by Brooke Baker
And because I cared about him, I had to try and keep him out of danger.
"You can't come," I said firmly. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you."
“And you think I would?” He said, glowering at me. “We’re in this together, Kat. Like it or not.”
His caveman act was a real turn on. I loved that he wanted to protect me, whether he actually could or not. Still, I wanted him to leave. I couldn’t handle if my bad decisions ruined his life too.
“I don’t like it,” I said, crossing my arms on my chest and facing forward again. “This isn’t your problem, Ethan.”
“Agree to disagree,” he said.
"Fine, but you leave as soon as the storm stops, and you stay away from me after that. I don't want you in Jarvis' sights. He's a bad man, Ethan."
"Deal," he said, a satisfied look in his eye. "But hiking into the cabin gets more dangerous the longer we wait. Are you sure about doing this? We could just stay here."
“They could track the truck. But once the snow covers our tracks, they won’t be able to know where we’ve gone, right?”
“That’s true,” he confirmed.
"Let's go then if you're insisting on coming," I said, not able to express how glad I was that I wasn't going to have to walk into those dark woods alone. I got out of the truck and went around to the back.
When he came around from his side, I glared at him. All he did was grin and start to get dressed. I stifled a smile. I was not going to be charmed by Ethan. I would only get my heart broken again. And that was not happening. No way.
Ethan
Kat was playing it tough, but I knew she was glad I was coming, and the knowledge made me feel powerful. Like a man's man. We were out in the woods, facing the elements and possibly bad guys.
So different from my normal life. Just playing games.
Hockey.
Everything else.
None of it was real.
But this.
This with Kat?
It was the only real thing. The only thing that mattered.
I would take her to the cabin and keep her safe.
We put on our ski pants, coats, boots, scarves, hats, and mitts. I pulled my scarf over my face, leaving only my eyes out because the wind was whipping the snow around and driving it into our faces.
"Ready?" I said as she pulled her own scarf up over her nose.
“As I’ll ever be,” she said, putting on her backpack.
"Let's go then," I said, heading off toward the trail that leads to the cabin.
Last year when I'd come to check out the old place, it had taken me an hour and a half to hike in. I had timed it. But that was in the summer with good weather and good light.
With this weather, losing the light, and the snow coming down harder every minute? We’d be lucky to get there in less than three hours.
With the storm, it was nearly dark already. I set a fairly quick pace, and Kat kept up. I was impressed. For someone who works at a computer all day, she was in good shape.
I admired her with sideways glances as we walked side by side down the trail.
“What?” She finally asked.
“What what?”
“Why do you keep looking at me like that,” she said, not out of breath.
“You look good, Evans,” I said, meaning it.
“Wright…” Her tone was a warning.
“I meant you’re in good shape,” I amended my statement.
"I work out three times a week, and I go to a cardio kickboxing class. Not like training properly but better than nothing."
“You should come to my karate class.”
She turned her head to look at me.
“Wright,” she said, again, her face serious this time.
“What?”
“What are you doing?”
“I don’t know,” I said, not able to explain. But she was giving me a look that demanded the truth. “I missed you, Kat.”
She gave me an incredulous look.
“What?” I said, not understanding the expression.
"You do everything you can to drive me away so that I'll break up with you, and now you're telling me that you miss me?"
“That wasn’t what happened,” I said, wondering suddenly if it was.
“You can tell yourself any story you want, Ethan. But that is exactly what happened.”
I stared into the darkening woods, thinking about that.
“But maybe I will join your class,” she said, giving me an annoyed look. “It’d give me a legitimate reason to kick your ass.”
I couldn’t help it. I laughed.
And then she did too.
I had to admit that I hadn’t felt this good in a long time. Maybe not since I’d said goodbye to Kat.
I didn’t know for sure if what she’d said was true. That I’d driven her away. But I knew that I didn’t want to lose her again. She was like the missing piece of myself that I hadn’t known was gone.
And now that we were in each other’s presence again, I suddenly realized that everything that I’d been looking for, everything that had been missing… it was her. She was what I’d been looking for. What had been missing.
And I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next.
But I knew in my gut that I had to figure out a way to keep her with me this time. I couldn’t lose her again. That was the one thing I knew for sure.
Kat
Fucking Ethan.
What was he doing telling me that he missed me? That was the last thing that I needed right now. I had to have my head in the game, not lost in the stars thinking about Ethan caring about me again.
I stomped forward, pulling away from him.
He was so maddening.
Especially since it was his fault that we broke up.
Of course, I didn’t have to let him push me away. I could have stayed. Could have tried harder. Could have done something different.
Could have not left him.
I huffed out my breath in frustration.
Ethan was so annoying, and I…
With a shriek, I felt the ground disappear, and I was sliding. Fast. Into what seemed to be a ravine. Whip sharp branches hit me in the face, and I lifted my hands to cover my face. My speed was increasing, and I scrambled to grab onto something, anything to stop myself.
Without warning, the ground dropped away, and I felt myself falling, down into the darkness.
Chapter 5
Ethan
I heard a scream ahead of me and lifted my eyes. I couldn't see Kat anywhere. I started to run, scanning the ground for signs of what had happened. I could hear sliding. I spotted where she had gone off the trail.
“Kat?” I yelled. “Kat!”
I suddenly had a clear memory of where I had been worried in the summer that I might do the same thing. Slide or fall off the trail at a spot with a very steep drop off.
I had been watching for the place, but it all looked so different with the snow, and she had been ahead of me.
Stop making excuses, I told myself. Find her.
“Kat,” I yelled, pulling out my backpack and dropping to my knees to get the rope out. I tied it to a tree as quickly as I could and then wrapped it around my waist, using it to slow my descent. Like makeshift rappelling gear.
When I got to the bottom, I called out to her again.
A soft sound met my ears.
“Evans, where are you?”
I began walking and searching for where she had fallen—stopping every few seconds to listen.
“Kat?”
“I’m over here, Wright,” her voice was coming from behind me. I turned and scanned the ravine. Then I spotted the bright blue of her ski jacket and took off.
When I reached her, I dropped to the ground.
“Are you hurt? Is anything broken?”
“I don’t know.”
“Try moving your arms and legs.”
She did and then shook her head.
“I don’t think anything’s broken. Bruised, that’s all. But my head is another story.”
"Can you walk?" I asked, terrified of her answer. I could get by in the woods. Make a fire, that sort of thing. My grandfather had taught me a lot, but staying overnight in the woods in the winter was way beyond my wilderness skills.
“I think so,” she said. “Help me get up?”
Soon she was on her feet. She took a few steps and didn’t look too bad.
“How’s your head?” I said, not wanting to make her walk but knowing that worse things could happen if we didn’t get to shelter soon. We needed to reach the cabin.
“I’ll be fine. Let’s get going, Ethan. It’s pretty dark already.”
“Okay,” I said, looking around and trying to get my bearings. “I’ll climb up and throw you down the rope to help you get out of here.”
"Sounds good," she said, and I climbed up as quickly as I safely could. Then I threw her the rope, and she climbed up a lot more slowly. But she made it, and I breathed a sigh of relief when she was safely on the path once more.
“Kat,” I said, giving her a serious look. “No more splitting up. We’re in this together, remember. Or we’re not going to make it through this. Please.”
"Fine," she said, her eyes troubled. "I'm sorry, Ethan. I didn't mean to cause more problems."
"It's not a problem. I'm just glad you're alright. Let's go. It's not far to the cabin now that we're at the part of the trail with the drop-off."
But night fell as we walked and it was dark. I got out a headlamp and put it on. It lit up our trail a little bit but left the rest of the forest that much darker.
It seemed to be taking forever, and I couldn't seem to find any of the landmarks I remembered from the summer. I started to wonder if I'd taken a wrong turn and we were going to walk right off the mountain or get lost with no shelter for the night.
I was tense. And it was cold. You don't think that the sun gives much warmth in the winter. But, man, when it goes down, you realize that it actually does.
It was freezing now that it was dark. And the storm wasn't letting up. Every step we took was through a foot or more of snow. And ice crystals were driving into the exposed part of my face.
I adjusted my scarf again to find a dry piece and scanned ahead of us. Where was the cabin? Where was it? Where was it?
I had brought Kat out here to keep her safe.
Instead, were we just going to die on this mountain?
Kat
Ethan had saved me when I'd fallen in the ravine. I had been so scared. And my head hurt. But I didn't want to complain because I knew that we had to get to the cabin and if we didn't we might freeze to death.
Ethan had said that the cabin wasn’t far. But it seemed as though we’d been walking forever. And I thought that maybe I was seeing double. But there were so many trees, I couldn’t honestly tell.
When I saw the cabin, at first I thought I was just seeing things. From my head injury. Then Ethan’s light hit on a window and reflected back to us.
It was there.
The cabin.
We had made it.
"That's it," Ethan said, grabbing my mittened hand and pulling me forward. We scrambled up the steps, and Ethan turned the knob. It wasn't locked.
"My dad taught me we always leave a place like this open, in case travelers need shelter," he told me as he opened the door.
We tumbled inside, and the raging wind of the storm was abruptly gone as he shut the door. It was so quiet I felt deaf by comparison.
We took off our scarves and mitts. But it was still so cold that there was no point in taking anything else off.
“I’ll make a fire,” he said, pointing to the couch that was directly in front of the stove. “Wrap up in blankets.”
I sat down and covered myself with the blankets that were folded at the end of the couch. Meanwhile, he grabbed some matches from the stone mantel behind the wood stove and knelt down, opening the stove.
There was wood stacked nearby, and he quickly assembled newspaper, kindling, and some bigger pieces of wood. He lit a match, and everything was all so dry he soon had a roaring fire going.
God, it was so hot that Ethan was a martial artist like me. And had wilderness skills. I had thought he was just a super-hot hockey player, which is quite enough on its own, but it turned out that Ethan was so much more.
In an hour, it was warm enough in the one-room cabin to take off our ski pants, coats, and boots. I kept my hat on, still feeling a little cold.
“You should change. You’ve probably sweated through your clothes, right?”
“Yeah,” I said, opening my backpack. I groaned.
“What is it?”
"The snow was being blown into the bag, and it's all wet."
"No worries," he said. "There are some clothes here."
Ethan came back a minute later and handed me sweat pants and a sweatshirt. He turned his back, and I quickly pulled my damp, sweaty clothes off and put on the clothes he'd given me. Then I stood by the stove and warmed myself while he went behind me, and I could hear him changing.
“All done,” he said, and I sat back down.
Ethan joined me on the couch with the comforter from the bed. He covered us both up, and we sat, a little apart, warming under the soft blanket.
“You okay?” He asked into the quiet.
He had damped the stove, and we were watching the fire. The logs were glowing red, and tendrils of flame twisted around them.
“I feel a little weird,” I said.
“You might have a concussion. I’ll wake you up a few times tonight and make sure you’re still coherent.”
“Why?”
"Me and the guys have had our fair share of concussions over the years, and that's what the doctors always say to do. Wake the person up. Ask them the year, who's running the country, that sort of thing."
“Oh.”
“And if the person can’t answer properly, you’re supposed to take them to the hospital.”
“Oh,” I said again. And I knew that both of us were thinking about the fact that that certainly wasn’t a possibility tonight.
“I’m sure everything’s going to be alright,” he said, sounding more concerned than sure.
“Don’t worry about it,” I said, with a tiny shrug. “It’s not your problem.”
“It’s not,” he said, his eyes dropping. “Because you don’t want it to be, right?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m worried about you,” he said, looking up and meeting my eyes. “But you don’t want me to be. Because you don’t… have feelings for me anymore. That’s your way of telling me that, right?”
I took a deep breath and tried not to get mad.
“You’re doing it again, Ethan, like when we were together. Just say what you mean. Don’t make me guess,” I pleaded, needing to know what he was trying to say.
Ethan closed his eyes and blurted the words out like they were challenging to say.
“I still have feelings for you. I never wanted you to leave. And I wish…”
But he ran out of courage there and stopped.
“What do you wish?” I whispered.
"I wish you felt the same," he said, moving a little farther away from me to make sure we weren't touching. Then he turned a little bit away from me as if to protect himself.
Fuck.
Ethan still had feelings for me? He had never wanted me to leave? I knew it. I never should have let him push me away.
I felt under the covers and found his hand.
He frowned at me.
“Evans… Please, don’t mess with me.”
And his eyes were vulnerable, scared when he met my gaze.
“It’s not messing with you if I feel the same,” I said, letting him see everything I was feeling. “I didn’t want to leave, Ethan.”
"Then, why did you?"
“I told you. You pushed me away. You couldn’t see it the
n. And it seems you still can’t see it.”
His eyes were troubled.
“But that’s all behind us, right? What matters is now.“
"What does that mean?" He hadn't let go of my hand, and I squeezed it.
"It means that it doesn't matter what's happening out there. All that matters is you and me. Here. At this moment."
"And what do you want at this moment, Kat?"
I thought about that and looked at the distance between us.
"I'd like to be close to you," I said, feeling a little scared myself. Would he let me get close to him, only to push me away again? I decided I didn't care. Right now, I just wanted to be with him. No matter how long it lasted.
Ethan lifted his arm along the back of the couch, and I slid in, curling up next to him and putting my head on his chest. He wrapped his arm around me and tucked me in snugly.
I sighed.
“This feels so right,” Ethan said.
“That’s because it is right, Ethan.”
Finally, relaxed enough to fall asleep.
*****
I woke up to see Ethan putting a log on the fire. I was stretched out on the couch. Maybe I’d done that in my sleep. He closed the stove and brushed off his hands. Then he climbed in behind me on the couch.
We just fit if we spooned tightly. He wrapped his arms around me, and I had never felt so safe. I tried to go back to sleep, but I was thoroughly woken up at this point. I could tell he hadn't gone back to sleep either.
Not the least indication of which was a certain firmness that I could feel pressing into me. Just lying there next to him was turning me on.
I made a series of maneuvers until I was lying facing him. He put his arm around me so I wouldn't fall off the couch and held me close. Our faces were a couple of inches apart.
“Kat,” he whispered as we gazed into each other’s eyes.
"Yeah," I said, as his knee nudged mine and I let him slide his leg between mine, so we were tangled up together.
“I want you so much,” he said, not demanding, not even asking really. Just telling me the truth.
I bit my lip, and his eyes dropped down and back up again. I squirmed closer till we were within kissing range.
“Then take me,” I whispered.