by ERIN BEDFORD
“Okay,” I drew out, my patience growing thin. “Then how do we make him, you know, big again? Put the magic back?”
“Exactly.” She knelt on the ground, her skirts smoothing underneath her on their own. Mab reached out but did not touch Chess, her hand sort of just hovered an inch away from his face. “Much magic has been removed, and it will take just as much to put it back.”
“But how do we put it back? We can’t just go back to the Bandersnatch and ask ‘could you kindly give Chess’ magic back, please?’ Might as well ask them to destroy the Shadows while we are at it.” I snorted, placing a hand on one hip and cocking it to the side.
“Do not get smart with me, child.” Mab stood abruptly, getting so close to my face, I dropped my arm and stepped back. “You have been lucky so far to have found help when needed, but one day your luck will run out.” She snapped her fingers in front of my face with a growl. “And all that you once held dear will be snuffed out, and there will be nothing you can do to stop it.”
I had a feeling we weren’t talking about me anymore, and it made me pity her. She had not lost her son once but twice in a short amount of time. Well, short in Fae years. And the person responsible for her misery was standing right in front of her, and she couldn’t do anything to avenge her son in fear of the Shadows destroying everything. It was a sad day when your only hope was also the one you despised above all others.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured, apologizing for more than just my attitude. “Please continue.”
Her face became living marble, her eyes the only thing showing life as she began to speak, “As it so happens, you are correct. You cannot request the magic be returned but you can replace it.” I opened my mouth to ask how but she beat me to it, “With someone else’s magic.”
Someone else’s magic? I placed a hand on top of Chess’ head, smoothing the hair between his ears as they twitched at my touch. “How?”
At that one word it was like a light switch had been thrown and her face was alive once more. A smile spread across her face so wide that I feared it would rip her head in half. The Joker had nothing on this woman.
When her hand reached up and cupped my cheek in her hand, I forced myself not to flinch, not to cower back. She leaned in close until our lips were only a hairs breath away from each other. I almost thought she would kiss me but instead, she said, “By giving yours up in return.”
I jerked back from her, and my feet stumbled beneath me, causing Chess to release me or be thrown to the ground. Thankfully, he chose the former and it was only me that landed on my backside glaring up at a smirking Mab.
“I can’t just give up my magic to save him.” I shook my head, sadness filling my face. “Not if I’m to save everyone else.”
Mab gave an elegant shrug. “You do not have to give up all of your magic. Just enough to return him to his rightful size, but…” her words trailed off, her eyes sliding away to the side.
“But what?” I crawled to my knees, my hands stinging where they had skidded against the stone.
“The exchange of one’s magic is a serious thing. It cannot be taken lightly, and those who do it will be bound forever. Your heart will be linked to his, your magic as one. If one of you dies the other will feel it for the rest of their life. Like a wound that will never heal. Could you handle that?”
Could I? I loved him, yes, but could I give up a part of myself to someone who might or might not love me in return? I gulped and met Chess’ sparkling green eyes that were so full of innocence and fear. I couldn’t leave him like this. Not if I could help him.
“Yes,” I gasped out, my heart in my throat, “I can.”
“Wonderful.” She clapped her hands together, her nails clicking as they touched. “Now, as you may recall, on your first trip to the Underground…” she gestured to me in disdain. “You had the misfortune to ingest too much faerie wine.”
“I remember, and your son did something to draw it out.” I felt my face heat as I remembered. I had been so nervous on my first trip to the Seelie Court and Gab had been asking so many personal questions I had gotten a little carried away with the drink they were serving. I didn’t know it was faerie wine, or what it could do to a human, but Dorian knew.
When Dorian found me I was ready to run off with Bastian and blow my cover. Instead, I found myself out on the balcony thinking I was about to get kissed when in reality he drew the faerie magic out of me and into himself. I remembered the sparkling blue as it floated out of my mouth and into his.
“Yes, he did.” She nodded her head, the first sign of approval showing since I had appeared. “You will do something similar to our dear Moderator but in reverse.”
“How do I do that?” I watched Chess as I asked my question, giving him a weak smile so he wouldn’t be afraid.
“Just will it to be so and it will be.” She waved her hand in an elaborate circle as if her words answered everything.
Frowning at her explanation, I crawled over to Chess on my knees. He watched my movements with adoration in his eyes. He trusted me so explicitly it made my insides ache. In a few short moments, the only emotion he would feel for me would be indifference.
“What’s going on?” his small voice asked as I placed my hands on the sides of his face.
I shushed him, bringing my forehead to lean against his. “Don’t worry, I won’t let anything bad happen to you. We are just going to make you all better again.”
“Will it hurt?”
Shaking my head, I smiled gently. “No, not at all. Can you close your eyes for me?” I leaned back away from him as he nodded and closed his eyes.
I placed my thumbs on his jaw and pressed down, urging him to open his mouth. My magic swirled and burned inside me as I drew it to life. I had never done something like this before. Growing plant life and animating vegetables was one thing, but passing my magic to someone else without the intention of hurting them? I just hoped I didn’t kill us both.
The magic sizzled and fizzed as it crawled out of my stomach and up my throat. I forced myself not to swallow as it tickled my larynx. As it built up in my mouth, I opened my lips, pressing my mouth close to his. The magic left me as easy as breathing, and as I took another breath and let it out, more passed from me to him.
I couldn’t tell the affects right away, but the more energy that passed from my lips and into his, the older his face became, and the more light-headed I felt. The baby fat to his face shrunk, turning into a more defined jawline and cheekbones. His chest and shoulders expanded, the rest of his body following, causing me to arch up to reach his face from my place on the ground.
I knew the moment he was himself again. I felt it in my heart. Like a light switch had been flipped and everything in the world made sense again. His eyes flipped open, his emerald eyes wide with shock and horror. At me or at himself I wasn’t sure, and at that moment, it took all I had to keep my hands on his face, and even that was failing.
Eventually, it was Chess who stopped me. He pulled my hands from him, closing his mouth so I couldn’t breathe any more magic into him, and drew me to his chest as I had done in the Bandersnatch.
“Oh, kitten. What have you done?” he asked. I gave him a weak smile before my eyelids fluttered closed, and there was nothing but the sound of his heart beating in time with mine.
Chapter 13
Of One Heart
WHEN I AWOKE I was no longer in Mab’s garden but staring up at a wooden roof. Every inch of me screamed, from the balls of my feet to the hairs on top of my head. Even breathing hurt.
What the hell happened? Chess. I was giving some of my magic to Chess and then I passed out. God, I felt horrible. I so was not doing that ever again.
I lifted a hand to my head as I inched up from whoever’s bed I was laying in. Each movement was like tiny needles were being shoved into my nerve endings. This wasn’t like being hung over from using too much power, this was like I got hit by a Mac truck and had been i
n a coma for the last six months. The kind of pain that made you just want to curl into a ball and die.
I tried to ignore the pain and figure out where exactly I was, and where the hell everyone else was? Achingly slow, I turned my head from the ceiling to take in the small bedroom I was currently residing in. The bed was only big enough to fit two people comfortably. The comforter that had been thrown over me was patched in multicolored cloth. The rest of the room wasn’t much different.
A nightstand made of the same kind of wood as the ceiling sat next to the bed; it wasn’t the usual shape you would expect to see a nightstand. It curved and twisted like it couldn’t decide what shape to take. The three-drawer dresser on the other side of the small room wasn’t any different. How they got their clothes in there was beyond me.
There was only one door that was left ajar, letting in low voices that I couldn’t decipher. I tried to move into a sitting position once more and cried out at the effort. My pained cry must have been heard from the other room, because the voices halted and a rush of footsteps came my way.
The half open door was thrown open and in the doorway stood Chess. He was no longer a child and the rags he had been wearing had been replaced with a pale lavender tunic that laced at the neck. His pants were a darker shade lavender and looked like they were made of some kind of felt. To top it all off, they were tucked into knee-high boots that blended in with the fabric.
The moment I saw him my breathing became easier, and my pain didn’t matter as much anymore. Was this what Mab had meant? Would we have to be around each other to ever feel normal? If so, it would make using the bathroom a very interesting venture.
“How are you feeling, pet?” Chess knelt by the bed, Alice and Hatter bringing up the rear; worry etching all of their faces.
The décor finally made sense. We were in Hatter’s house. Though, how we got here was still a mystery.
I had only met Hatter once, at the Seelie Court. There he had been a sore thumb sticking out in the midst of a room of golden hornets. Here in his own home, he seemed more relaxed and less likely to throw up at any moment.
His head was noticeably bare, no doubt because we were inside. His silver hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail that trailed over his shoulder and brushed the base of his multicolored vest that lay on top of a magenta dress shirt. His pants were a dark emerald green and his shoes a bicolored red and blue. Overall, he should have looked ridiculous, but he didn’t, and by the way Alice was sneaking glances at him she didn’t think so either.
Turning my attention back to Chess, I tried to speak and then coughed at the dryness in my throat. Alice produced a cup from somewhere and handed it to Chess who in turn held it up to my lips. Usually, I would have made some kind of smart remark about not being a child but my arms still felt like they weighed a hundred pounds.
Thankfully, only water was in the cup, but part of me wouldn’t have refused something stronger. Not Hatter’s tea strong, but a shot of vodka wouldn’t have been unwelcome.
All eyes focused on me as I finished my drink and cleared my throat. “What happened?” My words came out in a sort of croak that sounded like I smoked ten packs a day.
“You fainted, of course,” Alice answered. “You know, if you keep this up they are going to start calling you the fainter rather than the savior.” I glared at her but from the twinkle in her eye could tell she was just kidding. Not that she was wrong. I seemed to be doing quite a lot of fainting nowadays. Chalk it up to the unusually high amount of magic I was emitting lately.
A shock ran up my arm, jerking my attention from Alice to my hand where Chess had placed his on top of mine. That was interesting. It was like a sort of buzzing along the underside of my skin. Not exactly an unpleasant feeling but different to be sure.
My eyes rose from our joined hands to meet his. Unlike Alice, who seemed to be trying to make light of the situation, which was usually Chess’ job, his eyes were full of worry, but also underneath it was a need. The same need that was beginning to build in me.
“I’m fine,” I finally said, causing some of his worry to fall away, but the hunger was still there and with Alice and Hatter in the room it was making me uncomfortable.
Hatter, who up until this point had been a silent observer, made an awkward noise in his throat. “Alice dear, let’s give them some privacy.”
Alice let Hatter lead her out of the room, and the moment the door clicked shut, Chess’ mouth was on mine. Still partly in pain, I made a small sound in the back of my throat but didn’t push him away. It was like coming home: the feel of his upper body pressed against mine, his lips moving across my own, and the taste of him as he caressed my tongue. It hadn’t been like this before. The overwhelming need to be as close to him as possible, to crawl inside of him if I could.
I had always been attracted to Chess. From the moment he unwrapped himself from his vine-covered throne, a part of me wanted him. It took a while for me to finally admit that I wanted him more than just physically, and when we finally came together, it had been explosive and wonderful. Until that is, it wasn’t. That thought, had me pushing him away even though my very being screamed at me for it.
“Wait. Stop,” I said between closed mouth kisses, my hands still twisting in the fabric of his shirt. His response was to trail his mouth down the side of my neck, a low growl rumbling from his chest. The sound shot straight between my thighs.
My insides melted as his mouth found that spot between my neck and shoulder that made me groan. He climbed up on the bed and pressed me back down onto the mattress. With the cover between us, we couldn’t get the friction we needed. There needed to be more touching, more skin.
“What’s wrong with us?” Chess’ voice against the side of my neck caused a shiver to run through me and was just enough to give me the strength to push him away and slip out of the bed.
I kept my back to him, because the sight of him on the bed rumpled and ready would make me want to dive back in. I felt my face heat at my lack of self-control. I was pretty sure I knew the answer to his question, but I had never thought it would cause such a reaction.
“The queen warned me something like this would happen.” I cleared my throat, trying to sound more normal and not so wanton. “Well, not this exactly, but she said we would be more connected.”
“I don’t understand.” I heard him move from the bed, and I tensed as his body stood just behind me. Not touching, just there. “Why would you save me?” I felt his hands reach up and almost touch my arms before he dropped them again.
“I couldn’t just leave you like that.”
“But you could have. After the way I treated you, I didn’t deserve anything less.” His voice was low and broken as if he thought he really deserved being put in the Bandersnatch.
“No, you didn’t.” I shook my head, not turning to look at him for fear of what I would do. “If I punished every guy who’d ever been an asshole to me there’d be no men left.” I gave a small laugh but my heart wasn’t in it.
“Kat.” This time when his hands reached up they did touch me, and the feel of his skin against mine, just his hands pressed against my arms, almost blew my hard won control.
“Don’t.” My voice broke with that one word and my eyes burned. I wouldn’t cry damn it. How can my body and soul crave his touch and my heart break at the same time? It wasn’t fair.
“Kitten.”
I shrugged, causing his hands to fall off my arms. Turning around with a laugh, I gave him a sad smile. “You can’t help who you love and who you don’t.” I took a deep breath, dragging myself away from him while mentally building a wall between us.
“So, what it seems like to me is that the exchange of magic has a bit more to it than what I’d thought.” I stared at the nightstand pretending like he wasn’t in the room at all. “The side effects are more intense, not only making us want to be near each other, but the need to touch one another is almost overwhelming. The only way I s
ee this working without both of us going insane is to just go about our lives as normal, I mean after the Shadows are beaten. You can go back to doing whatever you did before, and we can just pretend like this never happened and hope the affects fade after time.” Even as I said the words, I hated it. I didn’t want to pretend we never happened, but I couldn’t pretend like I didn’t love him or watch as he paraded around with more of his playthings.
“Do you really think that will work?” my gaze jerked away from the nightstand at the anger in his voice. “While you were out, it was killing me not to be by your side while you slept. Hatter had to give me some tea just so I would stop running a hole in his floor.” He took a step toward me, his tail whipping behind him in a rigid path. “We are like two sides of a magnet. We are drawn to each other and no amount of lying to ourselves will stop that.”
The feral look he gave me made things clench so tightly below that I gasped. His smell, his presence, all of it was like I was a drug addict and my drug of choice was zeroing in on me, leaving me with no place to go.
“I can’t do this,” I muttered more to myself than Chess, who had stopped in front of me. “Please.”
His hands reached up to stroke the sides of my face while his tail wrapped around my leg pulling me into him. The moment my hands touched his again, I knew I was lost. His mouth ghosted across my forehead, creating a path down my face and across each cheek. My eyes fluttered shut as his lips brushed across my eyelids. When he finally reached my mouth, my resolve had weakened so completely that I wasn’t strong enough to tell myself, no, to tell him to stop, but I was strong enough to find out exactly what I was getting into.
“This is just sex, right? Just sex.” It was more of a reassurance to me than a question, but it was Chess’ response that undid me.
“It will never be just sex, Kat.” My chest warmed at the surety of his words and the analytical side of me wanted to know exactly what he meant, but in that moment, he picked me up by the back of my legs and pressed our bodies together. All thoughts were lost and the only thing that mattered was him.