by Gay, Gloria
CHAPTER 13
"Miss Durbin, our dance is at hand, if you please."
Almost the same words as the duke had uttered, thought Violet as she turned and saw Souten eagerly tender his hand toward her, and yet what opposite feelings they produced in her.
While the duke's words had filled her with a rush of wellbeing and anticipation of pleasure, Souten's eyes glancing on her were like windows that reflect a pale sky and yet manage to seem menacing.
"I have been observing you, Miss Durbin, and find that you do not seem to be enjoying this ball at all." Souten led her to the dance floor and Violet recoiled from his touch as his hand pressed hers unduly.
"I do not believe you are accurate in your conclusion, Lord Souten," said Violet quickly, motioning that he was pressing her hand too much. "I have been enjoying the ball. What has led you to such conclusion?"
Even as she said the words, Violet realized that he had trapped her into a conversation she really did not want to engage in, by expressing the exact opposite of what she was feeling. Souten must have observed her as she danced with the duke. Although she often tried to mask her feelings when she was with the duke, it would never have been interpreted as dislike of dancing with him.
She had perfected a shield that protected her from society men's constant insinuations. She resolved she would ignore Souten's baiting, even though he had initially managed to throw her off balance.
"I believe I have annoyed you with my remark, Miss Durbin and for that I apologize. I can’t bear to have you disapprove of me."
He looked intently at Violet. So piercing was his glance that Violet felt uncomfortable and for the first time, afraid. She felt Souten's obsession coiling toward her like a snake and a tremor of fear coursed through her. She could not allow him to see her fear of him for it would embolden him even more.
"There is nothing to apologize for," she said without looking at him, "Your observation on my response was inaccurate, that’s all. Let’s not make more of it than it was."
"I’m at a disadvantage when in your company, Miss Durbin, and it makes me say things I don’t mean. I would like to express to you my deep admiration. I don’t believe I have ever met anyone who attracts me as you do."
Violet said nothing, hoping her silence would discourage him from continuing in that vein. Instead, he seemed emboldened by it.
"I hope you would consider me a friend, Miss Durbin. I recall you saying that you do not make friends easily. I admire you for your candor, yet the road to friendship must start somewhere and I assure you, I have never seen anyone that I desire more to become my wife than you."
"Lord Souten!” Violet was so surprised she let go of his hand. Please turn to a different subject or I shall have to leave you."
"As you wish, Miss Durbin, but remember this. Other men have made offers to you but none have offered to take you to the altar. Do you believe the Duke of Hawkinston would consider matrimony with you? Please answer that for me if you will."
"If you continue this conversation, I shall be forced to leave you before the waltz is over." Violet felt her face hot with embarrassment at the mention of the duke.
"I shall do as you wish, Miss Durbin, but allow me to say something of great import before we stop this conversation."
"What is of great import?" asked Violet, for she noticed that Souten had glanced at the Duke of Hawkinston as he spoke these words. Curiosity made her hesitate.
"Do you know that there are several wagers at White's made about you and the Duke of Hawkinston?"
"Wagers?" Violet asked with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.
"Wagers as to when Hawkinston will succeed with you. And those wagers, Miss Durbin, have never mentioned matrimony."
"I can’t believe this to be true. I am not of such importance that wagers are made about me at White's."
"Really? Well let me remind you, Miss Durbin, that although the daughter of Viscount Kelly might not be of importance at White's, society follows closely the affairs of the Duke of Hawkinston."
Violet realized that this was probably true, yet she would not admit to it. She was extremely uncomfortable discussing the duke with Souten yet was curious as to these wagers that were being made that concerned her and the duke.
"Is the Duke of Hawkinston aware of these wagers?" As soon as her question left her lips she was sorry she had made it. She should not allow Souten to discuss the duke with her.
"Certainly he is aware of them, for he has made some of them himself," Souten replied triumphantly.
"I don’t believe that!" Violet felt pressure at her temples and the beginning of a headache, caused by these disclosures.
"You don’t, Miss Durbin? Then I suggest you ask him about them, since that is the only way you will be convinced."
* * *
Souten returned Violet to her mother and Jessica, smugly certain that Violet would never ask the duke about the wagers and this poison he had injected in her mind, he thought with satisfaction, would work at night, as she slept.
He felt extremely satisfied with the night's work. This disclosure to Violet about the wagers at White’s, an invention that had occurred to him as she danced with her, had been a brilliant idea. He well knew how thoughts could gnaw at a person's mind to the point of desperation. Didn't the thought that Violet might not ever be his gnaw constantly at his own mind, to the point that sometimes he had to drink himself to unconsciousness in order to muffle those thoughts? This would no doubt eat at Violet and distance her from the duke, and, Souten hoped, closer instead to himself.
Greatly relieved that her dance with Souten had finally ended, Violet was glad when she was returned to her mother and Jessica. she hugged Jessica and asked her how her evening was going, for she had seen her from a distance and Jessie appeared happy as she danced. Jessica disclosed her admiration for a certain young man who had caught her attention early in the evening. Apparently the attraction had been mutual and the two were well on their road to making the season an enjoyable and exciting event for both of them.
How uncomplicated Jessie's life was, thought Violet. Such a simple life was what seemed beyond her. But she was happy for Jessica and told her so.
Yet there was a tinge of sadness in her voice that her mother noticed.
"What is troubling you, Vi?" asked Sadie, concerned. "That awful man upsets you, doesn’t he? You should decline the next time he asks you for a dance."
"Don’t think about him, Mama," said Violet, for she did not want to upset her. Her mother had not been feeling well to begin with and if she told her what Souten had disclosed to her about the wagers it would only upset her.
In everything she did or said Violet had to weigh and consider the effect of her actions on her mother and father.The duke had no intentions toward her other than the offer of a kept woman. Her father was right in believing Jared to be the best choice, for Jared offered an escape from the duke’s oppressive offer and Souten’s sinister aims.
There was just one thing wrong with this happy and uncomplicated prospect: the fact that without realizing it, her heart had become entangled with the duke's heart. No matter that the duke considered her a strumpet deserving of lavish apartments and jewels but not of a marriage proposal.
It was not hard to believe that a wager such as the one Souten had described had been entered in the books, for that was a common practice, but that the duke had made some himself? That surely went beyond the pale. But could she believe a man such as Souten who lusted after her himself?
She hung on to this hesitation as the only thing that still kept Hawkinston free of such a vile assumption. She would not admit to it until she was given absolute proof of it.
Perhaps it was time to stop her heart from becoming so involved. She had allowed herself to become attracted to a man who had not hidden his intention to offer her carte blanche and only carte blanche. Perhaps by allowing so much of her time and thoughts to be taken up by the duke she had given him the idea that it was
just a matter of time…
Violet's mind was reeling as she stared before her, unseeing. There was one more dance with the duke and one more with Souten. She must force herself not to glance toward other areas in the dance floor, seeking to pinpoint where the duke was at all times.
* * *
"I was observing you with Miss Durbin, Cade," said Lady de Compte when Souten rejoined her by the wall of the ballroom. "I was glad to see that your conversation with her was so animated. You appear to have advanced your suit. From a distance I observed lively response from Miss Durbin, as you spoke to her, or am I mistaken in this belief?"
Souten motioned Lady de Compte to accompany him to the terrace where they found a quiet spot.
"There seems to be something of great import you wish to disclose to me, my lord. Tell me quick for I am all ears!"
"I told Violet that there are wagers at White's as to when Hawkinston will succeed with her," whispered Souten.
"There are such wagers?" asked Lady de Compte.
"Not that I know of, but how is she to find out the truth? I also mentioned that Hawkinston had made some himself."
"Why, that's rich, Cade," said the lady with a gleeful little laugh. "How did you think of such a clever idea? This will surely give her a dislike of Hawkinston, if she believes it. And did she?"
"Not entirely, she still hesitates. That's where you come in, Vera. Later on, I want you to mention these wagers at White's as something you heard from one of your friends. That way it will start gnawing at her. Do you think you could do it in a way that she won't suspect we have discussed it?"
"I'll find a way to say it naturally, never fear, Cade." Lady de Compte assured him, "I have come to know her character a little better and will know when to interject that a little worm in her head."
"Good, then I rely on you to do just that, Vera. And the other thing you were to do," he continued, "About that doddering old woman?"
"Lady Bea."
"Yes, that old aunt who lives with them. Have you spoken to her as you said you would?"
"Several times now."
"And? What became of it? Have you prodded her so that we may know more about Violet's habits and fears?"
"The one thing Violet feels above all else—apart from the love she has for her mother and father and brother is—"
"Yes? What is it?" asked Souten, impatiently.
"Great gratitude to Lord Kelly for acknowledging her. Lady Bea assured me of this.
"Listen Cade, Lady Bea also told me, quite emphatically, that Violet would rather die than do anything that would stain Kelly's name."
"That falls neatly into my plans, then," said Souten, "Because if the situation presents itself of a choice between discrediting Lord Kelly's name or becoming my wife, she will not hesitate to choose the latter, no matter how much against it she may be."
"Well, yes, in such a situation, I believe she would choose to become your wife, Cade, but why would she be in a situation like that?"
"Never mind," said Souten, dismissing the subject and turning away from Vera.
CHAPTER 14
Next day, after a stroll in the garden with Sadie, Violet accompanied her mother back to her room. And after she had settled Sadie by the warm fire and assured her that she would only be gone for an hour, Violet left the house through a back stair so that her walk to the little jewel of a wood would go undetected.
As she entered the wood she breathed deeply of sorrel and laurel, pine cones and fir. She sighed deeply as she realized how much she enjoyed nature. Nature never let her down. Trees were there to fill her senses with a feeling of wellbeing and the earthy soil was pungent with life when wet, dry or hot from the sun. She was filled with joy at the antics of birds, rabbits or squirrels or the scent of a flower. The crunch of nettles and dried leaves under her feet made her feel part of the wood, as though they had waited for her patiently and now she was here and they were happy to have her be part of them.
"You make me very jealous, Miss Durbin."
Violet jumped at the sound of the duke’s voice behind her.
"You startled me, your grace."
"You seemed so at one with the nature of this place as to make me quite envious. You were positively enraptured. Were you to glance with such a look in your eyes at me some day, I would consider myself the luckiest of men."
"Were you on your way somewhere, your grace?" asked Violet. Solitude, apparently, was unattainable here or in London. And to be truthful, a solitude that would be a shield that would protect her treacherous heart that was beating wildly at the sound of Hawk's voice. She resolved not to look directly into his eyes, for they were in a completely isolated place and such a setting was very dangerous.
"I can guess at your thoughts, Miss Durbin. You are wondering if there can possibly be a place where you can escape my presence. Were you not?"
Violet did not answer, for she was intent on controlling her legs which felt heavy and unable to hold her. She reached for the trunk of a tree, to steady herself.
He came closer to her and looked into her eyes. Was she the only one who saw beyond his title and wealth and was so affected by his intense moss-gray eyes and disturbing nearness?
Remember, he made wagers at White's as to when he would succeed with you.
These words rang discordant in her mind. The duke did not appear to be the type of man who would stoop to such pettiness. Yet Souten had challenged her to ask him about it. Surely if it were not true he would not have dared risk Hawkinston denying it.
She glanced at his hands, for he held a walking-stick before him and rested his hands one on top of the other on it.
Why was it that the more she looked at the duke the more attractive he became? She realized it was dangerous that she saw no flaws in him.
She was extremely conscious of the muscles of his legs that were clearly outlined under his narrow tan trousers.
As he got nearer to her, she looked into his face, startled that his legs were suddenly pressed against her, shooting showers of tingles down to her legs. She was fascinated by his nearness and maleness and the scent of him that enveloped her in a sexual immediacy, as if her body must respond—now. And like a moth stuck in the aura of a flame, she was unable to move away from him as swirls of feeling coursed through her, making her weak with longing.
He took her chin in his right hand and dropped the cane to the side. He then put his left arm on her back and pulled her closer to him. The tips of her breasts hardened and a whorl of pleasure coursed from them to the center of her being as a shudder shook her body.
As his lips hungrily claimed hers a shower of tingles streamed down to her core and his hand on her back pressed her closer so that their bodies meshed.
This was what heaven was made of.
Hawkinston's arms about her and his lips on hers were love and warmth, and again his hand went to her bosom and he cupped her left breast, as he had done before. Yet now, having lived and re-lived that instance in her mind so many times, the exquisite pleasure was now a hundred-fold. He eased her body onto the bracken and dead leaves while the smell of new grass and the chirping of birds tangled in and around her aroused passion.
She felt her under garments being eased down from her waist and his hands slid between her legs as a fluid weakness invaded her body. He ran his hands along the bare sides of her body, down her hips and legs. She felt the incendiary response of her skin to his touch as she saw him lower her head toward her as if in a mist. His hands were now hard on her hips and they slid behind her, raising her buttocks so that her exposed belly was now inches from his face. His hands slid down from her stomach, lower, lower, in a mesmerizing eddy of pleasure.
For a while Violet gave in to the sheer ecstasy she was engulfed in. There was nothing that had ever happened to her that could compare to this.
She loved him—that was the difference.
Love? The thought suddenly jolted her. Was she in love with Hawk?
She realized she was and
that was why she was being led down a road she should not have entered.
Suddenly there was a sharp jagged cliff before her and she saw herself on the edge, teetering dangerously.
It was not a precipice to him, for he had nothing to lose.
She had everything to lose.
She sat up and pushed him away, and as her body separated from his a cold wave shot throughout her hot body. She then stood up so suddenly and with such strength that he almost fell sideways.
And she had thought that maybe, just maybe, Hawk loved her. That was surely the essence of insanity. The duke might love her, but not in the same way he would love a girl he considered respectable. He would never marry a strumpet. That was what he considered her and that was why each time he was alone with her he didn't feel afraid he would compromise her, for who could compromise a strumpet?
But it wasn't love and she mustn't make herself believe that. And even if it were love, it was not the right kind of love.
Hawkinston's arms about her did not mean love, fidelity and safety. She felt a sting in her throat and in her eyes.
His arms about her did not mean sincerity and trust.
None of these were present in this kiss and embrace and in his insanely pleasurable love-making. What his kisses and caresses were made of were passion, lust, pride and vanity and she would not be lured into a trap, however hard it was to pull away from him.
She had mustered all the willpower she possessed and she still reeled from the blast she felt within her as she pushed him away.
Tears slid down her cheeks as she gathered her under garments and walked quickly away from him.
She had pushed heaven back and there was no joy in it.
But he would not win his wagers at White's!
"Your grace, please allow me to continue on my walk by myself," she said as she slid into her chemisette and pantalets, feeling a blush steel up her neck. It would haunt her for a long time. She would re-live it in her mind thousands of times and wonder if he were right in thinking her to be whore. She had allowed him plenty, hadn't she? No use trying to excuse her actions.