by Aer-ki Jyr
a bit then going back out again, but something inside him was throwing up a red
flag.
So he’d come here, and now he couldn’t get his head
clear. And not because of something unique to today, but he was realizing that he
had been blind to something for a very long time. He didn’t know what it was, but
he could feel a little corner in his mind starting to peel back, one that
suggested he had a sheet of fog over his mind and now that he’d noticed it he
couldn’t let it go.
The little peak he was getting made him feel like he
was mentally suffocating and hadn’t even realized it previously. He had to get
a clean ‘breath’ in, but right now he just knelt on the ground unable to
mentally figure out how to do that with the lizard gore all over his state of
mind.
On impulse he stood up and began stripping off his
uniform. Shirt, shoes, pants…everything went in a pile on the muddy ground and
he walked off through the fog feeling his toes sinking into the grime.
But it was a cleansing grime, a ‘holy’ grime, and Paul
felt his mind slacken just a touch more. He got the feeling he needed to run
away as far as he could, so to that end he headed past the partially submerged
X-wing to the back side of the chamber…which had holographic walls and cleverly
designed terrain to give the feeling that you were on a wide open planet. He
could see through it with his Pefbar but he never turned it on in here, wanting
to drink up as much ambiance as possible.
Paul found a little pond, barely an offshoot of a
larger one, with holographic frogs, snakes, and other wildlife surrounding it.
The sounds of the swampy forest were all around him as he sat down on the edge
of the pond, barely bigger than a hot tub, and slid in feet first underneath a
thick root. He had to wedge himself through the small gap, but when he got
underneath it he found it was deeper than he’d expected. He went all the way
under and held himself there, hiding from the planet, the fleet, and even the
other Archons on this ship.
He mentally made himself so small he disappeared, and
even through this chamber was shielded against telepathy he engaged his Kgat,
making his mental signature vanish had there been any telepaths within the
chamber. Paul let himself go anonymous, disappearing from anywhere and
everywhere while sinking into a seated position on the muck at the bottom of
the dirty water hole with a cage of roots over his head.
The trailblazer held his breath, but it wasn’t much of
an effort. His focus was on disconnecting from anything and everything, even to
the point that he wasn’t planning on going back to the fight, the war, or even
the ADZ. There was no tomorrow, no duties, missions, or have-tos of any kind.
All there was was this moment, and everything that had an influence over him,
directly or indirect, he released. No one in the universe mattered right now,
it was just him and his little pond on Dagobah. He even let himself forget he
was on a ship, soaking in his surroundings on the mysterious world from Star
Wars lore.
Before his lungs ran out of oxygen he slowly came to
the surface, the top of his head poking out of the water until his nose cleared
the waterline. It bumped against a root and he held there very still for a
moment, eyes closed as he felt the air on his wet forehead that was dripping
rivulets off his bangs. He was silent, but the forest around him was not. Wisps
of fog flowed past him, interfering with his vision and sometimes completely
eclipsing his sight…which finally sold his mind on the disconnected thing.
Paul was a Jedi in the swamps of Dagobah, and suddenly
a flow of relief surged through him as his mind finally released restraints he
didn’t even know he’d been running with. One after another flicked off like
dominoes, and for the first in in who knew how long did he truly breathe in a
breath of clean air.
The lizard gore was gone and he was himself again…just
himself, and that pile of clothes that was now well out of sight might as well
be a Jedi robe for all he knew. Nothing unauthentic was now here to prick his
mind out of the illusion, and that gave him the clarity to realize that something
had to change. He didn’t run the same mental calculations again, knowing how
they’d come out, but he chose to pursue the gut feeling and let it soak into
him, with it becoming ever more clear that Star Force wasn’t on the path it
needed to be. He wasn’t on the proper Jedi path, and he didn’t know what it
was, but for the moment, here on Dagobah, he was himself again.
Paul stayed under those roots in the water for a long
time, thinking without analyzing and getting a better sense of who he was
rather than what the situation demanded of him until a very soft pitter patter
of feet walked up in front of his position, almost inaudible amongst the sounds
of the forest, until a slender, pale pair of feet stood a meter in front of his
face with the genetically altered bright red and orange toenails of a Clan
Angry Chipmunk Archon he immediately recognized despite not being able to see
above her ankles through the roots.
Those feet slid into the water, followed by the rest
of Riona’s slender, pale body as a small wave washed over Paul’s face. She
didn’t say a word, vocally anyway, and repositioned herself in the mucky little
hot tub alongside him, pulling a strand of wet hair out of her eyes. They both
held still and silent for nearly a minute, with a wry smile on Paul’s face.
Eventually she tapped him on the head with a finger, telling him to drop his
Kgat.
Paul let go of the mental invisibility psionic, which
blocked him from sensing or receiving from anyone else as well as hiding
himself.
So who are we hiding
from? she asked, eyes peeling and looking around the perimeter of their
little puddle rather than at him as if there were a real threat.
The galaxy,
he replied after a long pause.
Cozy spot. You
come here a lot?
Do you usually
make house calls naked?
This is a house?
Doesn’t look like it. More like a slimy mud hole.
Is there
something you need?
Riona smiled, finally turning her eyes to look at his,
with both of their mouths still under the water line. I was going to ask you the same thing.
Because I came
back to the ship?
Word is you’re
pissed. What’s going on?
Paul frowned. Who
said that?
A few Archons
you passed on the way out. They said you were raging so hard they could feel it
in your aura.
Paul turned inward for a moment, searching his
memories. If I was I didn’t even notice.
Hence the raging
part.
And you thought
a naked you would cheer me up?
No, I saw your
armor and clothes laying back there so I de
cided to follow suit. What are we
doing here?
I needed to get
away from everyone.
So why do we
need to get away? she pressed, amending his ‘I’ into ‘we.’
To clear my
head.
And that means
getting naked and dunking yourself in a mud hole?
Oddly yes. This
is the cleanest place I could think of, but even it took some time before I
felt like myself again.
What’s wrong,
Paul?
Something I need
to figure out for myself, he said half apologetically.
Alright, she
said, not taking offense. Paul felt the water move as she repositioned herself,
then her face was in his and she kissed him underneath the waterline.
What are you
doing? he asked when she pulled back.
You can either
tell me what’s going on or we’re going to make out, she said, kissing him
again.
Sweet, he
said, pushing her back slightly with his arm. But I don’t take well to threats, he added sarcastically.
No threat,
she said, kissing him a third time and holding it for several seconds, but you came here to relax and I’m going to
help you do it.
Riona, he
said as she kissed him again, but he didn’t feel like pushing her away too
strongly.
Talk, she
insisted.
Sometimes people
just need some space.
There’s no one
here. We’ve got all the space we need, she said, ignoring his attempts to
put her off and kissing him again.
This time when she released the lip lock he slid an
arm up in between them so she couldn’t do it again, but in a flash his arm was
grabbed and pulled aside with the water surging up over his eyes as Riona got
up on him and wrapped her arms and legs around him, pushing them face to face
with her nose buried in the skin beneath his right ear.
No Paul, she
said firmly. You’re not pushing me away
this time. Either you talk or we’re making out. And if that doesn’t bother you
I’m going to fuck you after that. We don’t have sex because there’s no purpose
in it, but I have one now and believe me when I say I will do you in a
heartbeat if I have to.
This is extortion,
Paul complained.
Yep, she
said, kissing the side of his neck, but this time she didn’t stop, only taking
a few small breaks for a breath of air. He didn’t stop her, but he didn’t say
anything either, calling her bluff.
Riona mentally shrugged, then repositioned her hold on
him and pushed him all the way underneath the water so she could straighten him
out and get herself in the proper alignment. When she started rubbing against
him and felt a response Paul finally grabbed her with his telekinesis and
stopped her from moving.
Something is
wrong, he admitted.
Riona surged her Rentar and broke his hold, but rather
to pursue her sexual agenda she pulled him back up into a sitting position and
they both got their noses above water.
Spill, boy, she
said, still wrapping him up in a four limbed hold.
We can’t keep
going on like this.
Who exactly?
Me…and the rest
of Star Force.
Riona stared at him closely, then went a bit bolder
and hacked into his nervous system so she could get a better look at his mental
state. She didn’t push in too deep as to be offensive, but just enough to get a
feel for where he was at right now.
Too much gore?
The lizards are
making us fight their way, and we can’t keep doing that.
What else can we
do?
That’s the
problem. I don’t have an answer for that.
So you came here
to think?
Yes.
And you think
better naked in a mud hole?
This place is
meant to feel like Dagobah. Feel like the Force, clean, holy even. When I took
my armor off I still felt gore covered. I had to chuck the uniform and immerse
myself until my head washed clear.
But you’re still
not alright.
I was ok by
myself.
If I can knock
you off center either I’m a lot hotter than I thought or you’re a lot
weaker…and I know neither one is true.
I was able to
find my center by disconnecting with everything, but if I go back out there,
back to the fighting like I know I have to, I’m going to have to numb up. We
have to fight them, but doing it this way is wrong. Not because they’re in the
right, but because this isn’t the way we should be fighting. There are so many
of them that have to be killed, with even more being grown to replace those we
take out. They’re making us fight a blood bath and it’s just too damn easy. I
can kill them so easily that it doesn’t feel right. If I was in danger it would
be different, but I know that, despite how devious they are, unless they get
lucky or I make a mistake they can’t stop me. I’m in total control and yet
they’re making me go Sith and slaughter them.
Riona kissed him again, but this time on the forehead
in an endearing way. Paul, you couldn’t
be Sith if you tried.
This isn’t
right, Riona. My gut says so and my logic says otherwise. The two aren’t
matching up and that is the real problem. I don’t have the luxury of putting
this off, because as long as I’m not down there fighting someone else is, and
I’ll not have them die when I could easily have prevented it. And we can’t
stall the invasion, for every day it lasts more people out there, people we may
never even meet are getting killed. One more cruiser might not make a bit of
difference here, but out there, if they’re like we were in the beginning, a
single cruiser could conquer a planet. We can’t put this off, but I had to come
up here and get my head clear before I go back down. It’s clear now, or was
until you came in, but I know as soon as I leave I’ll have to numb up. I don’t
want to do that, but I can’t find any other options.
I’ve gotten gore
head too, you know. I think we all have at some point. Especially since we
started using the death sabers…and no, that wasn’t a bad idea. It makes us a
lot more efficient.
How do you deal
with it?
I take a break
and reset. Then I’m good to go.
How?
You don’t know?
Obviously not.
I mean about me.
Or are you blind to it too?
I don’t know up
from down right now, so please fill me in.
I’m not in
command. I command virtually all of Star Force when needed, but all the second
gen take the lead from you guys. I can trust them, and especially you, to do
&n
bsp; the right thing. If you’re leading us in this fight then I know we’re in the
right, even if it gets bloody, and I do my part.
What if I lead
you down the wrong path?
You’d never do
that willingly, and it’s not like I don’t have a mind of my own. I’ve just got
a different perspective than you.
And what do you
see?
I see a threat
that has to be eliminated. I don’t like the methods we have to use, but
ultimately they’re choosing it. They can surrender whenever they want.
I know, I know.
I’ve been around this logic loop hundreds of thousands of times. But my gut is
saying otherwise. I’d been ignoring it until just now, when the gore got too
much that I couldn’t ignore it subconsciously. A red flag was thrown and I
won’t ignore that. Something is wrong and I can’t figure out what it is.
I think I know
part of the problem. When was the last time you were kissed?
A moment ago.
Don’t be coy.
You know we
don’t make a habit of it.
You misinterpret
me. When was the last time you were kissed?
Paul frowned. Now
I honestly don’t know what you mean.
Riona opened up a bit of her mind to him and moved her
lips to his mouth and kissing him gently, making the emotion clear. It wasn’t a
buzz, but rather a comfort. A release from fighting and a…reward?
You’re so far in
you can’t even see it, she said, pulling back and bumping noses with him. You don’t have to lead every second of every
day. You can take a break. Take a moment to rest.
I don’t have
that luxury and you know it. Roger and Liam can handle a lot, but I’ve…
You’re the top
dog.
Not exactly…
Yes you are. You
all swap duties, Morgan has the highest rank, but at the end of the day you’re
a little bit better than them.
Is that really
what you think?
No, it’s what
you think. If you really considered them peers you’d let them lead for a bit,
but you think that if they haven’t found a solution to something then it’s up
to you to do it. You always put yourself head of the line, first in the fight,
at the tip of the spear. I am a lot of the time, but then in times like this
I’m not at the tip, I get to hide behind the tip and not take the full brunt of
the stress. You’re always on the tip because you won’t let yourself go anywhere