by Lily Ryan
“Look, I get why you’d want to be with her. She’s young and gorgeous—“
“Yes. But not as gorgeous as you.”
“Don’t try to sugar coat it.”
“Fine.” His arms slip around my waist. “I won’t sugar coat it. There’s nothing going on with Christina because she’s not you.”
My body tenses, my hands grasp his forearms as I tell myself to push him away. As much as I want to, I can’t bring myself to do it.
“Exactly. You can have something real with her. Something long term.”
“That’s not what I’m looking for.”
“Maybe it should be.”
“I can’t believe Tim actually called to tell you I was out with another woman. Do you think he knows?”
“No. I think he was excited to see everyone, even you were at Burger Buster. He sent me a picture.” I break his hold on me and get my phone to pull up the heart wrenching image. Chance takes it from my hand and looks at the picture.
“I’m sorry, Kim. I had no idea he took this. I didn’t know Timmy wasn’t coming straight home or else I would’ve been here sooner. The only reason I didn’t come straight from the dance is because I thought it would be weird if I rushed over when I have no good reason to be here other than I want to spend time with you.”
“You don’t have to explain your actions.”
“I do. As soon as I saw him at the diner, I wrapped things up with Christina. And I know how I’d feel if I saw a picture of you and another man like that. I’d have to go find you and kick his ass.”
“It’s fine, Chance.” I lie.
“It’s not fine. You’re upset, and you have every right to be.” He lets out a long breath. “I think we should come clean with Tim.”
“No.” I don’t take a second to think about it.
“If we tell him, then I have every reason to come over and spend time with you, any time I want. We won’t have to look for excuses and sneak around. And it will avoid misunderstandings like tonight.”
“I said no!” I want him to drop the subject.
“Why the hell not?”
“Because he was close to his father. He idolized him.”
“I understand, but Mike’s not coming back.”
“I know that!” My eyes sting and my voice betrays my weakness as I fight to hold the tears back.
“Maybe it’s time Timmy realizes it too.”
“It’s just not a good time. Bedsides, how do you think he’ll feel about his mother messing around with his coach?”
“Messing around?” There’s a harshness to his voice I’m not used to. His eyes are narrow. Angry. He’s almost yelling at me. “Is that what we’re doing?”
“Isn’t it?” I snap. “It’s not like there can be anything serious between us.”
“Does this feel like we’re just messing around? Because it doesn’t to me. Not once since we started spending time together did I think we were just messing around.” He reaches a hand behind my head and grasps a handful of hair, so that I look at him. “Why can’t there be anything serious between us?”
“You just said yourself you’re not looking for long term.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“Yes it is. Besides, look at you!” I try to pull away, break free from his touch, but he won’t let me. “What are you twenty-three?”
“I’m twenty-seven. And I don’t understand why you always go back to my age. What the hell does it have to do with anything?”
I close my eyes and take a breath. I need to slow down my racing heart and stop my hands, my entire body, from shaking.
“What kind of real relationship could we have?” I ask, deflated. “I’m forty-three. That’s sixteen years older than you. Hell, I could be your mother!”
Chance’s strong, solid hands cup my face as he inches closer. “Kim, the only one that gives a fuck about the age difference is you.”
I shake my head. “I’m not the only one. I won’t be if people find out. And you should give a fuck.”
“Why?”
“Because I have nothing to offer you. I’m at a different place in my life. I’m a widow with a teenage son. I’m done having kids.”
“So?”
“Chance, you should be with someone that has more in common with you. Someone closer to your age.”
His thumbs brush across my cheeks. “Just because a woman might be younger, it doesn’t mean we have more in common. I understand you. I relate to you in a way I don’t with twenty something year old women. Women,” he scoffs. “They’re just girls. Insecure head cases that are full of drama and concerned with what I can do for them. The somewhat mature ones either want to have kids like yesterday, or they’re super-focused on their career.”
“There’s nothing wrong with working on your career.” Does he realize I’m focused on getting mine off the ground?
“No. There isn’t, but I want more. I want someone who has time for me too. Someone I can talk to, that I share my day with, who wants to share their day with me, not just yes me through dinner while she reads email off her phone. Younger women, they don’t get how fleeting life can be. They don’t understand what’s really important, or how to make the most of each and every day. You do.”
“Maybe you just haven’t found the right girl yet.”
“Maybe I have and she’s an older woman.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why not? It’s the truth. I feel more for you than I have for anyone in years. I wake up each day looking for an excuse to come over here so I can see you. Kim, I love you.”
Silence hangs heavy between us.
Did he just say he loves me?
I must not have heard right. My heart pounds so fast and hard, you’d think I snorted a pound of coke. He messes with my head in that way too. Makes me dizzy and out of control.
Maybe I imagined those words. Or hallucinated. Drugs make you do that, don’t they?
He’s quiet. Worry shines through his eyes. He actually looks nervous. Scared even. He’s silent, and I haven’t said anything. Oh shit. He did say it. His words sink in.
I love you.
I thought it was a one way road. I thought maybe I was part of an older woman fantasy he wanted to tick off his bucket list. Maybe I’d go so far as to say we are friends with benefits. I had no idea as I fought to stop myself from tumbling, he was falling along with me. Side by side we journeyed together until we landed somewhere both safe and scary.
In each other’s heart.
I don’t know who moves first; but I’m in Chance’s arms, I hold on tight to his shoulders, digging my fingertips into the muscles beneath them. He crushes me against his chest. His mouth crashes down on mine, teeth graze over my bottom lip. His tongue works its way into my mouth.
I pull Chance closer. It’s not close enough. I won’t be satisfied until I feel him inside me. As if he knows what’s on my mind, knows what I’m looking for, Chance presses his hips into mine.
“I love you,” he whispers, in between the flurry of kisses he peppers down my neck. “I love you and I don’t want to hear anymore age bullshit. Understand?”
“Yes,” I answer, breathless. “Oh, God, Chance,” I moan. “I love you too!”
I didn’t think it was possible. I thought my days of love and passion were behind me, but somehow he pushed and forced his way into my heart. I love him, and that’s why thinking of him with another woman hurts so much because I found something I never expected. Love.
He reaches under my shirt and splays his hand flat on my stomach. His warm skin scorches as he slides his hand up to just beneath the band of my bra. I arch my back, wanting to feel his touch against my bare breast, instead, he changes direction and inches his hand downward.
Without hesitation, his fingers slip under the elastic waistband of my sweatpants. I pull his shirt out of his pants, reach under it and run my hands along the solid muscles of his stomach and chest. I close my eyes and moan as his hand slips
between my thighs and cups my mound. He rubs his hand back and forth over my panties.
“Hot and wet. Just the way I like you.” He uses his tongue to caress the spot between my neck and my shoulder.
I fumble with his belt buckle and the button of his pants. I need to get my hands under control.
“I’m always hot and wet for you,” I say, letting his pants fall and reach for his rock hard cock.
I take my time, pulling Chance’s boxers down his legs as slow as I can. Once they’re around his ankles, along with his pants, the Adonis in front of me kicks them off to the side.
I stand back up to my full height and wrap my hand around his manhood. I stroke up and down while using my free hand to unbutton his shirt.
“Tease,” Chance says grabbing a hand full of hair and tugging gently. “It’s been too long since I’ve been inside you. I don’t know how much longer I can wait.”
I take his hand, and lead Chance to the couch. When I have him where I want him, I push his chest, push him down to a sitting position. Chance looks up at me, his eyes filled with lust, and something else. Something I can’t put my finger on.
He pulls me close, and kisses my lower abdomen while getting rid of my pants and underwear. His lips and tongue caress my hip, and move across to the top of my thigh. His mouth is warm and sends shivers up my spine. I want to feel his mouth, his tongue between my legs, but right now, I need more.
I push him back again and straddle his lap. I reach down with one hand and guide his cock inside my pussy. I keep my eyes locked on his as I slide down on his length. I reposition my legs so that my feet are flat on either side of him. Holding on to the back of the couch, I pull myself up and squat down on him again so that he’s deep inside me. This is the deepest he’s been.
Chance lifts my shirt up and pulls down each bra cup so that my breasts bounce on full display as I ride him. After taking his time to fondle and stuck on each breast, his hands move to my hips. Faster and faster he guides me up and down.
His heavy lidded eyes make him look as if he’s in a trance. Whatever spell he’s under is effecting me as well. His breathing changes, and I know he’s close. I am too. Chance grunts as he lifts me to the point where he’s almost out of me and slams me back down while thrusting his hips upward.
I feel my pussy pulse and clench around him. I whimper his name through labored breath, with no control of my body, or the quakes running through it.
“You better hurry and finish, babe. Because I’m so fucking close!” He says, through gritted teeth.
“Good. I want to feel you cum. I want you to fill my pussy up with cum.”
With a loud cry, his body tenses up; his muscles are taut. Loud grunts leave his mouth and swim into my ears. I feel his hot seed dripping out of me. I lean forward and gently bite his bottom lip.
I’m hot. Sweaty. I rest my forehead against his. Our eyes are locked on one another. Even though we’re not speaking, so much is communicated in these moments. He smooths my hair. We stay like this, staring at each other, breathing each other in, until my phone chimes.
“Fuck. That’s Timmy. We need to get dressed.” I jump off Chance and start fixing my clothes.
I’m stopped by his hand on my elbow. “I love you, Kim, and nothing is going to change that. But I still think we should Tell Timmy. I don’t like lying to him.”
“Okay, I’ll think about it, but now’s not the time. You need to get out of here.” I hand him his pants and boxers.
“I’m not leaving.”
I look into his eyes, hoping it’s a joke, hoping he’s just looking for a reaction from me. He’s not.
“This isn’t the time for games.”
“I’m not playing games. I want to hear how things went with Arianna.”
“Chance!” I plead exacerbated.
“Kim, we got this. I promise.” Chance kisses me one last time before disappearing into the bathroom.
God. I hope so, I whisper to myself as I watch him walk away.
Chapter 16
Love changes everything.
The blue of the sky is deep, vibrant. New leaves poke out of the tree branches. The bitter cold has eased into more comfortable temperatures. The air even smells different.
We’re all in a good place. Timmy’s been spending time with Arianna, both in and out of school. He has his band in place. He’s happy. Productive. This allows me to be a little selfish and carve out some time for me.
Time for me really means time spent with Chance.
Chance eats dinner with us Saturday nights. We “invite” him to join us when he comes to work with Timmy earlier in the afternoon. We’ve taken to having longer meals. To help my cause, I serve more courses than usual when he dines with us, including soup, salad and dessert. Dinner takes so long, Timmy gets bored half way through and leaves us alone.
I make all sorts of excuses to get out of the house on weeknights. Getting coffee while I work, going to the grocery store. Meeting up with a friend. Timmy never questions me. He takes me at my word, and it makes the situation a lot easier for me to deal with.
Sometimes I tell my son that I “ran into” Mr. Carter at the coffee shop, or the grocery store to explain why I was gone so long. Of course Timmy isn’t with me and doesn’t realize I went shopping earlier in the day and hid a few bags in the trunk of my car. He has no idea these are excuses I make for my excursions when I sneak over to Chance’s place.
But the emergence of spring has brought with it the Easter holiday and spring break.
“Hey, Mom. Do you think Aunt Maggie will be upset if I want to come home early?” Timmy asks shoving a sweatshirt into his duffle bag.
“No. But I know she misses you. And so do your cousins. Even though Dad isn’t with us anymore, they are still family.”
“I know.” Timmy looks down at the floor, and I wonder what’s really going on. “But being with them makes me miss Dad.”
“I know you miss him,” I wrap my arm around my son’s shoulder. And pull him close. I know he must be hurting bad because he isn’t trying to shrug me off of him. “I miss him too. Like crazy.”
“Does it get easier?”
I nod, and for once, I’m not lying. “It does. In the moments when you can laugh, or get lost in something you’re passionate about, like when you’re with Arianna, or playing guitar. In those moments, you sort of forget the pain. And it’s okay to let it go.”
“But then,” his eyes fill with tears. “But then won’t I forget him?” his voice cracks. “I don’t want to forget Dad. Ever”
I understand Timmy’s fear. Now that Chance is in my life, I wonder the same thing. The deeper Chance invades my heart, the more I worry that I might forget the sound of Mike’s voice, or the shine of his eyes when he spoke about Timmy’s latest accomplishment. But as of right now, they’re still there.
“No sweetheart.” I pull him into my arms. “You’ll never forget Dad. He’s a part of you. If you listen carefully enough, when you’re quiet and alone, you’ll hear him whisper straight into your heart.”
Timmy shakes his head.
“If you want to come home early, if it’s too much for you, all you ever have to do is call me. No matter how old you get or how far from home you are, I’ll come for you.”
Timmy sniffs, and to my surprise, throws his arms around me and leans in for a hug, I kiss the side of his head, content with where we are right now.
“And if you ask, I bet aunt Maggie will be happy to show you some funny pics of dad the first time he came home drunk from a party. He was passed out and she put make-up on him and took pictures. Then she had some blown up and replaced the family photos in the frames around the house with them.”
“Really?”
“Uh huh. He never went home drunk again.”
Timmy laughs. I think spending this week with Mike’s sister will be good for him.
“She has a lot of funny stories about your father growing up. Ask her about them, I’m sure it will feel good
for her to tell them.”
“Okay, Mom.” Sadness fills my son’s eyes again.
“You were happy like five seconds ago. Honey, what’s wrong?”
“Will you be okay with me gone? I mean, won’t you be lonely?”
I give him a reassuring smile. “I’ll be just fine. And I promise, I won’t be sitting at home miserable. I think it’s time to go out a little. What do you think about that?”
Timmy nods. “I think it’s a great idea.”
*
“Morning sexy.”
Fresh from the shower, Chance comes up behind me and slips his arms around my waist. I close my eyes and lean back into his bare chest. It feels so good to be in his strong arms.
“Mmm. You smell good.”
“So do you,” he whispers kissing just below my ear.
“I smell like sex,” I say, taking a sip of my coffee.
“Not quite like sex. Like sex mixed with a dash of me.”
I turn in his arms so that I’m facing him.
“Why do you look so sad?” Chance asks holding my face and cradling it in his hands.
“I’m not sad,” I lie. “I’m just not a morning person.
“That’s because you don’t wake up with me. You’ve seemed to like the mornings just fine while you’ve been here.”
I’ve spent the last four nights at Chance’s place. Four incredible nights of long baths with candles and sensual massages. He even hired friends of his to come give us a professional massage.
Jorge and Gina are trying to get their business off the ground. They both work full time jobs and do this at night and on weekends.
Side by side, the tables are set up in Chance’s living room. We lie naked, each on our own table, under a blanket. Jorge’s hands are magic. Not as amazing as Chance’s hands, but then again he isn’t touching me in the same places his friend touches me.
I can tell Chance enjoys the way Gina’s working his muscles by the look on his face and the soft moans on his lips every now and then. It’s a fun and relaxing evening. I couldn’t have scripted it better, until I catch the horrified look on Gina’s face when I catch her looking over at me.