“Nothing,” BJ said. “I just got tired of being somewhere new every week, always looking for a cheap place to sleep.”
“So you’re staying there because you’re getting free rent?”
“I wouldn’t put it that way. I mean, not exactly…”
Teensy squirmed against my chest. I set her down. I’d heard as much as I needed to.
Taking care to keep quiet, I backed out of the condo.
SIXTEEN — BJ
I suppressed a yawn. It was getting hard to remember what I used to like so much about Bryan. These days, it felt like we had little in common.
He still looked all right on my phone screen, but that was it — all right. I had no urge to fly to Texas and roll into bed with him the way I used to. He wasn’t Leanne, and somehow Leanne was all I cared about.
I would’ve thought I’d be desperate for the male touch after two months of only being with a girl. Surprisingly, I didn’t care. Leanne didn’t have all of the variety I was used to, but she was more than enough for me.
“It’s not about the rent,” I said. “I’m just enjoying my time here. It’s a nice town.”
Teensy came into the room, and I held my hand out to her. She sniffed it, rejecting it in favor of her doggy bed.
“And this has nothing to do with that ‘friend’ you were telling me about?” Bryan asked. Even over the Internet, he managed to give me a piercing stare. “You seemed pretty into her last time.”
“No, no. You know me, I’m not the type for feelings.” As I spoke, I wondered if that was true. It used to be, but things had shifted somewhere along the line. I did care about Leanne as more than a FWB. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. She wouldn’t want a girl like me for a permanent thing. She’s the career type. A lawyer. She’d want someone with a Mercedes and a condo, not a chick whose most prized possession is her vintage Jack Daniels T-shirt.”
Now Bryan’s tone went sympathetic. “You don’t know that. You’re a catch, Beej. Whoever pins you down is going to be some kind of witch doctor. And that shirt is awesome.”
As much as I wanted to believe him, I couldn’t. Being flighty didn’t make me a catch. It only meant I was flighty.
“I gotta run,” I said. Leanne should be home any minute, and I couldn’t wait to see her again. “Catch you later.”
“Later.”
I hung up and flipped on the TV, immediately muting it when I heard Leanne come in the door. I stood up to hug her, but paused. She looked pale. Ashen, really.
“How are you doing?” I asked, giving her a pat on the arm.
“Fine.” She pulled her arm away and opened the cupboard, dropping a can of peas on the counter. “Going to cook.”
“I was going to. You’ve been at work all day.”
“No, that’s fine. Don’t exert yourself.”
Something was off with her tone. I grabbed frozen vegetables from the freezer, and Leanne practically yanked them out of my hands. “Thanks a lot. You can go sit down.”
“Is something wrong on the Tripton case?”
Her features tightened even more. “No more than ever. Just let me cook.”
Although I questioned what was happening, I sat at the kitchen table. Leanne stir-fried meat and vegetables together in a matter of minutes. With the amount of tension in the room, I was glad it didn’t take any longer.
“Thank you,” I said when she placed a plate in front of me. “Looks good.”
“Right.”
She took a few bites, not looking at me, and seemingly having no inclination to talk to me. I peeked at her every minute or two. Finally I spoke my thoughts out loud. “If something isn’t wrong on the Tripton case, something else must be bothering you. You never act like this.”
Only half her plate was empty, but she stood up and scraped the rest into the trash. “Then maybe you don’t know me very well.”
“You’re done eating?”
“Yes. I have a lot of work left to finish. I’ll be in my room.”
Her room. I could’ve sworn she usually called it our room.
*
When night fell, I stayed away from the bedroom for as long as possible. Not wanting to bother Leanne, I stayed in the living room until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.
I gave the door a few light raps, then waited anxiously. I wanted to confront her again, but I knew she’d only stonewall me as she had before.
The door opened a crack. “Going to bed?” she asked.
“Yeah. Can I come in?”
“Sure.”
She was nude, which made me think she’d been about to get into bed without me. Maybe she would’ve preferred it that way. I swallowed, wondering once more why she was being so cold to me. Even the sight of her body didn’t excite me like it normally did. Instead of craving the orgasms she gave me, I yearned for her closeness.
Tentatively, I put a hand on her lower back and pulled her toward me. She gave me some resistance before taking a single step. There was still half a foot between us, and as I peered into her eyes, I didn’t dare try to kiss her.
“Good night, then,” I said.
“Good night.”
I was conscious of her presence close to me as I fell asleep. At least she was giving me that much, I thought sleepily. She couldn’t be that annoyed with me if we were still sleeping in the same bed.
Except that when I woke up, I was alone. I checked the time — it was earlier than either of us usually got up. As I climbed out of bed, I wondered if Leanne was going to work early. The case was clearly getting to her, so maybe she planned to put more work in. That could explain her coldness, too. I breathed a sigh of relief at having possibly figured it out.
I walked past the living room, planning to give Teensy her breakfast. Something caught my eye through the door, and I stopped.
Leanne lay wrapped up in blankets, asleep on the couch.
SEVENTEEN — LEANNE
“Mr. Tripton, I’m afraid you can’t curse when you take the stand.”
Randy sat in the chair across from mine, frowning as if this was a completely foreign concept. “I only curse when I need to curse.”
“You’re going to have to restrain yourself for as long as you’re up there. The jury isn’t going to think well of a man swearing up a storm while he’s on trial.”
“Swearing up a storm,” Randy muttered. “What do I pay you for if not to make me look good? Pay a damn pretty penny, too.”
“Yes, and I don’t see the point of paying me at all if you’re not going to listen to a word I say.” I squeezed my lips together and looked at the wall. I’d been far too rude with a client. Randy just drove me up the wall, and I couldn’t figure out how to make him see sense.
At least his infuriating personality kept me from thinking about what I’d done this morning. As long as I could stay focused on this client, I wouldn’t be imagining a hundred scenarios for what would happen with BJ.
“My old lawyer was nothing like you,” Randy said. “Got everything done without hardly any help from me. Never had to go to court when he was around, no ma’am.”
Gritting my teeth, I massaged my temples. “And what exactly happened to your old lawyer?”
“Told you.” He gave me a slimy smile. “He stopped paying enough attention, so I dealt with him.”
He’d told me that before. Same odd phrasing, too. Anyway, I needed to get this meeting finished so I could work more on the parts of this case I could control.
A jab of pain went through my back, and I did my best to discreetly stretch. Sleeping on the couch was no good for me. “In any case, let’s start the role play again from the beginning. As soon as you get onto the stand, the prosecutor is going to say—”
A commotion at the door made me look up. In the doorway, Ingram was blocking BJ from stampeding into the room.
“Sorry, Leanne, the receptionist downstairs told her you were with a client and I tried to stop her myself, but she’s determined to see you. Says it’s urgent.�
��
Fuck. “Can we do this later?” I asked.
“No.” BJ was seething. “If you wanted it to be private, maybe you shouldn’t have broken up with me via note.”
Randy looked from her to me. His surprise was evident, but more than that, he seemed annoyed. “Deal with this on your own time, please. We were talking about my case.”
Ignoring him, BJ held up the paper I’d left for her this morning. “Seriously, a note?”
“I wasn’t breaking up with you,” I said weakly. “I just need some space. Could you go somewhere else, please? We can talk about this later.”
“Would you like me to call security?” Ingram asked.
“Would you like to get back to the meeting I’m paying you for?” Randy demanded.
I waved both of them off. “I’m going to talk to her for one minute and then I’ll get back to you.”
“You expect me to sit here and wait through your relationship drama with your lesbian lover?” Randy’s face was red.
“One minute. I’m so sorry.” Getting up, I grabbed BJ’s arm and dragged her into the hall. As long as we kept our voices down, this should be a little more private than my office right now. “What did we say about making scenes at my work?” I hissed.
“That was before you left me a break-up note.” She shoved the paper at me. “I promised not to leave without telling you. Guess that rule doesn’t apply to you.”
I glanced at the note. BJ, I can’t do this right now. Please find another place to stay tonight.
It had seemed like the best thing to do this morning. Seeing BJ irritated me and made me feel bad. I’d figured she could find a hotel somewhere in Newbank and we’d talk when I’d had a chance to cool down.
Now that I looked at it again, it did seem a bit curt. But after what I’d overheard, I wondered if I should’ve broken things off altogether.
“Fine, a note wasn’t the best way to do it,” I said. “I just haven’t wanted to talk to you ever since I heard you say you were staying with me for the free rent.”
BJ looked stunned. “What?”
“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I heard you talking to your friend last night — your ex, whatever you want to call him.”
“It was never about the rent. Why would I care about the rent?”
“Doesn’t matter, anyway. I’m never going to have threesomes with you, so this was never going to work.”
“No, you misunderstood.” BJ’s voice rose. Any minute now, she was going to draw my coworkers’ attention.
She sounded sincere, though, and I relented a tiny bit. “If you want to have this discussion, this is not the place to do it. Let’s talk tonight, okay? My place.”
“No.” Her face was drawn, and she threw her shoulders back. “I see now that I’ve overstayed my welcome.”
Before I could say anything more, she’d taken off, storming through the hall loud enough that one or two other lawyer’s heads popped out of their offices. I could’ve called out to her, but that would’ve only made things worse.
She was only being dramatic, wasn’t she? She’d be at my place tonight. We’d talk this through. If everything went well, if she was really serious about what she’d said, maybe I could even ask her that question I’d wanted to ask last night.
Slumping, I walked back into my office. Ingram was still there, doing his best to calm down an infuriated Randy. I braced myself before walking into the storm.
As soon as I was in the door, Randy turned her anger on me. “About damn time you’re back. I was about to put my foot up this flunky’s ass. I won’t stand for this type of treatment, you hear me?”
“I’m so sorry, Mr. Tripton. There was a pressing personal matter, but I’m all yours now. We can return to your case.”
“We can’t, actually.” He stood up, briefcase in hand. “I cannot and will not accept this. All your bellyaching about plea bargains and financial records was bad enough, and this is the last straw. I’m going to find myself a new lawyer. Someone who gives two shits about my case and won’t walk off on me in the middle of a meeting.”
Ingram jumped back to clear his path. My head spun. Getting rid of Randy as a client would be a dream come true. But Chatham & Associates would never accept him leaving like this.
“Your case is coming up in court within a week,” I got out. “You won’t be able to find a new lawyer and bring them up to speed in that time.”
“Not if they’re anything like you, but I intend to find myself a good lawyer.” He glared at me. “I’ll expect my money back, of course — the retainer and every hour of billing fees.”
It truly felt like the world was collapsing around me. “It doesn’t work like that,” I said. “The retainer is nonrefundable, and the firm… the firm…”
“The firm,” he mocked. “Good thing I’m getting rid of you now. I would’ve hated to see how badly you would’ve failed in court.” He took another few steps toward the door. “Get me my money by six tonight. You won’t like what happens if you don’t.”
With that, he was gone.
*
My knuckles were white on the steering wheel as I drove home. Omar and the other higher-ups weren’t overly sympathetic when I told them what happened with Randy. They weren’t about to bend the no-refund policy. In fact, their reaction made me wish I’d gone to Randy and begged him to stay on with me instead.
The vague threat he’d made didn’t worry me. He was harmless – his bark was worse than his bite.
I feared getting home much more. The more I thought about it, the more I wondered if BJ was being dramatic this afternoon. There was nothing stopping her from taking off. My stomach churned as I envisioned going home to an empty apartment. Please be there. Please stay in my life.
The drive was interminable, yet eventually I pulled into my parking lot. Now that I was here, I didn’t know if I should rush upstairs or dawdle. Every second I kept away from my condo was a second I could imagine BJ was still there. Because with every second that passed, I became more and more sure she wasn’t.
At last I arrived upstairs. My key trembled in the lock. I took a deep breath and pushed open the door.
The place was silent but for Teensy’s excited yips. She jumped at my leg in a blur of brownish-beige fur. I’d take her out in a minute, but my heart was too heavy to pay her any immediate attention.
“BJ?” I called. “Are you here?”
The silence told me everything I needed to know, but I refused to believe it.
Teensy ran after me as I walked to the bedroom, circling around my ankles so I nearly tripped over her. I shot her a glare, and somehow she seemed to understand. She fell back to a few steps behind me as if wanting to see what I would find.
The bedroom held no better answers. The bed was made, and the dresser was neat. I put my fingers on the nightstand handle, but couldn’t bear to open it.
I turned toward the puppy, whose face had gone solemn. “Tell me it’s not just you and me.”
BJ could still be here, couldn’t she? I fought to hold onto a shred of hope. Maybe she’d cleaned because she was getting a hotel for the night. Maybe she was trying to make a nice gesture for me. Not fucking likely.
I choked for a second as I pictured my life without her. The solitude that was so much a fact of life, I didn’t realize it was there. The ever-present loneliness I was so used to, I didn’t know there was anything different.
Now I knew. And I couldn’t go back to how it was before. I needed her in my life, with her craziness and her jokes and the constant inappropriate behavior. I forced myself to breathe. There was still a chance she wasn’t gone.
Teensy at my heels, I made my way to the bathroom. My heart seized up — only one toothbrush was left in the glass on the sink. One shampoo, one shaving gel, one deodorant.
I hurried to the guest room. The closet.
Her backpack wasn’t there.
BJ had vanished.
EIGHTEEN — BJ
Eight-sixty, eight-eighty, nine hundred, nine-twenty, nine-forty, nine-sixty. I shuffled the last twenty-dollar bill into my left hand, then threw the stack down on the kitchen table. It would’ve been nice to make it an even thousand, but that was the last of the money I had.
I folded a paper into thirds and tucked the cash inside. Rent Money, I scribbled on top. I left it on the counter, placing my copy of the condo key on top. Feeling change jingle in my pocket, I went back and dumped it into the envelope as well.
That should show Leanne. I’d been paying for my food this whole time, and now I was paying my rent too. Even after making the gesture, my hands still shook with anger. What the hell did she think of me? That I was trying to be some kind of sugar baby? I couldn’t believe she’d think I would’ve stayed this long just for a free place to crash.
The envelope contained all the money I had in the world. I’d saved it from my tutoring gigs. It was supposed to go to the flight I’d never gotten around to booking.
Teensy watched from the doorway the whole time, seeming to sense something was wrong. I’d miss that dog when I was gone.
“Bye, puppy,” I said, giving her one final scratch behind the ears. Her big eyes were filled with confusion. Yes, I decided — she definitely knew something was different. I wished I didn’t have to leave her. But this was what Leanne wanted.
I took the elevator down for the last time. Internally, I shook my head at myself. This life of opulence and luxury wasn’t for me. What had I ever been thinking? I didn’t fit here — not that I fit anywhere. The road was the only place for me.
Keep going, keep running — that was my only option. As long as I stayed in motion, none of the bad stuff could catch up to me for long. I’d forgotten that for a little while. I wouldn’t make that mistake again.
I began to walk, holding my thumb out. With my free hand, I tapped out a text to Tom and Cindy. I’d have to let all my tutoring students know I was leaving at some point, but Kathy was the one I’d promised to get through her exams.
She’d be fine without me. She’d pass, even if she might not get an A. Maybe she’d be upset I hadn’t said goodbye in person, but hey, life sucks and people ditch you. A more valuable lesson than any I’d given her yet, and free of charge to boot.
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