by Lynda Aicher
The asshole attacker dug in his pocket and jerked out his phone.
“What are you doing?” her dad asked.
The man glared at them all. “I’m calling the cops.”
Liv spun around. “Why would you call them? To ruin my event?”
“Vivian,” her mother cautioned.
“What?” The glare Liv leveled at her mother could’ve frozen an oasis in the desert. “Rick wasn’t supposed to be here. If he’d stayed away like I asked, V wouldn’t be hurt.”
“I’m fine.”
Vanessa’s voice shot through the growing chaos, and everyone turned in unison to stare at them. He wanted to haul her the hell away from all of them, but she pushed on his chest, and he slowly loosened his hold until his hands rested on her hips. She brushed away the tears that stained her cheeks and ran a shaky hand through her tangled hair. She looked around the room, pausing on each person until she reached the doorway.
Holden followed her gaze to see even more people spilling out into the hallway. Well, shit. They’d gathered a crowd of gawkers.
“Liv,” Vanessa said, her voice strong if flat. “You need to go out and keep everyone away. Don’t let this ruin your event.” She turned to Grenick and Walters. “You two go with her. Send in Segar, but keep the rest of the players away.” She waited for the men to nod and head out without questioning her before she stared her sister down. “Go, Liv. I’m fine.”
“But—”
“Go. This is your day.” Vanessa spread her arms. “I’m fine. See?”
Liv ran a hand down her sister’s arm, her gaze holding on V’s cheek before she turned and left, the people stepping aside to let her out. Vanessa made eye contact with Jake and Deklan by the door. They both nodded and one of them reached in to shut the kitchen door.
A cold distance settled over the room when the remaining people looked to Vanessa.
She moved out of Holden’s hold, and he had to cross his hands under his arms to keep from pulling her back. What the fuck? The absolute switch in demeanor was so Vanessa, yet it froze him out in a way he had no clue how to penetrate.
She looked between her parents before settling on her attacker. “This is between you and me. It doesn’t involve Holden.”
Someone had given the guy a towel and he pulled it away from his face as he held his phone up. “Since it was his fist that did this to me, I think it does.”
She shook her head. “It’s my call this time.” The deadly hollowness of her words had Holden stepping closer, only to stop when she raised her hand at him without turning away from the other guy.
“Really?” The guy puffed out a laugh then winced. “How do you figure? I only wanted to talk to you and this is what I get for my efforts.” He waved a hand at his face.
Holden ached to pull Vanessa back into his arms, but her stiff spine told him she didn’t want that. It killed him to give her that. He had to drill his shoulders into the wall behind him to keep from reaching for her.
He almost said fuck the distance and what people thought, because none of them mattered if what they had together was real, yet their opinions obviously did matter to her. The pain of understanding socked through his chest with a vicious dose of reality.
Maybe he moved or made a sound, he didn’t know, but she glanced back at him then. The emptiness in her eyes ripped his heart open even more.
“Goddamn, Vanessa.” Vincent Segar stepped into the room, his presence sucking the last of the air from the tension-ridden space. “What the hell is going on?”
The Glaciers’s owner drilled Holden with his stare, and he saw his contract being ripped to shreds. He didn’t care. He glared back, daring the man to do whatever he wanted. There was no way he’d regret his actions.
Vanessa moved between them, her hand raised to Segar. “Don’t. He...” She swallowed, chin lifting. “He was defending me. Protect him, don’t accuse him.”
“Protecting. Right,” her attacker scoffed.
Segar folded his arms over his chest and glanced to the other man, then to Holden’s bloody hand. He met Holden’s eyes for a long moment before he finally nodded.
“Let Heidi know what’s going on.” Vanessa turned around. “Noah, get us out of here.”
Holden stood frozen, his heart stuttering as she made her way to the tall dark-haired man standing in the doorway. That was it? He sucked in a breath, hands fisting despite the throb that radiated out of his swollen and split knuckles. He couldn’t believe she was just leaving him there.
She stopped at the threshold and turned back to him. “Let’s go.” She glared at her attacker. “We’ll do our statements at the station. If you care at all about Liv, you’ll do the same.”
Holden released in a rush the air he’d been holding.
She looked to Segar. “Noah’s a lawyer. You can trust him to handle Holden’s statement and me to clean this up.”
Segar nodded and waited for Holden, then followed them out. Vanessa never looked back after that. Not a word to her parents or any of the people who stood around. No one offered her a word of support or a gesture of understanding, and Holden wanted to shout at all of them for hurting her more.
It was oddly quiet as they walked down the hall. Absent were the raised voices of the kids and the click of her shoes. Her wedge heels had soft soles that were silent against the tile. He stared at her shoes, mentally adding the click, click, click with each step.
Noah led them out the back door and the three of them slipped quietly into an expensive black car. He didn’t even get the chance to hold the door for Vanessa as the other man stepped up and helped her into the front seat. He’d never felt so fucking useless.
Frustrated, he slid into the backseat and slammed the door harder than necessary. Vanessa flinched but didn’t turn around or say a word. He shook his head, his throat dry and sore. She was withdrawing from him, and he had no idea what to do.
Right now, he had to let her go. He ached worse than being beaten in a fistfight on the ice. Only the agony was all internal, except for his hand. He flexed his fingers just so he could feel the real, physical pain.
He kept it up, straightening and curling his fingers, during the entire silent ride to the police station, through the long interview and even under the bag of ice that was eventually given to him. He didn’t stop until the police officer dropped him off at his condo late that evening, the potential assault charge dropped. When he’d inquired why, Noah would only tell him that
Vanessa had handled it.
And through it all, she’d never spoken to him. Not a single word.
He whipped the ice bag against the wall, taking little satisfaction at the dull impact before it dropped to the floor. Son of a bitch.
He dropped onto his couch, his head hitting the back as his eyes closed. Son of a bitch. He’d learned more that night than Vanessa probably wanted him to know. But the knowledge couldn’t be taken back.
They’d been separated for most of the questioning, but he’d picked up enough information to form a picture that reached far into the past. It made him wish he’d hit the asshole harder.
But what Holden really wanted to know was what in the fucking hell had he done to make her turn her Ice Queen shield on him? Could he fix it? Did he want to?
He rubbed his eyes, wincing as his fingers flexed. Not tonight. Damn it. There was nothing he could do tonight. She’d made it perfectly clear through her actions that she didn’t want him around. Didn’t need his support or anything he had to offer her.
Did she really need him at all?
Apparently not, and the answer tore his bruised heart out of his fucking chest.
* * *
“Thank you, Noah.” Vanessa barely recognized her own voice. She didn’t even try to smile at him. The scent of her home welcomed her. It spoke of saf
ety, security and the one place she could let her guard down, but not until Noah was gone.
“You’re sure you’re okay?” He studied her as she turned in her doorway. The gray light of twilight put his face in shadows, but she didn’t reach to turn the light on. The frogs had started their evening serenade, filling the air with croaks and chirps.
She gave a stiff nod, her back straight. “Yes. I’m fine.”
He didn’t look convinced. “I’ll let you know if I hear more from the police. But it shouldn’t be an issue now that Rick has agreed to not press charges.” He started to turn away then stopped. He stared at the ground for a moment before meeting her eyes once again. “Don’t take it out on him.”
Her mouth dropped open with the sucker punch before she snapped it shut. “What do you mean?”
“Holden,” Noah said, shocking her again. “It’s not my place to interfere with your sub, but trust me when I say, pushing him away won’t help.”
She could deny what he said or pretend ignorance, but she was too tired. There was no fight left in her. “How’d you know?” She’d made certain to keep her distance, even though she’d wanted nothing more than to curl back into the safety of Holden’s arms.
“Vanessa,” Noah said, a soft smile transforming his stiff features. It lightened his eyes and took the edge off his hard jawline. “The man is crazy worried about you. He tracked your every movement. It was killing him to stay away, but he did and you know why.” He eyed her, but she stayed silent. After a moment, he went on. “Because you didn’t give him a single indication that he could approach you. He obeyed your silent command, even when it tore him apart to do so. Only a sub would do that. Any other man would’ve been all over you, ensuring you were okay.”
Damn it. The tears were right there, scratching her throat and burning her eyes before she could will them away. Noah was right. She pressed her knuckles to her lips, sniffed and swallowed. Her stomach rolled with the understanding she didn’t want to acknowledge. But the wise man before her forced her to see it with his simple observation.
Holden was completely hers, if she dared to claim him.
“Oh, God.” She stared at Noah, imploring him to help her. “What do I do?”
He gave her another smile, one that seemed to reach deep inside to something only he understood. “I wish I could give you the answer. It’d be easy then, wouldn’t it?”
She nodded. “I never wanted the commitment,” she whispered, a little shocked at the admission.
“I get that. Why do you think I don’t Dom anymore?”
She frowned. “I thought you just kept it private, like I do.”
“No.” His eyes grew sad and distant as he stared into the darkness. “The chance of finding that one I’d want to stay with is too big a risk for me. I...I can’t do it. So I don’t do it at all.” He focused on her again, the sadness hidden behind the stoic mask he wore. “You need to decide which is the greater risk. Losing him, or losing yourself to him.” He leaned in and dropped a kiss on her temple. “Call if you need anything, even to talk.” He went down the steps. “Oh, and call Liv. She’s been texting me all day, worried as hell because you won’t respond.”
She cracked a small smile at that. She owed her sister a call, but she couldn’t do it right now. Not yet. Not when she was still so raw inside. She’d send a text though and hope Liv understood.
She pushed away from the doorjamb and closed the door, locking it with a solid clunk of the deadbolt. The chills had her shivering. The evening air wasn’t that cold, but now that she was finally home—safe—her defense mechanisms fell away to leave her drained and exposed.
Her hands shook and it took several tries to undo the straps on her sandals and set them beside the door. Her knees trembled with each step she took up the stairs. The air in the bathroom swooped in to freeze her solid as she waited for the water to warm.
When she finally ducked under the steaming spray of the shower, she hung her head and let the tears fall. They tore from her chest in quiet sobs that left her aching, empty and done. Her cheek pinched with each gulp of air to remind her of everything she’d lost.
She’d spent almost twenty years isolating herself and controlling every aspect of her life so she’d never be hurt again. Now she had no idea if it had solved anything. She was still alone and the rest of the world went on, oblivious to her pain.
She sucked in a breath and shook off the pity party.
Not everyone was oblivious. She knew that. Somehow, despite her efforts not to, she’d managed to surround herself with people who did care. Friends who’d been there for her when she’d needed them today.
But it was Holden who’d held her together when she’d lost it. It was his presence all afternoon that had kept her from falling apart again. He’d honored her need for distance without making a scene or pressing her when she’d been unable to give more.
She wiped at the tears, even though they blended with the water. She’d had to do it. Had to keep him away because if he’d put his arms around her again, she would’ve crumbled like she was now, and she couldn’t let that happen until the situation had been handled and Holden was protected.
Now she had no idea if she’d pushed him away for good. Had she ruined her future trying to erase her past? Would Holden ever look at her again? God, she wouldn’t blame if he didn’t. She was terrified at what he would see. Even scarier, what would she see when she looked into his eyes now that he knew exactly how screwed up she was?
Chapter Thirty-One
Holden awoke to the banging on his door. The pounding was insistent, hammering with enough force to wake the dead, which apparently he was. He rolled over, groaned and forced his eyes to focus on the clock. Shit. One in the afternoon. How’d that happen?
He stumbled out of bed and down the hall. His eyes had a truckload of grit stuck in them that he tried to rub away on his trek to yell at the goddamn person trying to break down his door.
“I’m coming,” he barked before a yawn forced his jaw wide. Jesus. It’d been nearly morning before he’d finally fallen asleep. The afternoon and evening from hell replayed in his mind no matter how much he’d tried to shut it down.
“Open the door, Hauke.”
Grenick’s deep grumble reached through the barrier before Holden peered out the side window to see who the asshole was. Oh great, a double team. Walters was with him. He scrubbed his face, scratched his whiskers and mentally tried to prepare himself for the grilling.
He jerked the door open. “You’d better fucking have coffee.”
Walters held up a paper cup, a sunny smile on his face. “At your service, dickwad.”
“At least he’s not flashing the neighbors.” Grenick shoved his way inside. “You look like shit.”
Holden took a fake bow. “It’s all for you.”
“Here.” Walters shoved the coffee into Holden’s hand and followed Grenick to the kitchen.
“Yes, please. Come on in,” Holden called after them as he shut the door. He glanced down and cursed. Grenick was right. His boxer briefs covered his junk, but he sure as hell didn’t need that picture on the cover of some rag magazine. “Make yourself at home,” he mumbled when he entered the kitchen to find Grenick digging food out of his fridge. The coffee went down sweet and smooth. It appeased a small part of his morning pissiness, but not much.
Walters leaned back against the counter, feet and arms crossed as he studied Holden. Both men were dressed in shorts and T-shirts, their hair damp and smelling of shampoo.
“Fuck.” Holden sighed and hung his head. “I missed practice, didn’t I?” It wasn’t an official team practice, but with only two weeks until training camp started, every day on the ice counted.
“First time all summer,” Walters confirmed. He rubbed the back of his neck. “So...”
Grenick
tossed some lunch meat on the island and swung around, brows drawn. “Who was that guy you were trying to beat the shit out of? And what in the fuck is going on with you and the Ice Queen?”
Shit. Probably nothing now. Holden had to chuckle though, which helped to loosen the sick knot in his stomach. Grenick always got to the point. “Anything else you want to know?” he kidded. Hell, what was he supposed to tell these guys?
“You want something to drink, Walters?” Grenick had his head stuffed back in the fridge. “Looks like he has beer, coke, water—”
“Water’s good.”
Grenick threw one to Walters then set two more on the island, along with some sandwich fixings. He shuffled through the cupboards, found a plate and set it on the counter too. At six foot five, the man never worried if he was offending anyone. He simply did as he wanted and dealt with any consequences.
“Bread’s in the pantry.” Holden pointed to a door to keep the man from plundering through the entire kitchen.
“Cool.”
Walters laughed. “I wouldn’t stop for food on the way over.”
“I’m hungry after I skate, so fucking sue me,” Grenick grumbled. He set everything out and assembled a sandwich. “So talk.” He glanced at Holden. “What happened?”
Holden sipped his coffee, still debating what to tell them. “Did Segar say anything?”
“He thanked us for having your back and stopping you from killing that guy,” Walters said.
“Right.” Holden winced. “Thanks for that.”
“You were crazy mad.” Grenick flexed an arm. “It’s a good thing I found you first or Walters might’ve gotten his ass kicked by you.”
“Har, har.” Walters rolled his eyes.
“What were you doing there anyway?” Holden looked to Grenick as he stuffed a bite of his huge sandwich into his mouth.
“I was looking for Grenick to haul his ass to the dunk tank,” Walters filled in while Grenick chewed. “I stepped into the building, heard the fight and saw him sprinting down the hall.”
“And I was coming out of the bathroom when I heard you yell at the guy.” He grinned. “I thought your pansy-ass might need saving. And I was right.”