Chapter 21
Caroline
It had only been just over a week, but it was the longest time Caroline had spent with Mitch—well, at least since they’d been together back in the eighties, which seemed like another lifetime ago. Since his arrival, Mitch had been forced to mingle with her friends, spend time in her town, help sweep up construction dust in her house, walk her dog on the beach, and even participate in last night’s intervention.
That was still the hot topic at the B and B’s breakfast table the next morning.
“I feel like I’ve been initiated,” Mitch told Caroline as he buttered his toast. “By the way, have you heard how Lisa is doing?”
“I saw her this morning,” Nicole said as she set a platter of eggs and sausage in the center of the table. “I was jogging by, and Lisa was sitting on the porch puffing on a cigarette.”
“Is she still agreeing to rehab?” Caroline asked eagerly.
“Seems like it.” Nicole sat down. “But she was in a rather nasty mood.”
“Drugs will do that to you,” Mitch said soberly.
“So is everyone coming to our New Year’s Eve party tonight?” Abby asked as she joined them. “I didn’t ask anyone to RSVP, and now I’m starting to worry. What if no one shows up?”
“Oh, so last night really wasn’t a New Year’s Eve party after all?” Mitch said in a teasing tone. “I thought maybe that’s how you Clifden folks celebrated.”
“Very funny.” Caroline made a mocking smile.
“You’ve got to come,” Nicole urged them. “Dad’s gotten fireworks and everything.”
“You’re not supposed to tell anyone, Nicole,” Abby chided.
“Yeah.” Nicole nodded eagerly. “They’re illegal fireworks.”
“But Paul’s very careful,” Abby assured them. “He shoots them directly over the ocean. No one gets hurt.”
“That sounds like fun.” Caroline glanced over at Mitch, but his expression was impossible to read. “Doesn’t it?”
He nodded in a reserved sort of way. “Sure, we’ll come.”
After breakfast, Caroline went into the kitchen to help Abby clean up. “It was sweet of you to come in to town to fix breakfast,” she told her, “but you really didn’t have to.”
“Well, Mitch is a paying guest,” Abby reminded her. “I don’t want to get a reputation for being a slacker innkeeper. Especially since we barely got that bad review taken down.”
“No worries there. And Mitch is very impressed with your master suite,” Caroline said quietly. “He really wanted me to come check it out too.”
Abby’s brows arched.
“Of course I didn’t.” Caroline frowned. “Not only because of Nicole either. You know where I stand on that.”
“How is it going with you two anyway?”
Caroline shrugged. “Sometimes he’s hard to read.”
“I hope I didn’t twist his arm about coming tonight,” Abby told her.
“But we didn’t have any other plans.” Caroline scrubbed a frying pan. “And getting a reservation anywhere, this late in the game … well, I think we’re lucky we can come celebrate at your house. Fireworks over the ocean? Count me in.”
“It’s kind of a weird this year.”
“What’s weird?”
“This party.” Abby shook her head. “Paul’s determined to have it, but at the same time he’s complaining about money right and left.”
“Well, you know that business has been slow for him. Maybe he’s feeling financially stressed, Abby.”
“Yes, that’s my point. He’s financially stressed, and yet he’s spending all this money on this party. It doesn’t make sense.”
“Paul always liked to throw a good party.”
“And he’s invited a bunch of people,” Abby said in an unenthusiastic way. “A bunch of his friends too.”
“Well, he should invite his friends, Abby.”
“I know, but I have a feeling that means Bonnie.”
“Oh.” Caroline nodded. “Well, Bonnie is just a part of Clifden life. I guess you should get used to her.”
“I was praying for Lisa last night,” Abby said quietly. “I was thinking about how it must feel to be addicted and having to choose what’s best for your life even if you think you want the other thing more.”
“Uh-huh.” Caroline dried the pan, hanging it on the rack over the stove.
“I realized it’s probably like that for Paul, too.”
Caroline didn’t know what to say.
“I mean … I don’t know. He might be attracted to Bonnie. It’s only natural.”
“But he’s told you he’s not—”
“Yes, yes. But I’m not dumb. And I have a point here, Caroline. Sometimes we’re faced with tough choices. I realized that, just like Janie can’t choose for Lisa, I can’t choose for Paul.”
Caroline nodded. “Yeah, and I can’t choose for Mitch.”
Nicole joined them. “I’m taking over for Caroline,” she told them. “Mitch just told me that tomorrow’s his last day in Clifden.” She took the dish towel from Caroline. “He just told me he’s flying to New Zealand in a few days. Lucky duck!”
“Mitch travels a lot for work,” Caroline explained. “He spends most his time out of the country.”
“Well, I want his job.” Nicole grinned at Caroline. “Anyway, I figured you should be making the most the little time you have left with him, right?”
Caroline thanked them and went back out to where Mitch was standing in the living room, staring at the Christmas tree. “Looks like it’s starting to dry out,” he observed. “Guess the holidays are coming to an end.”
“Do you mind going to Paul and Abby’s?” she asked. “Because I’m happy with whatever we do. I just thought if we didn’t have plans … Abby will understand if we have something else to do.”
“No. I’m fine with that. Fireworks on the beach sounds like a kick.”
“I’d like to take Chuck out to the beach while the sun’s out,” Caroline said absently.
He shrugged then looked out the window.
Suddenly she felt uncomfortable, the way one feels after having had a houseguest too long, like she was stumbling over manners and words, unsure of the right thing to do, and almost wishing the guest would just go home. Of course, that was ridiculous. This inn was not her house. Mitch was not her guest.
“Or maybe you’d like to do something else,” she said lightly. “I’ve kind of been towing you around, haven’t I? Forcing you to do what I normally do. Feel free to do as you like, Mitch. This was supposed to be your vacation, too, right?”
He made what seemed a tolerant smile. “I’ve enjoyed being with you.”
She nodded. “And I’ve enjoyed being with you. Now Chuck would enjoy a run on the beach. Feel free to come … or not.”
He looked over at the easy chair and ottoman. “You know, I think I’ll just hang out here and put my feet up and read, if you don’t mind.”
Her smile felt a little stiff. “Sure.”
Out on the beach, she tried to figure out what was going on with Mitch. At times he seemed resentful of her close relationships, like he wanted more of her attention and time, like maybe he wanted to be the center of her life and universe. Yet he didn’t put any energy into planning things for them to do together, and when she did make plans, he seemed to resent it. And sometimes he seemed distant, like he wanted his space. Although some of his needs made sense, she wasn’t sure that she was completely comfortable with them.
On the one hand, she had almost expected a proposal from him this week. On the other hand, she was hugely relieved that she hadn’t received one. Really, what was the hurry?
Just when she got Chuck loaded into the back of her car and rolled d
own the windows to keep his hot panting breath from steaming up the windows, her phone rang. It was Bonnie, and she sounded happy. “Oh, Caroline,” she exclaimed, “you have got to see this.”
“What is it?”
“A surprise.”
“Really?” Caroline started the car.
“Can you come over to your house?”
“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” Caroline promised. As she drove, she wondered what was going on. She hoped it was a good surprise. She’d been pleasantly surprised that the wooden floors were installed yesterday, although she’d barely seen them before someone covered them with brown paper. “To protect them,” one of Paul’s guys had assured her. Hopefully nothing had happened to mess them up.
When she got to her house, she realized what was going on—the cabinetmaker’s truck was in the driveway. She hurried to put Chuck in the backyard, then went into the kitchen and couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw the sleek maple cabinets partially installed.
“Oh, Bonnie!” she cried out. “They are beautiful.”
“Remember when you picked out that hardware?” Bonnie said as she opened a gorgeous wooden door. “It’s perfect in here.”
“I absolutely love them.” Caroline ran her hand over the smooth finish. “They’re so pretty.”
“And look at this.” Bonnie pulled back a bit of the brown paper to show the wood floors where they met the cabinets. “Check out the contrast. Isn’t it gorgeous?”
“Ooh, I can’t wait to see the whole room put together. This will be the prettiest kitchen I’ve ever had.” She slowly shook her head. “My mom would fall over if she could see it. I mean if she were in her right mind. Back when she was younger, she liked a pretty house and pretty furnishings too. She would’ve loved this.”
“Well, we should get out of their way,” Bonnie told Caroline. “I just thought you’d like a peek.”
“Thanks.”
“I’ve got to call and check on the counters and the plumber and …” Bonnie waved her hand. “Well, you don’t need to concern yourself, Caroline. That’s why you have me.”
Caroline couldn’t stop herself from hugging Bonnie. Oh, she knew Abby would be hurt if she could see this, but Bonnie deserved it. “Thanks, Bonnie. You’re a miracle worker.”
Bonnie looked pleasantly surprised. “It’s my job.”
“And you do it well.”
“I enjoy seeing happy clients.”
Caroline thanked her again. “I’ve got to go, and I’m going to leave Chuck in the backyard,” she told her. “I want Mitch to see this. I’m sure he’d like to see me drooling over the cabinets.” The workers laughed, and Caroline promised to bring some donuts for them.
She didn’t tell Mitch why she wanted him to come to her house, and she supposed that he assumed she wanted him to help her clean something up. So when she took him inside and said, “Ta-da,” she was hoping for more of a reaction than the one he gave.
“What are we looking at?” he asked.
“The cabinets,” she told him. “Aren’t they fabulous?”
He nodded. “Oh yeah. New cabinets. Very nice.”
She felt embarrassed and glad that the workers were on their lunch break. “I guess I thought it was a bigger deal than that,” she said quietly. “Sorry to drag you over here.” She turned and gave him a very forced smile. “So what would you like to do today?”
“How about if we talk?”
“Okay.” She looked around the room. Other than a couple of sawhorses and giant paint buckets, there wasn’t much to sit on. “Want to go out in back?”
So, with their coats on, they sat in her backyard. “What do you want?” Mitch asked Caroline in a very serious tone.
“Want?” She studied him. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“What do you want?” he said again. “I mean in life. What is it you’re looking for, Caroline?”
“Looking?” She considered this. “I’m not even sure that I’m looking for anything.”
“Meaning you’ve found everything you want?”
“No.” She shook her head. “Of course not. But I guess I’m happy, if that’s what you mean.”
“Happy? As in content with your lot in life?”
“My lot?”
“You know.” He waved his hand toward the backyard, where Chuck was contentedly chewing on the soup bone she’d picked up for him yesterday. “Clifden … your friends … your dog … your house. This.”
Caroline felt confused. “The way you say ‘this’ seems like you think it’s not enough. Is that what you’re insinuating?”
“I’m not sure.” He leaned toward her, taking both her hands in his. “I love you, Caroline. I think you know that.”
She just nodded.
“But I’m not sure that this is enough for me.”
“This as in Clifden and everything that goes with it, or this as in me?”
His brow creased like he was thinking about it. And as she sat there, looking at him, she suddenly saw how different they were. Mitch, in his Italian shoes, cashmere sweater, and neatly pressed khakis—he looked like a million bucks. She knew that his bank account was worth a whole lot more than that. She looked down at herself—her dusty jeans, sand-encrusted running shoes. What a mismatch they appeared to be on the surface. But underneath all that, weren’t they the same? Or had she simply been fooling herself? Maybe you could take the girl out of Clifden, but you couldn’t take Clifden out of the girl.
“Being here with you this past week …” He sighed. “It’s been interesting. Maybe even eye-opening.”
“What were you expecting?” she asked quietly. “I mean, when you came this time. How did you think it would be?”
“Well, to be honest, I probably had been daydreaming about something that doesn’t even exist.”
“Such as?”
“You finally being free. I mean, it sounds corny, but I think I’d been thinking of you as my lovely princess who was trapped in the dungeon. Not that your mother was a dungeon—I don’t mean that. But it seemed that you’d been under her spell. Like you were unable to leave her, to travel with me, to be free.”
“That’s kind of true.”
“But then I got here, and it seemed like you were still trapped, Caroline.”
“Trapped?”
“Yes. Like Clifden and your friends, and even this house. It’s all got a hold on you.”
She took in a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, then slowly let it out. “Wow.”
“Can you see it now?”
“Sort of.” She shook her head. “It is weird if you think about it. I mean, I ran away from here years ago planning never to come back. I wanted a bigger life.” She made a weak laugh. “I wanted stardom. And more. I wanted it all.”
“And now?”
She looked directly into his eyes. “Oh, don’t be fooled, Mitch. I still want it all.”
“Oh?” He looked hopeful.
“I’m just not sure what all is anymore.”
“You know, Caroline, I came here with an agenda.”
“An agenda?”
He nodded. “I wanted to ask you to marry me.”
She took in a quick breath.
“But the timing just hasn’t been right.”
She nodded, slowly letting the breath out.
“I wanted to talk you into zipping over to Reno with me, getting married, and then going to New Zealand with me.”
“Really?”
“Yes. But I kept seeing these flags. Or maybe they’re stop signs. I’m not sure. But what I want to know is … are you really sending me some signals? Or am I imagining them?”
“I’m not sure, but I think I’ve seen some flags or signals too, Mitch.” She looked directly
into his eyes. “I do love you. And I suspect if you’d asked me to marry you—as soon as you’d arrived—I would’ve said yes.”
“Really?”
“I think so.”
“But not now?”
“Now, I’m just not sure. In fact, I’ve been rather relieved that you didn’t bring it up.”
He was still holding her hands in his. “So where do we go from here?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’m sure I can’t talk you into coming to New Zealand with me, can I?”
“I—I just don’t see how.”
“No. Once again, my timing seems to be off.” He let go of her hands.
“It’s not that I’m rejecting you, Mitch. It’s just that I have commitments here. I promised to go on the cruise with my friends.”
“Yes, I know.” He looked slightly hurt again.
“And I need to be around to see that my house gets finished.”
“Which you are never going to sell, are you?”
“I don’t know. But I can’t just walk out on it, can I? I mean it’s my responsibility to complete what I started.”
He looked skeptical.
“I feel like you’re offering me the world on a silver platter,” she said slowly. “And, believe me, it’s very tempting. Just a few years ago, maybe even a year ago, I would’ve jumped at it.”
“But not now?”
“It’s not as tempting.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s your world and your silver platter.”
“But I’d gladly share it with you.”
She smiled. “I know you would. But maybe I’d like to share my world with you, too.”
He nodded, but his expression seemed to confirm that her world really wasn’t big enough for him. They both just sat there. The only sounds were a far-off siren and Chuck chewing on his bone. “I think I’m going to go home today instead of tomorrow,” he said slowly.
“Because of me?”
“Because I need some time to think. Maybe we both need some time.” He peered up at the sky. “And because the weather is clear today, and tomorrow is supposed to get foggy again.”
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