by LuAnn McLane
“No. I didn’t mean it that way. I do believe your mama and daddy love each other. Your father simply made a good living but unfortunately it kept him on the road. And I think it pained Tommy to see me get to do the things with you that he wanted to do. I knew he was jealous of our relationship and used to treat me kind of shitty because of it. Avery, your dad used his grumpy moods as a shield against showing how he really felt having to be on the road all the time.”
“Seriously?” Avery felt an odd pang in his chest. “How do you know this?”
“’Cause Tommy told me so. We almost came to blows one night after a few beers, and then we had a comin’ to Jesus meeting.”
Taken by surprise, Avery shook his head. “When was this?”
“Few years back.”
“Damn.” Avery lifted up his baseball cap and scratched his head. “I used to get so pissed at Dad for not being around. I guess it never occurred to me that he really wanted to be at my baseball games and school functions.”
“Trust me—he sure as hell did.”
“So why didn’t he tell me and Zoe this stuff?” A bit of anger warred with sadness at the notion that he understood his father so very little. “I always wanted a closer relationship with him.”
“It’s never too late, Avery.”
“But I just don’t get why he couldn’t have had this conversation with me.”
“I dunno. Maybe he will someday. Pride can get in the way of a lot of things, Avery. Sometimes when something hurts, it’s easier to lock it up inside rather than face it.” He paused to cast his line and then looked over at Avery. “Or at least we think so, especially at the time.”
Avery felt an ache settle in his chest. “Or pretend it doesn’t matter, which is what I guess Dad often did.” He sighed. “Honestly, I think that I really did know Dad wanted to be around rather than on the road. I guess bein’ mad at him was easier than admitting how much I missed him. Stupid on both our parts, I’d say.” Avery shook his head. “But Mom never complained even though she was basically a single mother most of the time. And rarely said a cross word to Dad even when he deserved it.”
“I think she’d heard enough cross words and shouting to last her a lifetime. And Carla most likely understood Tommy’s moods. Not that bein’ a grumpy ass was right.” He unscrewed the cap from a bottle of water and guzzled half of it. “But honestly, I think Tommy suffered from bouts of depression that none of us understood. I don’t think he understood it either.”
“Looking at it from another point of view makes more sense. Dad did often seem unhappy for no real reason. You’d think he’d be so glad to be home but it sometimes felt as if he couldn’t wait to get back on the road.”
“Yeah, as the saying goes, we can’t walk in someone else’s shoes so we’re not to judge. I guess I should have said more about Tommy to you, but I didn’t want to get in the middle of anything between you and your father.”
“Maybe someday he’ll want to talk to me about it,” Avery said. His father was a quiet man so getting him to open up wouldn’t be easy but it would be worth the effort.
“That would be a good thing. So tell me, did Sophia actually suggest doing this pretend-dating thing you were telling me about?”
“Yeah, it’s only until after the wedding and then she suggested a big public fight.”
His uncle gave him a measured look and then chuckled.
“What?”
“I’ve seen you two together. I think you’re both foolin’ yourselves.”
“We’ve become good friends over the past few months. Maybe we don’t want to screw that up. And she suggested this scheme, not me.”
“Well, maybe you should suggest dating for real.”
“I don’t want to risk pushing her away, if dating for real isn’t something she wants to do.”
“And maybe it’s well worth the risk.”
“You should talk!” Avery waited for a comeback but his uncle suddenly went as silent as birds before a storm. “Well, now, did I just hit a nerve?”
“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about. Damn, I just missed a bite.”
“Right, sure you don’t,” Avery said, and got a grunt in response. “Maybe you need to start practicing what you’re preaching, Uncle Easton,” Avery said and gave his uncle a look of challenge.
“Well, now, maybe I already have.”
Avery nearly dropped his fishing pole overboard. “Come again? Are you seeing Carrie Ann for real?”
“Maybe.”
“Well, it’s about damned time,” Avery said and meant it.
“Yeah,” his uncle nodded. “Tell me about it. I mean, we’re two old farts so I don’t know where this will go but I think I’m ready to give it my best shot.”
“You’re a pretty good shot so I think odds are in your favor,” Avery said with a grin. “Wow, this is some really cool news.”
Easton chuckled, but then said, “Avery, even though you won’t talk about it, I know that Ashley must have done somethin’ to hurt you.”
“I just want to move on.”
Easton raised a palm in the air. “You don’t have to admit to or say anything. I respect your privacy. But it’s pretty easy for me to figure some of this out. You’re protecting Ashley by keeping quiet about something. I know you too well.”
Avery looked out over the water wishing once again that he could confide in his uncle. He knew that Ashley’s secret would be safe, but he couldn’t bring himself to divulge the truth, even if there was a part of him that wanted the whole damned world to know what she’d done to him.
“If you ever want to bend my ear over what happened you know I’ll be here for you. And you know I’ll keep my mouth shut.”
“I know.” Keeping this secret bottled up inside hadn’t been easy or healthy, but when it came down to it, his word was his damned word and that was that. “Thank you, Uncle Easton,” he said sincerely but decided to change the subject before he spilled his guts. “So you and Carrie Ann finally were spotted gettin’ really cozy at Wine and Diner. Holding hands and dancing real close.”
“People in this town need something better to talk about.”
“You’re dodging the question.”
“We’re not serious or anything.”
“Do you want to be?” Avery asked.
“I’ve been sweet on her for some time but felt the need to fight my feelings.” He grinned and pointed at his head. “Why do you think I keep my hair so danged short? I know what days she eats lunch at Wine and Diner and what time she has her coffee at Walking on Sunshine and I would just so happen to stop in at the same time. Son, guess I’ve been foolin’ myself for a long time.” He shrugged before casting again. “There’s no fool like an old fool.”
Avery laughed. “I pretty much had all of this figured out. I just wondered if you’d ever get up the gumption to go for it.”
“Yeah . . .” Easton took a drink of his water, and then side cast his bait beneath a weathered dock. “But I do wanna tell you somethin’.”
“Go on.”
“Lookin’ back, I see now that I let my childhood dictate a lot of my life. I decided early on that I wanted to stay single and not live an unhappy existence filled with constant turmoil. And I sure as hell didn’t want to have children and put them through hell. I was pretty damned afraid of that happening.”
“I understand, Uncle Easton. I told myself that if I ever had kids I’d be around for them. I mean, it’s only natural to want to avoid or be the opposite of what causes us such pain.”
“Yeah, but when it holds you back from happiness then you’ve got to do somethin’ about it. I’m nearly fifty-six years old and it’s about time I give fallin’ in love a whirl.” He shrugged. “If I crash and burn, so be it. What do I have to lose?”
“Well, the crashin’ and burnin’ part for starte
rs,” Avery pointed out but his uncle tossed his head back and chuckled. “So what are you tellin’ me to do? I mean, you’re assuming that Sophia would be open to the idea of somethin’ real between us.”
“Is that so far-fetched?”
“Are you forgetting that this pretend thing was her suggestion?” Avery suddenly thought about the Lady and the Tramp movie that they’d talked about. “I guess it’s not completely out of the question.”
“What, that Sophia could fall for someone hardworking, honest, and good-lookin’ as you? I mean you do take after your uncle, after all.”
Avery laughed. “Well, when you put it that way . . .”
“Seriously, Avery, you can look at this as pretending for the sake of getting Zoe off your back about Ashley. And hopefully it will work because your sister can be pretty damned determined.”
“Tell me about it.”
“But maybe you should consider giving this silly scheme a fighting chance.”
“I know.” Avery nodded but a cold shiver of anxiety slid down his spine.
“You don’t have to say anything right off the bat but if something real starts to develop, then . . . you know what I’m sayin’.”
Avery reeled in his line and looked for a frog to flip across vegetation near the shoreline. “Yeah, I know what you’re sayin’ but I’ve done the crashing-and-burning thing and it really sucks.”
“Then go slow,” he said. Then his eyes widened. “Hey, I got a bite!” He started reeling and then shouted, “Fish on! Get the net. We’re gonna need it! Damn he’s a fighter!”
Avery laughed and felt his blood pumping with excitement for his uncle. After a few minutes of laughing and cussing up a storm, Uncle Easton reeled in a huge smallmouth bass. Avery had the net ready and a moment later the fish was in the boat.
“He’s a big one!” Easton shouted, and then gently removed the hook.
“Let me get a picture!” Avery reached in his jeans pocket for his phone.
“Yeah!” Holding the fish up high, he hammed it up for Avery’s cell phone camera, and then tossed the prize back into the water. “Send that to me, will ya? That had to be about a seven-pounder. I need proof.”
“I’ll vouch for ya.” Avery sent the picture to his uncle’s phone but he also sent the picture to Sophia telling himself that it was just a friendly thing to do and it would bring a smile to her face. But he knew better—just like his uncle had seen right through the pretend dating It wasn’t just a genius plan to squash the Ashley situation but also a way for him to keep his growing attraction for Sophia from showing. He’d wanted to tell her how he felt at the pizza parlor but she’d all but insisted on the fake-dating scenario, making him hold back. Pretending to pretend was a pretty crazy thing to do, but he just wasn’t ready to let his true feelings show if it would end in him only getting hurt again.
Avery knew damned well that Uncle Easton was absolutely right about letting the past go and not letting pain get in the way of something good. He just hoped that someday he could muster up the courage to do it.
While he’d gotten past the pain of Ashley’s betrayal, he didn’t know if he’d ever trust someone enough to risk that kind of whiskey-drinking heartache again. Even though Sophia seemed so honest and so sweet, Avery just wasn’t ready to completely let his guard down.
He liked her. He just wasn’t going to let her know how much he wanted to date her for real.
At least not yet.
8
Let It Go
As much as she’d like to sleep in, Carrie Ann always woke up to the first bird chirping outside her bedroom window. “It’s Monday. The salon is closed,” Carrie Ann mumbled. She rolled onto her side and refused to open her eyes. But her brain started ticking off all of the things she needed to do for White Lace and Promises and so falling back asleep wasn’t remotely an option. Even though Sophia was going to run the creative end of the salon, Carrie Ann remained in charge of ordering products and keeping the books.
The early-to-rise habit dated way back to when she had to help her mama get Ava and Ellie ready for school. Ava insisted upon wearing outrageous outfits to kindergarten, causing quite a morning ruckus. Ellie, the little rascal, liked to sneak back into bed while Ava pitched her hissy fits leaving Carrie Ann almost no time for her own primping, usually resulting in a ponytail, jeans, and whatever top she could manage to round up. For a former cheerleader, this hasty morning ritual was far less time than she would have wanted. But then again, primping became less of a priority when her social life waned.
Carrie Ann still lived on Oak Street in her family home where she grew up. Although the older house required a bit of maintenance, she never seriously considered moving, telling herself that the close proximity to the salon was the reason, but deep down she knew she didn’t want to give up her ties to her childhood and to the father whom she still missed to this day.
Fingers of sunshine reached through the blinds into the bedroom, beckoning Carrie Ann to rise and make her coffee. But today, she resisted. Instead of immediately tossing back the covers and having her feet hit the cool hardwood floor, Carrie Ann stubbornly remained in bed, snuggled beneath the fluffy down comforter.
Sometimes, if Carrie Ann closed her eyes and remained very still, she could hear the echoes of the memories embedded in the walls. She did so now and smiled, remembering the giggles of her sisters coming from the bedroom across the hallway when they were supposed to be sleeping. Bedtime stories were a nightly ritual instilling a love of books in Carrie Ann and her sisters. When Carrie Ann was older she’d stay up past her bedtime and read with a flashlight, hiding beneath the covers until she dozed off.
Mary Spencer always cooked a big breakfast, even on school days, because their daddy enjoyed starting the morning with a hearty meal. Carrie Ann remembered the aroma of strong coffee and bacon tickling her nose. Pots and pans clanking always sounded cheerful and breakfast remained her favorite meal to this day. Her daddy, bless his heart, was a morning person, always singing and whistling, coming in every day to wake Carrie Ann up with a hug. He smelled of minty toothpaste and Irish Spring soap and even though she grumbled about getting out of bed there was nothing better than waking up to her father’s smile.
Charley Spencer had laid carpet for a living and her mama cut hair out of their home so she could be there when her girls got home from school. While they hadn’t been wealthy, and they’d had their share of squabbles, love and laughter had filled the Spencer household.
And then, seemingly as fit as a fiddle, good-natured, hardworking Charley Spencer up and died of a sudden heart attack.
“Thirty-eight years old,” Carrie Ann whispered and inhaled with a little hitch. She ran her fingertips over the edge of the soft sheet, letting the memories wash over her, something she rarely allowed herself to do because she’d always end up crying. But for whatever reason, this morning she wanted to remember.
They’d lived in a small town, a simple life free from the stress of wanting modern-day extravagances. When something broke, her father fixed it. Clothes were mended and passed down. Vacations meant camping by the lake or a trip to the Smoky Mountains now and again where they would walk the main strip in Gatlinburg, eating saltwater taffy and funnel cakes while taking in the sights.
“Oh Lordy . . .” Carrie Ann swallowed the hot moisture gathering in her throat. As a child she’d rarely cried and if she had it was usually from the pain of a skinned knee or tumble from her bicycle. But emotional tears almost never happened until the day her daddy died. And on the morning they’d laid him to rest she’d shed more tears than she’d thought was even possible to create without drying up and blowing away. And then she’d stopped crying, knowing she had to be strong for her heartbroken mother and little sisters.
If Carrie Ann had known how precious those early years were she would have savored the days and not taken one single moment for granted.
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br /> If she was honest, she supposed that one of the reasons she never married was that she didn’t think she could capture the same kind of love her parents shared and would find her marriage somehow lacking. And of course, she never wanted to suffer the same kind of tragic loss that her mother went through.
But lately she started wondering if she’d let life pass her by. She’d never know what it was like to have a baby or hold the hand of her grandchild. While she’d fancied herself being in love a time or two, as soon as marriage was mentioned, she’d shut down and ultimately walk—no, run—away.
Carrie Ann fisted her hands in the sheets and felt another wave of emotion clog her throat. “Damned change-of-life hormones,” she grumbled. For someone who had always managed to remain fairly stoic, nowadays Carrie Ann found herself blubbering at silly-ass commercials and if she watched a Hallmark movie, tears flowed like a damned waterfall.
Now as she brushed at a tear, she told herself that this was the very reason she rarely let herself travel down memory lane! Old photographs, hundreds of them, remained stored away in boxes because they were just too difficult to look at. “Get your sorry self up and start the day,” she said, but her body refused to move and her brain continued to toss memories at her like a slide show on a projector screen.
Ava and Ellie were ages seven and five at the time of their father’s death and so their childhood recollection of him remained a bit fuzzy. But for Carrie Ann, losing her daddy at the age of fifteen was a sharp searing pain that still came out of nowhere now and then.
Her mama had carried on. After all, what else could she do? Mary Spencer was a steel magnolia through and through. She kept her chin up, worked hard, and managed to keep laughter under the Spencer roof, but Carrie Ann could see that the light in her mama’s eyes had dimmed and sometimes late at night she could hear her mother weeping.
The loud ringing of the phone jolted Carrie Ann from her musings. She reached over and grabbed the receiver from her nightstand pretty much knowing who would be on the other end of the line at this time of the day. She looked at the caller ID and nodded . . . yep.