by Wendi Felter
Damon seemed as enamored of the babies as she. He kept a fatherly watch over them that touched the deepest recesses of her soul. “Little miracles,” he said his voice full of wonder. “Miracles d-do exist.”
“They’re proof,” she agreed, her eyes drifting from her son to her daughter. In her swirl of love for them, the pain and fear of the previous day no longer mattered. Even her captivity at Gavin’s hands had come to some good. She could feel better about it because the babies were the results.
Heaven suddenly noticed her hunger. “Damon, can you run out and get something to eat?” she asked, resting her head against his shoulder, wondering how long he’d let her close to him this time, hoping it would be forever. “The hospital food isn’t very appetizing.”
He kept a hard stare on the babies. “I c-can’t leave you and the twins. Who will watch out for you?”
“Um, the nurses?”
He shook his head. “They have too many people t-to watch. I can do a better job.”
She looked into his face, grinning at how his hair spilled out from under his sterile green cap. He looked ridiculous. He looked irresistible. He also appeared tired, dark circles beneath his eyes, his skin pale under the tan. “You haven’t eaten or slept,” she said, her smile melting. “Damon, you need to go home for a few hours and rest.”
“I can’t.” He firmed his jaw in that stubborn way of his.
“You need a break.”
“I don’t!”
“You do.” The new voice behind them startled both of them and they turned around, and Heaven threw herself into Father Michael’s arms, sobbing happily.
He patted her back, but his eyes fastened on Damon. “I know what happened,” he said, in a no-nonsense voice. “Damon, you saved three lives yesterday. You need to go home, change, and rest. I insist. Don’t worry about the babies. I’ll stay here until you get back. Take Heaven with you.”
“I can’t go,” Heaven said her brow creasing. “I’m still a patient. Plus we don’t have a car. An ambulance brought us.”
Father Michael reached into his pants and threw a pair of car keys at Damon who caught them. “Use my car. It’s parked in the Clergy spot.” His eyes moved to Heaven’s. “I ran into Dr. Miller on my way in, and she’s willing to grant you a two hour pass. I want both of you to get out of here. Now.”
An hour later, Heaven found herself sitting on a soft blanket next to the pond in Damon’s yard. It had felt good, even in her weakened state, to shower and change into fresh clothes. A loose white tee shirt, blue stretch Capri’s and white ballet flats made a comfortable, if not alluring outfit. A sweatshirt draped around her shoulder, keeping her warm. Her hair, long and clean, smelled of flowers.
Damon had taken his time joining her. Sending Aiden outside to watch her, he’d gone to the kitchen and packed a picnic lunch for them. When Damon had returned, he’d shooed Aiden away. Now he and Heaven munched on sandwiches and apples as they enjoyed a cool, crisp autumn day. Damon had showered and changed into a skin clinging soft green sweater that matched his eyes and Heaven thought he looked particularly beautiful.
His black jeans hugged his slender hips and long legs. New white court shoes barely had a scratch on them. His freshly washed hair, still damp, shimmered darkly under a relentless sun.
They ate in silence, enjoying the time together, sharing sandwiches and apples and sometimes licks and kisses to wipe each other’s lips. As Damon bit into his second apple, he leaned to his side on his elbow as his raven waves blew across his forehead. Heaven stared at him for a few minutes. He seemed lost in thought, his eyes remote.
Heaven finally reached over and stroked his cheek. He shifted to look at her.
“What’s going through that complicated mind of yours?” she asked.
Damon took a bite of his apple and swallowed, then offered it to her. Belatedly, he answered. “Life is so fragile. The b-babies could have died. You t-too.”
She saw his throat straining and leaned over to kiss it. “Everyone’s fine,” she said, touched.
Damon raked a hand through his hair. “I realize how much you and the babies mean to me. It’s scary.”
“It’s not scary.” She held her breath, afraid that the simple act of breathing would stall his words.
He took a bite of apple and wiped some juice that dribbled from his lip.
“Damon?”
His eyes still looked lost.
“It’s scary t-to care so much.”
The way he said it made Heaven unsettled rather than happy, but she pushed her uneasiness aside. “Will you drive me back and forth to visit the twins? Since I’m getting discharged tomorrow – I have to see them every day. You know I do.” She lifted his half-eaten apple from his hand and took another bite.
Damon glanced over at her and nodded. “I’m g-going to visit the twins with you while they’re still in the hospital. We’ll g-go every day until they come home.”
Her heart lurched. She loved how he said the word “home.” Maybe it meant something.
“I’m glad you’ll come with me,” she said, trying not to get her hopes up too high.
“As far as I’m c-concerned, they’re mine. I told you that.”
A trickle of warmth flooded through her. “Me too.” She ran her hand up the back of his neck and into his hair. He pulled her close and held onto her as if he never wanted to let her go. In the strength of his arms, she asked, “Are you going to keep us, Damon?” Her lighthearted question masked the underlying seriousness.
Damon went rigid.
“This is a sign, don’t you think? That we’re meant to be together?”
“I’ll do the right thing for all of us.” She could feel his breathing quicken. It tickled her skin.
“Which is?”
Damon didn’t speak for several beats. “F-for now, I’m concentrating on your recovery – and the health of the twins. I can’t think beyond that.”
She felt unsettled inside. “Damon—”
“Let’s enjoy right now. I c-can’t think about the future yet.”
“I can. I want my future with you.”
“We’ll see.”
Before she could ask him to elaborate, he glanced behind her at his wrist and said, “Wow. It’s getting late. Father Michael c-can’t stay forever. We’d better get back.” He rolled to a sitting position then took her hands and pulled her into him.
As he helped her to her feet, the question remained unanswered, but certainly he must realize that their bond could never break; that they belonged together.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Two weeks had flown by.
Heaven inhaled the combined odors of soymilk formula and talcum powder. Baby smells permeated her room all the time, wrapping around her like a cloud of cotton. She loved having the baby’s home with her. Although she’d wanted to nurse the twins, that hadn’t been possible so she spent many hours cradling them to her body while they sucked hard on the nipple of a bottle.
Her clothes had new designs, milk stains. Looking down, she smiled as she noticed yet another small stain over the softness of her burgundy sweater. Her eyes dropped further. Nothing on her tight, non-maternity blue jeans so far. She felt good about fitting back into regular pants so soon after giving birth to twins.
Damon often helped her with the twins, cuddling and cooing to them and even singing. Those times together were sweet, but…
Heaven’s mind drifted back in time as she stood over Damon’s crib, patting his back. It felt like she and Damon had lived at the hospital waiting for the twins to be discharged. During that time, Damon had danced attention on all of them, giving her high hopes for a bright future. He’d been attentive and affectionate, although carefully avoiding discussions about the prospect of her remaining. Still, his behavior had made her optimistic. He’d seemed so attached to her and the babies…so loving and concerned about all of them.
Then the babies had come home and reality had set in.
Sun from the w
indow kissed the faces of her sleeping twins. She pulled the velvety blue curtains shut then backed up to watch her sleeping children. She stopped at Angela’s small crib first and stroked her back. The baby girl enthusiastically sucked her thumb and Heaven smiled gently, warmth radiating through her.
She moved a few paces over to check on Damon once more. He’d been fussy today. Dark hairs stuck up on his head, and she reached to press them down. They popped back up again. She grinned. The twins were undersized and wrinkled, but to her they were stunning. Love wrapped around her heart whenever she saw them. They were perfect.
If only everything else was perfect too.
Damon. As always, her thoughts turned to him. She mulled over him often, and did so now. It seemed beyond her control to keep him out of her head. She knew he’d saved her life, and that of her twins, and she never wanted to be separated from her other half…her soul mate. Oh, she knew he felt the same, but how he fought it!
Although Damon treated her with kindness, his behavior puzzled her. She noticed the love for her in his eyes, usually when he didn’t realize she could see him, often when she caught him from a peripheral view. Sometimes he even surprised her with a fast kiss or sweet caress, but more often he made sure they weren’t alone. In Heaven’s mind he seemed conflicted and confused. This in turn, made her feel conflicted and confused, and drove her crazy. Whenever she saw him, or felt him, she wanted to make love to this man.
Yes, she no longer feared him inside of her. She actually longed for him, wanting the experience of being one with Damon Steele, of experiencing total consumption by love.
The opportunity never seemed to arise. Others were always there. Kendra followed her around, showing amazingly good skill with the babies. She liked to help Heaven with the twins. Father Michael visited often, seeming ten years younger when he held the babies. Francesca dropped by almost every day, often bringing her son.
Aiden came home weekends. There was no more silence in a once quiet house. When nobody visited, often the babies cried for attention. Even when she was alone with Damon, and he made sure it didn’t happen often, he seemed polite and distant, just as he had when she’d first arrived. Had their relationship suddenly tumbled back to Square One? His gaze was far from indifferent; it almost seemed tormented. All in all, he drove her on a bumpy ride in Hell. Sometimes, even often, she could barely stand the uncertainty.
This Saturday night, Heaven felt restless. Aiden had taken Kendra to Video World and the babies were sleeping. Damon had excused himself when Aiden and Kendra had left, saying he needed to make business calls. Business calls on a Saturday night? Hell, he just wanted to hide from her. What had happened? Did the man exist just to drive her nuts?
Aiden and Kendra would soon be home. She had a few free moments now. Once and for all, she intended to have a confrontation with him. Damn it, if he desired a relationship like a pair of faucets that ran hot and cold, so be it, but she had no intention of riding this emotional roller coaster one second longer. As she rose, she heard her own breathing and her hands balled into fists. The time had come to risk it all.
As she strode through the living room, towards the study, she felt a rush of excitement. The shut door meant Damon was in residence, and, whether or not he desired privacy, tonight would be different.
Heaven wrapped her hand around the doorknob, smiling in anticipation, and then suddenly froze when she heard his voice obviously on the phone.
“Yes, please make arrangements,” he said. “I’d say, in a week or two, Mark.”
Mark! His Toronto contact! Heaven sagged against the door, her ear pressing the wood and her knees weak.
When Damon spoke again, his voice sounded softer. “The babies are wonderful. Heaven’s like the missing p-part of me. She’s so unbelievable. B-but this is for the best.”
Her eyes filled with water. No, she thought. Please, no. Don’t send us to Toronto, Damon.
“I’ll talk to you soon, bye, Mark.”
Heaven couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, emotionally paralyzed. Damn stupid, stubborn, impossible man! And so wrong about everything! A sudden fury overtook her, shaking her to her bones. She stormed into the room, slamming the door behind her.
Damon turned around, eyes wide.
She glared, trying to blot out his good looks. He wore only iced blue jeans. The beauty of his physique stole her breath. She tried not to focus on his looks and set her mind back to the issue at hand. After the two of them shared a long, uneasy stare, he turned and moved towards the glass double doors. There he halted, crossing his arms and facing forward.
A lump clogged her throat. “So much for loving the twins as your own!”
“I do love the twins as my own.” His voice was harsh and the words came too quickly.
She took long strides until she stood just behind him. “How can you love them yet send them away? You’ll never see them again.” Or me, she screamed in her head.
He sucked in a breath. “I’ll see them. And you.”
“Not often, with us in Canada and you here! Look, I overheard your conversation. All that false sentiment right after I’d given birth – why? Did you feel bad that I’d had a hard time? Was this more of your sense of duty and obligation? It would have been easier if you’d remained an asshole!”
He had no response.
She stared at his profile and saw his jaw tense.
“You know I love you!” Bitterness exploded with her words. “Were you playing games with me?”
“I don’t want you to love me.” He continued to stare out the glass doors.
“You love me too!”
“No.” He said it too quickly and reluctantly faced her. Looking unconvincing, he said, “I’m fond of you and I love the babies. I think you’re attractive, but – a…”
“Liar!”
He dropped his gaze, and did nothing to defend himself. His silence infuriated her and she leaned against the glass door beside him in order to see his face. His lashes shaded his eyes. Angrily, she grabbed his forearms and dug her nails into his flesh. “I know you love me, Damon! Yes, we both have problems, but I’m trying hard to overcome mine. You’re not! You’re no hero after all. In fact, you’re a coward!”
He rested the side of his head against the glass and stared down at her. “I never said I was a hero.” His eyes flashed with self-hatred before all emotion disappeared. “I promise to make sure you and the babies never g-go without. Financially I’m t-taking care of you.”
She gaped at him. “That’s it?” Her body trembled. “I don’t want your money! We don’t need your money! We need you! We need your emotional support!”
He shut his eyes, and then strode to his chair. She followed him. She’d finally say it all. If he hated her afterwards, so be it. She loved him too much not to risk everything, even his loathing. “Say something, damnit!” she shouted.
His hands grabbed the wooden frame of his chair. His knuckles were white. “It won’t work, Heaven! I’ve thought of every scenario. At least I’ve changed enough to v-visit you and the babies and I’ll still protect you fr-from Gavin…”
“Screw that!” She banged one fist into her palm. “We belong together! I know we do!”
“No! You can d-do better than me. Now that you’re past the worst of your sexual issues, you c-can find a better man. You d-don’t need somebody with my baggage.” His distain for himself rang through his voice. “You don’t want somebody like me.”
Heaven couldn’t believe him. She had to compose herself before she could spit out any words. Was he such a fool? Finally she found her wits. “The only man I trust enough to make love to is you! Do you think I could do what we did with anybody else? Do you think I want to?”
His throat worked hard. “Yes, I think you can – with somebody m-more deserving.”
Every muscle in her body tightened. “You’re so wrong!” She wanted to shake him. “So this is how it ends?”
He found her eyes and she felt the hypnotic pull he p
ossessed. The air hung heavy with tension and the silence seemed to last a long time.
“You’d only leave me anyways.” He turned away.
Now she knew. Heaven felt a massive letdown. This was the last and final obstacle. He didn’t worry anymore that he’d hurt the twins or that his marks would repel her. He knew she didn’t think him a murderer either. The abandoned little boy inside the man would rather not have her at all than risk losing her. That was all that was left, but a formidable problem.
“Damon,” she said, her voice softening, trying to reach him, “I’m not like other people you’ve known. I’d never leave you.”
He didn’t say anything. A hand raked through his hair, his telltale sign of agitation.
She felt him slipping away from her. A single tear fell from her eye and she caught it. “There’s nothing you could do to stop me from loving you. But if you’re going to send me away – please make love to me first.”
Damon’s head shot up. “That would be wrong.”
“I’m tired of your rights and wrongs.” Fingers trembling, she pulled her sweater over her head. A moment later, her jeans lay on the floor in front of her. “Make love to me, Damon. At least give me this night.”
She could see his eyes bulging. He was angry, yet the anger was outweighed by the interest. His shoulders rose and fell quickly. His hands clenched in fists.
“I want you to do it.” She tossed her head in the flirtatious way that he loved. “I’m not afraid with you. No matter what you say, I know you love me.” He loved her, yet he’d destroy them. Silently, she challenged him with her fierce stare.
Without a word, he unsnapped his jeans and stepped out of them, then slid out of his briefs. He tossed them to one side and they landed on top of her clothes in a crumbled heap.
Her head spun. It would happen. Prickles of excitement forged to her gut as her body weakened. He looked surreal in his masculine beauty. She caught her breath. She could have stared at him all night… No she needed more.