Seeing Your Face Again

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Even if he were drawn to her, she was still an Englisha girl and forbidden to him. He had seen her a few times when she walked in and out of the building with her dog. The beast was a special breed. Large. A Saint Bernard? Maybe. He didn’t know much about dog breeds, and his attention had been taken up with the girl, not her dog. She’d hardly given him a sideways glance—and that was gut. That way temptation wouldn’t go beyond comparisons to Debbie at home.

  No doubt Paul was already taking Debbie home from the hymn singings. Why was he still thinking about Debbie anyway? She was surely gone from his life by now. Was that girl like Debbie? Sweet and charming and wholesome? Her name was Crystal—if he trusted the name stenciled on her purse she always carried over her shoulder. She’d gotten off on the fourth level the one time they’d been in the elevator together. He’d never seen her with friends, but he could have missed them.

  Having these thoughts wasn’t right. He would have banished thoughts of her from his mind the first time they came if Crystal hadn’t looked so like Debbie. Somehow that justified thinking of her. What were the chances that he would run into a girl in this huge city who lived in the same building and resembled the girl he was in love with? Not very high. Maybe that meant Da Hah had a hand in the matter.

  Alvin pushed away his thoughts as the couple again appeared on the path. They were chatting away and passed him without notice. Alvin figured he’d blended into the stone bench by this time. He was half frozen to its surface in the falling dusk. It was high time he got back inside the apartment and warmed up before he took sick with a cold or worse.

  He rose and put his hands in his pockets. He followed the couple out of the park. When they turned left after the stone pillars, he headed right. Bold thoughts raced through his mind. Things he’d never dreamed of before. He would speak with that girl—Crystal! He would knock on her apartment door and introduce himself. Or maybe he would just smile and say hi the next time they rode together in the elevator.

  His determination sent shivers of anticipation through him. Alvin quickened his walk. Was there something wrong with him? He’d rarely spoken with Debbie at home. He always left the moves up to her—even after Debbie had spoken of her feelings for him at Verna’s wedding. He hadn’t dared take the relationship onward. Paul Wagler was to blame for that, but Alvin’s own fears were at the root of his hesitation. Perhaps this choice to enter the Englisha world and do something on his own for the first time was the right one. He needed courage, and here of all places he’d found it.

  Alvin squared his shoulders. He would find which apartment the girl lived in, and he would call on her. Wasn’t that what Englisha people did? Well, they might call on the telephone first, but he didn’t have a phone and he didn’t know where to find her phone number. He could find her apartment number much easier. Tenant names were listed in the front register on the wall in the lobby. He hurried his steps. If he waited too long he might lose his nerve. What if he passed out when she answered the apartment door? Alvin gave a nervous laugh at the thought. He glanced around, but the few people out tonight were busy with their own worlds. The man ahead of him walked even faster. If the fellow had heard him, he might figure a crazy man was loose on the street.

  Alvin suppressed a smile as he entered the apartment complex and stopped in front of the list of names. “Crystal Meyers” was among them, with a fourth-floor number. Alvin’s hands shook as he stepped into the elevator. This was right, Alvin told himself. He must move on just like he’d done with the letter to Deacon Mast that had to be written. The elevator door opened and Alvin stepped into the fourth-floor hallway. Crystal’s number was just around the corner. He approached and knocked.

  Moments later the door opened with a chain latch still attached. Crystal stared at him. “Yes?”

  “I’m Alvin Knepp from the fifth floor.” Alvin pasted on a nervous smile. “I’ve seen you a few times…in the hall…and thought I’d stop by to say hi.”

  “Oh…” The door closed and opened without the chain. “Alvin, is it?” She returned his smile. “Do you want to come in?”

  “Sure.” Alvin stepped inside.

  Crystal wore a comfortable-looking gray dress spotted with pale-red flowers. She didn’t look much like Debbie up close, so maybe he’d imagined that. But she was still beautiful. She must have recognized him from earlier to give him such a nice welcome. Maybe Englisha girls were all like this. He hadn’t known very many of them. He clasped his hands in front of him like Bishop Beiler did when he was preparing to preach a Sunday-morning sermon. He pushed thoughts of Bishop Beiler and his Amish life away when Crystal’s dog came up and sniffed his hands.

  “Saint Bernard?” he asked, taking a guess.

  She laughed. “No. He’s a Labrador retriever.”

  Alvin rubbed the dog’s head. “Maybe we could all go for a walk in the little park I found tonight. Sometime, that is.”

  “Clovery Park?” She raised her eyebrows. “You know of the place?”

  “I guess that’s what it’s called. I found it tonight when I was out on a stroll to clear my mind.” The words came out easily enough.

  “I walk Brutus there often. He likes it.”

  Alvin didn’t know what to say.

  “You work in the area?” she asked, studying him.

  “I work for Mr. Rusty. Downtown…at the Hyatt.” Alvin met her gaze. “He’s a nice man to work for.”

  She shrugged. “How about we take that walk tomorrow afternoon then, around two? It’s a Sunday.”

  Alvin nodded. “That sounds fine.” He backed toward the door. “I suppose I’d better go now.” He was suddenly nervous at how easy it had been to meet this Englisha girl.

  “Well, okay,” she said. “It was a very short visit, but I’m glad you stopped by. Come again tomorrow at two for that walk.”

  “I will,” Alvin said as he twisted slightly to open the door and then backed out into the hallway.

  When Crystal closed the door behind him, Alvin wiped his brow with the back of his hand. He’d spoken with an Englisha girl! He’d handled himself well. And she had agreed to go out with him! His heart now pounded like crazy, but how bad was that? It felt gut, in fact.

  Seventeen

  The following day, soon after lunch, Alvin tried on his best Sunday suit—the same one he wore to church services. He clipped in the hooks and eyes while standing in front of the bathroom mirror. As he looked at his reflection, he thought, Nee, this simply wouldn’t do. Way too Plain. He didn’t plan to hide his past from Crystal, but if he showed up like this he would scare her for sure. He undressed and pulled on his work jeans and a shirt. Over that he put on his heavy work coat. Crystal would have to see him like he usually was. If she didn’t like it, that might be for the best anyway. Last night and this morning he’d been racked with a horrible guilt. How could he go out with an Englisha girl? What if his mamm and daett found out…to say nothing of Debbie. Yet what did it matter? The worst would soon happen at home anyway—the bann. And his relationship with Debbie was finished now that he’d left the community. He told himself this over and over again. Debbie was surely dating Paul by now. No girl could turn down that kind of charm for long. Wasn’t that one of the reasons he’d doubted Debbie’s profession of interest at Verna’s wedding? There was simply no way someone of Debbie’s quality wouldn’t choose Paul over him. And what if she did choose to marry him for some reason? There would surely be regrets on her part later. And he simply couldn’t live with that.

  Why Crystal had agreed to go out with him begged an answer. But she must have done so because she thought nothing serious would develop from their time together. That’s how things were out here in the Englisha world, were they not? He didn’t know that much about Englisha dating, but it did seem so. Back in the community a man dated and planned to marry. Here in the world, everyone seemed more like friends without making deep commitments.

  Alvin paced in front of the mirror and peered at his drab clothing. He looked a sig
ht. It made his heart sink. Surely Crystal wouldn’t reject his company because of what he wore. Not like the community back home rejected him. Out here in the Englisha world people thought differently. Look at Mr. Rusty, for example. The man gave him respect Alvin had never felt from his daett. Already Alvin was head of maintenance. That wasn’t such a great accomplishment, but it was a start in the world. Carlos worked under him, along with some part-time help. It felt strange to have his suggestions followed. Alvin had never been the boss of anything. And his suggestions worked like they would have worked at home—if Daett had only accepted them. Alvin dismissed the bitter thought. Daett did the best he could and must not be blamed.

  Alvin glanced at the clock and rushed out the door. He took the stairs one floor down and approached Crystal’s door and knocked.

  “Come in!” she called out.

  He opened the door and stepped inside.

  Crystal appeared from the kitchen for a brief moment. “Have a seat. Smile at Brutus. He likes that.”

  “Hi!” Alvin said, but Crystal had disappeared already.

  Alvin sat on the couch and eyed the dog, who did the same back at him. Daett had kept a cur around the place since Alvin was a teenager. A smaller dog who kept the rats down in the barn. Brutus didn’t appear quite as friendly. Alvin leaned forward. “Hello. How are you, Brutus?”

  Brutus growled.

  “Not the friendly type, huh?”

  Brutus lay down and stared at him. At least the dog didn’t bark or lunge at him. So far so good.

  Crystal bustled through the kitchen doorway. “I packed a little something. I thought we might get hungry.”

  Alvin smiled. “Sounds good to me. How far are we going?”

  She eyed him for a moment. “I thought you said the park?”

  “Of course. I was just…”

  “Joking,” she finished for him. “Don’t mind me. I’m used to being alone and having only Brutus to boss around.”

  She handed Alvin a paper bag and snapped the leash on Brutus’s collar.

  “Are we ready?” she asked.

  “I’m ready.” Alvin jumped to his feet. He opened the door, and she marched through with Brutus in the lead. They took the elevator down in silence, much like they had the other time he’d ridden with her. Elevators didn’t lend themselves to conversation, Alvin decided. There was no reason he should be nervous.

  They got out in the first-floor courtyard. Alvin hurried ahead to open the door. Brutus strained on the leash, and Crystal almost had to run to keep up.

  “Want me to take the leash?” he offered.

  A grateful look crossed her face as she handed the leash over. “Thanks. He needs a strong hand on these walks, which is why it’s a struggle to take him out.”

  Alvin hung on. Brutus seemed to have forgotten his earlier hostility toward him. No wonder Crystal had accepted his offer of a walk so readily. She needed a strong dog walker more than anything else!

  “Weather’s turning nicer.” Crystal gave him a warm look. “I thought for a while there we’d be in drifts ten-feet deep with how it kept snowing every week.”

  “Yah, the farm back home was taking it hard too.” He gave her a quick glance. He hadn’t planned on giving out such personal information.

  She smiled. “I know you come from Amish country. Mr. Rusty told me when I asked.”

  He almost stopped. “Do you know Mr. Rusty?”

  She laughed. “Not well, but I made inquiries. I grew up around here. It’s not that hard to find things out about people…when you’re interested.”

  Warmth rushed through him. Did Crystal mean something special by that comment? She would have had to make inquiries after he’d talked with her last night. And Mr. Rusty was off on Sundays unless there was an emergency, so this took some effort on her part.

  “I like Amish country.” Crystal gave him a kind look as if that explained everything.

  And it might, Alvin thought. If she knew he used to be Amish, this might explain her easy acceptance of him. How many Englisha girls would go for long walks with men they barely knew…even if they lived in the same apartment building? Not many. But Crystal had accepted his offer before she’d spoken to Mr. Rusty.

  Alvin hung on to the leash until they reached the park pillars.

  “You can let him run,” Crystal told him. “He knows enough to stay within the park area. If not, I can call him.”

  Alvin unclipped the leash, and Brutus was off with great bounds.

  Crystal watched her dog run among the trees. “I can’t let him run that much during the summer. He bothers people—or rather people are bothered by him.”

  “It must be difficult keeping such a dog in an apartment,” Alvin said sympathetically.

  She laughed. “Better than the alternative—getting mugged or robbed. The city’s not the safest place for women, shall we say. And I don’t have a husband or boyfriend.”

  Alvin glanced away. He wasn’t about to comment on that subject.

  Crystal seemed to have no such compunction. “Do you have a girl back in Amish country? Or a wife, as far as that goes?”

  Alvin laughed. “A wife! I wouldn’t be here if I did.”

  Her gaze held great interest. “Loyal, huh? I heard you Amish were like that.”

  Alvin shrugged. “We try.”

  “I heard you don’t divorce. Is that true?”

  Alvin didn’t hesitate. “No one from my community has left his wife in my lifetime. Or from any of the other districts. I would have heard if they had.”

  “That’s quite a record. I’m impressed.”

  Alvin nodded. “It comes from our obedience to God’s Word and our love for each other, I suppose. We stick it out.”

  “So why are you here?” She regarded him with a skeptical look. “Seems kind of far from home.”

  “I have my reasons,” he said enigmatically.

  “Family stuff, huh?” She smiled. “But no girl anyway?”

  “Well…” Alvin ducked his head. He felt the heat burn on his neck. There was no way he would lie. But he wasn’t going to tell her about Debbie.

  Crystal chuckled. “Someone steal her from you?”

  That was close enough, Alvin figured. He glanced away and still didn’t say anything.

  Thankfully Brutus bounded in, and Crystal bent over to rub his head. She muttered sweet nothings to him. Moments later Brutus disappeared into the trees again.

  Alvin didn’t wait for more conversation as he stood and moved deeper into the park. Hopefully Crystal would forget her question. At least she hadn’t said anything by the time he found the bench he’d sat on last night. It was still clear of snow, and even the frost had melted off the stone from the morning sun’s rays. “Have a seat,” he offered. He waited while Crystal sat down before he did so himself.

  “So what do you plan to do with yourself?” she chirped. “Other than keep Mr. Rusty’s motel running.”

  “I haven’t thought that far.” He stole a glance at her.

  She leaned forward and looked intently at the snow in front of them.

  “Deer droppings.” Crystal pushed snow on top of the offending particles. “There seems to be more of them every year. I sure hope Brutus doesn’t run across one. He’ll chase deer, and I don’t have the energy today to track him down.” Crystal stood and whistled. Brutus appeared at once. “Stay around here,” she hollered at him.

  The dog seemed to understand. Brutus kept his next run to a broad circle within sight of the bench. “He’s an obedient dog,” Alvin commented.

  “Yep, you can train them.” Crystal’s voice was clipped, like she didn’t think some things in life could be trained.

  They sat mostly quietly with a few moments punctuated by small talk until Crystal said, “Well, I’d better get back. Mom and Dad have a get-together with some old friends tonight, and I’m supposed to be there.”

  “Why don’t you live at home?” Alvin winced as soon as the words came out of his mouth. How st
upid that question sounded! Things were different out here. Older, unmarried people didn’t live at home.

  Crystal didn’t seem to mind. “Little birdies are supposed to fly the nest at a young age. Don’t yours?”

  Alvin hesitated. “Well, we do. When we marry, that is. Except for the girls who never…” He let the sentence hang.

  She smiled. “I understand.”

  He went on. “Well, it’s just very different out here. Believe me, you don’t know how different.”

  Silence followed.

  Has Crystal ever been married? Alvin wondered. He didn’t ask though. How could she have been married? He couldn’t imagine that Crystal would leave a man who loved her, which any man would. He was certain of that. Alvin stole a quick glance at her face.

  As if she knew his question, she gave him a warm smile. “Don’t even ask,” she said.

  The words came out in a rush. “I didn’t mean to imply anything.”

  “It’s okay.” Her smile didn’t fade. She whistled for Brutus. When the dog trotted up, Alvin snapped on the leash. Brutus strained and pulled him along as they headed for home. Crystal walked beside them on the sidewalk.

  She broke the silence. “I work for the government, in the tourist department. We handle the downtown area, though we’re not busy this time of the year, of course.”

  He spoke before he thought. “What’s there to see downtown? Every day I see mostly ugly old buildings sitting around.”

  She regarded him for a moment. “You really don’t know?”

  He grew warm under his coat. What had he said now that was stupid? He muttered, “I’m sorry. What did I miss?”

  Slow comprehension dawned on her face. “I guess you do come from Amish country.”

  “Yes.” He pulled himself together. “You still haven’t told me what’s in downtown Philadelphia.”

  Her laugh was short. “Only a little thing like the original copy of the Declaration of Independence and the Liberty Bell, to name a couple.”

  Alvin swallowed hard as his mind rushed back to his eighth-grade social studies class. Of course! How could he have forgotten? The lessons hadn’t seemed real or important back then. That had all been in a book, and this was a big city. He managed a grin. “That’s ‘Amish farm boy’ stupid, I guess.”