Cabin Fever (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 6)

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Cabin Fever (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 6) Page 4

by Jeff Kinney


  sharp on his bumper.

  But Dad said he didn’t want to “junk up” his new

  car. At first I was disappointed, but I guess

  I could kind of understand where he was coming

  from. My family doesn’t have anything that’s really

  nice, and when Dad came home from the dealership

  with a sporty car, I was pretty surprised.

  heh,

  heh.

  Mom wasn’t happy that Dad picked out a car

  without talking it through with her, though.

  81

  She said the car looked “flashy” and that since

  it only had two doors, it wasn’t “practical” for

  a family of five. But Dad said it was the car he

  wanted, and he kept it.

  After I talked to Dad, I didn’t know what to

  do with my bumper sticker, so I just ended up

  giving it to Manny and telling him he could put it

  on his wagon or something.

  But Manny turned right around and put it smack

  in the middle of Dad’s driver’s-side door.

  82

  I freaked out because I knew Dad was gonna

  think I was the one who put it there. I tried

  to peel it off, but they must use superglue on the

  backs of those things. So I got some soap and

  water and tried to SCRUB it off.

  scrub

  scrub

  But after twenty minutes of scrubbing, I’d barely

  made a dent.

  My child is the

  STUDENT OF THE WEEK

  and I’m MIGHTY PROUD!

  I started looking for different cleaning supplies

  in the cabinet under the kitchen sink, and I

  found some steel wool pads that looked like they

  might do the trick.

  83

  Those things work pretty good on the pots and

  pans, so I figured they were worth a try on the

  car since it was metal, too.

  Sure enough, the steel wool made the bumper

  sticker come off the car as easy as pie.

  scrub

  scrub

  In fact, it was so easy that I kind of got

  carried away. I used the steel wool pads to scrape

  off the bugs and bird poop, too. I figured Dad

  would be pretty happy I was cleaning his car for

  free. But when I rinsed the car off with the

  hose, I got a huge surprise.

  84

  The steel wool didn’t just scrape the bumper

  sticker and bugs off the car. It scraped the

  PAINT off, too.

  I panicked and started filling in the bare spots

  with a permanent marker. But the area where the

  bumper sticker had been was too big, so I wrote

  a note in Mom’s handwriting and taped it over

  that spot.

  Hi, honey!

  Hope you have a great day!

  P.S. Why not leave this note

  on your car so you can read

  it again tomorrow?

  85

  I thought the note might buy me a few days,

  but Dad uncovered the big area in no time flat.

  Dad was really mad at me, but Mom came to my

  defense. She said everyone makes mistakes and

  that the important thing is that I learn my

  lesson and move on.

  I owe Mom for that one. She calmed Dad down

  and I didn’t even get grounded.

  Dad took the car to the dealer to see how much

  it would be to get the paint touched up.

  86

  The dealer told him it was gonna cost a lot of

  money because it was a custom paint job.

  Mom told Dad this was a “sign” that it was a

  mistake to get a fancy car in the first place and

  that he should just trade it in for a used minivan

  instead. So that’s what he did.

  The funny thing is that the minivan already had

  a Student of the Week sticker on the bumper

  from the previous owners. But Dad didn’t seem to

  appreciate the humor in that.

  Sunday

  Our family usually goes to church at 9:00 a.m.,

  but today we went to the folk service at 11:00.

  87

  The folk service has a different kind of music

  than the regular one, and there’s a band that

  plays guitars and stuff like that. Last week

  Mom convinced Rodrick to join the folk group

  because she got a flyer saying they were looking

  for a “percussionist.”

  I think Rodrick imagined he was gonna get to

  play his drums in church, so he signed up.

  But it turns out the folk group was looking for

  someone to play HAND percussion instruments, like

  the tambourine and castanets.

  88

  Rodrick tried his best to look cool up there in the

  front of the church today, but it’s really hard to

  pull that off when you’ve got a pair of maracas in

  your hands.

  I can totally relate to getting duped into joining

  something without knowing all the details. Last year

  Mom told me I should join the church’s Pre-Teen

  Club, but then I found out they were really lax

  about who qualified as a “pre-teen.”

  pre-teen club

  No

  Grown-ups

  Allowed

  Pre-Teens

  rule

  89

  Every year our church does this thing called the

  “Giving Tree,” where people in need put their

  requests in envelopes and hang them on the

  tree. Then a family picks a random envelope, and

  whatever it says inside is what they’re supposed

  to buy.

  adult male requests

  a scarf and a pair

  of gloves.

  As far as I know, there aren’t any rules about

  who’s allowed to put a request on the Giving Tree,

  so I decided to try my luck and fill out a form of

  my own.

  But something told me Mom and Dad wouldn’t

  approve, so I made sure it couldn’t be traced

  back to me.

  90

  Juvenile male requests cash, as much

  as you are willing to donate. Please

  leave the money in an unmarked

  envelope under the recycling bin

  behind the church.

  P.S. Make sure you’re not followed.

  Monday

  This year at school they taped off a bunch of

  tables in the cafeteria so kids with nut allergies

  could eat in a separate section. I think it’s great

  the school did that, but it means there’s a lot less

  room for the rest of us to sit.

  NUT-FREE

  ZONE

  I’m not sure anyone at my school is actually

  allergic to nuts, though, because for the first two

  months of this year the tables in the taped-off

  area were completely empty.

  91

  But I guess Ricardo Freedman liked the idea of

  all that elbow room, because today he plopped

  himself down in the middle of the Nut-Free Zone

  and ate two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

  he brought from home.

  CHEW

  CHEW

  Today we had a general assembly, and everyone

  was all excited because they told us we were gonna

  get to watch a movie. But it was just one of those

  educational films
about healthy eating.

  the

  nutritionauts

  vs. the

  greasy grimelicks

  92

  I know I need to eat healthier, but if you

  take fast food out of my diet I’m in big

  trouble, because I’m probably something like

  95% chicken nugget.

  The school has really been cracking down on junk

  food in the cafeteria. Last week they replaced

  the soda machine with a bottled water machine,

  but if they’re gonna charge a dollar for a bottle

  of water, they should probably think of a better

  place to put it.

  Healthy Choices,

  Healthy Bodies!

  The school also got rid of a bunch of menu items,

  like hot dogs and pizza, and replaced them with

  healthier stuff.

  93

  They even replaced french fries with a new item

  called “Extreme Sports Stix,” but it took everyone

  about five seconds to figure out that Extreme

  Sports Stix are just sliced carrots.

  EXTREME

  SPORTS STIX

  I usually bring a bagged lunch to school, but the

  one thing I would always buy from the cafeteria

  was a chocolate chip cookie. Last week, though,

  the chocolate chip cookies were replaced by oatmeal

  raisin cookies. I still buy them, but I eat around

  the raisins, which is a lot of work.

  NIBBLE

  NIBBLE

  I can’t tell you HOW many times I’ve bitten

  into an oatmeal raisin cookie thinking it was

  chocolate chip.

  94

  I have a theory that oatmeal raisin cookies were

  invented as a practical joke a long time ago and

  that they were never actually meant to be eaten.

  spoo!

  Most of the kids at school aren’t too bothered by

  all the menu changes, but the thing that really

  set people off was when they took away the

  energy drinks.

  ROWDY

  RIOT

  95

  The reason the school stopped selling Rowdy Riot

  was because teachers were complaining that the

  red dye was making kids hyperactive. And if you

  walked into my classroom after lunch, you’d see

  what they were talking about.

  tap tap

  tap tap

  rap

  rap

  rap

  blbb

  blbb

  blbb

  blbb

  blbb

  But when they stopped selling Rowdy Riot, people

  who were used to drinking three or four cans a

  day were totally unprepared to go cold turkey.

  In fact, some kids ended up having to go down

  to the nurse’s office because they had the shakes

  from withdrawal.

  The school wouldn’t bring Rowdy Riot back no

  matter HOW much people complained. But the

  other day, Leon Goodson snuck in a backpack full

  of Rowdy Riot he’d brought from home and sold

  cans for three bucks a pop.

  96

  At recess a few kids who’d bought Rowdy Riot

  from Leon ducked behind the school and slurped

  down their drinks where no one could see them.

  slurp

  glug

  glug

  glug

  glug

  But one of the recess monitors, Mrs. Lahey, got

  suspicious and went back there to see what was

  going on.

  AHA!

  psbltsh

  97

  Mrs. Lahey told everyone they had to pour out

  their drinks immediately or she’d report them to

  the principal.

  glug

  glug

  glug

  glug

  glug

  splash

  But the second she was gone, the kids took

  off their shoes and sopped up the puddles with

  their socks.

  sop

  pat pat

  squeeze

  98

  Tuesday

  One of the reasons the school has been getting

  on us about our eating habits is because the

  Presidential Fitness Test is coming up, where they

  measure you on all sorts of stuff, like how many

  sit-ups and chin-ups you can do.

  Last year our school was in the bottom 10% in

  the country, and I guess the school is trying to

  do anything they can to turn that around.

  (gasp)

  (wheeze)

  Grown-ups say there’s a big problem with kids

  in our generation being out of shape because

  they don’t exercise enough, but I don’t think

  taking away our playground equipment is really

  helping matters.

  99

  In one part of the Presidential Fitness Test,

  they check to see how many push-ups you can do

  in a row. The girls in our class did better than

  the boys, but that’s only because the girls get to

  do an easier kind of push-up.

  The boys have to keep their whole body straight

  and go all the way to the floor and then all the

  way back up again.

  But the girls get to let their knees touch the

  ground, so they have a HUGE advantage.

  100

  Not all the girls were happy that they got to

  do easier push-ups than the boys, though. In

  fact, a couple of girls signed a petition saying

  they demanded to do the same kind of push-ups

  as the boys.

  I’m pretty sure I know where they got that idea.

  In Social Studies we’re learning about different

  ways people throughout history have protested to

  change things they weren’t happy about.

  tea

  tea

  tea

  sploosh

  101

  I think the girls were expecting a big fight out

  of Mr. Underwood, but he just told them they

  could do regular push-ups if they felt like it. So

  now we’re all in the same boat.

  I thought that petition thing was a good idea,

  though. I figured us boys should be allowed to

  do the easy push-ups if we want, so I wrote a

  petition and tried to get signatures.

  But I got a bad feeling when I saw the group

  of guys who wanted to sign my petition, and I

  decided to just drop the whole thing.

  102

  A couple of weeks ago we had to do sit-ups

  during Phys Ed, but I got cramps and asked

  Mr. Underwood if I could just do the rest of

  my sit-ups as homework. He said that was OK,

  but he wanted proof that I did them.

  So the next morning I got some of Mom’s mascara

  and drew a six-pack of abs on my stomach. Then I

  made sure I had my shirt off when Mr. Underwood

  walked through the locker room.

  The next thing I knew, though, I had a

  bunch of copycats, and the following day half

  the guys in my class showed up with their OWN

  fake six-packs.

  103

  But some of those guys were REALLY awful

  makeup artists.

  Still, I think we had Mr. Underwood fooled. At

  least until we got sweaty and the mascara ran.

  Wednesday

  For the past few days I’ve been g
etting alerts

  on my Net Kritterz account, and if I don’t get

  some Kritterz Kash soon, I could have a problem

  on my hands.

  104

  MOOD METER

  GREGORY’S

  LITTLE

  FRIEND IS

  FEELING:

  AGITATED

  I asked Mom if she could just float me a few

  bucks so I could get my pet’s Mood Meter back to

  “Calm,” but she wouldn’t budge.

  Then she said I shouldn’t expect her to give me

  money to buy Christmas presents for the family

  this year, either. She said I’m at the age where

  I need to be spending my own money so that my

  gifts “mean” something.

  Usually Mom gives me twenty dollars to spend on

  presents and I do all my shopping at the Holiday

  Bazaar at school. It’s great because I can get all

  my Christmas shopping done in one shot and the

  stuff at the Bazaar is dirt cheap.

  105

  So I always come away with a little money I can

  spend on myself.

  manny

  HO HO

  HO!

  dad

  rodrick

  soothing

  BATH SALTS

  mom

  I usually spend most of my money at the

  concession stand. They have the most delicious

  chicken drumsticks I’ve ever tasted, but they

  have a really goofy name and you feel stupid

  ordering them.

  could i get some

  of those chicken

  leg thingies?

  you mean

  drummies?

  drummies

  if that’s what

  you call them.

  whatever.

  106

  I don’t know how I’m gonna scrape together

  enough money to buy everyone a present. Basically,

  there are two times a year when I can count

  on getting spending money, and that’s on my

  birthday and Christmas.

  I’m just glad my birthday’s a few months away

  from Christmas so I get separate gifts for

  BOTH. I feel bad for people who have their

  birthday right around the holidays, because it

  gets lumped together with Christmas and they

 

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