“Okay,” she says against my lips.
I pull my head back to look at her, a quirked brow on my face. With a shrug of her shoulders she explains, “Today was a date.”
I can see that she’s suppressing the smile threatening to break free, and so I mimic her.
“And we’ll have another tomorrow?”
Lexie narrows her eyes, and nods.
The smuggest smile I’ve ever had in my life curls on my lips. “Awesome. We’ll be half naked by Sunday night.”
Her geeky laugh blasts through the night, and finally, I bring my lips to hers, and appreciate them in a whole new way.
It takes a while for the back and forth of kissing to come to an end.
That dreaded moment happens when Lexie starts yawning compulsively, making me realize that she didn’t sleep a wink last night, and is probably extremely tired. Reluctantly, I suggest that she should go home to sleep.
She points her nose towards a really small, white wooden cabin a few yards from us. The house sits on a wide lot filled with trees and rose bushes at the very end of the beach. A screened porch faces the ocean, its three steps leading straight to the sand. The house looks like a tiny piece of paradise.
Lexie and I walk hand in hand toward it. She tells me that Greg bought that house for them the summer after her mother left, and that when she turned twenty-one he gifted it to her.
We finalize our plans for tomorrow as we enter the screened porch. I look around and wait as she fishes inside her bag for her keys. The comfortable outside living area is decorated with a white porch swing, a small round table with four chairs, and a wooden cabinet. Once she finds her keys, we reluctantly say good night, kiss a few more times, and then she walks inside and closes the door, leaving me wide-awake and missing her already.
God, I’m a freaking girl! Though alarming, that thought alone isn’t enough to make me go back to the hotel. Tonight has been a big night for me, and not only because I just started my first ever relationship after one date—it was a big night because I finally reached the peak of my soul searching, and I need a little more time around Lexie to process it all.
However, I’m aware that staying on her porch after we’ve said goodbye is creepy. So, I turn around, and relocate to the sand right in front of the steps. The beach is technically public space, after all.
I lie down on the fluffy sand and look at the moon the way I used to do when I was a kid. It’s kind of amazing that even after so much time I can still find and name a bunch of constellations, and the moon’s craters. As strange as it sounds, it makes me feel like myself for the first time in eight years. It also makes me want to at least try to right my wrongs, so I pull my phone from my pocket, open the email app and start typing.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Date: 11:53pm, June 29th, 2014
Subject: Please read.
Lea,
I know that after such a long time this email is strange at best, and unwelcome at worst. But I’ve thought a lot about you today, and I need to say that I’m sorry.
I’m so very sorry, and not only about the accident—though I’m awfully sorry about that. It was my fault, and I’ve handled that like shit. Or didn’t handle it at all, since I just allowed my father to shove money down your throat, the way he always does to fix my shit, as I ran to save my own ass. I was a coward, and you deserved better than what I gave you.
From the bottom of my heart, I hope you find a man who sees the wonderful woman you are, a man who appreciates you the way I never did. I hope you find the happiness you deserve.
Sincerely,
Matty
I press send, curl my fingers around the device and bring it up to my chest. I let out a deep breath and watch the stars for a while longer. I listen to the relaxing symphony of waves, thinking about Lexie, and trying to finally forget about Lea, before walking back to the inn.
I wake up late on Saturday—like, afternoon late. The moment I open the windows of my bedroom and see the clear blue sky and the perfect day waiting for me, I know that whatever force that guides the universe is smiling down at me, which makes me anxious, since they hardly ever do. But still, I stretch my back, widening the persistent grin on my lips.
If there was any doubt in my mind of whether or not I’m falling in love with Mathew, last night obliterated them. It was the best date, the best night, the best kisses, the best everythings of my life, and I’m pretty sure it ruined me for anything and anyone else forever.
The past week, and most importantly, the past two days have baffled me. Matt is so different from the douchebag I first met. He’s got a softer side, one that is caring, gentle, kind of sappy and loaded with sexy, cocky charm—which, as much as it pains me to admit, I absolutely love. But my favorite thing about this new Matt is the wonder with just the right touch of lust I see in those mesmerizing blue eyes every time he looks at me. That’s what really takes my breath away. Excited to see that look again, and with only a couple hours until he comes to pick me up, I hurry to get ready.
On top of all the normal getting ready to go out things a girl has to do, like shower, take care of the my pets, apply makeup and pick a cute outfit, dates require a whole new range of preparations that, due to my lack of practice, leave me completely flustered. And since this will be the first time Mathew sees me in something other than my Jukebox uniform or a swimsuit, I want to get things perfect. To assure that, I make a list of things to do as I eat breakfast:
As I cross items from that list and hear the clock ticking, bringing the moment when Matt will knock on my door closer and closer, my mind starts going crazy. Thoughts ranging from the possibility of him standing me up, to serious doubts about the veracity of his relationship suggestions from yesterday take hold of me.
In all honesty, as wonderful as last night was, it makes absolutely no sense. How does a man who never had a girlfriend in his life decide to have one after one date? And why, in every deity’s name, would a guy like him want to date a girl like me?
I know that if Leigh or Tanie were here they’d be smacking me in the back of the head for selling myself short, but they’d be wrong. That’s not what I’m doing. I don’t think I’m not deserving of him, I just think—actually, I know—that we’re from different worlds, and thinking he’ll be happy in mine is plain crazy.
That craziness causes the silly blood pump in my chest to beat out of control when I hear the roar of an engine coming from the street. The sound is loud and smooth in a way that makes it clear it doesn’t belong to any of the trucks that fill this town, and just as suddenly as it started, the sound dies.
My alarm clock says it’s precisely two thirty, which sends my previous concerns about being blown off out of the window. I take a deep breath, and shoot one final look at the full-length mirror hanging on my bedroom wall.
At the chance of sounding conceited, I must admit that I look amazing. The magenta strapless dress I’m wearing hugs my body in a way that makes me look way curvier than I really am, and the combination of its short A-line skirt and nude high heel sandals makes my legs look crazy long. My blond hair is curled in soft waves that fall halfway down my back, and my makeup is highlighting all my best facial features.
Three consecutive knocks come from my front door. With a smile that reaches my ears, I collect my clutch from over my bed, and make my way to the living room.
When I open the door, my jaw nearly drops to the floor. Matt looks incredible in a simple blue and red plaid button-down shirt, with the long sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and denim pants. His hair is loose and wavy, just the way I like it, and that crooked smile that sets my insides on fire is on his lips.
“Hi,” I greet him.
Without saying a single word back, he reaches for my hips and pulls me close to his body. I go willingly, folding my arms around his neck as his lips crush against mine. The kiss is passionate, like the ones we shared last night, and has the urgency of two lo
vers who haven’t seen each other in years instead of hours.
His arms tighten around me, pulling me closer, and I fist both my hands in his hair. Every cell in my body is filled with desire, is begging me to pull him inside. This sort of behavior is out of character, and though it scares the crap out of me, it also thrills me to no end.
“I missed you,” he whispers against my lips.
“I missed you, too.” My voice is completely breathless.
He gives me another peck before inhaling deeply and pulling away from me.
His eyes move slowly down my body as he runs a hand through his hair. “Good God, Lexie. You look . . .” He trails off, and runs a hand through his hair again. “Shit.”
The word comes through his teeth, and one of my brows rises so high that I feel like it’ll touch my hairline.
“I look like shit? Geez, you’re such a charmer, Mathew.”
He chuckles and runs one hand across my stomach and waist as his other smacks my rear, making me gasp. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
I keep waiting for him to add to that statement, finally giving me a real compliment, but he doesn’t. He winks and kisses me again, hard, and somehow I don’t mind the lack of flattering words because I feel thoroughly complimented.
“We should go, right?” he asks when we stop kissing again. His eyes show how much he wants me to say no, that we should stay here and continue what we’re doing for a while, and though I want that as well, today is Tanie’s day, and I wouldn’t miss it for the world.
I nod. “Probably. We have somewhere to be and Mrs. Crane is watching us.”
Matt looks at me through narrowed eyes, making me smile. I indicate with my nose at the house across the street, which, at this particular moment, has one window with curtains slightly pulled back from where the shadowy form of my nosey neighbor spying with her binoculars, as she’s done my whole life, is visible.
As we disentangle from each other, Matt steals a peek over his shoulder at the house and looks at me with questions in his eyes. I simply shrug my shoulders as we walk hand-in-hand toward the famous Greta—a dark blue convertible that is sexier and more pretentious than I’d originally thought.
He stops beside the passenger side, and raises his hand to give a little wave in the direction of Mrs. Crane’s. The curtain instantly falls back in place, making both of us burst into laughter.
“Am I right to assume that by tomorrow the whole town will know about us?”
I shake my head. “No, they’ll know about us within fifteen minutes. By tomorrow we’ll be expecting a baby.”
Matt laughs as he opens the door for me. Before allowing me inside, he reaches in and picks up a single red rose that was on the passenger seat, and hands it to me. “To the mother of my unmade child.”
My sappy smile is so big it splits my face in half. I had told him roses were my favorite flower, and he’d remembered. I thank him with a kiss, and once seated on Greta’s very comfortable seat, I bring the rose to my nose and breathe in its delicious scent.
As we make our way out of Jolene, I can’t help but notice that this car was not designed to ride through the countryside. Every pothole and bump scratches the living hell out of the bottom of the vehicle, causing Matt’s face to twist in a painful way.
I’m not going to lie, the whole thing is kind of funny to me, but I’d never dare to laugh at Matt’s obvious aggravation, so I try to take his mind off of it.
“We have some business to discuss during this road trip, Mister . . .” I trail off, realizing I don’t even know his last name, which only serves to emphasize my point.
“Rogers. Mathew Ian Rogers.” He steals a glance my way, and narrows his eyes. “What business would that be? Miss . . .”
“Blake. Lexington Amelia Blake.”
He mouths my name. It’s like he’s testing it on his lips, and I can’t help but to smile at it, and at the pleased expression on his face as he says it.
I shake my head, trying to wake up my brain. “And our not knowing each other’s names is exactly my business. I know very little about you, and if you’re sure about doing this, then I need to know a bit a more.”
“This?” He narrows his eyes, clearly mocking me.
“Yes, this.” I wiggle a finger between us.
Matt chuckles. “Oh . . . you mean our recent relationship.” I roll my eyes at the same time that my insides flutter. Apparently he sees the eye roll, because he cocks a brow. “Are you having second thoughts about this, Lexington Amelia Blake?”
I laugh at his use of my full name. “Not really, Mathew Ian Rogers. I just think it’s weird that after one date you decided you wanted a girlfriend.”
We pass over a bump that scratches the bottom of Greta and, unlike all the other times it has happened, he doesn’t even flinch.
“Really?”
I nod, and he shakes his head as if he’s confused, but the corners of his lips are curled up, hinting that he’s also amused, which in turn confuses me a bit. “That’s weird, ‘cause it makes perfect sense to me.” He turns his eyes back to the road and continues. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since we first met. I’ve wanted you since you yelled at me at the diner on Saturday, and after kissing you . . . I don’t really have a choice. I’m yours. You own every bit of my soul, so yeah . . . I want you to belong to me. Since girlfriend is the usual term, that’s what I want you to be. But as long as you’re mine, and I don’t have to share you with anyone, we can call it anything you want.”
Air. I need air.
Without taking my eyes from his, I reach for the window control button and press it, filling the car with wind. Not caring how pathetic I look, I turn my face towards the trees flying past, letting in the scent of freshly mowed grass and take deep breaths.
Matt chuckles beside me. “I don’t want to ruin your hair, but if you want we can take the top off.”
I look at him and blink a few times before remembering that this car is a convertible. I shake my head, and look at him.
“Make sense now?” he asks, and it does. It makes perfect sense, because I share every single feeling he just described. I’m his, and for that reason nothing would make me happier than calling him my boyfriend.
“Yeah.”
He reaches for my hand, and brings it up to his smiling lips. He delivers a soft kiss to the back of it before bringing both our hands to his thigh, where they stay for the rest of our journey.
As we reach the interstate, my brain finally returns to normal. “Okay, now that this,” I motion between us with my free hand, “is settled, tell me about this boyfriend of mine.”
Matt smiles and then takes a deep breath. With his eyes fixed on the road ahead, he starts telling me his life story in hurried way that shows just how little familiarity he has with this kind of subject.
“Well . . . I was born on February sixteenth, in Seattle. I’ve lived there my whole life. My mother died when I was sixteen, and after that it was just me and Dennis, my father.” The sadness in his voice as he says that breaks my heart. I squeeze his fingers, and without looking at me, he brings my hand to his lips for another kiss.
He takes a deep breath, and continues, “Five years ago, Dennis married Alice. She was a senior at my high school when I was a freshman, which is just wrong. Even worse than that, she actually thinks she’s my mother.” He rolls his eyes and laughs. “They have two kids, Will, who is four, and Hope, who is two. They are my only two siblings.”
I frown and interrupt him, “But on the beach, when we were talking about Kodee, you said you didn’t know many children.”
“Two isn’t many, and I’m not close to my father, which makes it hard to be close to his kids.” I nod, and can’t help feeling a little sad for him. He seems lonelier in the world than I am. “Anyway, you already know about my lack of a proper dating history and about my partying asshole ways, which leaves only one bit of information unshared.”
I raise my brows, to which he says, “I’m a
lawyer.”
And my eyes widen in mock horror—okay, the horror isn’t entirely fake since like most people, I kind of hate lawyers, something I’m not too keen on sharing with him right now. “Shut up. You wreck bars. You can’t be a lawyer.”
He laughs a real laugh. “Have you considered that maybe I became a lawyer because I wreck bars? So I could dig myself out of my own shit?”
“I didn’t, but that would be kind of smart.”
Matt nods. “Yeah, but that’s not why,” he says it matter-of-factly, which makes me laugh. “I’m a lawyer because that’s what Rogers men do. We’re lawyers who work at Rogers’ Law. No other option.”
I’m not sure if I find that bit of information sad because Matt’s tone is tinged with the emotion, or because it’s actually really sad. I’m thinking the latter, but just as with my opinion on his profession, I keep the thought to myself.
With an honest and interested smile, I ask, “What kind of lawyer are you?”
“Divorce and family law, mostly.”
And that does it. I groan.
He looks at me with a crooked smile, and a matching brow. “Do you have a problem with my profession?”
Although I try, I can’t keep my head from moving up and down or my mouth from opening. “I don’t mean this personally, but your job is splitting people up. That’s the least romantic job in the world. Doesn’t it make you sad?”
I don’t look at him, afraid that I’ll see offense in his face, but then I hear a belting laugh. I steal a glance at him and see that he’s having a hard time keeping his eyes open from how hard he’s laughing. Considering the high speed we’re traveling at, that’s not a great thing. In addition, I don’t see anything particularly funny in the conversation we’re having, so I just stare at him, looking for some explanation.
It takes a while for the hysterics to subside, but when they do, he asks, “Were you impressed by Greta?”
I blink, confused by the change of subject. “I don’t see how this is relevant to the conversation, but aside from having a really comfortable seat, it’s just a car, and not one that agrees with Jolene, by the way. So not really.”
The Reason I Stay Page 14