear about my feelings. I’d always treated her like—’

  ‘A little sister?’ I interrupted.

  ‘Yes. Exactly.’

  I shook my head. ‘And people tell me I’m shit at picking up signals. I hate it when I’m right.’

  ‘You must think I’m a selfish arsehole.’

  ‘You’re not selfish, Jack. Ignorant, emotionally retarded, blind as a fucking bat, but not selfish.’

  ‘Thanks, that’s very good of you.’

  ‘You’re welcome.’

  ‘I don’t know what to do now. I want to make it right. I do care about Lexie, just not in the way she wants me to.’

  ‘Don’t do anything. Give her some time to get over you. It is possible to get over you. Take it from someone who knows.’ Liar!

  ‘So, you’re over me, are you?’

  ‘Totally. Your charms don’t work on me. I don’t care how big your bank balance is.’

  ‘That makes a nice change. I’ve met plenty of women who were only interested in my bank balance.’

  I tried to lighten the mood. ‘Wow! Exactly how well off are you, then?’

  ‘Don’t joke, Abigail. Having money can cause as many problems as it solves,’ he said, sadly.

  ‘Funny how it’s always the people with money who say that. I’d like to be a fiver behind you.’

  ‘I know it must sound pathetic to you, after everything you’ve had to go through, bringing up a kid on your own, running your business. But at least you’ve had people you can rely on to be there for you, people who will watch your back, friends and family that care about you and what happens to you.’

  ‘Don’t you have that, then? You must have friends? And what about your mother? She loves you enough to want to see you married and settled.’

  ‘Aah, yes, my mum. The woman who tried to convince me that I was better off settling for what Lexie had to offer rather than waste my time looking for real love. That’s how much she cares about me.’

  ‘I’m sure that’s not true. I know a thing or two about emotionally distant mothers and I’ve come to realise that, however misguided their actions may seem, they usually come from a good place. And, of course, I also have the added bonus of speaking as a mother myself. No one tells you how to do this parent thing. They hand you a baby and then you just wing it and hope you don’t do them any permanent damage.’

  ‘You’ve done an amazing job. She’s a great girl.’

  ‘Yes, she is. But I didn’t know that was going to happen when I had her. I could have done all the wrong things just as easily as I did the right ones and messed it up entirely. I’m sure your mum just wants you to be happy, that’s all. That’s all any parent wants for their kids really.’ I reached out and placed my hand on his arm.

  ‘Lucy’s very lucky to have you.’

  ‘I’m the lucky one. I’ve been able to watch her turn into this amazing young woman, ready to take on the world.’ I could feel the tears coming. ‘What am I going to do without her, Jack?’ I said, quietly. Jack moved closer to me and pulled me into his arms. Once again, I found myself reluctantly pushing him away, but he didn’t let me go completely. Taking my chin in his hands, he tilted my face up so I was looking into his beautiful brown eyes. I thought he was going to kiss me but then he let his hand drop and he picked up his cup of tea. Disappointment filled me.

  ‘What do
you want to do now, Abigail? With your life, I mean?’ He sipped his tea and watched me closely over the rim of his cup. Was he playing games with me? My disappointment turned to anger – I wasn’t about to be toyed with. I moved to the other side of the room.

  ‘I’ll keep running the café for as long as possible, take care of Matt and Flo, I guess. Nothing very exciting.’

  ‘Well, Matt’s big enough to take care of himself and I doubt Flo needs much help from you in that department either. Stop putting obstacles in your way – what do you want?’

  ‘I don’t know… I haven’t really thought about it.’

  ‘Then start thinking. You must have some ideas about what you want to do with the rest of your life?’

  ‘Ideas are all well and good but they cost money. Money that I don’t have.’

  ‘If money is your only problem then I can—’

  I cut him off. ‘I don’t want your money, Jack. I’m not a charity case or one of your gold-digging girlfriends.’

  ‘Believe me, I know that. This isn’t charity, it’s business. You can pay me back.’

  ‘Thanks, but no. Money and friendship don’t mix.’

  ‘Just think about it.’

  ‘I don’t have to think about it. It’s not a good idea.’ The last thing I wanted was to complicate our friendship even more.

  ‘What about your parents? Did they leave you anything?’

  I laughed. ‘That depends on who you talk to.’

  Jack looked confused and I realised I’d have to tell him everything now.

  ‘I wasn’t going to say anything – it’s so stupid it’s not even worth repeating, really.’

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘Terry Egan – the man from the funeral.’

  ‘The gangster wannabe in the hat?’

  ‘That’s him.’

  ‘What about him?’

  ‘Apparently he’s convinced that me and Matt have got a million pounds hidden somewhere and he claims it belongs to him.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘The missing proceeds of the last job that he did with my dad.’

  ‘Jesus, Abigail!’

  ‘I know, it’s ridiculous. I mean, look at this place. If I had a million pounds I wouldn’t be living in a flat with dodgy plumbing and a boiler that only works when it wants to.’ I smiled but Jack looked serious.

  ‘Has he threatened you? Or Matt?’

  ‘Not as such. He’s just a silly old man spreading stories, that’s all.’

  ‘I can get you some protection. Let me make some calls.’ He reached into his pocket for his phone, but I went across and took hold of his arm.

  ‘Don’t be daft. I don’t need protection, it’s fine.’

  He looked down at my hand on his arm. ‘Abigail.’

  He only said my name, but it was enough; I felt him tense underneath my touch and fireworks went off inside my brain. I moved my hand away and went back to sit on the sofa. Say something, Abby, you big dumb idiot, say anything.

  ‘More tea?’ I sat forward and reached for the pot. Jack cleared his throat and then came and sat beside me. ‘Sure, why not?’

  I concentrated on getting the tea into the cup rather than all over the table, conscious of the feeling of his leg pressed against mine.

  ‘What were your ideas, then?’

  ‘Hmmm?’

  ‘You said just now that you had ideas, but they cost money. What ideas?’

  My mind went blank.

  ‘To be honest, I think I’ve spent so long being Lucy’s mum that Abby has almost disappeared. Everything’s always been about Lucy. My one focus in life has always been to protect and care for her and send her out into the world as well prepared as she can be. I don’t think I remember how to do anything else.’

  ‘You’re selling yourself short. You run your own business; that takes some doing. Believe me, I know.’

  ‘But even that’s been about Lucy, in a way.’

  ‘How do you mean?’

  ‘You’ve seen it – the café isn’t a hugely successful endeavour. We’re barely breaking even most months. I should have called it quits a long time ago, but I hung on here because this is Lucy’s home. The little money I made was enough to keep us afloat so I just carried on.’

  ‘What would you have done, then? If you only had yourself to think about.’

  ‘I don’t know. Closed the café maybe, concentrated more on the cake-making side of things. Weddings, birthdays, corporate stuff. I think that’s the reason I jumped at the chance to help Liz cater your party. It gave me a safe way to fulfil one of my own dreams for a change.’

  ‘And you did brilliantly. Your food was amazing.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘So, what now?’

  I shrugged. ‘Don’t know. What if I don’t know how to be anything other than Lucy’s mum?’ I said. ‘Now who sounds pathetic?’

  ‘You’re not pathetic. You’re strong and beautiful and you can do whatever you set your mind to. I have no doubt about that, Abigail, no doubt at all.’ He smiled at me, a dazzling smile that made my insides fizz and the blood rush in my ears.

  ‘Why didn’t you kiss me just now?’ I asked.

  ‘Because I made a promise. That we would be friends until you decided that you were ready for something more. I’m a patient man, Abigail – when it’s something I really want, I’ll wait as long as it takes.’

  I knew then what was going to happen next; if I’m being honest I think I’d always known. I was too tired to fight it any more. Why couldn’t I have something for me? The idea that I might be about to do something that I’d promised myself I wouldn’t sent a shiver through my body.

  ‘Lexie told me that she thinks you’re in love with me.’

  ‘Is that a question?’

  ‘No. Yes. Maybe.’

  ‘Ask me the question, Abigail. If you really want to know, you just have to ask.’

  My heart was racing and my skin felt as if it were on fire.

  ‘Are you in love with me, Jack?’ My voice came out in a strangled whisper – very sexy – and Jack smiled. I dropped my gaze; the intensity in his eyes was too much.

  ‘Look at me, Abigail. Please.’ His rich voice was gruff and full of emotion. I raised my head and looked into his eyes.

  ‘I am very much in love with you.’

  I couldn’t control it; my breathing quickened and I could feel the first flush of something like desire start to heat me from inside. Jack’s eyes ignited the fire in my own. He moved closer to me and took my face in his hands; his gaze roamed over me hungrily, just waiting. His beautiful mouth was so close, just one small move would have brought us together, but neither of us budged. We stayed like that, examining each other as if it were the first time we’d met, our breath coming in short, heavy bursts, until finally I couldn’t wait any longer. I leaned in and brushed my lips ever so gently across his. He closed his eyes, his hands not leaving my face, and he rested his forehead on mine. Moving one hand to gently hold the back of my neck, he closed his mouth over mine with a ferocity that took my breath away. His kiss was hard and desperate and so full of passion that I couldn’t help but return it with equal force. He pushed me gently back onto the sofa and pulled me underneath his body. I’d never been kissed like that. My whole body was covered by his lean and muscular frame. I ran my hands across his back, his arms, his chest; I wanted to feel every inch of him. He tore his mouth away from mine and looked at me lying beneath him.

  ‘What now, Abigail? I told you before that you have all the power here and I meant it. Nothing is going to happen between us unless you want it to.’ He kissed me softly on the lips.

  There it was, there was my way out, I thought to myself, my way of making sure that this didn’t happen. I could tell him no, right now, and then he’d never have to see me in my M&S undies. I wouldn’t have to see the look of disappointment on his face as he compared my childbearing body, cellulite and all, to the Barbie dolls he was used to dating. He wouldn’t have
to pretend to be turned on by my less than perky boobs and saggy tummy. Just tell him to go now, it’s easier in the long run, I told myself. Before I could speak, almost as if he could read my mind, he pulled me closer and I could feel his need for me.

  ‘I won’t pretend that I’m not desperate to drag you to your bedroom and spend hours making you come. You are so sexy, no matter what you’ve convinced yourself about the way you look, and I will spend all night trying to convince you of that if I have to.’ His eyes burned into mine and I could see that he meant every word.

  ‘What about Lucy and Flo? They’re only downstairs.’

  ‘I think we probably have their blessing after the performance they put on for us just now.’

  I cringed a little at the thought that my daughter and a grey-haired pensioner probably knew I was about to have sex, even before I’d realised it myself. Jack laughed at my embarrassed expression. ‘We’re not doing anything wrong, Abigail. We’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.’

  ‘I know.’ I had no more excuses, no more reasons why it shouldn’t happen. ‘Yes,’ I said, my voice barely a whisper.

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Don’t give me a chance to talk myself out of it; I want this to happen. I won’t pretend I’m not bloody terrified, but I think I’m done with feeling scared.’

  Jack’s face was lit by an enormous smile and he pulled me close for a breath-taking kiss. He rested his forehead on mine and closed his eyes.

  ‘I’ve missed you so much,’ he says, ‘and now you’re here. I’m never leaving you again, you know that, don’t you?’

  ‘Don’t make promises you can’t keep,’ I whispered. His eyes flew open at my response and he pulled his face away from mine.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘We don’t know what’s going to happen, no one does. You have a life in America. You can’t give all that up for me. I don’t want you to do that. Let’s just enjoy this for now. For as long as it lasts. I’m okay with that.’

  ‘I’m not okay with that! If you think I’m just going to walk away from this…’