Jesus, Billie hadn’t just let me flirt with her, she’d responded in kind. She’d let me hold her night after night, and then in the limo...with her pussy so wet... Christ, I’m an ass. “I blew it.” I swallowed hard.
“Now I got two questions for you,” Tony said, biting out the words.
Ready now, I nodded for him to proceed.
“Did you fuck your neighbor the other night—the one you drank wine with?” By his tone, he made it clear the wrong answer could mean problems down the line for me.
I blew out a breath, relieved I hadn’t actually crossed that line. “No. We drank wine and talked a bit.”
“So, she came back Saturday night to finish what you started.”
“Hold on,” I told him hotly. “Yeah, I invited her in for wine. That’s true. I was…” I had to be honest, Alessi seemed to have a built-in polygraph. “I was confused about things with Billie. I thought I needed to fuck her out of my system.”
His eyes narrowed to slits. “A quick fuck’s gonna make you forget a woman like Billie?”
“I didn’t know what to do with Billie, okay? She’s, she’s…” I couldn’t find just one adjective to describe her, “...amazing, thoughtful, smart, and so much more. And I’m me. You know my history with women.” I let out a frustrated sound and raked my fingers through my hair. “With her, everything fell into place so easily. I didn’t think I stood a chance, I knew I couldn’t remain friends with her if I didn’t...work some things out of my system...”
Tony watched me for a full minute. He leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms over his massive chest. “Okay, Golden Boy. Here’s the big question.”
I leaned my forearms on the table, ready for a gut punch. I swear I could hear my heart pounding.
“Do you love her?”
Feeling like a pussy, I had to look away. My eyes got wet. I couldn’t lose it in front of this guy. I blinked hard before looking back at him. “Of course, I love her,” I said, my voice roughening. “She means everything.”
Tony glanced toward the ceiling. “Jesus, why is it that you’ve got to make this so fucking hard?”
“If it’s so damn easy, Yoda, then why don’t you tell me how to fix this mess,” I bit out.
He laughed. “Well, buddy, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Billie
I checked the clock in the lower corner of my computer screen, “14:05,” it read. God, I was tired. No, I was so far beyond tired that I thought my body’s wires had crossed, because now I was starting to feel a little jazzed. I looked at my checklist. Everything was marked off as completed. I’d had no trouble focusing today, because everybody had given me a wide berth.
I’m sure they all knew something had happened between Tye and me, and if they hadn’t heard, then once they saw my pale face and the dark circles under my eyes, they could guess. After my breakdown in the early hours of the morning, it had taken all my strength to get showered and dressed. I wore black jeans and a tunic-length lavender sweater. I’d dressed for comfort. Although there was no rule against wearing jeans to the office, I’d never done it before.
When I’d stopped in Forde’s office earlier to ask if I could leave to see my therapist, he’d taken one look at me and said, “B, why don’t you take the day off?”
I’d started to object, but he’d continued, talking over me. “Babe, you look like shit. I don’t like saying it, and I hate that I know why.” His voice had gone lower. “Just take care of yourself, Billie. I’d hate for you to regress. If you need to up your appointments, it’s no problem.”
I’d add his name to the list of people I needed to thank—later, when I was stronger. Right now, I was too busy trying not to think about Tye.
The door to the inner office opened, and Rick stepped through. “Forde said you needed transpo. What time do we need to leave?”
“I have a three o’clock appointment.” Rick had driven me to my appointments in the past.
“Be ready in twenty minutes,” he ordered.
“I will, and thank you.”
“You know if there’s a choice between paperwork and being out, I’m going to choose out every damn time.”
“How far behind are you with the paperwork?” If he was behind, then maybe I could help. That would keep my brain busy, and it would help the man who hated doing it.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s not that much.” He smiled as he tapped in the code to the door.
“Last time, there was a stack two feet tall.”
Chuckling, he opened the door to offices. “That was just a test to see how good you were.”
“Did I pass?”
“Yeah, Billie you passed.”
I knew there was more to his answer. What was unsaid was that I was a part of the team and a part of the group, and it helped.
Rick stopped at the main entrance doors to my therapist’s building. “Want me to go in with you?”
That was new. Usually the SUV stopped, and I hustled to get out with a quick goodbye before the vehicle pulled away. I gathered my purse and shook my head.
“Send a text when you’re done.”
“What, daddy? I can’t get into the stranger’s van with blacked-out windows?” I teased.
He flashed one of his rare smiles. God, he went from tough-guy hotness to handsome. “B, you’re going to be fine.”
I opened the door. “I will. It might take some time, but I will.”
Before I entered the office, I stopped in the bathroom. Under the harsh lights, I looked even worse. After I washed my hands, I ran them through my hair hoping to give it a little wave. I refreshed my lipstick. Sadly, none of that really helped. I still looked like a ghost.
As much as I liked Dr. Kimball, some days I dreaded going in. Therapy made me feel better in the long run, but during and right after our sessions, I was wiped out. I blew a breath upward so that my bangs lifted from my forehead. After I marshalled my bravery, I turned the knob and entered the office, not paying much attention to my surroundings. It was therapist waiting room etiquette not to show too much interest in the other people waiting. As I approached the receptionist to sign in, I noticed she looked at me, and then to the right. After she did it a second time, I glanced in that direction.
Holy Jesus, Tye was standing there.
I almost tripped over my own feet. I wanted to run to him. I wanted to leave. No, I wanted to ignore him. The truth was, I fucking didn’t know what I wanted. Jesus, my heart felt like it was swelling in my chest, making it hard to breathe.
He strode toward me. “Billie...” He stopped two steps away.
“Wh-what are you doing here?” I stammered. It was a Monday afternoon, but he was dressed in a forest green sweater and faded jeans. He should have been working.
His being here was too much for my tired brain. I glanced at the receptionist who was watching us intently. No help there.
“We need to talk.” He reached for my arm.
I gave a half-hearted attempt to avoid his hand. “I have an appointment.”
He half-smiled, as if he was amused. He turned to the receptionist. “Can you give us a few minutes? We’ll be in the hall.”
The woman folded under the full effect of his smile. “Sure, I’ll come find you, Billie.”
Tye captured my hand and led me out into the hallway. I opened my mouth, getting ready to speak, but he beat me to it.
“Sweetheart, we need to talk. Please.”
I noticed he was standing really close to me. I felt my body automatically lean into his. I tried to pull back, and that caused me to sway, so he grasped my biceps to balance me.
Shock at his touch flustered me. “Talk about what?” He called me sweetheart. Against my better judgment, I started to melt. I loved it when he used endearments.
“Well, for starters...” Tye paused and licked his lips.
I couldn’t take my eyes off of his tongue outlining his full lips. He swallowed hard,
and some emotion I couldn’t quite name was there in his steady gaze.
“I love you, Billie. I should have said something, but I thought you weren’t ready for a relationship. I didn’t want you feeling pressured.” His grip tightened for a second. “Baby, I fell hard and fast.”
Time stood still. It was surreal. I blinked several times, making sure I was indeed awake. “You love me? Like, in love with me?” My voice was thin and wispy.
“I did everything wrong.” He held my gaze.
It struck me that he was feeling uncertain. Tyler Burke had likely never told another woman he loved her, and from his expression, and the tightening grip on my arms, he wasn’t sure how that declaration would be received.
“I should have told you,” he said, his voice gruff.
Laughter burbled up inside me. I couldn’t believe this, him. Was I dreaming?
“I wasn’t being funny,” he muttered, his eyes flashing with anger.
The poor guy and his ego. I curled my arms upward to rest on his chest. “I’m laughing because I feel a hundred pounds lighter, you dumbass.” I gripped two handfuls of sweater. “I love you, too. I mean, how could I not?”
He looked surprised, then relieved, and finally...elated. His chest expanded as he drew in a long breath.
I’d remember this moment for the rest of my life.
“We love each other,” he said, repeating it as though he needed to hear the words to believe them. Then he pulled me closer.
“We do,” I moved my hand to the back of his head and pulled him down so that I could kiss him.
Lord, I liked the way he kissed. He wasn’t sloppy, or the type to push his tongue into a woman’s mouth like he was punching through a wall. Tye was thorough and maddeningly gentle.
I wanted more. I heard a throat clear behind me.
Tye raised his head and looked over my shoulder, not loosening his hold on me.
“Dr. Kimball is ready for you.” The receptionist’s tone was very professional.
“We’ll be there in one minute,” Tye told the woman.
“You’re going with me?” I searched his face. He had never asked me about my sessions.
He let out a breath. “If it’s okay, I want to meet your doctor. I want a relationship with you. I’m hoping we can be everything to each other. We may need a little professional guidance.” He stared at me intently.
“You mean regarding sex. Sexual intimacy,” I whispered.
“I won’t push you, but I think your doctor might be able to help us, maybe prepare us for when you’re ready...”
“That makes sense.” I started to pull away, but he stopped me.
“Billie.”
I looked into his eyes again.
“I hurt you, and I’m sorry. I don’t ever want to see that look on your face again. Yes, I had wine with Veronica, and we kissed—one time. I don’t like that I did that, but I want you to know. I was being stupid. I thought I couldn’t handle a relationship, and that you deserved a man who could love you and treat you right. I didn’t think that was me.”
“I was going to tell you how I felt Saturday night.” His eyes widened, and I hurried to continue. “I get why you were scared. I was too.”
“I was afraid, because I didn’t want to screw up and hurt you and, of course, I did.” He frowned and his shoulders slumped.
“Honey, the pain is part of the journey.” I shrugged. “It got us here.” I felt so light and happy. “You said you love me.” I beamed.
“And you love me, too.” He gave me a quick kiss. “We’d better go meet your therapist.” He let me go.
“I think you’ll like her. She’s talks. It’s not like I have to ramble on for the entire session.” I took his hand and led him back into the office.
Chapter Thirty
Tye
Natasha—she’d instructed me to call her by her first name—led a session that was nothing like I thought it would be. I knew Billie didn’t lie on a couch while her therapist wrote in some leather-bound notebook. However, I didn’t expect the room to be like a living room. There were plants by the windows, and the furniture was big and comfortable. You could sprawl on it or curl up in a corner. The art on the walls was bright and cheerful. This was a room where hope could be cultivated.
Billie sat on the sofa and immediately kicked off her shoes and tucked one leg under her, while I chose the wing chair that was made for a man one and a half times my size.
Natasha was the last to sit, and she chose a leather chair to my left. “Tye, it’s very nice to meet you. I’ve heard your name mentioned a time or two.” She gave me a friendly smile. She had strawberry-blonde hair that was pulled back in a bun. I guessed her age to be somewhere on the backside of fifty, and she didn’t cover the gray that framed her face. She wore a skirt and sweater, nothing constricting, as if she wanted everything around her to be comfortable.
“I’m sorry to barge in on Billie’s time, but, well, we’ve had a rough weekend. I needed to make things right.” I shifted in my chair, sitting up taller. It suddenly hit me that she was one of the few who could sit in judgment of my behavior.
“It looks like you did.” She gave me a sideways look, and her eyes were sparkling.
“Gah,” Billie growled and shifted again on the sofa. “We’re like some stupid couple in a romance novel.” One side of her delectable mouth tipped downward.
Natasha turned to Billie, “How’s that?”
“We based so much on one short conversation.” She shook her head, and then looked down at her lap. “And when we had that talk, we didn’t really know each other,” she continued looking down. “The morning Lucy was born, after you kissed me. I wanted you and …and it scared me.”
I leaned forward in my chair, “Baby, the feelings…being with you, it scared me too.”
Natasha allowed us a moment to accept what we’d just learned about one another and our first kiss. “Communication between couples is something that’s always evolving. In the beginning, you’re careful not to give too much away, sometimes putting up barriers. That evolves into wanting to make your point. As time passes, you feel more comfortable with one another, and you don’t always speak your thoughts. You assume the other knows what you’re thinking, and that’s where problems can start.” Natasha’s eyes went from Billie to me.
“I did something stupid,” I said, straightening in my chair. “I thought Billie believed she couldn’t have a relationship. That she chose not to pursue one with me because she wasn’t ready. I thought she’d eventually pull the plug on what we had. We called it a friendship, but it was so much more. I decided I needed to walk away before either one of us got hurt. I, uh…” I licked my dry lips. I hated to relate this and for Billie to hear it again. “When my neighbor invited herself over to my place, we had some wine and a kiss.”
A moment passed then Billie flashed me a sexy smile, “Yeah, but you didn’t like it.”
I made fists with my hands. “It’s not a moment I’m proud of, Billie. I don’t like what it says about me.”
Natasha shifted in her seat, drawing our attention. “Let’s explore that. Billie what do his actions say about Tye?”
Billie’s gaze focused on Natasha. “Do you want to know what I think it says, or what I think Tye thinks it says?”
That was one of the reasons I enjoyed talking with Billie. She thought like I did, always two steps ahead.
Natasha answered serenely. “Why don’t you give us both?”
“It hurt when I realized he’d been with another woman. I was there to tell him that I loved him. So I was already worked up—nervous and mad at myself for not telling him sooner. I was ready to find out whether he did or didn’t have feelings for me.” Billie looked right at me. “Earlier this morning, I realized I didn’t care what you and Veronica had done together. I was upset that I’d never find out if you had any special feelings for me. I wanted to be special to you.”
I closed my eyes as I tried to dig my short nails into
my palms.
“I was upset with myself for not being honest with you,” she said, her voice softer now. “For so long, I was afraid if I told you, and you didn’t feel the same way, that you’d cut me off. So, I soaked up everything you gave me.”
“I can’t imagine my life without you,” I swore.
“Tye...” She sighed as our eyes met.
“This is totally new ground for me, babe.”
She smiled and shook her head at me like I had just said something amusing.
“Billie, why don’t you share what you believe that Tye thinks about his previous actions?” Natasha got us back on track.
Our eyes met again as Billie started to talk. “You believe that the whole Holly thing made a lasting mark on your personal resume. Tye, you need to cut yourself a break. We’ve all made a mistake with a relationship. I look at it as Holly was your practice girl. The first time you dared to put yourself out there. But I’m your long term, you’re future. If you hadn’t messed around with Holly, then you might not have approached me.”
I smiled like a besotted idiot. Christ, she was amazing.
“You panicked. I pushed you by coming onto you in the limo.” Her cheeks turned pink. “I did it, because I wanted you. The booze made me brave. You were being smart. You knew I was drunk. You got rattled and went into self-protection mode.”
I nodded, she was right.
“If you think about it, our being together was too easy. This was our first hiccup.” Her eyes grew larger. “I-I don’t mean easy, because we didn’t, uhm, I didn’t...” She glanced hastily at Natasha.
“You’ve said before that your relationship didn’t have a sexual component,” she reminded Billie.
I decided to help my girl who opened and then closed her mouth a few times. “We slept together every night, but there was no sex.”
“I meant that we connected, naturally, smoothly. Something rather astounding really, for me, since I don’t usually want a man’s touch.”
Yet she’d never denied me. “I attributed that moment in the limo to too many cocktails. But I did like it.” I wished I was sitting next to her, so that I could hold her. I turned to Natasha. “I wanted more, but I thought that Billie had decided sex was out for her. I didn’t want her to feel like she needed to push herself to please me. The deal with my neighbor, I thought I could prove to myself that I could desire someone else.”
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