“Okay.” Caroline glanced around the kitchen. “If you’re not done, I’ll help you when I get back.” She lowered her voice. “I’m surprised your daughters didn’t help you out more, Abby.”
Abby waved her hand, trying to look nonchalant. “It’s okay. Like I told them, they were guests.”
“Guests should help too, Abby, especially when they’re your own kids anyway.”
“Both Jessie and Laurie had to go back to work today,” Abby defended. “Plus Laurie has Lucy and Brandon to take care of. I don’t mind letting them just relax a little. Don’t you think it’s nice for them to have some downtime?”
Caroline shook her head. “I think you might need some downtime too. Why don’t you take a break? Go put your feet up.”
“Go on.” Abby pointed to the clock. “You don’t want to be late for your class.”
After Caroline and Nicole left, Abby did take a break—or rather a breakdown. Tired of her perfect-mommy act, exhausted by her wonderful-hostess routine, and sad about Nicole outgrowing her, Abby sat down and just cried. No one in her family had really appreciated all the work she’d gone to, trying to make their holidays special. No one in her family knew the stress she was under these days, trying to pretend like her marriage wasn’t in serious trouble. No one really understood the pressures heaped upon her with this inn. Even her friends seemed a bit weary of her mood swings. Abby felt trapped, partly by life in general, partly by herself, and partly by this inn. What was she going to do? Who could she talk to?
Suddenly she remembered how Marley had gone MIA during Christmas. Abby suspected something was amiss there, but no one had said a word. Maybe it was true that misery loved company, but it was even more true that Abby was genuinely worried about her friend. So with her own tears barely dried, she went back to the kitchen and dialed Marley’s number. She might not be in control of her own life, but she was determined to help Marley. If there was nothing else she could be good at, she could try at least to be a good friend.
“Are you okay?” Abby asked Marley with genuine concern.
“I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
“Because I’m worried about you, that’s why.” Abby poured herself a cup of coffee. “And because I miss you.”
“Really?” Marley sounded touched.
“In fact, you should come over here and have a cup of coffee as well as …” Abby began to list all the delicious leftovers.
Marley laughed. “It sounds like you want to fatten me up.”
“Maybe I do. After all, the Mexico trip is only a couple of weeks away. I don’t want to be the only chubby Linda.”
“I’m on my way,” Marley said.
Before long the two of them were sitting in the living room with their coffees and a big platter of Christmas goodies on the coffee table. “So how is Ashton?” Abby asked. “Did you cheer him up?”
Marley’s brow creased. “Want the truth?”
“Of course.”
“Ashton was just my excuse to run away from home.”
Abby leaned forward with interest. “Because of Sylvia?”
Marley nodded, taking a second piece of pumpkin-nut bread.
“Do you really think Jack is interested in Sylvia?”
Marley shrugged. “What do you think?”
Abby thought hard about her answer. “Oh, I really don’t think so. I mean Sylvia is pretty enough, and she’s certainly friendly toward Jack. But I’ve seen Jack look at you, Marley. He gets that look in his eye.” She sighed. “Paul used to have that look for me.”
“He still does.”
“I’m not so sure.” She shook her head, determined not to hog the spotlight this time. “But we were talking about you, Marley. You and Jack and Sylvia.”
“Yes.” Marley took a slow sip of coffee.
“So what good do you think it did to run away?”
Marley shrugged. “Avoidance.”
“Yes, I know about that.” Abby considered how she’d used busyness to escape the pain in her own life.
“I admit it wasn’t terribly mature on my part. But it just feels as if Sylvia is moving in, you know, just inserting herself into Jack’s life like she belongs there. He doesn’t really seem to mind much.”
“Well, that’s because she’s working for him, Marley. That lightens his load a lot. And then Leah is taking care of Hunter. In a way, it’s like having Jasmine back, only twice as good.”
“I suppose. But at the same time it makes me feel displaced.”
“Yes, I know that feeling.”
“It’s hard getting old.” Marley picked up a ginger cookie, then made a sly smile. “But I guess if it’s hard to be old, we might as well get fat, too.”
“Or we could go take a walk.” Abby set her coffee down.
“The weather seems to have cleared up some.”
“I’ll bet Chuck would be glad to join us.” Abby stood.
Abby left Caroline a note saying she’d dognapped Chuck, and before long, she and Marley were walking down the beach, talking about getting older and how to do it gracefully.
“I read this article a year or so ago in the New York Times about French women,” Marley told Abby. “It was about their attitude toward aging and beauty, and it was actually quite inspiring.”
“How so?”
“For one thing, it said French women don’t like fitness clubs. They prefer to get their exercise by walking.”
“Like us,” Abby proclaimed.
“And French women enjoy their food—”
“Like us!”
“Yes, but in smaller portions.”
Then Marley explained how French women took a great interest in caring for themselves, investing in good skin and hair products. “And they dress stylishly.”
Abby looked down at her faded Blazers sweatshirt and saggy jeans. “Well, you had me with the walking and eating part, Marley. After that I felt a little lost.” She brightened. “But now that I think of it, Nicole has been singing a similar tune. It seems she learned about a lot more than just art in France.”
“Anyway, the point of the article,” Marley said, “and the point I think I’m trying to make is that French women seem to accept aging better than American women. And they seem to it with a bit more style. I guess we could learn something from them when it comes to pampering and caring for ourselves.” Marley held out a hand. “Like these fingernails—I sure could use a manicure.”
“You know the cruise line has a lot of spa and beauty treatments available,” Abby said. “Maybe we should indulge ourselves a bit.”
“Come back as new women,” Marley said in a teasing tone.
Abby thought about that as they walked quietly together and Chuck raced back and forth between them and the surf. She wondered if making some improvements to herself would improve her marriage. Paul kept claiming she was just fine, but she’d seen him look at women like Bonnie or Caroline or even Sylvia, and she just wasn’t sure. Most of the time she didn’t give aging a second thought, and she even liked the idea of being a grandma in a rocking chair. But seeing others, ones who seemed more adept at holding back the clock, made her wonder.
“So tell me how everyone is doing,” Marley said, breaking the silence. “How are Caroline and Mitch? Did he pop the question yet?”
“No. In fact, Caroline is starting to wonder if Mitch isn’t thinking along those lines at all.”
“Really? I’d been under the impression that once she was free of her mother, he planned to whisk her away to some exotic foreign locale like Bali.”
“Me, too.” Abby bent down to pick up Chuck’s ball, then gave it a hard toss. “But according to Caroline, he hasn’t mentioned the marriage part yet—just the whisking her away part. In fact, it sounds like he’s a little put out with me.”
/> “What on earth for?”
“For inviting Caroline to go to Mexico. Mitch seems to think that her going to Mexico means she prefers her girlfriends to him.”
“Well, that is just perfectly ridiculous.” Marley shook her head.
“Yes. But then men can be perfectly ridiculous.”
“So how did Janie and Lisa seem, and how was Lisa treating Victor?”
“Oh, you didn’t hear?”
“Hear what?” Marley looked worried.
“Lisa picked a very ugly fight with Victor on Christmas Eve. They were having dinner at Victor’s house, and Lisa just blew up. Janie said there was absolutely no reason for it—except that Lisa is, you know, out of sorts.”
“Well, that’s reason enough. Her perspectives are skewed by drugs.”
“Besides that, Janie feels sure that Lisa sees Victor as an intruder,” Abby added.
“I’ll bet there’s some jealousy too. Lisa probably wants Janie all to herself.”
“Or she might think Victor is replacing her dad.” Abby paused to pick up a sand dollar. “Anyway, Victor didn’t even come to the inn for Christmas. After the showdown at his house, he felt it best if he and Ben did something else.”
“Oh? What did they do?”
“They went sailing, just the two of them. The weather was actually pretty decent here on Christmas day.”
“So how were Janie and Lisa? Could you tell?”
“Well, Lisa seemed pretty quiet and subdued. Nicole really went out of her way to make her feel welcome, and we invited Janie and Lisa to lunch tomorrow. It was Nicole’s idea.”
“Does Nicole know about Lisa?”
“No.” Abby shook her head. “I didn’t think I should mention it.”
“Right.”
“I just thought a mother-daughter lunch might be fun. You know, to help Lisa feel like she’s fitting in here better.”
“Has Janie had any success talking Lisa into rehab?”
“I don’t know.” Abby threw the ball for Chuck again. “But Jessie told Janie about a place down in the Bay Area that sounds quite good.”
“Doesn’t Janie want to keep Lisa closer to home?”
“Yes, I think so. Although I wouldn’t think it would matter. Don’t patients get locked in for a long time?”
“That depends.”
“I just hope Janie gets it figured out before it’s time for the cruise.” Abby frowned. “She told me she might have to back out if Lisa isn’t squared away by then.”
“Then we’d better hope and pray that Lisa agrees to some sort of treatment program.”
“You know, I just don’t understand how some kids grow up to be such a mess.” Abby slowly shook her head. “Not that my daughters are perfect—they’re certainly not. And until recently, Jessie and I had been in a rough spot, but at least she’s talking to me.”
“Was it nice having your family with you for Christmas?”
“It wasn’t as great as I hoped it would be,” she admitted. “I’m afraid I set my sights too high.”
“Not your picture-perfect Christmas,” Marley teased.
“Well, my girls enjoyed being together again. Everyone was so happy to see Nicole. And it is fun to see the girls getting along, seeing how well they’ve all turned out. Then I think about poor Lisa, and it just doesn’t make sense. How could someone as smart as Janie have raised a girl like that?”
“Are you saying it’s Janie’s fault that Lisa got addicted to drugs?” Marley sounded slightly indignant.
“I don’t know. It’s not that I’m blaming Janie for Lisa’s problems. But parents do have some responsibility for how their children turn out, don’t you think?” Abby wasn’t going to say it out loud, but she did credit herself for some of her daughters’ successes. Why shouldn’t she?
“So you probably think my son is … well, the way he is … because of me?” Marley was walking faster, as if she was upset.
“No, no, not at all.” Abby held up her hands.
“Because I am very proud of Ashton,” Marley continued defensively. “He is a fine young man with wonderful qualities and the kindest heart imaginable. But I don’t think it’s because of me. I think it’s because he is who he is.”
“Yes, he is a fine young man,” Abby echoed. “But don’t you want to take just a smidgeon of the credit for it?”
Marley firmly shook her head. “No. The more I think about it, the more I think our children are going to be who they’re going to be no matter what we do.”
“Oh, I can’t agree with that,” Abby said. “What about children who are neglected or abused? What if they turn out to be serial killers?”
“Or what if they turn out to be like Caroline or Janie?”
Abby stopped walking and looked at Marley in wonder. “You know, you’re right. Those girls didn’t have very good childhoods, and yet they turned out to be wonderful women.”
“So do you credit Caroline’s abusive father for that? Or Janie’s neglectful parents?”
“I guess not.” Abby thought about this as they continued to walk. “I suppose I have a tendency to oversimplify sometimes,” she admitted. “I want everything to be black and white and clear-cut. Maybe life’s not really like that.”
“Not usually. At least not for me.”
“Not for me either,” Abby conceded. “You’d think that by my age, I would’ve had that figured out.”
Marley chuckled. “Well, I’m glad we still have some things to learn.”
“And you know what I want to learn?” Abby said eagerly.
“What?”
“How to start thinking like a French woman!”
Marley nodded. “You know where I think it might begin, Abby?”
“Where?”
Marley pointed to her chest.
“We need to work on our bust lines?” Abby looked down at her own ample bosom and sighed. “I’m not sure there’s much I can do about—”
Marley was laughing. “No, Abby, not our bust lines. We need to work on our hearts—our interior selves. Your mom told me recently about how Jesus said we need to love our neighbors in the same way we love ourselves.”
“Yes, of course. I know that.”
“You may know that, Abby, but do you practice it?”
Abby thought about it and suddenly felt confused. “Maybe I don’t know it as well as I thought. What do you think it really means?”
“I think it’s like putting on your own air mask first,” Marley told her. “You know the emergency warning the flight attendant gives before every flight, about securing your own air mask securely you before you help those around you?”
Abby had a good idea about where this was going.
Marley pointed at Abby. “You’re one of the worst ones about this. You get so caught up in caring for everyone else—like your daughters or guests at the inn or your friends or even Paul—that you completely neglect yourself. You’re like that passenger who’s getting everyone’s air mask safely on, and then she falls down dead in the aisle.”
“That’s a bit harsh.”
“But it’s true, Abby. We’ve told you this very thing before: You’ve got to start taking care of yourself first. That way you’ll be in better shape to help someone else. Because how can you really help anyone if you’re about to die of suffocation yourself?” Marley paused like she needed to catch her breath. “You know what? I think I’m preaching to myself, too. So maybe you and I need to make a pact to help each other remember this.” She pointed to her chest again. “We need to take care of ourselves—we need love ourselves—even more so as we get older. And if we do, if we really do love ourselves, we’ll be in a lot better shape to help someone else. Don’t you think?”
Abby nodded dismally. “I suspect y
ou’re right.”
Abby and Marley stopped walking and shook hands, right there on the beach, promising to be accountable to each other when it came to loving themselves. Really, the more Abby thought about it, the more sense it made. When Abby took a little extra time for herself, whether it was to indulge in a bubble bath or a good book or a walk on the beach, she usually did feel stronger and better equipped to help someone else. Once again—and her mother would laugh to hear Abby admit this—but it really did seem that Jesus knew what he was talking about.
Chapter 20
Janie
Most people thought of Janie Sorenson as levelheaded, sensible, and in control. Right now she felt like anything but. At the moment, Lisa was in the guest room, crying. As unbelievable as it seemed, the reason Lisa was crying was because Janie had refused to give her twenty dollars. Twenty miserly bucks. And the reason Janie had refused to give Lisa that bit of money was because she knew—Janie absolutely knew—that Lisa would use it to buy drugs.
It wouldn’t buy much, but it would buy enough. Then Lisa, having made a drug connection, would begin to slip back into the dead-end life that Janie so wanted her to leave behind.
“I’m done with that,” Lisa had told Janie the day after Christmas. After several good talks, Janie actually believed she was starting to get somewhere with her confused daughter. Then today, after having lunch with Abby and Nicole, which had been strange but interesting, Lisa had opened up even more to Janie. For the first time ever, they both spoke openly about Lisa’s dad, Phil, and how hard his cancer and death had been on them.
“I just couldn’t deal with it,” Lisa had admitted earlier this afternoon. “I felt so lonely at the time. I didn’t know what to do, you know, to make the pain go away.”
“I’m so sorry,” Janie told her. “I realized too late that I should’ve been more available to you. All I can say is that was the hardest time of my life. Because you were older than Matthew, and because Matthew seemed to be dealing with it, I assumed you were too. I know how wrong I was to assume that. Please forgive me.”
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