by Wendi Felter
Damon listened to him, but it didn’t stick. “Your problems weren’t as bad as mine. I c-can’t be a father.”
“You can.”
“Bullshit. I have t-to get her to see I’m not good and after last night – it won’t be easy.”
Dave threw up his hands. “I give up. Let me just drive you home.”
“No.”
“Yes! Heaven is worried.”
He closed his eyes and let out a hiss.
“If you don’t care about her being worried, what about Kendra and Aiden? You’re usually home by now. Christ, you been drinking all day?”
“On and off.”
“It’s time to go home. You’re a bit more sober now.”
How could he face Heaven? He didn’t want to do what he knew he must. He wanted to prolong it. Yet, fortified with liquor, it would be easier…
“Dude, you’re going home. Now.” Dave’s voice sounded firm and menacing.
Damon glanced at the clock on the wall behind the counter. Through the density of his thought process, he thought about Kendra. She always watched the clock and scolded him for being even fifteen minutes late.
“If you check your cell phone,” Dave said, harshly, “I’ll bet you’ll have twenty missed calls from everyone. Let me drive you home before they call the police to look for you.”
Disgruntled, annoyed, and extremely drunk, Damon stood and let Dave help him to his car. Time to face the music.
The sound of the front door opening then slamming shut reverberated with noisy finality, even upstairs in Kendra’s room. Damon! Heaven fairly wilted with relief. “I’m going to see him,” she mumbled and left in a rush, not bothering to look back. A glance at the clock on the wall, as she descended the stairs, indicated Damon had stayed out quite late. She ran around the lower level looking for him, but couldn’t find him.
As she passed the stairs to the basement, she heard some noise and paused.
Damon must have gone to the recreation room. Her heart banged wildly. She needed him in her arms. As she neared the bottom step, she heard Damon moving around on the far end of the room, by the bar.
An unusually disheveled Damon stood there, pouring vodka into a tumbler. In a cut down navy sweat suit, sleeveless, his muscles taunted her. His raven hair appeared tousled and his too-bright, emerald eyes told her he was over-the-edge drunk. An uneasy rumbling vibrated deep in her gut. Had her night of wonder and love affected him this way? She fought for composure.
If Damon knew she stood there, he didn’t look up, but kept concentrating on his drink. Damon looked into his glass, as if thinking what to do next. Suddenly he threw his head back and indulged in a long drink. As he swallowed, he caught sight of her – she saw it. He treated himself to another healthy swig, and then leaned his back against the wall, one foot flat against the paneling, his glass in hand, looking down at whatever liquid remained.
“You’re drunk,” she said. She’d never seen him this way before, and it bothered her.
“You’re v-very observant,” he said, in a loud voice. With that, he gulped down the rest of his drink and stared at her, defiantly. As he sauntered past the bar to a sofa, he almost tripped over his feet.
“Damon!” she cried out, her stomach jumping to her throat. She dashed towards him, but, when he looked up at her, she halted. The look in his eyes forced her to refrain from moving. The temperature in the room seemed to drop, as if he controlled the atmosphere with his potent stare. It felt odd that last night he’d been at her disposal, yet now she felt touching him would be a big mistake.
“How long have you been drinking?” she asked, her eyes raking his tired face.
“A long time.” He found a bottle of whiskey and opened it. Then he put the glass to his mouth, inclined his head, and drank the liquor straight.
“Damon, don’t!” she ordered. She ran up to the bar and started to move around it, but he shot her another frosty stare that stilled her.
“No!” he commanded.
She stared at his closed, forbidding face and gathered her lower lip in her teeth. “Why are you acting this way towards me?” she asked. God help her, he had to explain!
He drank some more.
Heaven felt a sinking sensation in her gut. He’d obviously had an emotionally draining day.
“Getting drunk won’t solve anything,” she said, wishing he’d put the impersonal bottle down and turn to her – a warm person who loved him with everything she had.
“I’m over t-t-twenty one,” he said.
“You’re also ready to fall on your face!”
“It’s my f-face to f-fall on!” He grabbed for the whiskey again, but she snatched it first and knocked it over.
His fist pounded the wet counter and drops of whiskey flew. “S-s-see what you did, you bewitching wench?” He leaned his palms on the counter.” I’ve b-been drinking since I left the sh-shelters.”
“You drove in this condition?” Her stomach twisted. “Damon, it’s so dangerous to drink and drive. You know this!”
“Bar’s just a few blocks away.” With his face only about a foot from hers, he said, “I didn’t drive; left the tr-truck at the bar and Dave drove me.”
She could smell the strong odor of whiskey on his breath. Thank God he hadn’t tried to drive in his condition. Still… “You could have been hit by a bus.”
He eased into a silly grin. “That would have solved my pr-problems.”
“Don’t say that!”
“It w-would have solved your problems t-too.” He kneeled behind the counter and, rose on unsteady feet, holding up another bottle of whiskey.
“Damon, stop it!” she demanded.
“No.”
“Damon, you can’t pretend that last night didn’t happen! We have issues to discuss.” She wanted to weep. So her fantasy night had come to this.
“Yes, we have things to d-d-dish-discuss.” He answered belatedly.
“Will you stop drinking, damnit?”
“Only if you g-go away.” His eyes narrowed on her as his face tensed. “Don’t you understand that you’re the reason I’m drinking?”
She felt nauseous, but swallowed the bile, desperately trying to maintain her dignity. “I do know that, Damon, but I don’t understand why. Did I – hurt you in some way?”
“No! Oh, Christ, no, Heaven!” He banged a hand on the counter. “It’s not your fault. I’m the one who should have st-stopped us last night!” He balled a fist and struck the wall, hard. The sound of his knuckles connecting with the wood made her cringe.
She winced. “So – last night…”
“Wasn’t real, Love.” He set the whiskey bottle on the bar top.
She shivered and reached over the bar to pinch his chin between tight fingers, tilting his face to meet her eyes. “It felt real to me, damnit! It was real!”
He laughed a loud, harsh, ugly laugh and pulled away from her. “In what way was it real? You – you don’t even know me. You don’t know the worst I’ve d-d-done.”
“There’s nothing you could tell me that would change my feelings towards you.”
“You think. Why d-don’t you ask me?”
Heaven knew how Damon could beat himself up over little things. “No. I don’t want to upset you more than I already have.”
Damon snorted, and then laughed, stumbling once and catching himself on the counter. “Dearest Heaven, you upset me the moment you c-came here! I t-told you t-to leave me alone. No, you had t-to follow me around, t-torture me, be my friend, flirt with me – then it got out of c-c-control.” He took a drink of whiskey. “Damnit, I t-told you we had t-too many differences, but you k-kept after me!” He slammed the whiskey bottle down.
“So you blame me and only me?” Her temper pricked. “You didn’t flatter me? You didn’t kiss me? This is my fault?”
“No.” He took a breath. “It was my job to t-take care of you so I blame myself. Either way, you have t-to leave now.” He turned his head from her, and she watched him gaze at the wall, distant
and moody.
“I don’t want to leave.” She stood tall, lifting her chin in defiance.
“You have no choice. It’s done.”
A knife ripped through her. “Why can’t I just stay and take care of Kendra? She’ll need a caregiver.”
Damon leaned on one elbow, peering at her over the bar. “I couldn’t bear it. We need t-to stop playing g-g-games and move on with our lives.”
“You said you loved me.”
Time seemed to stop. Their eyes locked and she could tell he was trying with all his ability to remain stoic.
Finally, Damon straightened up and staggered a little. She started to run around the bar to catch him but he steadied himself, pressing a hand against the wall. “D-don’t embarrass me by playing nursemaid, Heaven. I’m fucking d-drunk, that’s all.”
She didn’t argue the obvious. “Do you love me, Damon?”
“No.”
The word echoed in her head, echoed through the room, echoed through her universe.
“What did you mean last night then?” She was surprised she could respond.
“It was lust. Lust! I can’t f-fall in love with anyone and I realized that t-today so I left – I left t-to think about it – and I realized I – I’ve done a horrible thing to you.” He turned away. “Your departure will be imminent, considering what happened. Best for both of us, especially you.”
He didn’t sound open to discussion. She shuddered inside and wished she could cry, but was way beyond tears. She needed to slow down this process of his sending her off…stall for more time…
“I – the only thing I ask is to let me see the gynecologist before I go. I want to make sure I’m healthy for traveling.”
“You’ve seen the gynecologist. Hasn’t Aiden b-been t-taking you for appointments?”
“No.” This foolish truth could buy her more time. She hoped…she prayed…
“He didn’t?”
“I kept canceling the appointments. I’m not happy being on Medical Assistance – and I didn’t want to ask you for more money. I haven’t seen a gynecologist yet. Father Michael wanted me to go when I was at the shelter, but I never did. “ She held her breath.
“L-let me get this straight. You’re f-four months pregnant and you haven’t seen a doctor?”
“Right. I – well – everything seems to be going well. I feel great.”
She heard him take in a breath. “All right.” He sounded harsh now. “I’ll make sure Dr. Miller s-sees you before you g-go. If you g-get a clean bill of health, then you leave.”
She pressed the back of one hand to her left eye hiding a tear that had formed. “I understand. I was hoping though…”
“For a miracle?” Damon raised his eyebrows before tossing back more whiskey.
“Well…yes,”
“You and I d-d-don’t make miracles happen, love, and God left me long ago. You’re better off without me.”
NEVER! “Damon, you’ll be with me, even if we’re apart.”
“D-don’t you mean when?”
Oh, how he wounded her. She finally had to turn away from him. He claimed he didn’t love her, yet she’d never stop loving him. If she could find a way to stay, to maybe force him to accept his feelings for her – oh, she knew he had some real feelings – maybe she could convince him to try rather than giving up before they’d even started. Damnit, she’d seen the love in his eyes last night…
“I’ll go if you insist. It’s your house.” Her words came out clipped, cold. Throwing herself at his feet wouldn’t work.
“I insist. Now get upstairs and away from me. My ac-acquaintance in Toronto has everything in place. You can start packing.”
“Thank him. I’m so grateful.” After she tossed her sarcastic words, she ran across the room and up the staircase, flying up the steps as her heart banged in her head. She stumbled upstairs to her room and snuggled under her blanket. She felt like an empty shell, but a little spark inside of her still refused to give up. Until she was flying on that plane to Toronto, by God, she wouldn’t give up.
Chapter Twenty-One
Aiden had just dropped her off from the Gynecology appointment, and Heaven’s head still reeled from her news. What would Damon do now? Would he still make her leave? She tensed as she told herself she’d find out soon enough.
As soon as she walked through the foyer, and could see through the passage to the study, she knew he was there. When she reached the doorway, he turned from staring out the sliding double doors. Their eyes locked and she caught her breath. Dressed in his customary tee shirt and jeans, his muscular form taunted her. His powerful, bronzed forearms, with their black hairs, caught her attention and she focused on them.
“You had your appointment?” he asked hands low on his hips.
Her gaze moved to his face, arresting in the sunlight. A lock of dark hair fell over his forehead.
She nodded, refusing to let him see her discomfort.
“I assume you’re healthy.” He turned back towards the double doors again.
“For now.”
He glanced over his shoulder. “For now? Are you all right? Is the baby all right?”
His reaction startled her. He’d actually sounded a little concerned. He cared about her and the baby. If not, he wouldn’t have reacted so passionately. She dared to hang onto a shred of hope.
“Are you or aren’t you all right?” he demanded.
She couldn’t resist a grin. “All three of us are fine for now, but it’s a high risk pregnancy.” As his eyes rounded, then narrowed, her grin broadened. “I’m having twins, Damon. I saw them on the sonogram.” Then she thought about the rest of what Dr. Miller had told her and she felt her grin fading. “Because there are two babies, they could come early and require neo-natal care.”
“Twins!” Stoicism was wiped out by shock.
She swallowed hard and nodded. “I could have complications during childbirth, too. She just doesn’t know how it will turn out.”
Damon finally found his voice. “This is — very unexpected. I, I’ll have to call my contact in Toronto to make sure they have the proper facilities t-to take care of you and the babies —”
“Dr. Miller told me not to travel now.” She stood tall and met his stare with as much fortitude as she could muster. “She explained that her hospital is well-equipped for both neo-natal care and difficult deliveries. She prefers I stay here rather than go anywhere else. She knows her hospital is good. She doesn’t know anything about the hospital in Toronto and doesn’t feel I should take any chances.”
Muttering incoherently, under his breath, Damon shook his head. “Twins,” was the first word she could make out clearly. He staggered towards his chair, gripping the back of it. He dropped his head, his dark hair falling forward. “Damnit, I-if she wants you to stay, you should.”
Heaven tried not to act too happy. She had time now, but a long way to go with Damon.
Damon shook his head. “Five more months,”
“The babies could come early,” she said, suddenly angry. It wasn’t like she’d planned on twins. Two babies complicated things. It would be harder to support two children than one. “You’ll get rid of me sooner if they’re premature. Would you like that?”
“No, I d-don’t want the babies to come early.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “This will b-be hard.”
“Because of lust,” she said, with blatant sarcasm.
He leveled his eyes on hers. “Yes.”
“I’ll get larger and larger until I look like a blimp,” Heaven said, bitterly. “Trust me, you won’t feel attraction soon.”
“That won’t matter to me.” His voice softened a little.
“It will matter once I start waddling like a duck!”
Damon’s lips twitched upwards. “You already do. Ducks are kind of cute.”
She giggled, surprised by his sudden humor.
The tension seemed to be easing, but it didn’t last. “If it’s a high risk pregnancy, I want you t-to tak
e it easy. I’m the boss. I pay you. It’s your job to listen t-to me.” He sounded insufferably arrogant and demanding.
“So we’re back to that again? You’re the boss?”
“I’ve always been your boss. I won’t cut your pay, but I’m cutting your duties.”
“But –”
“No buts. Another thing. This time you leave me alone. No following me around. No tr-trying to befriend me. We’ve proven we can’t do that. I insist you not try it again.”
“I won’t promise that.”
Seeing him flinch, she felt some satisfaction.
“You have to promise!”
“Well, I won’t. It’s idiotic for us to live in the same house and not talk.”
Damon snorted and shook his head, disbelieving. “We started out just talking. Remember what happened?”
“I’ll never forget.”
“Me either. And I’ll want more and more of it.”
Heaven shrugged, hoping to cling to the last rung of the ladder. Watching him with unimaginable love and longing, she wondered what was going through his mind. If only she could read inside his head and know his thoughts, but she couldn’t, and he refused to share.
Damon was reeling from the news of the twins. The necessity of a longer stay bothered him; he wished he could read her mind. She seemed concerned about the possibility of preemies or birth complications, but pleased to extend her stay at his house. How the hell would he survive with Heaven around for possibly five more months? Would he have a constant erection, like he did now?
She thought she looked unattractive. He thought she grew prettier as her pregnancy progressed. When she caressed her abdomen and glowed as she looked down at her stomach, he felt tenderness too difficult to describe. She’d make a great mother. She would be the opposite of his own, and he loved her all the more for it.
It occurred to him that he’d been mentally prepared for her to leave the house in two days. A heavy weight sat on his chest. After five more months would he still be able to let her go? Well, he had no choice, but, damn, it would be difficult. He knew his love would grow even more potent the longer she stayed. How would he ever stand it? He couldn’t stand it now.