“I’m going to put the shrimp on.” Tony stood. “Want me to put her down?”
Olivia was sound asleep.
“Sure.” Zoe handed the baby off to her husband.
“She’s beautiful,” I told Zoe as Tony walked away. I was feeling less anxious. The Alessis were easygoing. I settled further into the soft cushion at my back.
“She was a surprise. We didn’t think we could have children, so this whole thing is new and good.”
“Anna told me a little about that.” I took another sip of my diet drink. It was good to hear Anna talk about another woman who had overcome some obstacles, starting over and finding happiness. To see it in person lifted my spirits and gave me hope.
“Since you’re going to be in the city for a while, I think you should meet some of my friends. What are you doing Wednesday night?” Zoe curled her leg under her now that she could move freely. “My girlfriends and I are going out for drinks and dinner. I think you’d like them.”
“Sure, I’d like to meet them.” Zoe’s natural warmth instantly made me feel comfortable. If her friends were anything like her, I’d enjoy them. I missed having friends. “I mean, if it’s okay, and I wouldn’t be intruding?”
Zoe gave a dismissive wave. “No, not at all. I’ll get one of the guys to pick you up. That way you can drink and not have to worry about how you’ll get home.”
My body tensed immediately. “Uhm, that’s okay.” Shit, Shit, Shit. “I won’t drink any alcohol, so I can drive myself.” Dammit, I still sounded way too worked up. I tried to do an eye roll to excuse my over-reaction.
Zoe’s eyes widened. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—if being around booze is a problem…”
“No! I mean, I don’t have a problem,” I said, rushing to reassure her. I just made things so fucking awkward. “I don’t like how alcohol makes me feel. So I rarely have it. If you tell me where and what time, I can meet you there, or how about I pick you up?” I nodded encouragingly, hoping I could smooth over this awkward exchange.
She smiled. “That’d be cool, and then we can walk in together. I hate to walk in alone when I’m meeting new people. And you don’t have to feel weird about the not drinking thing. Layla’s pregnant, so she’s sticking to juice or tonic water.”
“Is that the same friend whose husband Tony works for?” I was trying to put the pieces together.
“Yeah, I think you’ll get along really well. She’s super easygoing and, dear God, that girl can cook.” Zoe giggled.
“Those are the best kind of friends.” I let out a silent sigh, it seemed like things were back on track.
“I’m a terrible cook,” Zoe confided. “Tony does most of it.”
“Is he any good?” I smiled because I could tell by the smells coming from the kitchen that dinner was going to be fabulous.
“You’d better tell her that I’m the best,” Tony called out.
“Baby, you’re the best at everything,” Zoe answered, and then caught my eye and winked.
Yeah, I could really learn to like the Alessis.
“I should be getting home.” Scooting slowly forward on the sofa, I tried not to jostle the sleeping baby in my arms. Livy had been perfectly behaved during my visit. She’d woken just as we’d finished eating, and after she was changed, fed, and changed again, she’d dropped off to sleep while I gently rocked her.
“Olivia has given you her seal of approval,” Tony said, a small smile curving the corners of his mouth. He moved from his chair to take the baby from me.
I bit my lip as I looked down at my now empty hands. It had been a long time since I’d spent an evening with friends. “The feeling’s mutual.” I got to my feet and made my way to their door.
Zoe followed me. “I’m so glad you accepted our invitation.”
“I’m glad too.” I picked up my purse from the table and pulled my keys out, trying not to think about it being dark outside. “Call me with the details about getting together.” I stalled to work up my courage to go outside.
“It’ll be fun, and I think you’ll fit in well with the group.
Tony joined us, baby in his arms.
“Dinner was delicious. Thanks for everything.” I smiled and turned to leave as Zoe opened the door. I paused, getting my bearings and checking the yard and driveway.
“Hang on, I’ll walk out with you,” Tony offered, expertly transferring Olivia to her mother’s arms.
One of the things I’d learned from my hours of therapy was to unapologetically accept help. “Thank you.” I said a little breathlessly. My heart was beating faster, and my hands were getting sweaty.
He stepped through the door first then held it for me.
We covered the ground quickly, and I hit the remote start and unlocked the car.
“I’m really glad you could come over. It can be tough at first when you move to a new city,” Tony told me as he quickly moved in front of me to open my door. He leaned in and did a quick scan of the interior. “Everything’s good.”
Was he making sure I was safe? “Well, uhm, thank you for everything.” I slid into the seat, and he closed the door. I hit the locks, turned on my lights, and backed out of the driveway.
For the fifteen minute drive to the apartment I was renting on the north side of the city, I drove cautiously, trying to time my approach to the traffic lights so I didn’t have to stop. As I pulled into my complex and parked in the spot right in front of my well-lit door, I started to scan the area. I didn’t see anything or anyone. After I turned my car off, I grabbed my purse and walked quickly to my door. The entire time, my senses were on high alert, listening for sounds and searching for movement. Once safely inside my apartment, I threw the multiple locks and turned off the alarm, and then immediately reset it. After I completed that routine, I rested my back against the door and slid to the floor.
“I did it,” I whispered to the empty room. Letting the feelings of pride and accomplishment wash over me, I closed my eyes for a moment and leaned my back against the door. You are safe, the doors are locked, and the alarm is on. Breathe in, breathe out. I recited the words over and over until I felt my breathing slow and some of the tension leave my body. My new doctor will be happy to hear about this. I had only been in the city for two weeks and still needed to find a therapist. My list had four that came highly recommended, but I needed to meet with each one until the fit was right. Break it down into small steps. You have time.
Chapter Three
Billie
I didn’t know what to expect, meeting Zoe’s friends. I dressed in an outfit I considered “cute, but not trying too hard”—a seafoam, tank-style maxi dress with a long cream lace vest over it. I layered on a bunch of beaded necklaces and bracelets. I always wore bracelets to cover the scarring. My new sandals’ brown leather straps were adorned with silver charms and wrapped around my ankles.
I added gel into my still damp hair. The first thing I’d done after I’d left the hospital was to buy a box of dark brown hair color. I hadn’t wanted my rare natural color anymore. Later, I’d noticed that I was improving, because I stopped coloring my hair. When my roots became too noticeable, I had my hair cut very short. Today, it was styled in a modified pixie with longer sides and bangs that I parted on the side and sometimes covered my right eye. The cut was much more fun and flirty than I felt, but I was trying.
Turning down Zoe’s street, I noticed as I approached her house that she was sitting on her porch. When she saw my car, she walked down her driveway. I didn’t even need to pull in.
She started talking as soon as she opened her door. “Don’t ask, just drive.” She climbed in and buckled her seatbelt.
I shot her a sideways look.
“Go,” she urged.
I checked my mirrors and proceeded down her street. “Should I ask?”
She made a sound like she was trying to choke back a chuckle. “You’ll probably think I’m insane.”
“I’m not a licensed therapist, so I can’t make t
hat diagnosis,” I said, not reacting. I had extensive exposure to shrinks, but from her smile, I assumed she was joking.
“I’m not the kind of mother who has a problem leaving her kid with a sitter.” Zoe picked at her jean-clad thigh. “We’ve left Livy four or five times. I mean everybody survived.”
At the corner, I indicated before making a right turn. “So, who’s watching Livy now?’
“My sister-in-law. My in-laws are in town for some event their son is attending, so Geno’s wife, Patty, volunteered.”
Because she seemed to be fretting just a bit, I kept my gaze on the road and my tone even. “That was nice of her.”
“It is, and she is. The only problem is that when I get home, she’ll tell me, or the both of us, twenty things we’re doing wrong or that we could do better.” She huffed a breath. “I think Tony and I are doing a good job but, according to Patty, we know nothing about babies.”
I slowed as I approached another intersection. “And you have to be polite and listen because she’s family, right?” I didn’t have a baby, but my mother never thought I did anything the right way.
“Am I a terrible person?” She dropped her head back against the headrest.
The light turned red, so I could look at her. “No, you are a new mom, a first timer, who has a beautiful, healthy baby. I think you’re doing fine.” Then I returned my gaze to the light, and then to my mirrors, checking the cars around me. “My mother has an opinion on everything, and I disappoint her constantly.”
“I knew I liked you.” Zoe’s voice chuckled. “You get it.”
The light turned green; I accelerated. “I quit trying to please her when I was seventeen. It hasn’t stopped her from picking at me, but I no longer starve or run myself down trying to meet her expectations. She doesn’t know what she wants, so why should I listen to her about what I should be?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up painful things.”
I took one hand off the steering wheel and waved her worries away. “Pfft, that issue is tiny compared to my many others.” I glanced to see how she took that admission.
Zoe gave a tiny nod and changed subjects. “I need to tell you a little background about this group. There’s always something going on.”
“Spill.” I smiled as I waited to hear about her friends.
“I told you a little about Layla the other night. She’s married and due in about seven weeks. Her husband is the Forde of Forde Limited where Tony works. She’s really nice. I loved her the minute I met her. She’s the kind of woman you sense instantly is a good person deep inside. She works as the receptionist at Limited right now. Then there’s Jenn. She’s in her twenties and is a gamer.”
I gave her a puzzled look then quickly returned my eyes to the road. Was that a new word for a player?
“She’s really into playing video games. She competes for money. Can you imagine that? They pay people to play games, and people pay to watch, who knew? Anyway, she’s the I.T. person, and I think she can do all kinds of sneaky things that nobody talks about. Last time I saw her, she had aqua hair, so don’t be surprised if it coordinates with her clothes. Plus the girl eats only junk and can drink and drink but never seems drunk. I think she’s some kind of next-generation human.”
I smiled. “Layla and Jenn, got it.” They sounded fun, not stuffy. I liked that Zoe didn’t have cookie-cutter friends. Our mutual friend, Anna had been very kind to me, but her friends were all the same, and I had little in common with them.
Zoe let out a loud sigh as I stopped for another light. “Now comes the tricky one—Holly. She’s Jenn’s cousin, and she’s worked for Forde for about seven months. She’s kind of a gypsy; she doesn’t stay anywhere very long. I think she’s got issues.” She shook her head. “Anyway, she was, uhm, I can’t say it was dating, but she was involved with a guy that Forde considers a brother and best friend, Tyler Burke. Basically they fucked a lot.” She paused.
I gave a one-shoulder shrug. “Okay.” I wasn’t going to judge.
“Tye’s successful and really good looking, so he’s very popular with women. If you know what I mean? Very.” Zoe put a lot of stress on the word.
I got it, so I nodded.
“I guess with Holly’s constant relocating, she isn’t into relationships. We all knew that if those two ever got together it would be a disaster. So, of course they did.” One side of Zoe’s mouth lifted in a “what can you do?” look.
“And?” I was curious about what she was getting at.
“Earlier this week they had a blow up, and they’re done. In fact, she’s put in her notice and wants to move to Colorado to work the ski season.” Zoe shook her head. “There might be some friction, because Tye and Layla are tight, and Holly…is a little…” Her voice trailed off as she seemed to be hunting for the right adjective.
“Maybe Holly won’t show up?” I wouldn’t, but I was never one to make waves.
“Oh no, Holly will show up. She’s—I don’t know how to describe her—it’s like she can’t or doesn’t feel things. I mean she’s learned to say the right thing to others, but it doesn’t come from her heart.”
“She’s removed or dissociative,” I clarified.
“Exactly.” I could feel Zoe’s gaze on me.
I tried to laugh, and it sounded forced to my ears. “Remember,” I pointed at my chest, “me, librarian. I read a lot, and so I know a lot of factoids. Sometimes, they slip out.” I hoped that explained why I knew the correct term.
“I like your factoids,” Zoe said. “I think Samantha and Jill are coming. They work for Tye’s law firm. I’m not sure what they do exactly, but they are fun. They laugh all of the time. I swear they’re the happiest people I’ve ever met. There might be some others from the firm and maybe Mary, she’s a doctor.”
“Will they be weird around Holly?” I was curious about this situation.
“Except for Jenn, we’re all weird around Holly. She gives off this vibe that makes me watch what I say. I feel like she’s ready to pounce if I say something she disagrees with—oh, and when she does, she gets nasty fast.”
I made a mental note to avoid Holly.
“Maybe it’s just me. You might really like Holly,” Zoe amended.
I worded my answer carefully. “Since it sounds like she won’t be here for long, I’ll just give her a lot of space.”
“That might be a good plan.” Zoe leaned forward a little in her seat. “The place is up here on the right. The turn is the next opening.”
I made the turn and found a parking place under a light in case it was dark when we left. We got out and walked to the front door.
“We come here a lot, so they know us.” Zoe took the lead through the door.
Inside the pub was darker than I had anticipated and cool. I felt goose bumps on my arms. “You’re in charge,” I whispered, feeling shy.
We wove our way to the back of the large room, past a long wooden bar. There, I saw a table with a woman sitting at its head with her feet resting on the chair next to her. We headed in that direction.
“Hey girls,” Zoe called.
“Zoe,” several returned.
Zoe stopped beside of the woman with the propped up feet—Layla, I surmised, due to the pronounced belly bump.
Zoe bent to kiss her cheek. “Are your feet giving you trouble?”
The woman wasn’t pretty, but she had the kind of attractiveness that would age well. “Not really, I was making a cake, so I think I stood too much today.”
“I remember all of that, fun times.” Zoe told her as she stepped out of my way. “This is my friend, Billie. Billie, this is Layla Forde.”
I smiled as Layla held out her hand. We shook. “Both Tony and Zoe have said such nice things about you. Thank you for including me.”
“I’m glad you were free, and by the way, I’ve heard nothing but good things about you, too.” She gave my hand an extra squeeze before loosening her hold, but she didn’t let go. “Sit beside me, so we c
an talk.”
“Hang on a sec,” Zoe said. “I want to introduce her to the rest.”
Layla grinned. “Hey,” she said, raising her voice, “this is Billie. She just moved here from Denver like Zoe.”
I smiled at the two other women as they waved at me.
I was trying to decide if I should walk over to them and say something more when Layla yanked on my hand. “Now, sit.”
I moved to the chair beside her feet, while Zoe took the chair across the table from me.
“You’re spending too much time with the guys. You’re starting to sound like them,” Zoe said, her eyebrows drawn into a mock-frown.
Layla laughed. “I told Forde last night, that when the baby comes, he’s going to have to start using sentences—unless he wants our kid to look stupid, giving one word answers all of the time.”
Zoe nodded as if she knew and agreed.
Layla’s gaze returned to me. “Zoe’s told me a lot about you, so I feel like I know you.” Her smile was sincere. “So if I get too pushy, just tell me.”
Pursing my lips to keep from smiling, I nodded. “I will.”
A waitress appeared, and Zoe and I placed our orders. Layla asked for a refill.
“She said you were beautiful, but I wasn’t prepared.” Layla was looking at me very closely.
I wished my looks weren’t the first thing we discussed. “I grew up in L.A., and there you see some truly stunning people.”
Zoe leaned toward Layla. “The moment I saw her I had one thought—I pictured her and Tye, side by side. God, it would be like in a magazine.”
I looked at Zoe, and then at Layla. I felt something, like a tiny tremor deep inside. But it wasn’t fear. The sensation felt more like anticipation. Like my body wanted to prepare for something to come. I shifted in my seat and crossed my legs, hoping the women didn’t sense my sudden nervousness.
“Yeah, I can see it...” Layla patted my hand. “But you don’t have to worry about that. Tye’s not doing too good right now.” She paused, “We had dinner with him last night, and he’s hurting. I think Holly—she might show up tonight—she was the first woman he ever invested in, and he’s not handling the breakup very well.”
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