Shannon chuckled. “Mom, stop worrying. I’ll see you tonight when you get home.”
That evening Andrea got home from work later than she planned. Kyle and Shannon were huddled in the den. “What’s going on?” Andrea asked.
Shannon looked up, a guilty expression on her face. “I had a call from Dad today—Kyle was with me when he called.”
“Your father called you at school?” Andrea struggled to keep her tone even.
“I told him I’d call him back when I got home. I didn’t want to talk to him with my friends around.”
“Did he say what he wanted?”
Shannon shrugged. “I won’t know until I call him back. He really wanted me to come to his place when I talked to him last night. I’m sure it’s about that.”
Andrea was tired of talking about Scott. Tired and disappointed that the man who was critical of and domineering with her, who ignored his daughter for long periods of time, had suddenly come between her and Shannon. With a sigh of resignation, she said, “Shannon, I’m not stopping you from seeing your father. The next time you talk to him, find out when he wants to come here to visit you.”
“Why can’t I go visit him? It would be so much easier. He already sent me the ticket. Mom, I need you to understand something. I can’t handle the fact you two can’t get along, and I can’t take any more fighting between you.”
Andrea had thought she’d hidden more of the animosity between her and Scott from Shannon. Clearly she hadn’t. She must have let her anger and hurt boil over into Shannon’s life so much that she was stressed by it. Andrea had never intended for anything like that to come between them.
“I’m sorry, Shannon. You’re right. I need to let you decide how to work it out with your father. Just tell me what you’re planning to do—ideally before you make any commitments. Okay?” she asked, the old familiar urge to fix Shannon’s life nearly getting the better of her.
“Okay.” Shannon smiled as she reached for her mother, her arms going quickly around Andrea’s neck. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you, too,” Andrea whispered into Shannon’s hair, surprised but pleased by the hug.
She’d missed Shannon’s affection and silently prayed it would return more consistently. What she’d give to have back her sweet daughter who confided everything in her. She sighed inwardly. Truly, she wanted everything good to come Shannon’s way, despite the hard time they’d been going through recently. But as Gina reminded her, chaos was part of being a teenager.
Shannon slipped out of her arms, and returned to lean against the counter. “Mom, is it still okay for Kyle to stay for dinner?”
“Of course. As long as he calls his mom and gets permission.”
“Thank you, Mom. You’re awesome.”
Shannon and Kyle remained in the family room, huddled together. Were they more than friends?
She cautioned herself not to get her hopes up as she went to her bedroom to change. As she walked down the hall, it struck her.
She always did what was expected of her—from dinner to diapers to earning a living. When anyone she cared about was upset, she tried to comfort them despite her own feelings, her own needs. For once she’d like to be the person who was comforted. “Fat chance of that,” she muttered, pulling off her suit jacket.
CHAPTER EIGHT
THE FOLLOWING DAY Andrea stopped at the local market to pick up a few essentials. All day her thoughts had been on her realization that her life revolved around striving to be what others expected of her. She did the right thing to please everyone on the planet but herself.
Aren’t you feeling just a little bit sorry for yourself?
Maybe she was, but wasn’t she entitled once in a while? Today would have been her eighteenth wedding anniversary. Surely that counted for something.
Pulling her cart close to the vegetable displays, she reached for a couple of paper bags and began to select carrots and a bunch of radishes, along with fresh string beans—all of Shannon’s favorite veggies. As she filled each bag, she popped them into the cart next to her, trying to turn her pensive mood around.
She turned to put one last bag in her cart when she spotted her purse sitting in a different cart behind her...and Jake coming toward her, clutching an eggplant and rutabagas in his hands.
For a moment he looked surprised, then smiled. “I see we both like vegetables,” he said, his glance moving from her eyes to the cart and back again.
“Oh, I put my vegetables in your cart. I’m sorry,” she said, feeling a little foolish. After the other evening, he probably wasn’t thrilled about seeing her again. Yet his expression gave nothing away.
“Not a problem. I probably shouldn’t have left my cart beside you.”
Did that mean he’d seen her? Had he been watching her? She had to admit to being pleased at the possibility.
“Do you always shop here?” she asked, wondering how she’d missed seeing him before today.
“No, but I had a meeting a couple of blocks from here.”
His dark blue shirt and faded jeans looked good on him—sexy. The hint of stubble was appealing in a Ryan Gosling sort of way. She had to admit he was attractive and would be pretty hard to resist. Not that she’d ever be in the position to find out, given everything between them, she thought ruefully.
“Where’s your office?” She wanted to keep talking to him, wanted to make amends for what she’d said. Yes, she’d felt abandoned, but with a little distance, she could maybe understand why he might have left.
“On Michigan Avenue, about four blocks from the Arts Theater downtown,” he said, his gaze on her, making it impossible to look away.
“You’re a long way from your office,” she said, liking the way he looked directly at her, his attention was flattering.
“And for your information I’m not checking up on you.” He gave her a smile that started a warming sensation deep inside her body.
“I didn’t think that for a minute,” she said. Although it might have been nice if he had.
“Thank you for the great meal the other night. You make awesome lasagna.”
“Shannon likes it,” she offered, basking in the compliment but uncertain as to how to keep the conversation going. Was he as uncomfortable as she was? He didn’t seem uneasy...but maybe he was better at hiding his feelings. She would have sworn he wasn’t interested in her welfare, yet he made no move to wrap up their conversation.
To be honest, he hadn’t been far from her thoughts since they last spoke. Not in a romantic way, but as the person who might be able to help her with Shannon. Andrea might have preferred the school psychologist, Mark Jenkins, but there was a problem...two, actually. Mark hadn’t returned her call, and because she didn’t really know anything about the man, she didn’t know what to make of the silence. Maybe he was still sick, or maybe he had no interest in Shannon. As for Jake, Andrea knew a little about him—not all positive—but he was approachable. More important, he’d already expressed concern for Shannon.
A funny hurt hit her. Why was it that her whole life was wrapped up in Shannon’s problems? Why couldn’t she have a little time to simply enjoy meeting someone in the market on a lovely afternoon?
Feeling attracted to a man for the first time in so long served to remind her of what she missed most about marriage. Spending time together—just two people sharing their day, loving each other without condition. The longing for something she would probably never have made her blink and look away.
“Is everything okay?” he asked, genuine concern in his voice as he moved the cart to step into the space next to her.
She met his inquiring gaze and wondered how it would feel to be part of a couple again, to have someone care exclusively for her.
“Really, everything’s fine,” she said to ward off the loneliness. She
didn’t like the reminder that other than work and Shannon, she lived a very solitary life.
She wished her life were as simple as those of some people she knew who viewed a sunny afternoon as a chance to relax, kick back. Uncomplicated and easy.
If only she could be upbeat and funny, and be able to attract a man like Jake. Not as a mother with a daughter in trouble, but as an exciting woman in charge of her life. A woman who wasn’t struggling to cope with her everyday life.
Her train of thought saddened and embarrassed her, especially when she felt the prick of tears. Wonderful. Wouldn’t that prove to Jake that she was a wacky, vulnerable female? Way to impress a man who, despite their history, she found...charming.
Sometimes life just plain sucked.
* * *
ANDREA’S TEARS STARTLED HIM. When he’d seen her, Jake had prepared himself to be met with the familiar wariness. His mind had scrambled for the right words to apologize for his behavior at her house. But her vulnerability threw him.
He wanted to reach out to her, to offer support. But first he needed some indication she would welcome his comfort. So they stood quietly facing each other, an awkward silence between them, as anxious thoughts tumbled around his mind.
Hadn’t he always been drawn to people who were alone? As a child he’d always felt alone...solitary, drawn to others who felt the same. As much as he loved his three sisters, the pressure of being in charge, of being responsible for them, had kept a barrier between them. Babysitting had also prevented him from hanging out with his friends. Going to college hadn’t changed that feeling very much, because he’d studied hard to succeed and prove that his mother’s financial sacrifice for his education was not in vain. Eventually being alone became easier than opening up to others and allowing himself to be vulnerable.
So many habits could linger in a person’s life long after they’d outlived their purpose. He knew that better than anyone. His work had become a habit, one that put an objective distance between him and others. It had even influenced his response to Maria’s last hours, his late arrival at her bedside. He suppressed a sigh of regret. He’d let his wife down in so many ways...
Was Andrea his chance to engage, to break the habits of a lifetime? He wanted the opportunity to start over, and he sensed that she might be receptive to the idea.
“Do you suppose we could start over?” he asked. “Maybe get to know each other better? You and I haven’t had the easiest relationship so far, and I take responsibility for at least part of that. I realize that you’re not a fan of mine, but I honestly believe that your heart’s in the right place.”
“My heart?” A furrow formed between her eyebrows. “I’m Shannon’s mother. I’ve put my heart and soul into raising her.”
He wished he could retract his words. He’d put her on edge, which was not his intention. “That came out all wrong. I meant that you are working through your problems with your daughter, and that’s good.”
“What you really mean is that because I’m not seeking your advice, I’m not doing it right, is that it?”
“No. Of course not,” he said, repelled by her rising anger.
She stepped behind her cart as if seeking refuge. “Then tell me what you mean.”
He chose his words more carefully. “I believe you’ve had a rough time these past four years, and you hold me responsible for at least part of it. I’m sorry that what I did hurt you.”
“Shannon and I have been together since the day she was born. While her father was off doing his thing, I was home looking after my daughter. And you—”
“Please, stop.” It was his turn to back away. Four years later and she still responded with anger. Nothing had changed, and he was a fool to let his attraction blind him to that. “Look, I’m sorry. This isn’t helping either of us.”
She hesitated, looked away. “I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have attacked you. I really didn’t intend to.” She looked directly at him. “I’m worried about Shannon, and everyone seems to have an opinion or idea, but no one seems to have a solution. And I still can’t get any answers from Shannon, because I’m afraid I’ll drive her away.”
Her anxiety and honesty stopped the urge he’d had to walk away. He sensed that she would not play games. Yes, her anger issues were still present, and he would continue to react negatively to them. But she was making an effort to do better. That he could admire.
He needed to see more of Andrea. Despite her antagonism toward him at times, he liked her willingness to try to work things out.
He had once thought her irresponsible with her insistence that Scott was to blame for her issues with Shannon. But witnessing firsthand how much anxiety Scott created for his daughter and Andrea, Jake was beginning to understand why she might believe that.
You’re never too old to learn, Polegato.
“I’ve got an idea. Why don’t we finish up here before someone complains about us blocking the vegetable aisle then go have a coffee?” he asked.
She smiled, and he chose not to examine his pleasure at it too closely. “I’d like that.”
They quickly finished their shopping and before long were seated at a cozy table in a nearby café.
This was his chance to apologize for the other night and make things right between them. Her outburst in the store had shown she still harbored resentment toward him, and he wanted to give her a reason to let that go.
“Andrea, I owe you an apology for the other night at dinner.” She looked wary but met his gaze, which told him she’d listen. “I shouldn’t have left. You asked me to support you, and I didn’t. I left when you probably needed me the most. And I—” The words seemed to stick in his throat. “I wanted to jump in to say a lot of things that weren’t my place to say. I mean, I’m not your family’s psychologist and I’m not a personal friend. Yet I wanted to guide your conversation, act as your counselor. I wanted to put the words in your mouth rather than let you find your own way with your daughter.”
He didn’t want to admit this next part. It was bad enough that he had just told her he thought her approach to her daughter was wrong. Once he admitted the rest, it would change the dynamic between them and he would be open in a way he rarely allowed himself to be. He owed her the truth, though. Or at least as much of the truth as he understood now.
“More than that, though, I had the urge to interrupt with my personal feelings. I wanted to stand beside you as a friend and show Shannon what her behavior was doing to you. That was not my role and, honestly, I was uncomfortable with how protective I felt toward you. Those feelings were entirely too personal for the situation between us, and I was confused about why I was there. So I left. But immediately I knew I’d done the wrong thing. I abandoned you when you needed support, and for that I’m sorry.”
The silence stretched for a while, and he forced himself to not fill it.
Her eyes searched his face as if looking for proof that he meant what he said. Slowly a smile began on her lips, reaching toward her eyes.
“Thank you,” she said. “It did feel like you deserted me, and I assumed it was because you disapproved of how I was handling Shannon. It’s good to know there was...more to you leaving.”
“There was. Definitely.” Did he go further? Did he commit to this path and put the power in her hands? Taking a big risk, he did. “I don’t know what to do about these feelings I have for you. I don’t even know what to call them, except that I know they’re more than professional. Maybe nothing has to be done right now. Maybe it’s enough, for the moment, for you to know.”
She nodded but said nothing. Her expression was contemplative, but he couldn’t detect any sign she rejected his confession. Good. They could figure out their relationship—or whatever they called it—as they went.
He was trying to come up with something charming and funny to say, something that would lighten
the mood, when she spoke. “You know, sometimes I feel as if my life is one long treadmill. When I was a kid, I had a hamster that spent all night getting off and on the little exerciser in his cage. I finally had to move the cage out of my bedroom so I could sleep. And here I am, practicing the life habits of a hamster.”
The sound of her laughter felt so liberating. He liked the way her highlighted blond hair spread out across her shoulders. Was it as soft as it looked? He mentally rolled his eyes at the sappy thought. “You’re referring to the fact that the hamster was up all night?”
“No, running fast and getting nowhere.”
“Want to run away?” he asked impulsively, half joking.
“There are whole days when running away makes perfect sense.” Her tone said she’d taken his wild suggestion seriously.
“Well, running away isn’t on the agenda for today. But can I invite you to take a well-deserved break?”
She cocked her head to one side, a crooked grin slipping over her beautiful lips. “I’d like that.”
“I always keep fishing gear in my trunk. I don’t get many chances to fish, but we’re only a short drive from Lake Michigan. Why don’t we take off and go fishing? We can drop our groceries at our houses, then I’ll pick you up in about half an hour. How does that sound?”
“I’ve never done that.”
“You mean fishing?”
She shook her head. “I’ve never just taken off and left everything behind.”
“Me neither. Something we have in common. What are we waiting for?”
Longing flashed in her eyes, followed quickly by a look of resignation. “But what about your job? Shannon?”
“Don’t we deserve a break?”
“I really shouldn’t. I have so much to do.”
“But maybe what you really need is time to think. You said yourself that you are searching for a way to approach Shannon. It might happen when you’re doing something totally unrelated. Why not give it a try?”
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