by ERIN BEDFORD
He tried to shred the vines, but they were too thick, and there were too many of them coming at him at once. I was about to push more magic into it when out of the corner of my eye, I saw where Chess had fallen, right in the path of where the Jabberwocky was being dragged to the ground. In a quick thought, I redirected some of my energy toward where he lay. The vine wrapped around him like a cocoon and delivered him to the ground next to me.
With Chess safe by my side, I turned back to the task at hand. The Jabberwocky was down on its knees. His arms and legs were firmly trapped beneath my pile of vines, and thus, he was reduced to biting at them.
For each vine he chewed through, five more replaced them. I knew I couldn’t keep it up much longer. I already felt that edge that usually sent me into a power hungry frenzy. I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to come back from it this time. When I was about to give up and make a run for the tear, Chess’ hand landed on top of mine, and a rush of magic shot through me and into the earth.
New vines shot from the ground and encircled the Jabberwocky’s jaw, closing its mouth from doing any more damage. He struggled for a moment, and I worried he might break out, but then he stopped moving, his dark red eyes gleaming at us in a silent rage.
I knelt there on the ground just breathing. I’d stopped him. I beat a fucking dragon! I gave a short laugh at the realization. When I turned to Chess to brag my smile fell.
Chess lay beaten and bloodied on the ground. His eyes were closed and his chest barely moved up and down. I reached a hand out to him, trying to find the wound on his side to stop the bleeding.
The cut was not as bad as the ones he had suffered by my mother’s hands but still bleeding enough to cause worry. Grabbing the edge of Chess’ shirt, I yanked it until it ripped. Balling the shirt up, I pressed it against the wound. It caused a groan from Chess and a sharp pain in me that left me gasping.
“Kat.” My name fell from his lips, and his eyes fluttered open, the orbs glazed over from the pain.
I shushed him and lifted one hand to stroke his face. “Save your strength.”
The stubborn cat ignored me and tried to reach out to me. “You have to go on. Finish this. I’ll be all right.” He groaned and stopped to catch his breath before giving me a weak smile. “I’ve healed worse than this, kitten.”
“But I can’t just leave you, what if the Jabberwocky gets loose?” my gaze swept over the bound creature still glaring at us.
“He did his part. Once you are gone, I don’t think he will bother me anymore.” His words came out strained and slow. While he told me he was fine, I could feel that he wasn’t. If he was feeling even half of what I was, he couldn’t be. But did I really have a choice?
I grabbed his hand, placing it on the spot where mine had been pressing against the wound. I placed a hand on either side of his face and leaned in close.
“Don’t you die on me, Cheshire.” I pressed my forehead to his, closing my eyes briefly. “When I get back we are going to get you stitched up and I’ll play nurse to you for as long as you want.” I gave a small laugh and smiled. “I’ll even get a short little outfit to wait on you in.”
Chess chuckled at this and then winced. “Sounds lovely, pet.”
I pressed my mouth to his, careful of his side as I leaned into him. His lips met mine in a lingering kiss that didn’t last long enough before whispering, “I love you.”
“And I you.” His emerald orbs gazed at me softly before he gestured with his head. “Go, end this.”
Pulling back, I nodded; my eyes burning from unshed tears. Whether it would end with my death or not, it would be over soon.
I stood from the ground and gave one prolonged look back over my shoulder at Chess. I gave him a thumbs up and a smile before turning back to the hole. I rounded my shoulders and stepped through the tear. It was time to kick some Shadow ass.
* * *
THE BETWEEN. THE God damn fucking Between. If there was one place in the universe I wished never to be again it was here.
The world was white and seemed never ending, like the inside of a bleached butthole. There was nothing there but the tear and a dark shadow in the distance. I could still feel Chess’ pain, and I steeled myself against it as I forced my feet to move toward the shadow.
As I approached it, a sickening, evil feeling overwhelmed me. The shadow wasn’t Dorian. It couldn’t be. It was too vile, to full of darkness to be my ex-fiancé.
It was, though. Or part of it was. The person—the creature standing before me was not a full person anymore. Cloaked in a cloud of black darkness that seemed to leak from every pore, the Shadow man stood waiting, his back to me. When my footsteps reached him, he turned slowly, his hands out to the side as if to welcome me into his embrace.
“Katherine,” his voice burned my ears, and I felt a jolt in my stomach at the sound of my full name. “How nice of you to join us. I can rest assured that my pet did his work well, or did our lovely Moderator skip out?”
“Never,” I spat, angry that he would even suggest such a thing. “I am here to end this. Once and for all.”
“End this?” his eyebrows raised, a mock innocent look on his face. “But it has only just begun. Join us and we can show you so much more than you could have ever dre—”
“No,” I snapped cutting him off. “No more talking. This ends now.” I forced a full glamour onto my hand, causing my nails to grow and sharpen. “Blood of like blood, my heart to yours, return to the realm from which you came and dwell here no longer.” My voice resounded through the air, my hand poised and ready to swipe the sharpened claw along my palm.
The creature that had been Dorian’s eyes filled with panic at my words, but then they fell to my hands where I was about to cut my palm open and smiled. “Very well. We accept.”
I frowned, confusion etching my face. “You accept? You can’t accept I haven’t cut my hand yet. The blood hasn’t been paid.”
They laughed, the sound of it echoing out into the Between. “Oh, but you have. Blood has been spilled and we accept.”
Horror filled me, and in what seemed like slow motion, my eyes fell to my hands where they were still drenched in Chess’ blood. My eyes flew back up to the creature that Dorian had become, their laughter grew as they began to glow and ripple.
I spun on my heel and shot for the tear that led back to the Willow. My feet didn’t seem to move fast enough, and I wished for once that I could transform into an owl like Dorian. To move faster, to be stronger.
Before my feet even hit the dirt I knew I was too late. The hole was back and only getting bigger, but still I searched out where I had left Chess. My eyes took in the now empty blood covered spot on the ground and I couldn’t breathe.
Chess was gone.
Chapter 20
The Aftermath
I SPENT THE first month after the ordeal in a stupor, refusing to see anyone and only leaving my room long enough to find another bottle of alcohol to try to numb myself. But it never worked. Nothing did.
Mab’s warning to me before I had given my magic to Chess had not been severe enough. If I had known it would be this painful, this gut wrenching emptiness that made each day seem like torture, I probably still would have gone through with it. I just would have given Chess more shit about it. I definitely wouldn’t have let him out of my sight.
After the first month, Alice had come into my room, wrinkled her nose in disgust, and demanded I get out of bed. I promptly threw her out with a little magic and created a barrier of vines over the entrance. I quickly realized I hadn’t thought that one through when I had to remove the vines not more than ten minutes later to relieve my bladder.
That’s when she pounced.
“Shit!” I cried out, still sitting on top of the toilet. I leaned forward, grabbing the towel off the rack to cover up and glared at her. “What the fuck, ever heard of privacy?”
Alice stuck her nose in the air and looked down on me with as much h
aughtiness as a queen. “Not when you are hurting yourself and those around you.”
“How am I hurting anyone?” I questioned, flushing the toilet and wiggling my pants up my legs while trying to stay covered with the towel. “I’ve been in my room this whole time. No way to hurt anyone in there. Not anymore.” My throat clogged up at my words, and I forced the guilt back. I needed more alcohol.
“You also aren’t helping anyone.” Alice stepped in front of the bathroom door, her arms crossed over her dress shirt, tapping her partly covered heel on the tile floor.
“So? I did my job there’s nothing left to do.” I shrugged, turning instead to wash my hands. I chanced a glance in the mirror and winced. My face was pale and I had bags under my eyes. My hair looked like a rat had started a nest in it from not seeing a brush in over a month. Not that it mattered. Nothing mattered anymore.
Alice huffed at my answer, irritation pinching her face. “You think just because the Shadows are gone people don’t need you? What about Mop and Trip? They’ve come by every day asking for you, and I have to turn them away, because you are acting like a selfish child.”
Anger prickled in me at her words. “Selfish? So choosing to give my life to save everyone else, and then to have the love of my life taken from me, is selfish? Asking for just a little time to mourn? You surely need to rethink the definition of the word.”
Her face fell at my words and pity filled her eyes. “But you haven’t mourned. You’ve done nothing but numb yourself with drink. You barely eat. From the circles under your eyes, I doubt you get any sleep.” She placed a hand on my arm and gave it a squeeze. “I know you miss him. We miss him too, and I can’t imagine what you are going through—”
“That’s right you can’t. So stop trying to.” I jerked my arm away from her and pushed my way into the hallway.
Hurried footsteps followed me, and Alice’s voice continued, “But there are things that have to be finished. Holes that need patching up.” Her words came out quickly as she chased me into the kitchen. “The first step to healing yourself is to start by healing others.”
“Where’d you hear that an AA brochure.” I snorted, opening the fridge and frowned at the lack of alcohol inside.
“You won’t find any of that vile drink. I threw it all out.”
I glared at her and slammed the door to the fridge shut. “Fine. I’ll go buy some more.”
“Can’t.” she gave me a smug grin before I could even reach for my keys.
“And why not?” my hands balled up into fists, the anger I had before flaring up into rage. Magic prickled along my skin, and I almost smirked when Alice gave a wary step back before she straightened her spine and stared me down.
“I called your mother and had her take it. I told her I didn’t trust you to not hurt yourself in the state you are in right now. So she took it away.” She fluttered a hand in the air.
“Since when are you and my mom such pals?” I snarled, not really believing she would call my mother on me.
A small smile crept up her face and a gleam filled her eyes. “Oh, you would be surprised what kind of friends you can make when you have something in common.”
“And what would that be? Manicures? Charity?” I scoffed and turned toward the back door. It was dark outside; a quick glance at the clock showed it was after seven. What day of the week was it? I didn’t even know what month it was anymore.
“You,” Alice said simply, moving up beside me.
“Why do you even care?” I sighed, my anger slipping out of me easily. I was just so tired.
“Because there is still disarray in the Underground and a whole slew of Fae who do not want to go back. Because there is a tear in the middle of the UnSeelie Court that we can’t fix. And maybe, because you are my friend.” Slipping an arm around my waist, Alice drew me out the back door and into the garden.
Moonlight shone down in the back yard covering everything with a gray film. The air smelled different, clearer. But I guess being stuck in a room with the same stagnant air for over a month would make anything smell better.
I let Alice lead me through the garden and through the trees. I didn’t know where we were going. I didn’t ask and Alice didn’t offer. We just kept walking until we began to walk through a familiar clearing and the babble of water reached my ears.
My eyes landed on the pond and hidden alcove that had brought me to the Underground in the first place, I stopped. “Why did you bring me here?”
She gestured in front of her with a small sad smile. “To mourn.”
I followed the direction her arm was pointing. There was a new addition to the surrounding foliage. A willow tree that I knew for certain hadn’t been there before stood tall and proud a little ways away from the pond. I stepped toward it and then my feet moved on their own until I was running.
My heart racing in my chest, I shoved the hanging vines aside and made my way to the base of the tree. I fell to my knees before a throne, identical to the one that had been at the base of Chess’ willow, vibrant purple vines and all. At the foot of the throne were bouquets of flowers, someone’s teddy bear, candles, and other items.
I had worried that after the Shadows were gone nobody but me would care that Chess was gone. That they would think good riddance and move on with their lives. Seeing these things in honor of him brought tears to my eyes. Once the tears started, I couldn’t stop them.
I wailed and beat the ground. I cursed God for taking him from me. Most of all I cursed myself for letting it happen.
The entire time I cried, Alice stood by my side. Not speaking. Not offering a hug or a hand. Just waiting. Like she knew I wouldn’t accept it even if she offered. Which I wouldn’t have. I pretended it was because I was too strong for that, but it was really because the moment anyone gave me comfort, I clung to it and had a hard time bringing myself back together.
After a while, my sobs finally ebbed, and she knelt beside me. “We didn’t have a ceremony, well, because it would be silly when there was no body to bury, but we just let people come as they wanted to. No judgment, no pressure.” She gave a small laugh. “You’d be surprised by how many showed up that first day and how often some come by just to tell him about their day. Mop particularly.”
“Mop?” I jerked my head up at the sound of the brownie’s name. “How is he?”
“Oh, he is getting by like we all are, but they miss you.” A forlorn expression covered her face. “We all do.”
“I know.” I ducked my head in shame. “It’s hard, you know? Without him. Not just because he is gone, even though it is partly that, but when he left, it felt like a part of me left with him. A piece that is still out there somewhere. It tugs at my heart and keeps me up at night.”
“Mab said this would happen. Maybe she knows a way to make it not as bad?” she turned her head to the side in thought.
“Maybe,” I murmured.
I stared up at the throne. My mind meshing my memory and the scene before me, making it seem like Chess was still sitting there on his throne with one leg thrown over the side and a crop stick playing between his fingers as he smiled boyishly. My heart clenched at the sight, and I shook my head to be rid of the image.
“Should we head back?” Alice started to stand from the ground, but I placed a hand on her arm.
“Would it be okay if we just sat here for a while?” I wasn’t ready to go back yet. Alice had been right when she said I needed to mourn, but more than anything, I needed to be outside. What better place than to do both of those things than at the feet of a hero? Because that is what Chess was. Not a waste of space. Not an unwanted. Not even a half-breed. He was a hero, even if he wasn’t just mine.
Alice grinned at me and knelt back down. “Of course, as long as you need.”
It turned out I needed more time than I thought. I ended up falling asleep at the base of the tree. When I awoke, there was a blanket thrown over me and a few of the candles had been lit. In the
dim morning light, I saw there was a note next to me from Alice.
Was called back to the house. Take as much time as you need, I’ll come check on you in the morning.
— A
Standing from the ground, I picked the blanket up into my arms. I walked up to the throne and rubbed my hand along the arm of the chair. I took one last look at the shrine the citizens of the Underground had built for him, and for the first time in over a month, I walked back to the house with a smile on my face and a song in my heart. And this one was for Chess.
Epilogue
Cheshire
MY HANDS POUNDED on the glass as I watched Kat run a hand over her face. She was pale and had dark purple circles under her eyes. Her hair was a mess, but to me, she had never looked more beautiful. Now if only I could get her to hear me.
“I do not know why you bother, she can’t hear you.” A smooth and husky voice slithered down my spine that was followed by a pale hand tipped with black nails that clapped me on the shoulder. I fought not to shrug it off, knowing it would only encourage her further.
“I have to try,” I growled, stepping away from one of the many mirrors surrounding me.
The Shadow Realm was not like I had pictured it. While it was dark, it was more of a permanent night than complete darkness. There was even a ball of light that hung from the sky. I was thankful for that light a little more every day. With Morgana here, there was no telling what would happen if I was left in the dark with no way to see her advances.
“You can try all you like, it won’t make a difference. Though, I think it’s cute how dedicated you are to reaching your love.” Morgana’s pouty red lip opened up wide as she laughed, and I tried not to shiver at the sound.
I moved away from where she stood, her long, blood red gown enveloped her like a one size too small glove, causing her chest to be dangerously close to spilling out. At one time I would have gladly accepted her advances, would even have encouraged it, but after meeting Katherine, everything changed.