by Iris Morland
My heart was hammering so hard when we went into his office that I was afraid I’d swoon at his feet. I sat down in the same chair where we’d had our first meeting, feeling like that had happened a million years ago instead of just two and a half months ago.
Lochlann closed the door behind him and sat behind his desk. Before he said anything, I said, “Thank you for meeting with me, Dr. Gallagher, especially right before holiday break.”
His expression registered surprise at my formality, but he hid it quickly. Now understanding what I was doing, he nodded tightly. “Of course.”
All the words I’d practiced saying, all the explanations, they disappeared from my mind in an instant. Suddenly I felt truly like some naive little girl who had no idea what she was doing anymore.
“I wanted to let you know that I’ve decided to transfer to another program,” I said in a rush.
That mask Lochlann first wore when we met once again appeared. “May I ask why? This seems sudden.”
“I know, and I apologize for just springing this on you. But I think under the circumstances, it’s the best course of action.” I swallowed against the lump in my throat. “I don’t feel that I’m a good fit for the program. I’ve already inquired about transferring with a few other programs. There was one at Oregon State that seemed interested in me attending.”
“So you’ve already made your decision? There’s nothing I can do to change your mind?”
His voice was so cold, his demeanor so far away from the Lochlann who’d given me his own baby blanket, that I wanted to cry.
“No, there’s nothing you can do,” I said finally. “Me leaving will be the best for everyone. Then we can avoid any further issues.”
I waited for him to say something, but he simply steepled his hands and considered me.
Then: “You’re running away,” he said harshly. “You’ve decided you’d rather run than face this head-on.”
If only he knew about Dr. Martin’s blackmail. He had no idea that I was doing this to protect him. I wasn’t going to be his ruin. I refused.
“I’m doing what I think is right. If you don’t agree, that’s your problem,” I said.
His eyes flashed. “It isn’t right. It’s idiotic. Why would you throw away everything you’ve worked so hard for? Tell me that, Kate. Because the only reason you’d do so is because you’re afraid.”
My lower lip trembled, but I refused to give in to tears. “I’m going to be moving out, too. I’m moving back in with my parents for a while as I sort things out.”
At that declaration, Lochlann rose from his desk to stand over me. I gripped the armrests of the chair, feeling cornered.
“You’re going to keep my child from me. Is that what you’re saying?” His voice was silky but deadly.
So much for the pretense that we were professor and student.
“No, I’m not. I would never do something like that. I’m just putting distance between us because it’s the best thing for us both. That’s all.”
“I don’t believe you. What happened, Kate? What are you not telling me?” His expression turned to stone. “Is there another man?”
I reared back, stunned. Instantly pissed, I jumped up from my chair, pushing Lochlann back so I could leave.
“You know what? I don’t need this from you. You’re not my keeper. You’re not even my boyfriend.” I grabbed my bag and hefted it onto my shoulder. “You’re just some guy who knocked me up. That’s all.”
It was as if I’d thrown gasoline onto a fire. Lochlann’s mask dropped, revealing how hurt, how angry, he was. Before I realized what was happening, he’d tossed my bag away and yanked me into his arms.
“You know that’s a lie. I can see it on your face,” he said, his arms tight around my waist. He then tipped my head back so I had to look him in the eye. “You’re lying about something. You can’t hide from me.”
“And I’m telling you that you’re wrong.”
Although his fingers were gentle on my face, the way he looked at me was anything but gentle. This was a side of Lochlann I’d never seen before. I didn’t know whether I should be intrigued or scared.
Lochlann let go of me, only to sweep the papers, folders, and various office utensils off his desk.
“Get on the desk,” he commanded. He began to loosen his tie.
When I didn’t do as I was told, he said in that same silky tone, “I’m your superior, Kate. Get on the desk.”
I sat on the desk, because I didn’t know what Lochlann was capable of in this mood. Or you think this domineering side is fucking sexy.
Yeah, there was that, too.
His tie now loose, he went behind me and tied my wrists behind my back. I protested, mostly because this seemed a little extreme, but he just laughed at me.
“You think you can do whatever you want to me,” he said, rounding on me. “You think you’re the one in control. But I’m here to show you: you aren’t in control. And you aren’t going anywhere.”
“I could always scream.”
“Not when I know you’re already soaking wet for me. I bet if I reached into your knickers my fingers would come out dripping.”
I fidgeted, because he was right, damn him. My pussy was already pulsing for him, and he’d only tied my wrists behind my back.
Lochlann began to undress me from the waist down: my shoes, my socks, my jeans. He unzipped my hoodie and pushed my tank and bra up to reveal my breasts before he yanked my underwear down to my ankles. I let the panties fall to the floor and, in a move desperate to make him wild, I sat back and spread my legs.
“Fuck, Kate,” he growled. He stood in between my legs, his fingers probing my pussy. “What a naughty girl you are, to show your professor your pussy like this.”
I moaned when he just barely skimmed a finger through my folds. “Isn’t this what you wanted?” I gasped.
“Having you at my mercy? Yes. I want to put you over my knee and spank you until you beg for me to stop, but...” Suddenly he was having me stand up before pushing my chest down toward the desk.
“Spread your legs,” he commanded. “Show me how much you want me to fuck you.”
I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from moaning loudly enough that someone might hear. Lochlann brushed a hand down one ass cheek before he slapped the cheek with a cracking sound. I jumped, the bite of pain surprising me, before he spanked the other cheek.
“I’m going to make this arse cherry red. Because you think you’re going to leave me.” Another crack of his hand against my ass. “You see, Kate? I’m the one calling the shots here. Not you. Because you don’t know what’s best for you.”
I was too horny to tell him he was being a pushy jerk-face. Especially when he parted my ass cheeks, swept a finger from my asshole until it reached my dripping pussy.
“You liked that, didn’t you?” said Lochlann in triumph. When I didn’t answer, he spanked me again. “Answer me, Kate.”
“Yes, yes.” I felt like crying when he pushed a finger inside me, his thumb grazing my clit. “Oh my God...”
“I could keep you like this for eternity: bent over my desk, your pussy available to me whenever I wanted it. Would you like that? Your pussy servicing me, kept entirely for me?”
I’d never felt like this before: pain and pleasure formed together until I couldn’t tell which was which. Lochlann began to circle my clit, and I felt myself growing wetter.
“Please, fuck me,” I whispered, looking over my shoulder. “I need you.”
His expression was animalistic now. Unzipping his pants, he pulled out his cock and stroked it. “This what you want? This hard cock inside you?”
I whimpered. “Yes. Please.” I wiggled my ass in invitation.
He flipped me so I was once again sitting on the desk. He lifted my legs onto his arms right before he thrust inside me. We both groaned out loud. I was already so close to coming that I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming.
Lochlann’s gaze nev
er left mine as he began to fuck me. His thrusts were relentless, his cock pounding into me. I wanted to kiss him, but I couldn’t with my hands still tied. I could only capitulate to everything he wanted from me: my body, my heart, my very soul.
“You can’t leave me, because you can’t live without this,” he said, his rhythm getting jerkier. Sweat had beaded on his forehead. “Your body doesn’t lie to me, even if your lips do.”
I wanted to cry. I wanted to come. I wanted to tell him how I’d fallen in love with him and that I was doing this to save him. But then my orgasm slammed into me and I couldn’t talk at all.
Lochlann grabbed my head and kissed me hard as he came, too. I could feel him twitch inside me as he came in lengthy spurts.
“Tell me again that you’re leaving me,” he said into my ear. Now he sounded anguished. “Say it.”
I didn’t know where the courage came from within me. But all I said was, “I have to go.”
The animal that had come out of Lochlann disappeared in an instant. He untied me and got dressed, handing me my clothes.
“You should go. There’s nothing else to say here,” he said.
Tears choked me. “I’m sorry.”
“Not as sorry as I am,” he whispered before he finally let me go.
Chapter Twenty-One
Kate
Today was the day: would I re-watch A Prince for Christmas or A Christmas Queen? I’d already watched both five times already. Considering it was the week after Thanksgiving, there wasn’t much to do besides watch Christmas movies and feel sorry for myself.
“Kate, are you seriously watching this again?” Mari stood in front of the TV to block my view of the opening scene of A Christmas Queen. To be specific, her belly was big enough to completely block out her and Liam’s gigantic TV on the wall.
“You said I wasn’t allowed to watch Rick and Morty at your place anymore,” I complained, “so it’s going to be all Christmas movies for the next month.”
“Kate.” Mari sounded serious now.
“You’re going to make me miss the opening scene.” It started with the soon-to-be queen, Kelly, accidentally tripping on a tree root and falling right into the unmarried king’s path. Classic.
Mari grabbed the remote from me and turned off the TV. I scowled up at her. Weren’t older sisters supposed to be sympathetic when their younger sisters got their hearts broken? Oh, and their baby daddies didn’t care enough to go after them and so they’d end up raising the kid alone, penniless and hungry?
“You can’t keep just watching TV at my place and moping. You have to do something,” said Mari.
“I have been doing a lot of things. Namely, moving back home and trying to persuade Dad to let me use Dani’s room for the nursery. Dani got mad when she heard about the idea, though, which is dumb because she hasn’t lived at home in forever.”
“I think she might’ve been upset that, out of everyone, she would no longer have her room,” said Mari practically.
“It’s the one closet to my bedroom, so it makes sense. So I need her to get over it so I can start decorating it. I’ve already started getting some things.”
Ever since I’d made the decision to drop out of the program and end things with Lochlann, I’d thrown myself into preparing for the baby. I was almost frustrated that I still had four more months to go. If she had already been born, I could focus on her completely. I wouldn’t have time to think about how leaving Lochlann had shattered my heart into a tiny million pieces.
Or how I dreamed of him every time I fell asleep.
Or how I was tempted to call him every day.
Or how I cried myself to sleep every night.
And now that I didn’t have classes to attend, I pretty much had nothing to do all day. I had tried to help Dani out at the flower shop, but I ended up messing up so many bouquets that she had fired me after three days.
I came to Mari and Liam’s place when I got tired of my mom hanging around me, asking me if I were okay. Worse was my dad grumbling under his breath about me dropping out of my graduate program for seemingly no reason. I hadn’t told anyone the reason why. Not even Mari knew all the details. As far as my parents knew, I’d dropped out because I hadn’t liked the program.
“I just hate seeing you like this,” said Mari as she sat down next to me. “This isn’t like you. You’ve always been the one busy with something. Even if it was something you shouldn’t have been doing. It’s just...weird to see you only watching these terrible Christmas movies.”
“I thought you liked these movies!”
“I did, until you started watching them all. Why can’t you watch them at Mom and Dad’s, exactly?”
“You guys have a better TV.”
Mari rubbed her belly. She was due in the next month. She currently looked like she could pop at any moment, although she’d only just passed the thirty-five-week mark.
“Are you ever going to tell me what really happened?” said Mari quietly.
I burrowed into the couch. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“That just means you probably really should talk about it.”
I blew out a breath. At this point, what did it matter if I kept it a secret? I was no longer Lochlann’s student. Our relationship—whatever it had been—was over.
And even better? I’d told Dr. Martin that if she snitched I’d tell everyone that she’d blackmailed me. This meant that nobody had blabbed about anyone’s secrets.
“Liam isn’t here, right?” I said.
Mari rolled her eyes. “No, he’s at a gig. He shouldn’t be back for another few hours.” She poked me in the side. “Spill before I make you talk.”
I finally told Mari everything: my relationship with Lochlann; how Dr. Martin had seen us; her blackmailing me; my decision to leave the program to protect Lochlann.
“But you know what’s the worst thing?” I said at the end.
“There’s something worse?”
“I still love him. Even though he hasn’t tried to contact me or anything. He said he’d be there for me and the baby, but I guess his word is bullshit.” I wiped the tears from my eyes.
Mari let out a breath. “I don’t know how you kept that all to yourself. That’s a heavy burden.” She took my hand and squeezed it. “But it sounds like you’re at a point where the secrets are too much. Wouldn’t it just be easier to come clean?”
“Yes, and no. Lochlann’s position could still be in jeopardy. I guess I thought I’d hide away, have this baby, and, I don’t know, enter the Witness Protection Program. I’ve always wanted to be named something more interesting than Katherine.”
“I think you had to have witnessed a crime to be able to join that,” said Mari with a small smile. “You might just need to live life like the rest of us.”
I groaned. Right then, the baby kicked me straight in the ribs. “Oh man, she’s been active today.” I winced.
“She’s probably mad at you for watching those stupid movies over and over again.”
As the afternoon turned into evening, Mari and I talked: about babies, men, and everything in between.
Mari and I were in her bedroom, sorting through the baby clothes she’d gotten at her baby shower and listening to Ed Sheeran, when I said to her in a low voice, “What if Liz really does go through with her threat? And Lochlann loses his job? It would be the worst.”
Mari got up to give me a hug. But we jumped apart when a low, growling voice said from the doorway, “Why would my cousin lose his job? And who is Liz?”
Mari and I turned toward Liam. Liam stared at us. I instinctively put my hand on my belly, which made Liam’s gaze shoot straight to it like an arrow.
You know those moments when someone has that life-changing realization? Like you can see the actual lightbulb go off in their head?
That was what happened now. Liam stared at my belly, his eyes narrowed. Then his eyes widened as the puzzle pieces clicked inside his brain.
Well, more like explod
ed in his brain. My brother-in-law was hardly a subtle person, especially when he got angry.
“My bloody cousin is the father?” Liam’s voice was scathing. “That son of a bitch piece of shite! I’m going to fecking kill him!” Liam was practically yelling by the end of his speech.
“Liam! Stop yelling. You’re scaring me and Kate,” said Mari.
I jumped up—as fast as one can when you’re five-months pregnant—and grabbed Liam’s arm, but he shook me off.
“I’m going to kill him. I’m going to wring his bloody neck.” Liam rounded on me. “And you! Why didn’t you say anything?” His eyes turned to slits. “He was your professor. He seduced a student.” He then swore in Irish for seemingly ten minutes before Mari and I could get him to listen.
“It wasn’t like that!” I said.
“Is he already with another woman? This Liz person? Bloody, bloody hell.”
I almost laughed, because Liam had no idea. Mari raised an eyebrow at me, as if to say, it’s your decision.
“Maybe I should explain some things,” I said.
Liam scowled. “Ya think?”
By the time I’d explained not only my relationship with Lochlann and Liz’s blackmail, Liam’s rage had returned. Now he wasn’t listening to either Mari or me. It was like trying to get an angry grizzly to do a circus trick: mostly pointless, totally dangerous.
And since both Mari and I were pregnant, we couldn’t physically stop Liam from going out the door to kill Lochlann himself for what he’d put me through. Not that if we’d been un-pregnant we would’ve had any success. He was a pissed-off Irishman on a rampage. Not even the Pope could’ve stopped him.
“I’m going to find him and he’s going to tell me exactly what went on between you two,” said Liam as he grabbed his coat and put his boots back on. “And then I’m going to rip out his guts and toss them into the Pacific Ocean!”
Both Mari and I winced at the sound of the front door slamming.
“Do you think I should warn Lochlann?” I said into the silence. I felt rather like I’d gone into battle and had just barely survived. I was almost tempted to check if I were bleeding somewhere.