by Rainn Wilson
TEN THINGS I KNOW FOR SURE
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Once upon a time, in the magical kingdom of Chicago, the late great film critic Gene Siskel asked Oprah Winfrey, “What do you know for sure?” The question stumped her, inspired her, and the rest is history. She spent fourteen years giving an answer every week to that question on her website. The result became a bestselling book and a vehicle to distill the wisdom she gleaned in interviews with the world’s greatest thinkers, writers, mystics, and artists over the past decades.
It’s a great exercise. “What do you know for sure?” It’s a question that reaches for the depths of any person’s experience and wisdom.
Here I give it my best try at the tender age of forty-nine. (When I try this list again at ninety-nine, I’m sure it will look very, very different. It will probably have a lot more complaints about the government, technology, and “kids these days.”)
Dear reader, I ask you to try the same thing! Take the “TEN THINGS I KNOW FOR SURE” CHALLENGE! Let’s compare lists! What do you say?
1. THE DEEPEST HAPPINESS COMES FROM SERVICE TO OTHERS
I’ve written a good amount about happiness in this book, but I want to come back to one central idea. We often think that the best way to become happy is to focus more on ourselves, to take better care of ourselves and put our attention on the things that make us happy. While this is important, I’ve found that it often doesn’t work.
There’s kind of a strange paradox in happiness. The more we seek it for ourselves, the harder it often is to find.
But when we give service to others, uplift them, make them feel better, and sacrifice our own comfort to give them help and solace, we often feel joy. I know that I get a nice warm glow in my heart when I’ve helped a friend or someone in need. The same kind of glow you get when you watch that video on YouTube where that cat hugs that baby goat. (There’s actually two cat and baby goat videos; one ends violently. Don’t watch that one.)
One of my favorite quotes from the Baha’i Faith, attributed to ‘Abdu’l-Baha, sums it up nicely.
Be not the slave of your moods, but their master. But if you are so angry, so depressed and so sore that your spirit cannot find deliverance and peace even in prayer, then quickly go and give some pleasure to someone lowly or sorrowful, or to a guilty or innocent sufferer! Sacrifice yourself, your talent, your time, your rest to another, to one who has to bear a heavier load than you—and your unhappy mood will dissolve into a blessed, contented submission to God.
Try it at home, kids! Let me know how it works.
2. IF YOU THINK YOU’RE BEING FUNNY, YOU’RE NOT BEING FUNNY
My least-favorite kind of comedy acting is the kind where the performers know they’re just being hysterical. Anytime I see that twinkle in an actor’s eye where they’re just certain that they’re being cute, charming, and inventive, I want to throw up in my mouth. That little know-it-all wink and smirk that many actors bring to their characters completely takes me out of any belief or enjoyment.
The most lasting and riveting comedy performances are the ones where the actors are as deeply invested in their emotions and stakes as if they were in a Shakespearean tragedy. Personally? I want to see real characters in comedy, dealing with the essential things we all struggle with but on a grander and more absurd scale. That’s the essence of “clowning,” I believe, and allows comedy to transcend and explode.
Some great examples:
Chris Farley’s motivational speaker
Buster Keaton
Nicolas Cage in Adaptation
Peter Sellers as Inspector Clouseau
Fox News
The only exception:
Jerry Seinfeld
3. GRATITUDE CHANGES EVERYTHING
When I’m feeling sorry for myself, negative, or depressed, I try to go to gratitude. There’s always something to feel grateful for. Even a person who has nothing but a chicken and a shiny pebble can be thankful for the health of their nice chicken and the luster of their pebble. It’s really a matter of focus.
Try making a list of ten things you’re grateful for every day for a week. Send that list to a good friend. You’ll find that your week will greatly improve.
Even when I’ve been at my lowest I’ll try to put my attention toward a tiny handful of things I feel grateful about and find a subtle but much-needed shift in my mood and outlook.
I’m so grateful that you’ve read this far in my book!
4. ROME IS THE GREATEST CITY ON EARTH
If you put the Eiffel Tower on the banks of the Tiber, no one would ever go to Paris again. Rome kicks Paris’s butt. First of all, Italian is such a cool language! It’s the real language of love. It’s also the language of Marcello Mastroianni, da Vinci, and the cast of Jersey Shore.
The food is incredible. The ancient ruins spill out onto the Roman streets, which are filled with buzzing, Day-Glo Vespas. The art is exquisite and spans the centuries. There are fountains everywhere.
Also, get this. Paris was founded by a Roman! And Rome itself? Founded by two guys who were NURSED BY A WOLF! Take that, Paris.
Also, pear gelato.
5. THE OPINIONS OF OTHER PEOPLE ARE NOT SOMETHING TO WORRY ABOUT
I once heard this awesome quote from a friend of mine:
“What other people think of you is none of your business; what you think of other people is ALL of your business.”
I have spent so much of my time over the course of my life wondering, worrying, and fretting about what other people think of me. It’s such a colossal drag. When I can occasionally remember this quote, I retain my balance and find my center again.
I also can quite easily slip into judgment and resentment about other people. When I’m able to remember the second part of this quote, it brings me back down to earth in a gentle way.
My job, I believe, is to stay the hell out of other people’s heads and just focus on what’s going on in my own big, weird head.
6. GAME OF THRONES IS OUR GREATEST TEACHER
A few things I’ve learned from the greatest TV show in the history of everything:
Get a wolf
Get a dragon
Women should rule the world (unless it’s Cersei Lannister)
Politics are a waste of breath and time
I was truly struck by this amazing quote from Ygritte, the wildling lover of the bastard Jon Snow: “All men must die, Jon Snow, but first we’ll live!”
That pretty much sums it all up, doesn’t it? We are all going to die, but let’s live to the fullest before we kick it. It doesn’t matter if you live in Westeros or on planet Earth. Whether it’s checking out the slave fights in the Great Pit of Daznak in Meereen or canoeing the Colorado River, whether it’s exploring the lands north of the Wall or dancing the samba in Rio, we all need to LIVE before we die.
The other lesson that can be learned from Game of Thrones regards its famous refrain: “Winter is coming.” In the books by George R. R. Martin, seasons last for decades, and as the story is kicking in, the long summer and fall are ending and freezing storm clouds are massing in the north along with the terrible White Walkers and their vast undead army.
So basically, unavoidable chaos is coming and winter will destroy the whole kingdom of Westeros. And what do the folks of Westeros do when their very existence is at stake? They battle and intrigue and gossip and infight and drink buckets and buckets of wine.
And us? We spend most of our time talking about Kardashians, partisan politics, the next iPhone, and offensive tweets by professional athletes instead of climate change and global warming, which could very well be the greatest challenge for survival humanity has ever faced.
Basically, I’d like to see Hillary Clinton on a dragon.
7. SUSHI IS ABOUT THE FISH, IDIOTS
Sushi is raw fish. Fresh, oily, fatty, delicate, slightly cool, thinly sliced or expertly c
ubed sections of the delicious nectar of the sea. That’s the whole point of sushi.
When you eat rolls slathered with cream cheese, fried onions, flavored mayonnaise, syrup, tempura shrimp poppers, mango chutney, and deep-fried marshmallows, you are missing the entire point of sushi and should just go eat at Applebee’s™. (Especially on “Wings ’n’ Waffles Wednesdays.”)
When you roll your piece of sushi in a pool of salty soy sauce, stack a pile of ginger on top of your fish, or wipe the entire surface of the sushi with wasabi, you are committing a crime against fish, the ocean, and even the great Poseidon himself.
Eat a delicious raw piece of fish, wrapped in a tiny belt of seaweed on a small bed of fluffy rice. Stir a little bit of wasabi into the soy sauce and let a small amount graze the fish itself (without using your rice as a soy sauce sponge). Enjoy the piece in one single bite, and savor the glorious explosion of seafood goodness. You’re welcome, America. And Japan.
8. MY SON IS MY SENSEI
Walter has an open heart, a ridiculous sense of humor, and an ability to always be curious, making every moment an inspirational adventure.
Also, he sings and dances unprompted at any occasion.
Every problem, issue, anxiety, fear, and stressor that I have can be solved by watching my son explore the woods, the beach, or even the backyard and by singing and dancing as he does, spontaneous and unself-conscious.
9. STORIES MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND
The greatest thing ever in the history of the world and all of human endeavor from time immemorial is stories. Think about it. Where would we be without them? From shamans dancing around a fire to the Bible. From Norse myths to Greek drama, from West African griots to ghost stories, from fairy tales to Star Wars. Stories not only entertain us but tell us who and why we are, and what we believe collectively and individually.
My wife has taught me so much about stories as she writes them, ponders them, spins them, and as we read them aloud in our home. We work with at-risk, traumatized girls of rural Haiti to tell their stories in their unique voices.
When you are able to tell your own story, you heal yourself. Therapists work with victims of trauma to tell the story of their life, to help them own their story, warts and all, and in so doing to find their voice, spirit, and healing.
Children from every culture and era on Earth have listened with rapt attention to stories. All you need is a hero; a beginning, middle, and end; some kind of surprising twist, and you’ve got a story. You’ve just read mine. What’s yours?
10. I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING
Addendum
THE BAHA’I FAITH
An Introduction
(Because People Keep Bugging Me for One)
I’m going to attempt to summarize the newest, the second-most widespread, and one of the fastest growing of the world religions, the Baha’i Faith. It’s a bit tricky to try to capsulize in a few short pages a global faith that has six million adherents, hundreds of prayers, thousands of pages of holy writings, and a rich, complex, dramatic history. A faith that is filled with numerous mystical teachings, practical guidelines for the betterment of both oneself and the world, and simple, profound truths to help the human heart find peace and meaning. But if I HAD to sum it up—like, say, into the length of a tweet—I would say, “Awesome religion that acknowledges the awesomeness of all the other religions too.” However, that would be an extremely limited definition. (Which is why Twitter may not actually be the ideal vehicle for complex philosophical and geopolitical discussions.)
So, to paint a fuller picture of what it is to be a Baha’i, let’s start at the very beginning. With God. Always a good starting point.
GOD
To every discerning and illuminated heart it is evident that God, the unknowable Essence, the Divine Being, is immensely exalted beyond every human attribute, such as corporeal existence, ascent and descent, egress and regress. Far be it from His glory that human tongue should adequately recount His praise, or that human heart comprehend His fathomless mystery.
—Baha’u’llah
In the Baha’i cosmology, there is one God. This might not be a God like you’ve ever conceived of before. This God is an all-knowing, all-loving, creative force whose presence is felt everywhere and yet whose essence is unknowable. This is not some anthropomorphic deity—a judgmental old man with a beard in a cloud-studded landscape, scowling down on us, keeping tabs, and deciding who is naughty and nice. That would be Santa. (If you worship Santa, no offense; that’s actually pretty cool and I’d love to hear about it!)
This is the omniscient, eternal, infinite Creator of light, nature, science, and love. This God knows our hearts better than we do and is a better friend to us than we are to ourselves. This is the God who ignited the big bang and fills our world with beauty, mystery, and science. The Lord of not just this physical universe, but of myriad other universes and planes of existence as well. The Great Mystery.
I have breathed within thee a breath of My own Spirit, that thou mayest be My lover.
—Baha’u’llah
What’s great about what Baha’is believe is that there are not lots of different gods in the world. There is only one. Allah, Jehovah, Ra, Brahman, Wakan Tanka, Elohim, Ahura Mazda, the Great Spirit, the Prime Mover, the Big Guy Upstairs. Call Him/It/She what you like, there is only one all-seeing Creator.
GOD’S MANIFESTATIONS
This Divine Mystery wants what is best for us all, both individually and collectively. So what does He do? He sends us great spiritual teachers every five hundred or thousand years or so to help our species move forward. I’m sure you’ve heard of most of these prophets (in no particular order): Jesus, Muhammad, the Buddha, Abraham, Zoroaster, Krishna, Adam, Moses, and now, most recently, the divine messenger and central figure of the Baha’i Faith, Baha’u’llah, a man who lived in nineteenth-century Persia.
These “divine physicians” diagnose what humanity most needs and bring a remedy, focusing their spiritual cure on the specific time, place, and culture where they appear. Just as humanity needs to progress materially and scientifically, we need to progress spiritually as well. It is these special “messengers” of God who bring the revelation and teachings from our Creator that aid us in progressing morally, emotionally, and ethically, and give our warlike, selfish, animalistic species wisdom and peace. These prophets of God (or, as Baha’is refer to them, “Manifestations of God”) rekindle the flame of the eternal faith of God in the land in which they appear. This concept is called “progressive revelation.”
You see, according to the Baha’i Faith, there is really only one religion. One God. One faith. Baha’u’llah calls it “the changeless Faith of God, eternal in the past, eternal in the future.”
Every religion is eventually corrupted by its fallible clergy and the slow, inevitable drift toward hollow ritual and empty ceremony. Every faith gradually moves away from the spark of sacred divine light that was at the center of its creation toward hollow superstition. The differences in the world’s religions aren’t to be found in the essential teachings of these divine manifestations but in the dogmas and creeds that were developed over long periods of time by their followers, administrators, and clergy.
That’s why religion needs refreshing every millennium or so. (Like Spider-Man, Congress, or The View. Sorry, couldn’t resist.)
WHAT BAHA’U’LLAH TAUGHT
Every faith on earth has a mythology contained in it of a “promised one.” The return of the spirit of Truth that will guide us unto all truth. That is who Baha’is believe Baha’u’llah is: the promised one. The Prince of Peace. The new messiah.
Baha’u’llah teaches that it is time for humanity to heal itself, to mature, to seek love and unite.
He says: “O ye children of men! The fundamental purpose animating the Faith of God and His Religion is to safeguard the interests and promote the unity of the human race, and to fo
ster the spirit of love and fellowship amongst men.”
He brings the word of God for today, Baha’is believe. And what is that word? That all prejudice, of race and class and every other stripe, be eliminated because we really are one human family. That women have a station equal to that of men and that their rights need to be upheld until gender equality and justice have been achieved. Baha’u’llah taught that science and religion are like two wings of the bird of humanity and need to be in harmony in order for humankind to thrive. Science without religion is materialism and religion without science is mere superstition. Baha’u’llah professed that universal education is an essential component of the maturation of humanity and a crucial force for the elimination of the terrible radical extremes of wealth and poverty that plague our planet today. He encouraged Baha’is to promote social justice but stay away from the dead-end bickering and financial corruption of partisan politics.
The need for a clergy is now over, Baha’u’llah taught. Humanity can interpret the word of God for itself and doesn’t need any kind of intermediary who holds a special divine station. So the Baha’i Faith has no priests or mullahs or rabbis or gurus. Instead, the administrative affairs are governed by various democratically elected “Assemblies” that function on a local, national, and international level.
Baha’u’llah revealed moral laws to protect us, such as abstaining from drugs, alcohol, and gambling as well as backbiting and gossip. These rules are not a mere “code of laws” but are there for the benefit of our souls, to help us as we develop them in this material world. It is our spiritual qualities that we take with us when we move on to the next world (there is no hell or eternal damnation or any of that nonsense), and it is virtues like compassion, honesty, kindness, humility, and the like that we need to nurture and grow during this short life we’re given.
The metaphor that’s often used in the Baha’i Faith is the comparison of the growth of our souls on Earth to the growth of a baby in the womb. The baby has no idea why it’s growing its fingers and legs and eyelids and toes while hanging around in utero. Those things are pretty useless for it in the womb but absolutely crucial when it emerges into this world. In the same way, we’re growing spiritual fingers and eyelids and toes right here and now that we’ll need when we leave this plane of existence. Those qualities of God, the virtues perfectly manifested by Jesus and the Buddha and Baha’u’llah, like wisdom, service, and love, will be our spiritual arms and legs before too long. That’s why we need moral laws to protect us and why walking the spiritual path is crucial to our ultimate development and our deepest individual and collective flourishing.