by Judy Duarte
“I remember you coming to visit,” she said. And the doughnuts you would bring. The smile that lit Mama’s face whenever your patrol car pulled into the drive.
“About seven years after your mom and I split, after Kay and I reconciled, I got a call down at the station. Your mom had traced me to San Diego. She told me about you and hoped that I would consider a relationship with you both.”
Had the call upset him? Had he wanted to start things where he and her mom had left off?
A hundred questions swirled in her mind—probably too many for Harry to answer. Had he agreed to continue the relationship with her mother? Or had he gotten angry at the woman who had dared to disrupt his life? Had he been happy to learn he had a daughter? Or had he refused to take responsibility?
Had they fought? Accused each other? Pointed fingers and dealt out blame?
Only one question proved important enough to surface: How did you feel when you learned you had a daughter? Or more specifically: How did you feel about me?
But Hailey was afraid to voice it, to throw her heart on the table. Instead she tweaked the question into one that wouldn’t make her appear so vulnerable. “Did you believe her? About me being yours?”
Warmth glimmered in Harry’s eyes, and his mouth quirked into a half smile. “We went through the motions of a blood test, but I didn’t need the DNA results to tell me you were my little girl. Your mom had never lied to me. And I’d been her first lover.”
Her mom’s only lover, Hailey suspected, since she never remembered another man in her mom’s life.
“In my heart I knew you were mine. Besides, you looked just like my kid sister. You still do,” he added with a smile. “Only prettier.”
“Thank you,” she said, wondering if she would ever meet the woman who was her aunt. In spite of her reluctance to get involved with Harry, curiosity niggled at her.
“I wanted a relationship with you, Hailey. I swear I did. But Kay, my wife, had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. She was facing surgery, as well as chemo. I didn’t want to cause her any additional stress. I couldn’t chance telling Kay about you. Not then.”
Nick had said there was a lot Hailey didn’t know. This, she supposed, was one complication she hadn’t considered. “Does your wife know about me now?”
“Yes,” Harry said. “And she’s looking forward to meeting you.”
That seemed unusual. And awkward, at best. Hailey wasn’t sure she wanted to meet the woman Harry had chosen over her mom.
“My wife is a wonderful person. You’ll like her.”
Hailey merely nodded, unwilling to send the man to face bypass surgery without any hope that things would be okay.
But things weren’t really okay—not as far as Hailey was concerned. She might have a better understanding of the past, of the adult relationships that had touched her life as a child. But she still harbored painful memories. Resentment.
“You missed my birthday party,” she said, unable to leave a child’s disappointment behind.
“Kay was going into the hospital for a mastectomy that day. I had to be there with her.”
Life, Hailey realized, was more complicated than a child could comprehend. And sometimes more complex than an adult wanted it to be. The anger she’d held on to for so long began to dissipate, although she still didn’t welcome a complete reconciliation with her dad. Too much had happened, too much time had passed.
Hailey’s life was on track in Minnesota—well, at least it had been before the pregnancy.
“Shortly after Kay’s surgery, your mom took off again. And she didn’t leave a forwarding address. It took me years to find you.”
“And when you did find me, I didn’t want to talk to you,” Hailey supplied, taking on a bit of guilt herself.
“I understood, honey. You were just a kid, and I’d let you down. You had every right to be mad.” He slid her a gentle grin. “But you’re here, now. And that’s all that matters.”
She looked at the man lying in the hospital bed and caught the hope in his eyes. Unable to help herself, she reached out and took his hand in hers. “Yes, I’m here.”
A dark-haired nurse, older and not nearly as attractive as the blonde, entered the room. “Mr. Logan, I need to take some more blood.”
“I’ll slip out for a while,” Hailey said, eager to get some fresh air, to have some time alone. Time to think and sort things through.
“Will you come back?” Harry asked.
“Yes. And I’ll be here during the surgery.” Then she gave her father’s hand a gentle squeeze, before walking out of his hospital room.
Her chances of finding time alone dwindled the moment she spotted Nick standing in the midst of several men, all roughly his age, and an attractive rosy-cheeked woman with copper-colored hair.
Nick turned, and before Hailey could slip off or excuse herself, he introduced her to Kay Logan.
Harry’s wife extended a hand in greeting. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Hailey.”
Was it? Hailey found that difficult to believe. But she caught a glimpse of sincerity in the woman’s eyes. And something else, although she couldn’t quite put her finger on what it was.
“It’s nice to meet you, too,” Hailey said, hoping her words sounded half as truthful as Kay’s had. Her stomach turned topsy-turvy, and she feared she would be sick—right here in the hospital corridor.
Good grief. She’d give anything to make a fast exit before she embarrassed herself.
The soft-spoken woman cast her a warm smile. “I’d like to talk to you, if that’s all right. Would you care to join me for a cup of coffee in the cafeteria?”
Coffee? Just the two of them?
Hailey looked at Nick, hoping for a lifeline of sorts. An excuse of some kind.
“Go on,” Nick said, offering her no help at all. Then he told Kay, “I can come get you if the doctor shows up while you’re gone.”
Hailey’s stomach knotted, and nausea surged with a vengeance.
“I don’t drink coffee anymore,” was the only excuse she could muster.
“Then have tea. Or juice,” Nick supplied.
Hailey wanted to kick him in the shins. But she took a deep breath and slowly let it ebb from her lungs. “Sure. Why not?”
Then she allowed Harry’s wife to lead her down the hall and to the elevator.
Hailey sat across the small cafeteria table from Kay Logan, a cup of tea in front of her.
“I’m glad you came out for the surgery,” the older woman said. “It means so much to Harry.”
Her gracious response took Hailey aback. She wasn’t sure what she’d expected from Harry’s wife, questions about her mother, she supposed. Harsh words, maybe. A turned-up nose. But certainly not warmth or kindness.
“I don’t plan to stay long, just a day or two.” Hailey took a sip of the tea, hoping it would soothe her stomach.
It didn’t.
“I understand.”
Did she? Hailey wasn’t sure, but there was a good reason why she wanted to rush home. And not just because of an upcoming neighborhood holiday party and the end of Christmas vacation.
Hailey Conway didn’t belong here—in California, with her father’s real family.
“Harry wanted to talk to you before the surgery. He’s carried a lot of guilt for years.” Kay’s eyes glistened with what appeared to be unshed tears. “I think that’s one of the reasons he worked so hard to reach some of the boys he befriended. He wasn’t able to be a dad to you, so he fathered troubled youth instead.”
Hailey noticed a small gold cross that hung from a delicate chain around the older woman’s neck. Was she a woman of faith? Was that what Hailey had noticed? A loving heart? A gentle spirit?
For some reason, Hailey felt free to speak. “I’ve been angry at Harry for a long time, but there was a lot I didn’t understand.”
“Harry would like to be a part of your life, if you’ll let him.”
Hailey didn’t know about that. A qu
ick visit was one thing, but she wasn’t ready to make any changes in her life. She needed time to regroup. It was all too much, too fast, too soon.
Unable to give Kay an answer until she thought things through carefully, Hailey said, “I’m happy living in Minnesota.”
“I understand. Maybe you can come out for a visit from time to time.” Kay studied her over the rim of her coffee mug, then smiled warmly. “It’s amazing. You look a lot like our oldest son. Steven. Your eyes are the same shade of blue.”
Hailey looked like her half brother? Did they both look like Harry’s sister? Their aunt?
Again curiosity raised its head. “Will Steven be here today?”
“No,” Kay said, her voice strangely hoarse. “He died in a helicopter accident during Desert Storm.”
“I’m sorry,” Hailey said.
“Me, too.”
They sat quietly for a while, each of them lost in their thoughts.
Harry’s wife wasn’t at all what Hailey expected and she couldn’t help commenting. “I’m surprised you’ve been so accepting of me, of this situation.”
“Oh, I had my moments,” Kay admitted. “It isn’t every day a woman finds out her husband has a child by another woman. It took some getting used to. And a bit of prayer.”
Hailey thought it might take a bit of tears, too. Maybe a dish thrown across the room. Angry words. She was unable to quell her curiosity, not only about Kay’s reaction, but Harry’s.
How had he felt, learning of Hailey’s birth? Had he been upset? What had happened when he leveled with his wife?
“When did Harry tell you about me?” Hailey asked.
“About ten years ago. And I must admit, I was mad as an old wet hen.” Kay smiled, then fingered the gold cross that rested on her pink sweater. “But not for the reason you might suspect.”
“Why, then?” Hailey asked, wanting to know, to understand.
“For him not telling me sooner.” Kay lifted her cup and took a sip. “I understood why he didn’t want me to know about you while I was fighting breast cancer. But he waited several years, and he shouldn’t have kept you a secret.”
“How did you take it?” Hailey asked. “When he finally told you.”
“It’s not as though Harry cheated on me,” Kay said. “I’d asked him to move out. I’d made the decision to end our marriage. I was young, and I couldn’t handle the worry of his dangerous job, the hours he was away from home. The stress. In a way, I drove him to your mother’s arms.”
“What made you change your mind? What made you want to make the marriage work?” Hailey asked.
Again Kay fingered her necklace. “God spoke to my heart. I realized that I’d made a mistake, that I’d taken the easy way out. My boys needed their father. And quite frankly, I needed Harry, too. I loved him. And the separation convinced me that I didn’t want to be alone.”
Hailey nodded.
“After our reconciliation,” Kay said, “we made a promise to each other not to keep any secrets. Not to let the sun go down on our anger. To make each day count. Like I said, he should have told me sooner. It was something we should have faced together. As a team.”
Before Hailey could speak, a man walked by with a tray loaded with sausage and eggs. The spicy aroma rose off the plate and accosted Hailey, causing a gag reflex. She slapped a hand over her mouth and dashed to the ladies’ room.
She barely made it.
Once inside a stall, she wretched violently until she’d lost the tea and bagel she’d had earlier and didn’t stop until she’d expelled a bellyful of yellow bile.
A nervous stomach?
Somehow, she didn’t think so. The nausea, she feared, was her first bout of real morning sickness.
“Are you okay, dear?” Kay said from behind the bathroom partition.
Hailey wiped her face and mouth with a wad of toilet paper. “I’m fine. Really.”
“Are you ill?” the woman asked.
No. Somehow, Hailey knew she wasn’t sick. Thank goodness. But what kind of excuse could she give?
“I’m allergic to eggs and sausage,” she responded. “Just the sight of it makes me sick.”
The excuse sounded lame, even to her. But hopefully Harry’s wife believed her.
“Would you like me to ask Nick to take you home?” Kay asked.
“No!” Hailey snapped, then she caught herself and lowered her voice, gentled her tone. “There’s no need to call Nick. I’ll be just fine.”
Leaving the hospital sounded like a great idea.
But having Nick Granger hear about her morning nausea was the last thing in the world Hailey wanted.
Chapter Seven
Nick chatted with Harry until one of the nurses, Mary, came in and said it was time for Harry’s shower.
“I’ll wait in the hall,” Nick said, before slipping out of his old friend’s room.
He’d always been uneasy in hospitals—maybe because he’d seen enough people suffer here, die here. Victims, perps. Each time he entered the E.R. doors and caught the medicinal smell, he was reminded of human frailty, vulnerability. But Harry’s plight had forced him to toughen up, or at least show up often enough to know the fourth-floor nursing staff by name.
Hell, who was Nick to complain about being here? Poor Harry had been cooped up in this place for weeks. And visiting him was the least Nick could do.
In the designated waiting area located by the nurses’ station, Nick watched for Hailey and Kay to return. He chatted for a while with the middle-aged woman in 412 who took her daily walk with an IV pole connected to her arm. Her name was Marge, and she’d been here nearly a week.
As Marge started her second lap, Nick spotted Hailey and Kay striding down the hall, side by side.
Kay wore a pleasant smile, but Hailey appeared wan and kind of puny. Maybe the school librarian disliked hospitals as much as Nick did. But more likely, meeting Harry and Kay had been stressful for her.
It was, undoubtedly, time for a break. He supposed they could both use some fresh air and sunshine.
“I’m so glad we had a chance to meet,” Kay told Hailey. “And I hope you feel better.”
Feel better? Was she sick? Nick wondered.
Hailey offered Harry’s wife a smile. “I feel better already, thanks.”
Not sick, then, just uneasy. He could certainly understand that.
“If you’ll excuse us,” Nick told Kay, “I’d like to take Hailey out for a ride. She hasn’t had a chance to see much of San Diego, and she’ll soon be heading back to snow country and the land of ten thousand frozen lakes.”
“There’s no need for either of you to hang out here,” Harry’s wife said. “I’ll give you a call when I find out the specifics on the surgery.”
Nick brushed a kiss upon Kay’s cheek. “Thanks. We’ll be back.” Then he took Hailey by the hand and led her out of the hospital.
For a moment he thought she might pull away, but she held on tight and kept up with his brisk pace.
“Are we going home?” she asked. “I mean back to your place?”
“No. I thought I’d take you to Bayside. It’s an oceanfront community about ten miles from here.”
Fifteen minutes later Nick turned down Bayside Drive and drove to the public parking lot a short distance from the sand. He didn’t tell her that Bayside was the city where Harry and Kay lived. He’d simply chosen this spot for the ocean view and the shops that lined Tidal Way, a little street that ran along the shore.
They climbed from the car, and Nick took a moment to savor the sea breeze, catch the fresh, salty air. To gaze at the expansive ocean and the blue, cloudless sky.
Nick loved the beach. He thrived on the peace and respite he found whenever he watched the waves splash upon the sand or searched the horizon that stretched as far as one could see.
“It’s so pretty here,” Hailey said.
“Yeah.” Nick followed her gaze beyond the breakers, where two Hobie Cats sailed alongside each other. “I don’
t get much time to myself, not with my job. But when I do have a day off, I like to come here.”
Hailey looked his way, casting him a gentle smile. When the breeze whipped a strand of hair across her face, she tucked it behind an ear. “I haven’t lived by the beach in a long time, not since I was a child. And that was just for a month or two. I guess my mom followed Harry to San Diego with the hope that he’d…”
She didn’t finish, didn’t need to.
Nick reached out, cupped her cheek. “I hope things work out between you and your dad.”
She shrugged, then turned toward the shore. “It doesn’t matter.”
Nick figured it did, much more than she let on. But he let the subject drop. He’d never been comfortable with facing emotions head-on. But so what? He’d found life was easier that way. And he sure as hell couldn’t fault Hailey for skirting the emotional junk, too.
The sunshine and sea breeze—and maybe the peaceful setting—had put some color back in her cheeks. Her blue eyes fairly sparkled.
With the pretty brunette in the foreground, he couldn’t help but appreciate the view more than before and found himself gawking at her.
And remembering…
Candles burning low. The scent of lavender. Brown hair splayed upon the white pillow. Bedroom eyes glazed with desire. The immense pleasure he’d found in her arms.
His gut tightened as he remembered her mouth on his. On him. Her tongue…
Heaven help him, he wanted her all over again.
But he’d better banish crazy ideas like those. There was a slew of reasons he and Hailey couldn’t be more than friends at best—the least of which was their respective relationships to Harry. But even if Nick’s mentor and friend gave his blessing to their ill-fated union, it wouldn’t work. Hailey was a nester. And Nick Granger didn’t need a house for much more than a place to hang his clothes.
He loved his freedom, appreciated the ability to come home without listening to someone nagging him about leaving the toilet lid up, for squeezing the tube of toothpaste in the middle or for drinking milk right out of the jug. Why was that such a big deal, anyway?
It had been Carla, a nester like Hailey, who’d taught him to value his freedom.