The Reason I Stay

by Patty Maximini

  My focus on finding him is such I can almost tune out the whispers and stares directed my way. But then the personal questions coming from people who I know are just interested in my life to the extent of juicy gossip start, and that’s when I decide that I’ve had enough of this crap.

  I’m done with people watching me. I’m done with people meddling in my life. I’m done with people talking about me like I’m entertainment. Tanie is right—after so long being unhappy, I’m more than entitled to my own little share of joy, which means that just like Matt with his dad earlier today, it’s about time for me to take a stand and put a stop to it. Nevertheless, as appealing as the idea of quitting the town and telling all of these dumbasses to go fuck themselves is, I can’t really do it. What I can do is confirm the rumors, and hope that once they’re true they’ll no longer be interesting. And that’s exactly what I do.

  I excuse myself from the boring-as-hell conversation with Amanda, Tanie’s old chemistry lab partner, and make my way to the backyard. There, talking to Eric and some of our other male friends is my gorgeous boyfriend.

  A smug smirk breaks across his face as soon as I step foot on the lawn. We hold each other’s gaze—and a lot of other folks’—as I walk toward him.

  “Hey, y’all. I need to borrow Matt a moment.”

  They look at us with knowing smiles as I take Matt’s hand and guide him toward the big tree in the center of the yard. Once we’re standing under the canopy, I swing one arm around his neck as the other drifts down his back, and bring my mouth to his.

  I kiss him, hard. Matt wraps his arms around my waist, responding to my attack the exact way I needed him to. He presses my body against his until there’s not an inch of space between us. My fingers dig in his hair and skin, and the whole world fades away as our tongues dance together.

  When we finally separate our mouths enough to take in a breath, he tilts his head and raises a brow. “Not that I didn’t enjoy that, but there are people watching.”

  “I know.”

  “Explain.”

  I chuckle. “I just quit my job, and told Dennis to fuck off.”

  Matt laughs. “I hope that was metaphorical, since yours is the only source of income we have at the moment, but either way . . . good for you.”

  He then swats my butt and kisses me again. During that kiss, Tanie yells, “Vote Pedro for governor of Virginia!” Which makes me pull back from Matt’s lips to laugh.

  “Who’s Pedro?” he asks.

  We turn around to return to our friends. Before I can reply, I see a familiar pale face with gray eyes and hair the color of coal. A face that instantly makes me stop laughing. A face that, like the eight standing behind it, hasn’t been invited, and isn’t welcome. A face that is looking at Matt and me with undiluted hatred. As all other faces look away from Matt and me, losing interest after the show, that one doesn’t.

  Shit!

  The good thing about my and Lexie’s moment under the tree is that I now have no doubt that she wants me as much as I want her. The bad thing is that our little display earns us the evil eye from Mamma Wolf, who gives us a speech about proper behavior around children and orders us to keep it in our pants—her actual words.

  Lexie is as red as a tomato by the time Georgia walks away. I’m not. In fact, I’m shooting up metaphorical fireworks, and for that reason, as soon as we are alone—or as alone as you can get in a backyard party—I wrap my arms around her and hold her close, delivering kisses to the top of her head. She wiggles her way out of my arms so fast you’d think they were on fire.

  “You should go back to the boys. Tighten those manly bonds, and all.”

  “Are you coming with me?”

  “No.” She shakes her head, blond tendrils coming loose and framing her face. “I’m gonna drink something cold, and maybe cool off inside the freezer for a minute or thirty.”

  I laugh and move in to kiss her, but she pulls away, winks and walks toward the other side of the yard. I watch her for a while, her flowery dress swaying around her hips, which ignites fantasies of it swaying down to the floor in her living room, leaving her naked in my arms. That thought alone makes my already hard dick painful, and I decide she’s right. I have to find men to talk to and distract myself, otherwise I’ll be in serious shit.

  I walk back toward the grill where Eric and the other three guys, all in plaid shirts and baseball caps, are gathered. They guy-nod me, and a cold beer gets shoved in my hand. The conversation resumes to their previous topics of cars and football. I try to be as engaged in the chat as possible, but all I can think about is Lexie.

  For the next couple of hours, I follow her with my eyes as she talks to the Valentines, and to some girls who keep giving me the do-me eyes, before she finally settles in the swing set with Kodee and Brass. With some effort, I push her away from my brain and focus on my conversation, spending the next few hours being a guy and having guy friends, which ends up being great.

  When the sun starts to set, tingeing the sky pink, Eric becomes this annoying ball of energy. He taps his foot compulsively, shifts his weight from one leg to the other like he’s dancing, and rubs his hands down the sides of his legs every two seconds.

  “Is it time, man?” I ask, placing a hand on his bouncing shoulder.

  He nods. “Yeah, I’m nervous as shit. There’s like a hundred people here. What if she says no?”

  I laugh because last night, during one of Eric’s trips to the bathroom after way too many beers, drunk, angry Tanie wouldn’t shut up about the proposal not happening that night as she had expected. Having talked to Eric and knowing he was planning it for today—due to her expecting it to happen on her graduation day—I tried to appease her, and it worked to some extent. However, she still dished out some passive-aggressive comments about it whenever she got a chance, which means that both Eric and I know she won’t say no when he asks.

  Still, I try to be a good friend and help him relax. “Then we’ll go out, and I’ll buy you a shot, or ten.” He chuckles and his foot finally stops tapping. “But she won’t say no.”

  And she doesn’t. In fact, as soon as Eric starts his speech, saying how proud he is of Tanie and how much he loves her, she fans herself. When he drops to one knee, holding a ring box in front of her, Tanie cries and screeches a “yes” before the question is completely out of Eric’s mouth.

  As I’d promised him I’d do, I flip the graduation banners, revealing the happy engagement wishes he’d glued to the back of them. People gather around the couple creating a buzz of good wishes and requests to see the ring, but Lexie stays in the swing-set with the two little girls. The three of them are looking at Tanie with smiles and love while they clap their hands. Lexie’s eyes drift to mine. She winks, and there’s not enough air around me to fill my lungs.

  I see my whole future pass before my eyes. It fast forwards through years of bliss by Lexie’s side, until the day when I’m the one asking the question, and she’s the one fanning herself and yelling a “yes.” And even though it’s just a thought, I know that’ll be the best day of my life.

  The excitement of the engagement carries the party into the night. All the people I know are thoroughly busy; the men are getting hammered, and the women are planning showers and other wedding whatnots. Not in the mood to do either, I think of Lexie, and not having a job, and life, and what they’ll all be like together. I don’t think I’ve ever contemplated life more than I have since landing in Jolene, Alabama. It’s a pain in the ass and interesting, all at once.

  I find myself at the side of the house, where the saddest vegetable garden I’ve ever seen is planted. Aside from two half-alive tomato bushes, most of the things growing are either completely dead or so dry and eaten by insects they’re unrecognizable. The only things that seem to thrive in this garden are weeds.

  I crouch down, and start pulling them from the ground. In a moment I’m transported to my childhood and the garden I kept at our ranch.

  Growing up, I was one o
f those kids who actually liked to go to school. I was smart and popular, so school was actually fun. However, I was never really myself in the city. The real me was the boy covered in dirt, rolling in the grass with my dogs at the ranch—my happy place, my home. But then, right before I turned sixteen, Mom died. Less than a month after losing the one person who really understood me, Dennis sold the property and everything changed. I lost the only place where I felt I truly belonged and, in its place, I got my very first, brand new, sports car. A part of me died the moment I took the keys from my father’s hand. From then on, my life became about cars and parties, and not caring about anything that could be taken away.

  And then I came to Jolene.

  “Weeding that is a lost battle, son.” Christopher Wolf’s voice cuts through my thoughts. I look up at his smiling face. “Don’t tell her, but I think Georgia has weed seeds in her fingertips. She fusses and fusses over that thing, and only makes it worse.”

  I stand up, and clean my dirty hands on my jeans. “I think she’s watering too much. And it needs some cover so the bugs will stay away.”

  His brows shoot up. “You understand about plants?”

  “A little. I grew up around them.”

  Mr. Wolf looks from the dead garden to me, before checking over his shoulder. When his gaze returns to me, he’s got one of those up-to-no-good expressions. “I don’t mean to be nosy, but what do you do all day, son?”

  I chuckle nervously. “To be honest, not much, sir.”

  He nods. “And you’re not going back to wherever you’re from?”

  “No.” I shake my head. “My life is pretty set here.”

  Christopher opens a big smile. “Georgia loves this garden, but, as you can see, the woman knows nothing of plants. Do you think you could salvage it?”

  His question stuns me for a moment. I look down at the dead plants and mossy dirt. It’s been years since I last worked in a garden, but it should be like riding a bike, right? Once you know the theory, it’ll come back to you no matter what.

  “Yes, I think I can.”

  “That’s good.” He walks over to me, and places a hand over my shoulder. “You see, this here town doesn’t have anyone who understands plants. Most of the gardening’s handled by high school boys who barely manage the lawnmower.” He rolls his eyes and chuckles. “For lack of care, the school’s garden is non-existent, and I know of about a dozen homes with the same problem. So here’s what I propose: if you salvage my wife’s garden, I’ll help you get a steady amount of work around town. What do you say?”

  Hell YES!

  Two thoughts are running in a loop in my mind: I just got my lowest paying job ever, and I got to find Lexie and tell her about it.

  I look around the clusters of people in the backyard, but she’s nowhere to be seen. I’m sure that Tanie would know where Lexie is, but talking to her would mean venturing into the circle of women babbling around her. The females are now almost as drunk as the men. Amongst them are two girls who, despite my clear involvement with Lexie, haven’t taken their eyes off me all day. Not wanting to deal with them, I walk inside the house to find my girl on my own.

  I search the kitchen, the half-bath, and the stairs, but there’s no sign of her anywhere. With my back against the banister, I start to get worried about her whereabouts when I hear a male voice coming from the half-open font door.

  “Will you quit bein’ so stubborn? I’ve changed.” There’s a second of silence, and then the guy continues, his voice a decibel louder. “I did. I’m an officer of the law. That’s a serious gig, ya know? I’ve got my temper under control, and haven’t been drunk in over six months. I’m good now; we could work.”

  Completely uninterested in the conversation, and feeling like a creep for eavesdropping on someone’s personal life, I push against the rod to climb up the stairs and look for Lexie. That’s when I hear “no we couldn’t” in a very familiar voice. My girl’s voice.

  Despite the clear annoyance in her tone, my blood boils with anger and jealousy. With clenched fists, I take a step toward the door to end this little rendezvous, when his voice sounds again. “Is it ‘cause of Maserati guy?”

  Suddenly curious, I freeze. “No, it’s not because of him. We couldn’t work because of you, Ky. We tried twice. And you fucked up fourteen times. We wouldn’t work because you’re a dick. And if our six years of history taught me anything it’s that no matter how much you think you’ve changed, you’ll always be a cheating, lying, manipulating, controlling dick who gave me a matching set of black eyes. And that’s why we’ll never be together again.”

  A cold chill runs down my spine, and my whole body trembles with rage. I hate that he hurt Lexie in the past, and that he took her for granted, but most of all, I hate that he doesn’t respect her involvement with me and thinks he can just corner her into trying again with him. If his situation wasn’t bad enough, he makes the mistake of speaking—all the wrong things—again.

  “And you’re slummin’ with him, ‘cause you think he’s better? I never took you for being naïve, Sparkle. To a guy like that, you’re just the local piece of ass like your mammaw was to your daddy.”

  Fuck. Him!

  I lunge from where I’m standing, and in a second I’m pulling the door open all the way, vaguely aware that Lexie is yelling at him.

  I swing my body around hers, and without a single word, I fit my fist square center of the guy’s jaw. He staggers back, shaking his head, but doesn’t fall. Instead, he retaliates, missing by a foot—undoubtedly the result of a spinning head. It leaves his guard wide open—a bonus. I move in, grab his shoulder and thrust my knee in his groin. He finally drops to the ground.

  Lexie calls my name, saying that the piece of shit is an officer and the son of the sheriff, but I don’t give a damn. He was harassing her, and as her man it’s my job to defend her.

  I nudge him with my foot until he’s flat on his back. I place my knee on his chest, and keep it there as I kneel beside him. The pressure makes him wheeze, but I don’t give a damn.

  “I don’t know you, and I don’t care to know you. But if you ever talk to her like that, I’ll kill you. Do you understand me, you piece of shit?”

  Various pairs of boots come through the door. There seems to be eight of them, and circle around us. I know that the odds are not in my favor, but in my heated state I don’t care. They’ll probably leave me in a bad shape, but not without me doing some damage myself.

  “Goddamn, Kyle,” one of them says, surprising me. “I told him to stay away from you.”

  “You know he’s incapable of doing what he’s told,” Lexie says, beyond aggravated. I can almost see the eye roll. “Besides, you don’t own him, Damian. He’s told you that countless times.”

  Damian? Leigh’s douchebag husband Damian? Kodee’s absent father Damian? I look up from the asshole beneath me and see a man with no resemblance to the little girl, other than the color of his hair, rolling his eyes at Lexie. “You know how the pack works as well as he does. I call the shots. You’re either in or you’re out.”

  He turns his face toward me, and offers a hand to help me up. “You two are serious?”

  “Why d’you care?” Lexie asks.

  Damian raises a brow at her, but otherwise maintains a perfectly straight face. “For one, you’re my kid’s godmother. We’re practically family.”

  The words drip with condescension. Lexie’s fist closes at the same time as mine does. The animosity between them is crystal clear, and I don’t blame Lexie. The dude’s a douche.

  “Yeah, we’re very serious,” I say, draping an arm around Lexie’s shoulder. She looks at me with wide eyes, but I continue to watch Damian.

  He turns his cocky eyes to me, a smirk that is meant to intimidate on his lips. I almost laugh; this dude clearly doesn’t know whom he’s dealing with. We stare each other down for a while, and then he smiles and extends a hand. “Nice to meet you, Mathew. Kodee has told me a lot about you.”

  I
shake his hand and nod. “She’s a great kid.”

  He clicks his tongue as he lets go of my hand. “Can’t take the credit for that, but yes, she is.” He looks at Lexie. “We’re leaving. I’ll talk to Ky. Again.”

  Lexie looks at him with disinterest. I look at him with fire in my eyes.

  We don’t say goodbye as the “pack” walks away. I keep my arm around Lexie’s tense shoulders and my eyes on them until they’re all in their vehicles and driving. The moment their taillights turn the corner, she slumps in my arms.

  “You heard that?”

  I hate the sadness in her voice.

  “I did, and I’m so fucking proud of you for going at him like that. You’re tough for such a small person.” She chuckles against my chest. The sound relaxes my muscles and fills my heart.

  Holding me tight, she tells me that the little routine is nothing new, and that those guys—the ridiculously named Snake Pack—have been a pain in her ass since forever. She tells me about making mistakes with Kyle and two other douches, but doesn’t elaborate. I’m thankful for that. I already know too much—any more and I’d be hunting them down and castrating them.

  She finally tells me how he ambushed her outside of the bathroom, and brought her here to “talk.” I make her promise to call me if he ever pulls shit like that again—so I can kill him—and she does—probably because the kill part was left unsaid. We hold each other in silence for a little while. She relaxes against me, and my breathing goes back to a normal pace, and finally, I find that peace I only have with her.

  “I got a job.” The words feel alien and wonderful coming from my lips.

  Lexie pulls her face from my chest, eyes round and eager for details. “You did? Already?”

  I nod and tell her about it, and about the ranch, and how excited I am. She seems to feel the same. The last thing I add is, “It pays like shit. Really does, but I think it’ll be fun.”