“I don’t want to end this marriage, Nigel.” Even as he said the words, Rand realized they’d never been truer.
“Why?”
“Because I...” Why? That was the real question, wasn’t it? It wasn’t simply a matter of honor, although at this point he had, for all intents and purposes, ruined her. Nor was it any concern of scandal. Like it or not, scandal would definitely accompany any dissolution of their marriage. It had nothing to do with pride or responsibility.
“You what?” Nigel pressed.
Rand stared into his glass as if the answer were there, floating in the amber-colored liquid. The color of her eyes.
“I don’t want to give her up,” he said quietly. “Ever.”
“Because?”
“Because ...” He drew a deep breath and met his uncle’s gaze. “I don’t think I could live without her. I don’t want to live without her. Not a day, not a minute.” He shook his head. “She’s not at all what I first thought I wanted in a wife, yet with every day she is more and more exactly what I want. Or maybe what I need. I can see my life stretching out before me with her by my side and I like what I see.” He shrugged. “It’s all quite perplexing.”
“It’s love, my boy.”
“Do you really think so?”
“Let’s consider the facts here.” Nigel paused. “Do you find her confusing? Is it as if you are totally off-balance when it comes to her?”
“Yes.”
“You find yourself doing irrational things, making unreasonable demands? Behaving very much like a fool?”
Rand blew a long breath. “Without a doubt.”
“And do you want to challenge any man who so much as casts her a smile?” Nigel grinned. “Up to and including beloved uncles?”
“Not beloved uncles.” Rand laughed, then sobered. “But anyone else. Charming princes in particular.”
“Given all that, plus your admission that you want to spend the rest of your days with her”—Nigel chuckled— “it certainly sounds like love to me.”
Rand had considered the possibility, of course. But never having experienced the maddening emotion, it was not at all surprising he hadn’t recognized it. Of course he was in love. Or insane, which might well be the same thing.
Rand shook his head. “It’s not at all pleasant, is it?”
“It has its moments.”
“I can scarcely wait,” Rand murmured. He swirled his brandy and considered the intriguing way it coated the side of the glass. “What would you suggest I do about it?”
“Given the way you stormed in here, I suggest you do nothing more tonight. I would suspect she is little more pleased with you than you are with yourself at the moment. After that...” Nigel shrugged.
“After that is the question,” Rand said wryly.
“I see it’s time for the benefit of my vast years of experience. Very well then.” Nigel studied him for a long moment. “Give her the credit she deserves, Rand. See her for who she is, not who you thought she was. She’s not perfect, no woman is, but in truth she is a far cry from the spoiled, pampered debutante you originally believed her to be. She is both intelligent and courageous, and has shown a great deal of fortitude in making the best of her situation. Her life is radically different than her dreams yet, to my knowledge, she has not held that against you.”
Nigel shook his head. “You must have been born under a lucky star, boy. I don’t know how it happened, but in the odd unexplained ways of this world, you may well have stumbled upon the one woman who could make you truly happy.” The older man leaned toward him. “There are those who believe for every man there is just one woman. For every soul, one mate. Fated, one for the other. Destined to be together. I suspect Jocelyn may well be yours.”
Rand narrowed his eyes. “Why do you think that?”
Nigel grinned. “Because in the days since you’ve been here, there is a lightness in your step, a look in your eye, and an air of contentment, even happiness about you.”
“That’s absurd.” Rand laughed. “I haven’t felt the tiniest bit happy or content.” Or had he?
“The confusion of love often tends to obscure the joy. At least in the beginning. It gets better, my boy.” Nigel chuckled and sank back in his chair. “Before my cache of sage wisdom is completely exhausted, let me tell you something else. I would wager my last penny your wife is in love with you as well.”
Rand brightened. “Do you think so?”
“I realize she’s not nearly as idiotic about it as you, but yes. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. For an old man, it’s rather enchanting to see that look in a woman’s eye again.” Nigel fell silent, and Rand knew his uncle was looking back through the years. To the look in the eye of another woman in love. At last he spoke, his voice quiet. “Let her know how you feel. Don’t lose her because she thinks you don’t care about her.”
“Then I should tell her?”
“Have you heard a word I’ve said?” Nigel huffed in annoyance. “It’s no good dispensing advice if no one listens.”
“Sorry,” Rand murmured.
“Now, pay attention. No self-respecting woman can love for long without being loved in return. You wouldn’t want the kind of woman who could. Whiny, clinging creatures. However it happened, you have found yourself a good woman. You’d be a fool not to make certain she knows exactly how you feel.
“You have the opportunity for the sort of happiness that is rare in this life.” Nigel aimed a firm finger at him. “Don’t muck it up.”
Chapter 13
Jocelyn stepped into the parlor and pulled up short. The room was empty save for the prince, who appeared to be examining the area around the fireplace. “Alexei?”
His head snapped toward her and she could have sworn he scowled at her interruption. But at once a pleasant smile appeared on his face, and she thought it must have been nothing more than a trick of the late afternoon light.
He straightened and turned to face her. “Jocelyn, my dear, how lovely you look today.”
“Thank you.” She cautiously returned his smile.
His forehead furrowed in a frown. “What is that on your nose?”
“Spectacles.” She’d quite forgotten she had them on and resisted the impulse to snatch them off. “I was looking for Rand. Have you seen him?”
Alexei shrugged dismissively. “I spoke to him earlier. He said he was going to check on his men.”
“I see.” She pulled her brows together. She hadn’t spoken to Rand all day. It was most disquieting. She had assumed or expected or perhaps simply hoped he would have sought her out first thing this morning for yet another apology. One she was willing, once again, to accept on the condition that he understood she would not be ordered about.
It was odd the way she rather enjoyed fighting with him. It was more than a little exhilarating, although not nearly as enjoyable as making up. She was certainly ready to make up, with everything that entailed. She’d waited for him most of the day and now was determined to track him down. He was such an annoying man and in spite of it, or perhaps because of it, he had thoroughly captured her heart.
“I do hope he’ll return home soon,” she murmured.
“I’m certain the ride will do him good. He seemed somewhat under the weather when I saw him and a bit preoccupied as well.” Alexei studied her. “Is something amiss?”
“Not at all,” she said blithely. “Why do you ask?”
“No particular reason except my cousin appeared even more grim today than usual.” Alexei chuckled. “But then he does tend to wear an unrelentingly forbidding expression when he is in my presence. Tell me, Jocelyn, does your husband ever smile?”
She bristled at the question but maintained her own smile. “Oh, he does more than that. In fact, he finds a great deal of humor in life and can be most amusing himself. He grins, he chuckles, he even laughs.”
Alexei raised a brow. “Laughter? From Viscount Beaumont? I can scarcely picture such a thing.”
�
��Whether you can or not, it’s true nonetheless.”
“Perhaps.” Alexei smiled ruefully and Jocelyn could see a vague resemblance to Rand she’d failed to notice before. The two men were of a similar height and build although her husband’s hair and eyes were darker. The prince’s features were finely boned whereas Rand’s were more strongly defined. Alexei was a handsome man but Rand was, well, right. At least for her. Odd how it had turned out that way.
“I must confess, my dear, I have been concerned about you,” Alexei said in an offhand manner. He clasped his hands behind his back and wandered along the perimeter of the room.
“Nonsense.” She laughed in spite of a touch of unease at his words. “There’s nothing to be concerned about.”
“Come now, Jocelyn. I know the circumstances that led to this farce of a marriage of yours. I cannot believe you’re happy about it all.”
“I’m quite happy. Thank you for asking.”
“You could have had so much more.” He paused and studied a tapestry hanging on the wall. “Do you ever think about that, Jocelyn? What you might have had?”
“No.” The answer came without hesitation and at once she realized the truth of it. From the moment she’d married Rand she’d been far too busy discovering what she’d gained to dwell on what she’d lost. Yet another indication that she wasn’t shallow after all. She smiled at the revelation. “Not in the least.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Believe as you wish. It’s quite true.”
“Please, my dear, I am not some dim-witted peasant.” He continued his casual perusal of the room. The odd thought struck her that his meandering appeared almost methodical, as if he were searching for something. Ridiculous idea, of course. Obviously all Rand’s talk of Alexei’s untrustworthy nature had colored her view of him. “When last we spoke, I told you that you were a woman well aware of your own worth.”
She laughed. “That does seem rather a long time ago now.”
“Still, has anything changed?”
“Everything has changed,” she said firmly.
“Let me see your hands.” He stepped toward her.
“My hands?” Instinctively she held them behind her back. “Why?”
“Just show them to me.”
Reluctantly she presented her hands. He took them in his, glanced at them, then met her gaze. “He has not given you a ring to mark your marriage?”
“There’s scarcely been time.” She tried to pull her hands away but his grasp was firm. She hadn’t even noted the lack of a ring before now, and she and Rand had not discussed it. “Besides, we’ve been here since we wed and there’s been no opportunity—”
“But surely he’s presented you with some bauble to commemorate the bonds of wedlock? A necklace or a bracelet? Something of his mother’s or perhaps his grandmother’s?”
“No, nothing.” She tugged at his hands. The blasted man had a grip of iron.
“But every family has some trinkets.” He frowned thoughtfully, then brightened. “What about jewels? Diamonds or rubies—”
“No.” She jerked her hands free and glared with annoyance. Alexei held on to a subject with the same determination he’d held her hands. “I daresay there is little possibility of anything of the sort. He hasn’t a great deal of money, you know.”
“Hasn’t he?” Alexei mused, a curious expression on his face. “I had thought...”
“What?”
“It’s of no significance.” He shrugged.
“Well, as Rand is not here, I should probably...” She turned to leave.
Alexei caught her hand, swung her around, and pulled her into his arms. “I would have given you jewels. You should be showered in jewels.”
She stared up at him indignantly and wondered how, prince or not, she had ever wished to marry this particular man. “It’s rather too late for that. Now do let me go.”
“Is it too late?” His gaze slipped to her lips. “I wonder.”
“This is absurd, Alexei, now if you don’t—”
His lips crushed hers. Panic and anger surged through her and she struggled against him. He was decidedly stronger than she’d expected.
“Unhand my wife.”
Jocelyn’s heart plunged and her breath caught. She pushed hard against Alexei, who at the same instant released his grip, and she stumbled out of his grasp.
Rand stood in the doorway, tall and handsome and exceedingly, well, grim. His gaze flicked over her as if looking for evidence of what obviously appeared to be a mutual indiscretion.
She squared her shoulders and resisted the impulse to explain. From the hard, nearly expressionless, rather dangerous look on Rand’s face, she knew it would have been futile. She really had done nothing wrong, although he probably wouldn’t see it that way.
“I’m glad you finally decided to make an appearance.” She planted her hands on her hips. “Where have you been?”
His gaze locked on Alexei but he directed his words to her. “Out.”
“Well?” She heaved a resolute sigh. “Aren’t you going to say something?”
“Keep your hands off my wife,” Rand said to Alexei, his voice hard.
“Not to him.” She huffed. “To me.”
“No.”
“Why on earth not?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “You must admit this looks bad.”
“Very bad,” Alexei murmured.
“I know how it looks,” Rand said. “I further know exactly what I saw when I walked in here.”
“Aren’t you going to demand an explanation?” she asked.
“Not from you.” His gaze met hers. “I am not a fool, Jocelyn, even if, where it concerns you, I may appear so on occasion. However, my eyesight has always been accurate and I recognize when an embrace is mutual and when it is not.”
She widened her eyes and stared. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying, my dear wife”—he blew a short breath and rolled his gaze toward the ceiling—“that as difficult as it may be to keep my wits about me when it comes to you—”
“Yes?” She couldn’t hide the eagerness in her voice.
“I have spent much of the day on horseback, accompanied by my own thoughts and, well”—his manner was reluctant—“damn it all, Jocelyn, I trust you.”
She stared in disbelief, then beamed at him. “As well you should.”
“As well I should.” He grinned sheepishly.
“This is all very touching and I am so grateful to have been witness to it but you do need to understand, cousin.” Alexei moved closer to Jocelyn. “Regardless of her marital state, I still have certain feelings for Jocelyn.”
She stepped quickly away. “Whatever feelings you may have are certainly not returned.”
They ignored her.
“Your feelings are no longer significant.” Rand’s gaze locked with Alexei’s.
“Not in the least.” Jocelyn nodded. They paid her no heed. It was as if Alexei and Rand were alone.
“I am not accustomed to having my wishes disregarded.” Alexei narrowed his eyes.
“Perhaps it’s time you became accustomed to it.” Rand’s tone was unyielding.
“I can provide Jocelyn with everything she’s ever dreamed of,” Alexei said.
She shook her head. “I no longer—”
“She is my wife and I will provide for her.” Rand’s hands curled into fists at his side.
“Really? As a mere viscount? You could give her a great deal more.” Alexei’s words carried a deeper meaning and at once Jocelyn realized they were no longer talking about her.
“I do not wish for more.”
“Do you not feel any sense of obligation.” Alexei’s eyes flashed. “Of duty?”
“I do indeed.” Rand’s tone was firm. “To my king and my country. And my wife.”
The two men glared at each other. Tension shimmered in the air. Any minute they would be at each other’s throats or worse, issue a challenge both would feel obligated to
meet.
“Stop it this instant.” Jocelyn stepped between them. “I’m not entirely sure what this discussion is about but you’re both behaving like children.”
Alexei shrugged. “As you wish.”
She turned to her husband. “Rand, did you—”
“Beg pardon, Your Lordship.” Nick stepped into the room, an uneasy expression on his face. He moved to Rand’s side and murmured something in a low tone. Rand nodded.
“I shall be back in a moment.” Rand cast her a quick smile, then turned and followed Nick out of the room.
“Now then, my dear, where were we when we were interrupted?” Alexei stepped toward her.
She glared at him. “Are you mad?”
He reached for her and she slapped his hand away.
“Stop that nonsense at once. You’re going to make him think there really is something between us.”
“Well, isn’t there?”
“No.” She heaved an annoyed sigh. “And in truth, there wasn’t a great deal to begin with. Surely this is not the first time a woman has said no to you?”
Alexei frowned and shook his head. “I certainly can’t recall another instance.”
“Then do feel free to revel in this new and unusual experience!”
“Come now, I can’t believe you mean a word of what you’re saying.” He stepped closer and at once she moved away. “Besides, I am doing no more than picking up where we left off.”
“I have no desire to pick up where you—not we, but you—left off.” She pulled a steadying breath. “I am flattered, truly I am, but I am now wed. And frankly happy with my fate. I realize there was a point when you wished to marry me—”
“What?” Alexei’s brows pulled together.
“When you wished to marry me,” she said slowly.
He laughed. “Whatever would make you think such a thing?”
“You said I was the one you wanted.” Her words were measured.
“And so you were. In point of fact you still are.”
She studied him for a long moment, at last accepting the truth Rand had known all along. The truth even she’d begun to suspect. “When we were to meet in the music room, didn’t you wish to propose?”
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