Relationship? Ha!
Carrie appeared at her side. ‘He walked you home again.’
She tore her eyes away. ‘He’s that sort of fellow.’
‘I bet he walks on the outside of the pavement and keeps his sword-arm free an’ all.’
‘Very funny.’ But actually he was precisely that sort.
‘What did you talk about?’
Was she fishing for information?
‘This and that. Friendship. We talked about friendship.’
At least she had. She had told him what a good friend he was – and he had failed to take the hint.
‘Speaking of which.’ She needed to divert Carrie. ‘What about you and Letty? She sent that kind letter of condolence. Why not go and see her? You’ve been friends since you could walk and talk.’
‘It won’t be the same,’ said Carrie.
‘Nothing’s the same.’ Should she say it? ‘I’ve never had a best friend. You should hang on to Letty with both hands.’
‘Oh, Evadne.’
‘Don’t look at me like that. I don’t want your pity. I know I need to make friends.’
But the one she wanted most was Ted Geeson, and it wasn’t friendship she had in mind.
Chapter Forty-Seven
The gramophone in the corner was playing ‘Don’t Dilly Dally on the Way’, and Adam’s toes tapped along as he paused by each bed on his afternoon rounds. He wasn’t the only one. The chaps were nodding in time to the music or tapping their fingers. A couple were croaking along, encouraged by Nurse Edwards, who had a surprisingly pretty voice, quite at odds with her battleaxe appearance.
‘It’s a grey old day out there, Manning,’ he told Stanley Manning, as he replaced the notes he had been scanning. ‘Still, it’ll soon be Christmas. We’ll have Nurse Edwards warbling “Hark the Herald Angels” before you know it – isn’t that right, Nurse?’
But he didn’t catch her reply, because outside, coming up the drive, was Carrie. Well, both sisters, together with Mr Weston, to be precise; but – Carrie.
He leant towards the window, drinking in the sight of her. Her sister was taller, elegant, beautiful, and not a patch on her. He wanted to run downstairs and throw open the door to draw her in, to help her out of her overcoat … to slip his arms around her and hold her close, to utter the promises that filled his heart to the brim.
Not that he ever managed to see her on her own. At the shop or in the flat, there was always Mrs Jenkins, Miss Baxter, Mr Weston. Here, there were patients, staff.
But if he went down now, just as the three of them separated, he could quite naturally accompany Carrie to whichever ward she was going to, and ask her to spare him some time before she went home.
‘Give me a few minutes, Nurse,’ he said. ‘I’ll be back directly.’
He left the room, followed by the strains of ‘If You Were the Only Girl in the World’, which made him picture himself down on one knee with Carrie sitting on his thigh, her arm looped round his neck. What a fool.
He found the visitors emerging from the corridor where the cloakroom was.
‘I saw you arriving with a pretty girl on each arm, Weston,’ he said cheerfully.
‘Setting a good example to you younger men.’ Mr Weston looked more than a little pleased with himself.
‘Half-day closing today,’ said Miss Baxter, ‘so you’ve got all three of us. Mr Weston is reading and I’ll offer to write letters, and what about you, Carrie?’
‘I said I’d help sort out the linen.’
‘Excellent!’ said Adam, and it was. Mr Weston and Miss Baxter would head off in one direction while Carrie went in the other. ‘I’m going that way.’
It would give them a minute together, but that was more than he had had since he couldn’t recall when.
The office door opened and Sister Wicks appeared.
‘Miss Baxter – thank goodness. Could I trouble you to assist with a little paperwork?’
‘Haven’t you replaced me yet? I thought you held interviews last week.’
‘We did, but there were no suitable candidates. Most disappointing.’
Miss Baxter went into the office. Adam tried to usher Carrie away, but her eyes were fixed on the office.
‘Excuse me, Sister. If you aren’t suited yet, I wonder … my friend’s sister. The Hardacres are decent people and their Joanie was always bright. She didn’t go to high school, but her parents let her sit the scholarship so she’d always be able to prove she was clever enough, even if they couldn’t afford to send her. What do you think, Evadne?’
‘I don’t know her. She’s much younger than I am. But if she’s clever like you say, and willing …’
‘You could train her,’ said Carrie.
They both looked at Sister Wicks, who looked across at him.
‘Worth a try?’ she enquired.
Adam sighed, accepting the inevitable. ‘Doctor Todd should have a say. I’ll fetch him.’
How had it happened? The private conversation he had hoped for had expanded into a general discussion of Miss Baxter’s successor. Would he never get Carrie on her own?
Mr Weston fell in step beside him. ‘Are you heading upstairs? I’ll walk with you. You look rather down in the dumps, if I may say so.’
‘Things on my mind.’
‘Such as Mrs Armstrong?’
Adam looked at him, couldn’t help it. He didn’t say anything, but merely looking had been answer enough.
‘Tell me to mind my own business if you wish, but I’ve known you all your life and I’ve got eyes in my head.’
At the top of the stairs, Adam drew Mr Weston into an empty room and shut the door.
‘She won’t give me the time of day.’
‘She has been through a lot. Maybe she needs time.’
‘Then all she has to do is ask for it – if she has any interest in me. But she’s made it clear that my … interest is unwelcome.’ Interest! His lasting love reduced to such a piffling word. ‘So I’m thinking of moving on. I’ve been offered a post at a place on the south coast. It’s a big hospital with links to a nearby lunatic asylum. Doctors are starting to accept that some of the soldiers who were locked away because of so-called madness are actually suffering from the same sort of debilitating mental condition that we see here at Brookburn. The idea is to combine as many different kinds of treatment as possible so that every man is treated according to his needs.’
‘It sounds like admirable work and I’m sure it would suit you.’
‘But?’
‘But are you sure it is what you want?’
No, he wasn’t sure. That is, yes, it sounded like a fascinating and important opportunity, but he wasn’t ready just yet to give up on Carrie. Which brought him back to where he had started.
Was he never going to get her on her own?
There wasn’t a drop of moisture in Carrie’s mouth. Should her tongue touch the roof of her mouth, it would stick there for ever. Her heart marked the occasion with deep, solemn beats. Could she do this?
The door opened before she reached it and Mrs Hardacre drew her inside. She gave Carrie a brief hug, placing her cheek close to hers to whisper, ‘Good girl,’ and give her a kiss. Carrie’s mind swirled. Next news – and she had no idea how she got there – she was approaching Letty’s bed and there was Letty, sitting up against a mountain of pillows, hair loose, face shining.
Her own face had once shone like that.
There was a flutter in front of her and her hands lifted instinctively as Mrs Hardacre popped the baby into her arms. Icy water sloshed inside her. She was holding a baby and it wasn’t Joey. How could she? How could they expect it of her?
Her treacherous arms remembered exactly how to hold a baby. The smell of infant and powder and milk streamed through her. The floor opened beneath her feet and she fell back through time all the way to last year when she had had Joey to love. Longing, anguish, regret, remorse, she was going to die of it, right here on Billy and Letty’s bedro
om floor.
Her vision blurred.
And cleared.
The baby didn’t feel the same as Joey, didn’t look like him. Letty’s baby, Letty’s little girl. The baby snuffled and waved a tiny fist. Not Joey. And not a fake Joey. A little person in her own right.
Adorable. She was a baby, so how could she be anything else? Carrie’s heart opened. Her face was wet. She raised her eyes to meet Letty’s, saw her friend’s anxiety and blessed her for understanding, for knowing, for caring.
‘She’s beautiful,’ she whispered. ‘What’s her name?’
‘Dorothy, known as Dolly.’
‘Little Dolly Shipton.’
‘I know we allus said we’d name us eldest girls after one another,’ said Letty, ‘but, well, you know.’
Carrie had no intention of discussing it. ‘Dolly is just right. She’s so small and perfect, with big blue eyes like a doll.’
It hadn’t been easy to start with, getting back with Letty, but of one thing Carrie was certain: it was worth persevering. Getting their Joanie that job at Brookburn had gone a long way towards restoring the old warmth, not just with Letty but with Mr and Mrs Hardacre. Visiting their house, it was almost possible to forget that Billy was anything to do with them. Almost.
When she saw Letty, it was while Billy was at work, and that was best all round. Now he knew what it was to hold his child in his arms, did he regret how casually, clumsily cruel he had been that time? Don’t tek this the wrong way. By all accounts, he was besotted with his beautiful daughter and couldn’t wait for the next one.
‘If you know what I mean!’ Letty said, with a naughty gleam in her eye, and the two of them hooted with laughter in a moment of uninhibited familiarity. Letty leant forward, dropping her voice. ‘It was that pink corset what done it, the one you gave me.’
The back of Carrie’s neck went cold. ‘The orchid corset.’
‘Orchid – aye, that’s right. Billy loves it. He likes easy access to his titties, does my Billy.’
And there it was, their friendship summed up in one crude sentence. Carrie was glad to have Letty back, and Letty would always be special, but they could never be the best friends they had once been.
‘Thank you for making me get back with Letty,’ she said to Evadne as they walked to Brookburn one evening. ‘It was the right thing to do.’
‘I’m glad.’
‘Friends are important.’
Might she and Evadne become friends? No, she was being silly. She wasn’t the right person for her educated, well-spoken sister. You only had to see them at Brookburn to know that. Evadne read to the patients or helped them write letters; and on Wednesday afternoons, she supervised Joanie as she learnt her way round the office. Compare that with Carrie. She much preferred housekeeping jobs. Should Evadne be looking for a friend, she certainly wouldn’t want her younger sister.
As they entered Brookburn, hurrying in from the cold, Carrie stuck like glue to Evadne as they stowed their outdoor things. You never knew when Adam would pop up and she didn’t want to be alone with him. The only time Carrie ventured here on her own was one afternoon a week; she and Evadne each took an afternoon off from the shop to volunteer here, as well as coming here together on Wednesday afternoons.
But coming with Evadne presented its own difficulty, because Carrie didn’t want to play gooseberry if Ted Geeson walked Evadne home. Carrie liked him enormously, though Evadne seldom mentioned his name. Carrie could only hope that Evadne would come to see his worth. Or maybe, having been made a fool of by Mr Larter, she wanted to keep herself to herself. Carrie longed to ask – but Evadne might then start asking questions about Adam, and she couldn’t face that.
Carrie had done it again – slipped off early from Brookburn while Evadne was in the middle of helping a fellow write a letter. Mind you, if she had stayed, then Evadne wouldn’t have the chance of walking home alone with Ted Geeson. Goodness, she was grinning like an idiot. She pulled her mouth into a semblance of demureness. Would he appear this evening? Would he accompany her? She moved so as to turn her back to the door. Otherwise, she would be looking more at the doorway than at the letter in front of her.
‘What else can I say, miss?’ asked the lad.
‘Well, you’re writing to your friend, so why not mention something you used to do together?’
He heaved a sigh. ‘I’m not sure he’ll still want to be my mate.’
‘Maybe he won’t, but you must give him a chance.’
‘All right, then. Well, we used to tie a rope to a branch over the river, and there was this one time when …’
Maybe he won’t, but you must give him the chance.
So easy to say. Much harder to do. She was trying hard to make herself acceptable to the female staff at Brookburn in the hope they would see her as something other than the stuck-up so-and-so she used to be. Was that how Ted Geeson still viewed her?
That evening saw a little breakthrough, which she gladly shared with him on the way home.
‘Sister Wicks had a cup of tea with me this evening. It doesn’t sound much, but it’s a step forward. I’ve made a point of being pleasant to everyone, but they’ve been pretty starchy.’
‘Give it time. They’ll come round.’
‘I hope so. I would dearly like to have a friend. May I tell you a secret? What I really want is a best friend. Carrie’s got one and you can’t imagine how I envy her.’ She did too. Her ribs tightened when she thought of Carrie and Letty together. ‘Then I think how lucky I am to have a job I love and think perhaps I’m being greedy.’
What would it take to make him regard her in a warmer light? Was she wrong to imagine he had once liked her? Could he like her again? What could she say to show his advances wouldn’t be spurned?
‘Actually, I do have a best friend. It’s you. You put up with me at my worst; you kept trying to visit me in prison; and here you are still, taking an interest and just … being here. You’ve even put up with me droning on about wanting a friend when you’re the dearest, truest friend anyone ever had.’
Please respond, please respond. But, far from taking his cue, he was if anything even quieter for the rest of the journey. Had she offended him? Had she put him off totally?
What could she say next time to retrieve the situation? But any ideas she had were neither here nor there, because the next time she went to Brookburn, there was no sign of him and she walked home alone.
Chapter Forty-Eight
Carrie loved Armstrong’s. Her own shop! Who would have thought? Carrie Jenkins-as-was, the girl from Wilton Lane, had her very own business, and a fine establishment at that. Having Evadne in the shop was going well – surprisingly well, some might say. Evadne wasn’t lording it over her, which was how it would have been in the old days. But not now. These days, Evadne was a kinder person, and even though she knew something about antiques, she wasn’t snooty about it. Nevertheless, Carrie felt her own lack of knowledge deeply. Compared to Evadne and Mr Weston, she was fit for nothing but the dusting.
‘I can teach you too,’ Mr Weston offered.
Times were when she would have back-pedalled like mad at that point, knowing she wasn’t anything like as capable as her educated sister. But not these days. After everything she had gone through, everything she had had to face, she believed in herself.
‘If Evadne can learn, so can I.’ Saying it felt good. She wanted to tilt back her head and laugh for joy.
Later, she admitted to Mam, ‘It’s the first time I’ve ever seen myself as Evadne’s equal.’
‘It wasn’t easy … having girls with different back … grounds. And Evadne clung so hard to … her status.’ Mam’s smile was firmer these days. ‘Pa thought she was marv’lous. Almost as marvellous as Evad … ne thought she was!’
‘Mam!’
They burst out laughing, but there was no malice in it, just warm acceptance.
‘I asked Mr Weston to tea tonight,’ said Carrie.
‘It’s only p-poached e
ggs, but we’ve got plenty.’
‘Now he’s offered to teach me, it seemed like a nice gesture. We couldn’t manage without him. You don’t mind that I invited him without asking you first, do you?’
‘It’s your … shop, love, your flat.’
‘I don’t want you thinking I’m going all bossy.’
‘You? Never.’
‘It’s your home, Mam. For ever. I want you with me.’
‘I know, chick. All those … months you fought to make me … better.’
‘Am I interrupting?’
There was Evadne in the doorway, looking like her old cool self. Before either of them could reply, she made herself scarce. Carrie looked at Mam, then followed her sister to her room at the back of the building, which Adam said had been Ralph’s boyhood room.
Evadne was fussing with the trinket boxes on her pretty dressing table. She glanced round.
‘Sorry. Didn’t mean to barge in on something private.’
‘It wasn’t.’
‘It’s all right. You and Mother have always been close. I know that.’
‘Perhaps you’d like to be close to us too.’
‘You don’t have to say that. I’m not a child in need of pacifying.’
Go on, say it. ‘Evadne, do you think we could be friends? I was best mates with Letty for years, but not now. And I really would like a best friend. I wouldn’t expect you and me to be best friends. I expect you’d like someone more educated—’
‘You want us to be friends?’
‘Why not? We had different starts in life, but I think things have evened up recently. Anyroad, the offer’s there, if you want it.’
‘If I want it?’
Oh, cripes. She was going to say no. She was offended.
‘I’d love us to be friends,’ said Evadne.
Carrie huffed out a huge breath and hugged her. After a moment, Evadne hugged her back.
‘I can’t remember the last time you hugged me,’ said Carrie.
‘I can. You were tiny and Grandmother told me off.’
The Deserter's Daughter Page 36