“She lives,” Taien assured them, as he set her on the ground.
Arabella ran over to Wynn and held her hand. It was as cold as ice and clammy but she felt her pulse through her skin and her magic wind its way through her. She would live. Carefully she allowed Wynn’s emotions to surround her; it surprised her to find that she had missed them. Wynn had always been a comfort to her, even if she was as great a natural beauty as she, and becoming just as skilled in both magic and combat. Wynn was her friend and her relief that she was alive was overwhelming. She sat back on her heels and could not help but wonder what really had happened to Wynn.
Irik and Taien glanced at her and then each other, both having caught her thought. She watched them both shrug in their ignorance, no one knew what had befallen Wynn. The answer would have to come from her mouth. Arabella brushed a stray hair from Wynn’s face before eyeing the hall despondently. She could not connect the two, the broken walls and ancient beauty of the Seminary, destroyed at the hands of her unconscious friend. The Great Hall seemed to be one of the only rooms that had completely survived the attack and Arabella was glad they had some place to shelter whilst they figured out what to do.
The groans and whimpers of the wounded added to the bleak sight of the Seminary. The sunlight filtered in from the roof pleasantly, contrasting with the sight of the wounded. It had been many hours since they had been brought in, but there were too many wounds and too little professors to ease every ache. Some had had to wait whilst the seriously injured were treated and it had been hours. Arabella stood up and shook off her fatigue, she had escaped the attack uninjured and there was no time to mourn the loss of the Seminary when so many of its students were crying in pain.
She stopped before the first boy and pushed away his fear and pain automatically, she had many years practise in filtering between the useful emotions and useless ones, and right now she had no need to know how much the boy’s fractured arm and sprained ankle hurt him. She sent her magic into him expertly and eased the pain and set the fractured arm. It was a quick and easy thing to do, and she had soon sent him to sleep and moved onto the next victim. It was in this fashion that she and the other professors passed the hours until it was night and every student was in a deep and magically induced sleep. The professors all filed out, when they were sure they were not needed anymore, until only Irik and Taien remained, waiting for Wynn to rise.
They did not have to wait long; she woke to the darkness of the Great Hall. The moonlight danced through the roof, casting a silver glow on the stone floor and on the sleeping figures. Wynn slowly and weakly sat up and leant on one elbow, ignoring how the point of her elbow dug into the hard stone, and eyed the hall, noting that her vision was severely blurred. She could hear two people by the far wall, talking in hushed tones and it took her a moment to figure out it was Irik and Taien.
“She’s awake,” Irik said, noticing Wynn, they broke their conversation and walked slowly around the sleeping figures until they were both kneeling next to her. Arabella had fallen asleep sometime in the night and they let her sleep. Irik propped Wynn up so that she was sitting upright and kept a hand on the small of her back in case she toppled backwards, they did not mention it but they had seen better colour on a corpse.
“How do you feel?” Irik asked.
Wynn swallowed painfully. How did she feel? She felt weak and ill; like she had been beaten within an inch of her life then contracted a serious illness and was only just recovering. And to think her own thoughts! It was the sweetest thing she had ever experienced. To know she could think what she wanted and not be contradicted and never have to worry that something was lurking in the corner ready to pounce on her freedom. How to explain that? She did not have the energy.
“Fine,” she croaked, hoping they would not press her. Her head was cloudy and heavy and ached, for although she knew the darkness was gone its effects still resounded through her body; and she was quickly losing the happiness she had felt at thinking her own thoughts for the enormity of what had happened was pressing on her, in pieces of fragmented memory.
“What happened?” Wynn whispered, praying that it had all been a dream. Praying she had gone crazy, it would be easier to deal with.
Taien looked at her, his face expressionless, “That will have to be answered by you; we cannot think what caused this and what made you behave so strangely.”
Wynn lowered her eyes, knowing it had not been a dream, she could not still the tremors that rocked her body as she considered, “The darkness told me but I – I hoped it was a bad dream. I know exactly when it happened, what caused it, over three months ago in the beginning of my journey, I shall not go to specifics, it is a story for another time, but I made contact with the Dagger of Night. I touched it and was momentarily enveloped in darkness, I thought nothing of it, for I fought it back, but it seems that that contact began to pollute my magic. I was being destroyed from the inside. It burnt me soon after, but still I did not worry, there were many signs and I was too stupid to see them.”
Wynn’s voice had slipped to a whisper and a sob escaped from her chest. She waited for Irik and Taien to shout and scream at her hateful actions that had caused the Seminary to fall and destroy her only chance of ever learning her magic well enough to defeat Aerona, but instead there was silence, save the snores and breathing of the sleeping students around them. She raised her eyes tentatively and found them both regarding her as though she would faint at any moment, she must look as bad as she felt.
She continued hoarsely, “I suppose it can be argued that it was bad luck... though I was once told there is no luck, only Fate. The Hybrid’s are infused with Aerona’s magic to ensure their obedience and give them the power to carry out her actions. It was this magic that entered me when the Hybrid wounded me and strengthened the darkness; it gave it a voice and power and the will to obey Aerona. My moods changed and I found it so hard to be happy. It belittled me and hurt me, weakening my resolve until a week ago the darkness took over completely. I have large gaps in my memory and I am sure that was when my body was not mine to command. I cannot fully explain what the darkness made me do because I truly cannot recall -”
Wynn broke off, her explanation had taken on a defensive edge and she did not wish for Taien and Irik to believe she was trying to talk her way out of what had happened. It was her guilt to bear and she would not allow herself to avoid it. She hung her head in shame and hot tears welled in her eyes, she had never felt so wretched in her life. Her whole existence caused nothing but pain, the list of what she had done would be many pages long, she did not have enough fingers to count them on.
“Wynn, I cannot for one second more allow you to shoulder the blame,” Irik said firmly, “we all know it was not you out there. Please do not make yourself more ill.”
Words. Useless words that washed over Wynn without settling, they could try all they wanted to make her feel better but it was her fault. She was the one that had torn the Dagger of Night from Procel’s grasp. From that foolish second she had doomed them all. She wished suddenly and furiously that she could be alone with her grief, but first there was something she had to see.
“I want to see it,” she whispered.
Taien and Irik both opened their mouths to argue but Wynn raised her hand to them and stood shakily up. She wished her emotions were not so readable, for just standing had cost her a great deal of effort and she did not want Irik or Taien to pity her. She deserved none of it. Ignoring their presence behind her she slumped towards the door, weaving her way through the sleeping figures. She had to bite her hand to stop herself from weeping at the sight of corridors as she made her way through them. Blood dribbled from the fresh bite marks but she gladly let it flow. Everything was ruined, the beauty gone. The corridors had completely crumbled in places and she had to step over and skirt around large piles of rubble. The night sky was visible through most of the corridors, the tapestries torn and broken, she felt as though one more second of sight would kill her
and she was glad when she could hardly see through the tears that fell down her face.
The night air was cold against her face and Wynn was shocked to see she had walked through the courtyard and over the drawbridge. She stared at the thick forest that surrounded them, building her courage; she knew what she would see when she turned around and knew with an iron certainty that it would be more difficult to face than anything she could remember. She felt Irik and Taien on either side of her, not their emotions or urges, that still had not changed, but their warmth and vitality and she was overwhelmed with gladness that they had not deserted her. Taking a deep breath she turned around.
The outer wall was completely crumbled and it gave her a prefect view of the castle walls, nearly all of which had been torn to the ground. The courtyard was scorch marked and strewn with piles of ash. The earth of the grounds had been upturned by the creatures great paws, trees had broken in half and fire had scorched the brambles. The servants’ quarters were just a pile of stone and the courtyard was splashed with blood and rubble. It was completely gone, now it resembled the ruin it had pretended to be. No more learning could be done here, no more living, unless someone had time and patience to rebuild it and Wynn knew that none would stay to complete such a task.
She had been right about one thing, at the sight of the Seminary Wynn was so completely overwhelmed that she was unsure whether to cry or scream or do both simultaneously. She grabbed her hair and pulled, wishing herself pain as a release to her sorrow, never before had a sight affected her so gravely because all of this destruction was wrought at her hands. Taien pulled her into his arms and hugged her, pressing her thin shaking frame close to him. Wynn relented silently, she had no fight even if she had wanted to refuse, and she found she was glad for his warmth for at that moment she felt as though she would forever be cold to the bone with sadness.
And she cried, long into the night until the moon was full and it bathed the ruin in its beautiful light, accentuating the Seminary’s ugliness. Her throat was raw when she had eventually cried herself out. She opened her bleary eyes and saw she was back in the Great Hall. She did not remember being moved but the hours she had spent crying were a blur, she wiped her face wearily and stood up. The sleeping figures had disappeared and the Seminary was silent, she cast her magic out and found the students back in their rooms, some sleeping, some packing their things. She pulled herself back quickly, packing because of her, because she had destroyed their home. Wynn pushed her hair from her face and walked through the corridors in a daze, not quite sure if she met anyone along the way, until she found her room. It had mostly survived; she unlocked the door and went inside to find her room still almost completely intact. It was how she had left it, whitewashed, her bed in the corner and window above it, her dresser just to the right of her, her pack atop it. It hurt Wynn more than if all her belongings had been ruined, she did not deserve them. The sight of them rubbed salt into her wounds.
Taien appeared behind her silently, he assessed the room and his eyes fell on the pack. Wynn knew he was wondering if the Dagger of Night was inside. She walked over to the bag and fished it out, wondering whether she should touch it. Would what had happened occur again? She voiced her concern to Taien, he shook his head.
“No I don’t believe it will, I feel that we destroyed whatever dormant magic lay inside it and now it will only do what it was made for and only be what it is. You are strong enough now to control it if that is what you desire. We should be glad it survived.”
Wynn spun round, “Glad! I wish it had been destroyed, it is an evil thing. I wish that all of my things had been destroyed, I do not deserve them when so many have lost their home because of me.”
“It was not your fault, the Dagger of Night is centuries old, created by some of the first Magus and Mages, the magic was created for a dark purpose and when you first held it you had not inherited all of your magic. You cannot blame yourself.”
Wynn heard him speak but his words meant nothing; she could not free herself of her sorrow. Every time he spoke kindly to her it made her feel worse, she deserved a beating and harsh words to be shouted in her face, not kindness. She found herself suddenly wishing for the Master’s brutality, for right now she deserved it. Taien heard her thoughts but did not comment on them, he knew right now nothing would drag Wynn from her sorrows.
“I think you should sleep Wynn,” he said softly, “everything will be easier to deal with in the morning, once you have slept well.”
Wynn opened her mouth to argue but her bed looked so inviting in the moonlight. She nodded and clambered under the sheets, still fully clothed and filthy and was instantly asleep. Taien stood by her until he knew she was safe in her dreams, his face soft, before leaving and closing the door softly behind him.
Wynn woke to the sound of birdsong and smiled. She opened her eyes and watched the golden light filter through her window and could not help but feel happy. It occurred to her that she had not felt happy for a long while but wrapped up in the freshness of the morning she could not remember why. She lay back on the soft bed and allowed the emotions and presence of everyone at the Seminary to wash over her; she wondered why it felt strange to do so. Did she not surround herself with countless people’s emotions every day? It was relaxing to experience unimportant feelings, impatience at a lost shirt, happiness at the beautiful morning, boredom, but soon those docile emotions shifted and she was suddenly and forcefully surrounded by irritation, anger, fear and sadness. It was potent and inescapable and she could not understand why. What had happ– and then it hit her.
She remembered ferociously, every single thing and the sadness that had been so choking last night settled over her like a fog. Because of her... suffering because of her. She threw her covers off angrily and sat up. She did not know how to feel now, it was undeniable that her voice, her body had ordered the creatures to attack the Seminary, but a voice of reason told her she could not have helped it. Was Lady Fate not working here, in some way that she did not understand yet? Could some goodness be salvaged from this? No one had died and she clung desperately to that fact, she had murdered no one, this time. Wynn swung her legs over the side of the bed and focused less intensely on the collection of emotions around her, she would feel them if she was paying attention or not.
Clothes had been laid out on the dresser, black leggings and a soft white tunic with black stitching. They were pleasant and would be a relief compared to the blood soaked, sweat covered clothes she wore now. Wynn walked over to door and scanned for anyone close by. The corridor was clear and she hurried out, fumbling as she locked her door in her haste. She ran though the corridor and the one connecting it, but she felt a familiar presence nearing. Not their emotions, or urges or their thoughts, but the very essence of their life. Taien. She ran quickly and reached the bathroom door just as he turned the corner. If he was suspicious of the door that closed he did not show it and Wynn heard his footsteps walk past.
Wynn let go of the breath she had been holding. She was not afraid of seeing him; more of what she would feel when she saw his face. This was the first time she had thought clearly in weeks and she could not forget the hurt she had felt at his lying just after she had been attacked by the Hybrid creatures. Did she feel like that now? After everything it seemed incredibly petty. It was safer to stay away until she knew how she felt. Wynn set her clothes on the floor and locked the doors and windows tightly before filling the bath with warm water and adding an array of spices and herbs to make the water sweet.
As she lowered herself into the bath she could not help the groan of pleasure that escaped from her lips. The warm water felt so good against her hurts and wounds and she remembered how much she loved baths and how it was often her place to think. Wynn let her thoughts swirl around aimlessly, not catching hold of any specifically. She felt too many things at once to think coherently but she knew with a certainty that although she would forever feel guilty for the destruction of the Seminary she would not shoulder al
l of the blame. It was a relief to forgive herself, in part.
“Wynn?”
Wynn jumped at the sound of her name which echoed through the bathroom door and around the room. Bath water spilt over the edge and Wynn pushed down the panic that jumped into her throat.
“Yes?” She squeaked back, her voice uneven.
“It’s me, Taien, I’m sorry to bother you and really wish I was not having this conversation through a door, a bathroom door at that, but I was wondering how you were and if you would accompany me to the Great Hall when you are done?”
Wynn’s stomach clenched, though why she was not sure. She put it down to nerves of seeing her friend, who she had been trying to avoid. How was she? Better certainly, that would please him.
“In answer to your first question, I am better,” Wynn replied, imagining the wry smile that would have stretched across Taien’s face at her choice of words, “and I will of course come with you to the Great Hall, I shan’t be much longer.”
“Good, see you soon,” he called through the door and Wynn heard him walk away.
Wynn finished washing her hair and stepped out of the bath, dried herself and dressed quickly. Suddenly she was anxious to get to the Great Hall, she had the feeling that something big was about to happen, for ill or good she could not tell. She was glad her hair was short for it would dry much quicker and she pushed it behind her ears and walked hurriedly through the corridors. She did not look around her at the walls that had crumbled; she was not strong enough yet to face them head on, so she kept her head down, watching her feet. She was surprised to see no students or professors prowling the hall but as she neared the Great Hall the emotions she had been experiencing since she woke up seemed oddly centralised and she realised that they were all there, the students, professors and even the servants. She opened the door warily.
Over three hundred eyes swivelled toward her and she felt oddly like she had been plunged into a freezing and violent lake. Every single emotion was like a knife in her heart because all of them were focused on her in some way or another. She blushed under the numerous eyes and lowered her head in shame. She could pick Arabella out, even in the sea of emotions, she stood so confidently, arrogantly some would say, and she was regarding her friend carefully. Wynn sent her magic out into her mind.
Shade of Destiny (The Foreseeing) Page 50