I LAY ACROSS ROMAN’S bed with my math homework spread out in front of me. Two more problems and we are done for the night. We had been studying for over two hours. Well, not the whole two hours because sometimes we would be engrossed into conversation or may have stopped to play a game of Madden on Roman’s new PlayStation.
Yes, underneath this frilly girly exterior, I knew how to and loved to hang with the fellas. I didn’t dare wonder about the guys thinking of me as another guy because with this physique, flawless face, and skills, they all knew what time it was.
That’s one thing I knew Roman loved about me. He didn’t have to become a coach and teach me about football or basketball because I already knew. Plus, I knew how to look good doing it.
“What you get for the last one?” I ask Roman as I scroll my cell, browsing through Facebook.
“Unh unh… no! You want the last one, you do it.”
“Excuse me?” Who the heck was he talking too like that?
“I’ve given you the answers to every problem and I don’t think you’ve answered not one.”
“So…”
“So… how are you going to learn if you don’t even try? You’ve been sitting on Facebook since you got here. If you’d put as much effort in your homework as you do Facebook… I’m sure you’d have all A’s and wouldn’t be in jeopardy of getting kicked off the squad or losing your position as captain.”
I know he did not just go there with me. “Oh I see, you want to throw out low blows, huh?” I flick him off. “Whatever, I just can’t stand Geometry.”
“Well from now on, you will be doing your own math homework.”
“I don’t give a dayum. I don’t need ya help no way.”
“Where is Jaylen at?” Roman’s grandmother sticks her head into his bedroom.
“I don’t know Ma.” That’s what Roman called his grandmother after he found out that his birth mother wasn’t coming back.
“Well, I need to speak to the both of you about something very important. But I’d rather do it when the two of you is here, all right?”
“All right, Ma.” Roman says without looking up. He was too engrossed into his Madden and determined not to let me beat him this time. He had already finished his last math problem and left me hanging so to make him even more heated, I picked up a controller to whoop that butt.
“Boy! You betta turn ‘round here and look at me! I’m talkin’ to you.” Roman reluctantly obliged his grandmother. “Now I’m ‘bout to go to bingo. Don’t y’all be up in here makin’ no babies, ya hear?” I crinkle my nose, look at his grandmother, and then at him. “How are you Orchestra?” And without waiting for me to respond, she left for bingo.
I hated when the old woman tried to be funny and make fun of my name. I had been coming over here for years and never, not once has the old bag got my name right. Whatever so-called witty name she would come up with, Roman never had my back. Instead, he would sit there laughing as if he was about to bust a gut.
“So, what’s the deal with you and the freshman?” I can’t lie, I was dying to know because I thought that stunt he pulled on the bus and at lunch was uncalled for. I didn’t like to be made a fool of, and that’s exactly what he did.
“Who Amber?”
“OH, we on a first name basis I see?”
“Why is you always trippin’? I’m on a first name basis with ALL your friends. You don’t seem to be mad about that.”
“First of all, she NOT my friend! I don’t even know the girl!”
“Why is you gettin’ all out yo hook-up?” Roman pauses the game and lay the controller on the floor.
I get up from Roman’s bed and stuff my homework into my folder. I had to show him I could get an attitude just as quick as he could. I want to ask him if he was really feeling that girl, but I didn’t want to make it appear as if I was thirsty. “I’m about to go.” I hold my folder in my hand ready and willing to leave the situation.
“Oh, that’s how it is now. Just like that you’re going to leave.”
“Yes Roman, just like that.” I could do a lot of things except back down or give in but only when it came to anyone else but Roman. It was hard for me to say no to him. Whenever he wanted sex, I gave it to him, no questions asked. But I know if I wanted to keep him eating out of the palm of my hand, I was going to have to dish these goods out a little at a time. I had to be strong.
“Girl calm down. Ain’t nobody into that lil’ girl. I don’t even know her either.” Roman walk over and tried to soothe me. “You know I only mess with you.”
“Then why the public display on the bus and at lunch Roman?”
“I just did that to piss you off.” He smiles and tries to lean in for a kiss.
“Well guess what?” I push Roman away from me by mushing him in the face. “It worked!” I turn to leave out of Roman’s bedroom door with the intentions of heading home. Roman catches me by the arm and pulls me back into his room. I look at his hand on my arm and he knows to let it go.
“My bad. Come on, we did all this homework, don’t you think we deserve some chill time?” He bites into his lips and lick them. I look at him and roll my eyes.
“Roman, you ain’t slick. I’m not some dumb female you can play with. I know what you’re up to.”
He tries to come in closer for a hug. “What am I up to?” Not waiting for an answer, he continued on. “I just figured we can order a pizza and watch this Redbox.”
I don’t know what type of fool he took me for, but I was going to play along until I got full off the pizza and then bounce. “Is it Pizza Hut?” I ask nonchalantly.
“Come on! You know I know you.” Roman orders the pizza and pops this movie into his PlayStation to watch it. I didn’t even know what the movie was called nor did I care. After I ate about three slices, Roman is all over me sweating. I knew my limits. I didn’t let my mind go there. All the while, he was kissing and grinding on me, I kept seeing that girl Amber’s face. No lesbo. I just couldn’t concentrate but I guess that’s a good thing because I didn’t want to give him none no way. I push him off and tell him it’s time for me to go.
“So, it’s like that? Roman questions feeling offended.
“Like what?” I try to play stupid.
“You just goin’ leave me like this?” I look down at the area of his sweatpants he was referring to.
“Nigga please! That’s all you! Just like I have to do my Geometry myself… You have to do you, yourself.” I roll my eyes at him. “Go take a cold shower!” He done pissed me off now! As if it was my fault, his soldier was standing at attention and my duty to put him at ease. Psst…. He can be gone with those shenanigans.
Roman strolls over and puts his arms around me to try and sweet talk me out of my underwear. “I don’t know why you be trippin’ girl. You know I love you.”
“Uh huh.”
“Oh, so you don’t love me back?”
“Yeah I do, you already know that.” I cross my arms across my chest.”
“So what’s up then?”
“I’m on my period.”
“So why you ain’t just say that then?” He jumps back and puts distance in between him and I.
“I’m on my period butthole! It’s not a disease!”
“Ah, naw. I’m just messing with you.” Roman comes back closer to me and whispers into my ear as if someone else was in the room. “It’s other thangs you can do you know.”
♥♥♥
It was something after 9pm when I had finally made it home from Romans’. I didn’t even bother to come home first or even call to let my mother know where I was. My mother and I always gave each other our own space. We were cool like that. I could talk to my mother about almost anything. Some things were my business only just like my mother felt. Most of my friends thought I had the coolest mother; I felt the same way.
Melody was in her silk robe pouring two small glasses of Hennessy.
“Where’s Harmony?” I say, asking about my little sister.
�
�Went to bed early. She was in her room watching SpongeBob until she fell asleep.”
“Don’t you want to ask me where I’ve been?” I question my mother.
“Honey, I know everything. You wasn’t doing nothing but over that boy Roman’s house.”
“There’s no surprising you is it?” I joke. My mother disappears into her room with the two drinks of Hennessey like she was about to get turnt up and I hear the door close.
I go upstairs to run me a nice hot bubble bath and decide I want to sneak a little shot of Hennessey for myself while I soak in the tub. I creep past my mother’s bedroom, and the floor made a loud creaking sound.
“Symphony! I left my cigarettes downstairs, can you grab ‘em for me right quick?”
“Aight.” Even better.
I snatch some toilet paper off the roll and head downstairs. Taking four Newport’s out of my mother’s pack, I wrap them in the toilet paper, and place another one in my mouth while I grab a plastic cup for my Hen.
Now don’t sleep! My mother was cool but not crazy. She didn’t allow me to smoke, turn up, or have sex but I managed to do it anyway without my mother’s knowledge. Sometimes right under her nose.
On the real, I didn’t like being downstairs by myself. It always felt eerie. That’s why, whenever there was a light switch within my path, I would switch it on. Even with that being the case… it was okay coming but felt worse going. I turn the kitchen light off and run as fast as I can up the steps without making it too obvious I was running from something. What, I don’t know. When I’m alone, it always feels like a presence is behind me. In the shadows lurking. But I don’t tell nobody that though… and you better not either!
Melody’s room was directly in front of the bathroom so the floor creaks again when I go inside the bathroom to lay my hide-aways down and turn the water off.
My mother cracks her bedroom door. “What’s taking you so long?”
“I had to turn my water off.”
“Uh huh.” Melody has the door cracked only wide enough for me to barely get the Newport’s through.
I turn Pandora on my cell phone to listen to some music as I chill out and soak but not too loud to where I’d wake Harmony. I sure didn’t need her waking up and jumping in the bed with me because my mother’s was occupied. Sometimes, if I had another one of those bad dreams where I couldn’t move, I’d go in Harmony’s room, pick her up and bring her to bed with me. I guess you could say she was like my real life teddy bear. I don’t let nobody know that either. In the morning when she wanted to know how she got there, I’d tell her and my mother she walked in there on her own. I ‘bout have Harmony and my mother thinking the girl practically walks in her sleep.
I have no idea who my mother has in her room with her and why it’s so top secret. By now, I would have met any dude my mother knew well enough to invite into her room at night. I knew my mother’s business was her business but just like she always said to me, “I have to know all your friends and where they live just in case they find your body, I want to be able to find them.”
It made me wonder, what if something bad happened to my mother? I wouldn’t even know where to start. I’m going to have to remember to have a serious talk with her. Then my mind drifts to Amber. It pisses me off that somehow lately she seems to invade my real life space and now it’s as if she just barges her way into my mind. It’s not like I’m having a guilty conscience experience because of how I treat her. I have good reason of treating her like that! That thot is up to something. I can feel it. I can tell she’s real sneaky. I’ma have to watch her. O well, you know what they say… keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
The Newport is gone and so is the Hen. I’m sweating more than I’m getting clean. The Newport has definitely helped the Hen with my buzz and has me feeling right. Normally when I soak in the tub, this late at night and everyone in the house is sleep, I leave the bathroom door opened or at least cracked. I couldn’t tonight because my mother has some man in the house. And like I said, the bathroom is directly in front of her room.
I walk into my room and see my curtains blowing in the breeze. I try to remember opening my window. I walk over about to throw the ladder away from my window until someone covers my mouth from behind and tells me not to make a sound.
12 CHAPTER TWELVE
AMBER STYLES
Makeup Mishap
Fitting In (Is Hard to Do) Semester 1 Page 11