A strong voice full of love and peace echoed in her being. I died for you, child, and I have loved you with an everlasting love . . . All is forgotten, all is forgiven . . . Now, go . . . return to your first love.
Return to my . . . ? Abby had thought the words in her heart referred to the Lord. But maybe . . . could it be? Could God want her to talk to John, to make peace with him somehow, to tell him she was sorry for doubting him?
Sadness and regret filled her to overflowing, but Abby recognized that in those sacred moments she’d been blessed with some sort of miracle, a private encounter with the Lord Almighty. Abby opened her eyes and gazed across the lake once more. Whatever God had done to her soul, her entire perspective was different now, changed in a divine instant.
“Haley Ann would have loved the wedding, don’t you think?”
Abby gasped and spun around, rising to her feet at the sound of John’s voice. He was on the pier, walking toward her, and Abby had to blink to convince herself she wasn’t seeing things. “John? What are you . . . why . . . ?”
A million questions came at her, but she couldn’t find the strength to voice any of them. He moved closer still until his feet were nearly touching hers. His eyes shone with tears, but there was a calm in his features now, a certainty that Abby couldn’t explain, and it filled her with hope.
Could it be that the same holy realization that had dawned in her heart had dawned in his as well?
“Abby, give me your hands.”
Her shock was so great she could think of no response but to do as he asked. Tentatively, she reached out, surprised at her body’s reaction to his touch as he turned them palms up and linked his fingers over hers.
He blinked back tears as he started to speak. “I was two miles down the road when I realized that if I kept moving in that direction, away from all this, from my life here with you, then something inside me would die forever.” He studied her eyes intently. “I couldn’t have that, Abby. So I pulled over and started walking back.”
Abby had to remind herself to breathe as she listened. “You . . . you walked back?”
He nodded, his gaze never leaving hers. “The whole way. I wasn’t sure at first what I wanted to say, but I knew I had to say it.”
Somewhere in the newly illuminated alleys of Abby’s bruised and broken heart the seed of hope began to take root. “I don’t understand . . .”
The lines in John’s jaw hardened and then relaxed again. “I need to tell you about the eagle.”
“The eagle?” Abby’s heart rate doubled. What was he getting at? Was this a confession or another apology?
“Yes.” He spoke slowly, every word steeped in sincerity. “A long time ago I made the mistake of letting go of you, Abby.” He tightened his grip on her fingers. “I was crazy, and I don’t blame you if you never forgive me. I started spending time with Charlene and . . . it was like everything fell apart between us. Like we were free-falling toward the death of our marriage and neither of us could do anything to stop it.”
He massaged her fingers, never taking his eyes from hers. “It wasn’t until you were gone on the campout with Nicole that I had a chance to read Kade’s report.”
Abby blinked and tried to make the connection. “Kade’s report?”
“On the eagle, Abby. Remember?” He paused. “As I read it God spoke to me like I haven’t heard Him speak in . . . well, in too long. And I knew then I could never be with a woman like Charlene. Or any other woman for that matter.”
Fresh tears burned in Abby’s eyes. “I found your journal.”
John’s eyebrows lifted. “What? I packed it . . . it’s in the car with my clothes . . .”
Abby shook her head. “It’s on your dresser. Right on top.”
“That’s impossible, Abby. I know I packed it . . .”
“It doesn’t matter—” Her voice broke as still more tears filled her eyes. “I read it, John. How could I have thought you were lying . . . ?” She let her head fall against his chest. “I’m so sorry.” Her eyes found him again. “Everything I accused you of . . . you were telling the truth, weren’t you?”
“Yes.” He studied her intently as a single tear slid down his cheek. “I did a lot of things I’m not proud of, I broke promises I should have kept,” he looked at her again, “but I never lied to you, Abby.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. Sorry I . . .” Abby’s throat was too thick to speak.
John shook his head. “It’s okay, Abby. It was my fault, and that’s why I’m here now. The truth is . . . I still love you.” He came closer to her, their hands still linked. “I couldn’t seem to find the right time or the right way to tell you these past few days, but . . .” He stroked Abby’s palms with his fingertips. “I don’t ever want to let go again, Abby. Never. I don’t care if it kills me; I want to love you like an eagle loves his mate. Like the Lord wants me to love you. Holding on until death makes me finally let go.”
Abby’s head was spinning, her heart racing so fast she could barely breathe. “What’re you saying, John . . .”
“I’m saying I can’t divorce you, Abby. I love you too much. I love the history I have with you and the way you are with our children, the way you brighten a room just by walking into it. I love that you share every important memory of my entire life and that you loved my father and I loved yours . . .” Two more tears made their way down his cheeks, but he ignored them. When he spoke again his voice was only a broken whisper. “And I love . . . the way only you understand how I feel about Haley Ann.”
He cocked his head, pleading with her. “Please, Abby, stay with me. Love me forever the way I want to love you. Take time away with me and talk to me. Laugh with me and grow old with me. Please.”
John’s words unlocked something in Abby that sent what remained of the walls around her heart tumbling down. She came to him slowly, fitting her body against his and laying her head on his chest as she sobbed tears of unabashed joy. “You’re . . . you’re serious?”
He pulled back and stared at her once more. “I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life. God’s worked on my heart, Abby. I want to go to church with you again and read the Bible with you and pray with you. Forever.” He looked deeper into her eyes. “I love you, Abby. Please don’t hide from me anymore. You’re the most beautiful woman I know, inside and out.” He hesitated. “Do you think . . . could you forgive me, start over with me here and now and never let go again?”
A sound that was part-laugh, part-sob came from Abby as she clung to John. “Yes, I can do that. I love you, too. I realized tonight that I never stopped loving you, even when I . . . even when I said I hated you.”
“I’m so sorry, Abby.” John whispered the words into her hair, clinging to her the way a dying person clings to life. “Why did we do this to each other?”
Abby was suddenly confused as well. Why hadn’t they had this talk months ago, years ago, back when they’d first grown apart?
A shiver of terror ran through Abby’s body as she nestled deeper into John’s chest. What if she hadn’t found his journal? What if he’d kept driving and never looked back? What if they hadn’t embraced the grace of God, swallowed their pride, and admitted that divorce was the most wrong thing they could ever do?
Thank You, God . . . thank You. Abby’s tears were those of gratitude now, and she felt humbly awed at the power of Christ’s love, the power to turn them from certain destruction and send them back into each other’s arms.
She would cancel her trip, he would bring home his suitcase, and the kids wouldn’t know how close they’d come. Not now, anyway. Someday, when the time was right, they would share some of what they’d gone through. So the kids would know that no marriage is perfect, and that only by God’s grace did two people—no matter how right they seemed for each other—ever stay together.
Abby and John talked about that and other aspects of what had happened for nearly an hour, acknowledging their mistakes and pronouncing their love
for each other as they never thought they’d do again.
Finally they were quiet and slowly, gradually, his arms still around her, John began to sway.
“Do you hear it, Abby?” His voice was low, filled with a love that would bear all things, forgive all things. A love that would never end.
She closed her eyes and listened to the subtle creak of the pier in the water, savored the sound of crickets around them, and the steady thud of John’s heartbeat against her chest. In the trees a gentle wind carried with it echoes of long-ago memories. The announcer saying, “Ladies and gentlemen, your 2000 state champions, the Marion Eagles! The precious jingle of Haley Ann’s cry . . . Nicole’s sweet, clear voice promising a lifetime of love to her young man . . . her father using the last of his breath to pass the baton to John. Love her . . . love her . . . love her.
It was music. The same music John had asked her to listen to all those years ago. “I hear it.”
John eased back and kissed her then, tenderly, sweetly, with a longing that was undeniable. The same way he had kissed her twenty-two years earlier, and Abby was filled with certainty that somehow, miraculously, they had again gone through the fire and come out stronger on the other side.
They were caught in the moment, and as John led her across the pier in time with the music of their lives, he whispered to her soul the words she had never expected to hear again.
“Dance with me, Abby.” He brought his lips to hers once more and their tears met and mingled somewhere in between. “Please, Abby . . . for the rest of my life, dance with me.”
Nicole and Matt were at the hotel counter checking in as Mr. and Mrs. Conley for the first time when Nicole’s breath caught in her throat. “Did you hear that?”
They were waiting for the attendant to get their room key and Matt glanced at her, his expression blank. “Hear what?”
“Wow.” Nicole grinned. “I guess it was God, maybe. It was so loud I thought everyone heard it. Like a voice told me my prayers had been answered.”
Matt slipped an arm around her. “Of course they have, honey,” he teased. “Look who you married.”
She laughed, but shook her head. “No, I think it was my prayers for my parents.”
“Your parents? You weren’t really worried about them, were you?”
Nicole remembered the burden she’d felt, the heavenly insistence that had preceded her prayers for her mom and dad those past months. “Yeah, I guess I was. God kept putting them on my heart, and I kept praying.”
“Then you did the right thing.” Matt smiled. “Better safe than sorry.”
“You think it was God then, telling me my prayers were answered?”
“Probably.” He shrugged. “But, it couldn’t have been anything serious. Not with your parents.”
Nicole grinned, her heart and soul bathed in peace. “You’re probably right. Whatever it was, God’s got it under control.”
A man approached them from the other side of the hotel check-in counter. “Here you go, sir. Room 852, the honeymoon suite.” He handed Matt a set of key cards. “Enjoy your stay.”
Matt took her hand and led her toward their room—and into the beginning of a marriage that Nicole knew had been destined by God Himself. A marriage she prayed would always feel this wonderful and amazing, one that with the Lord’s help would survive whatever life gave them and somehow wind up stronger, more beautiful on the other side.
A marriage just like her parents’.
Author’s Note
When I think of the divorce situation in society today I am and always will be deeply grieved. In the dance of life, the casualties of our instant, self-serving, self-indulgent society abound among us. Brokenhearted men and women who struggle through life alone; toddlers whose lives are built around two houses, two bedrooms, and two sets of parents; teenage boys and girls who have no idea how to honor one another or keep commitments.
None of this is how God intended love to be.
If nothing else, I pray that A Time to Dance made you compassionate. Compassionate for people suffering through divorce, for children whose parents have separated. Compassionate toward the spouse you might—even now—be walking away from.
There are obvious exceptions—abuse or infidelity or abandonment, for instance—and for those of you hurting in such a situation, I pray miraculous intervention and healing. But even still divorce is deeply displeasing to our Lord. Scripture tells us God hates it, that what He brings together no one should separate. Strong words, really. Strong enough to make us consider how greatly the enemy of our souls wants to destroy our relationships.
But for every marriage that dies a painful death, there are others like Abby’s and John’s. Marriages that we are too quick to throw away, marriages where a joyous, boundless, restored and renewed love might be discovered if only we would be willing to dig deep enough to find it. Willing to humble ourselves and hear our God on this issue that is so close to His heart.
If you or someone you love is in the throes of divorce, please do not hear condemnation in this letter. Hear compassion and hope and, above all else, love. Because where there is God, there is faith, there is hope, and there is always love.
Love that perseveres. Love that never ends.
Fight for your marriages, friends. Pray for wisdom and godly counsel; seek God and find a way back to the place where love began, a place where love can begin again.
For some of you that might mean renewing a relationship with the Creator and Savior. For others it might mean starting such a relationship where one never existed. The process is fairly simple. In the most definitive example of love ever, Christ died to pay the price for your sins, for mine. In doing so, He gave us the choice of abundant eternal life now and forever as an alternative to hell. Perhaps it’s time that you admit your need for a Savior and commit your life to Him. Find a Bible-believing church and study what the Scriptures say about having a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Once you understand that kind of love and grace, it’ll be easier to love others around you. Easier to let them love you.
Finally, know that I have prayed for each of you, begging the Lord to meet you where you are, dry your tears, and bring beauty from ashes. That He might help you and your spouse find a place of love greater than anything you’ve known before. Let us all love deeply, friends. No matter how impossible it feels, God is pulling for you, waiting, watching. Ready to help if only together you will let Him.
If you or someone you love is divorced or separated from a spouse who has been unwilling to try, then know God is there for you, also. Keep praying. As God was faithful to answer Nicole’s prayers for her parents, so He will be faithful to answer yours. His grace and mercy know no bounds, and with your hand in His, He will one day lead you to that place you long for.
A place of magnificent, boundless, unimaginable love.
Thanks for journeying with me through the pages of A Time to Dance. May God bless you and yours until our next time together.
Humbly in Christ,
Karen Kingsbury
P.S. As always, I would love to hear from you. Please write me at my e-mail address: [email protected].
Reading
group guide
The following questions may be used as part of a Book Club, Bible Study, or Group Discussion.
Relationships do not change overnight. What were some of the signs that Abby and John were having trouble? Why is it easy to miss such signs?
Name three things that caused a strain in the Reynoldses’ relationship. What can people do to safeguard against the common problems of busyness, distractions, and judgmental attitudes?
Many of the Reynoldses’ problems stemmed from a lack of trust. What could John have done differently so that Abby might have believed him from the beginning? What could Abby have done differently to keep the lines of communication open between the two of them?
Share what you feel about your spouse’s friendships with members of the opposite sex? What guideli
nes should a married person follow when it comes to such friendships?
When was it clear that John and Abby were crossing into dangerous territory with their outside friends? How can married people avoid reaching out to strangers to have their needs met?
What did you learn about the eagle in A Time to Dance? In what ways can we learn from the eagle’s example?
How was it apparent that Nicole’s prayers for her parents were being answered?
What were the individual breakthroughs John and Abby needed to experience? What lessons did they have in common?
What role does our memories play when we’re faced with the temptation to walk away from our spouse? How does attending a conference like “Women of Faith” help us remember what’s important?
Marriages—like all relationships—are tapestries woven with an assortment of colors and fabrics. The dark colors and brilliant hues make up the beauty of our lives together. Think of three moments of sorrow and three moments of celebration in your own marriage. Recall a time when you knew you would love your spouse forever. If you don’t feel that way still, what has changed? What can you do, with God’s help, to take the first step toward healing?
A Time to Embrace
Contents
Dedicated to...
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-one
Twenty-two
Twenty-three
Twenty-four
Twenty-five
Twenty-six
Twenty-seven
Twenty-eight
Twenty-nine
Thirty
Author’s Note
A Word to Readers
Acknowledgments
A Time to Dance Page 32