My body tenses and I worry I’ll be sick. The butterflies in my stomach all gag at the sight of him and what he’s doing. I sip the refreshing liquid and then choke. It’s not that the drink is too strong, but more my natural reaction to Knox whispering something in the ear of the brunette he’s closest to.
“Have a seat, Little Bean.” Remi taps the round leather-covered stool next to him.
I don’t want to, but I plop down, the ice in my drink rattles against the edges. “Don’t call me a Little Bean. I’m not six anymore.” Plus, it’s the name Knox calls me from time to time, and he’s an asshole.
Remi leans back like I burned him, his hand in the air defensively. “Okay, then.”
I sigh, blowing a large breath between my teeth so strong it moves the straw in my beverage. It’s not his fault his best friend is an asshole. “I’m sorry. You know how it is.”
He nods his head like he totally understands, but that’s impossible because even I have no idea what I’m talking about. I’m happy for Remi, even if I’m not showing it well at this particular moment. There’s nothing like medaling at the Golds — at least I assume. I’ve never actually won a medal or any kind of trophy. But this is bigger than that. Not only does he have another medal to take home and put in his trophy room — yes, he has one of those — but he now holds the world record for the most medals in the snowboarding halfpipe event. Sure it could have been the most gold medals, but fuck it’s still a record.
It’s a pretty awesome accomplishment. Even if my claim to fame is only being the sister of the guy who has the most medals.
Regardless of the fun, excitement, and glory he’s had over the years, I’m ready to be done. Marley kisses Remi and I take a long pull of liquid from my drink. These two are so gross I need liquor. Leaving the snowboarding circuit will be wonderful and horrible at the same time. On the one hand I won’t have to be around Knox so often, but on the other hand I’ll no longer be around Knox so often.
I’m a complicated woman.
No more being tempted by his manly woodsy scent or the way his body flexes as he zooms down a mountain. Thankfully I have enough of those images burned into my memory. My spank bank will be full for a while. It’s the other memories, the ones that aren’t so great, that I won’t miss. Ones like tonight. Where he’s surrounded by women and living up to the “athletes are all players” stereotype so many snow boarders in the industry have.
It takes me another ten minutes to suck my way through the liquid. Just because I decided to drink the entire thing does not mean my body was ready to accept the entire thing. By the time I’m using the straw to search for the last few remnants of alcohol at the bottom of the glass, Knox has peeled himself away from his newly formed fan club and started up a conversation with Remi and Marley. There were a few quick attempts to engage me as well. When I replied with only head shakes and grunts, he eventually gave up, but not before shooting Marley a look like I’d turned into a super crazy bitchy person. Maybe I have. Either way it’s better for the four of us because if I open my mouth now I’m liable to spill everything out.
It’s not good when even I don’t know what I’ll say.
“What do you think, Reagan? You can watch me practice tomorrow?”
“Yeah, sure.” I steadfastly avoid eye contact with Knox and search the bottom of the glass in case I left any gin. At this point I’d drink the water off the melting ice cubes if they touched liquor.
Knox takes a step toward me, his body now in between my stool and Remi. “I really need you there, Little Bean.” He lays his hand on my shoulder.
“I said I’d be there. I’ll be there, okay?” I flick his hand off my shoulder and stand. ”Going to my room.”
“But you’ll be there tomorrow?” Knox won’t give up.
“Yes!” The word trails off as I turn my back to the small group and head to the door of the bar, but I said it loudly enough I know he heard even over the noise of various conversations taking place at the tables around us.
I am so ready to be done with snowboarders.
I need to get through these last trials and head home to Texas. My relationship with Jake is going so well who knows, maybe once Remi officially retires I’ll pack up my stuff and move in with him. Eighteen months of dating is long enough before you move in with someone, right? The fact we’ve been doing it long distance makes it even harder. It would be nice to not need a plane to see my boyfriend.
The lobby outside the bar has a few small groups of people coming and going. Down one of the hallways where room doors are located, there’s a small sitting area underneath a window at the end. The chairs have dark blue fabric and pretty little flowers. It reminds me of those seats you’d find in someone’s house who served you afternoon tea.
The cushion barely moves when I sit down. It’s probably brand new and brought in to make the hotel look nicer before everyone showed up. The corner is a little dark and none of the couples manage to find their way to this section of the hallway. I have no idea what time it is here, which means I have absolutely no idea what time it is back home, but I pull my phone from one of the cute little pockets hidden within the folds of my dress.
Every dress should have pockets. Maybe when I’m done with this whole snowboarding lifestyle, I’ll go into fashion design. I’d require my entire line to be available in plus sizes that still look good, and every dress would be required to have pockets. Create a little force of pocket police. They’d go around to stores, and if they find a dress that doesn’t have at least one pocket hidden somewhere, they’d spill paint on it like the fur people in the nineties. Unless you get arrested for that sort of thing.
Whoa, Reagan, settle down. The Long Island may have contained more alcohol than it tasted like.
I find Jake’s name in my list of most recent contacts, his digits further down the list than they probably should be. When I get back to the states, I’m going to be a much better girlfriend. I’m going to learn to cook. And then when we move in together I’ll make awesome three-course meals. I have to learn what spices are first, but I’m sure there’s an online course about them somewhere.
“Hello,” an overly feminine voice greets me. One definitely not belonging to my boyfriend.
I’m startled for half a second, no words able to come out of my mouth. “Is… Jake there?”
She giggles. One of those stupid little feminine giggles. It’s so obnoxious I curl my toes in annoyance. The kind that makes me want to rip out a piece of her most likely blonde hair. “Jake! The phone is for you, honey,” she yells in the background, but he’s obviously not far because there’s barely enough time for me to catch my breath before he says my name in total surprise.
“Reagan? Is it like one a.m. there for you?”
That’s what he has to say? “What the fuck, Jake? Who answered your phone?”
It’s not like he has a sister he can blame it on. “Oh that? It’s not like that.”
“Then what is it?” My heart clenches in my chest. It beats faster, choking off proper blood flow. I so desperately want him to have a correct answer. One I can believe without making myself a moron.
But we’ve been down this road before. There aren’t many generic excuses I’ll be able to accept without making myself look dumber than I already do. I thought after the last time Jake changed. He promised. Men always promise.
He breathes into the phone, not giving me an explanation for the few seconds that tick by that feel more like hours. “I can explain it.”
I sigh. “Sure you can.” The girl from work who stopped by to drop off some files. His next door neighbor wanted to borrow a cup of sugar.
Does it matter anymore? Do I even want to hear his explanation? It won’t make it hurt any less.
“You and I are done.” I squeeze the phone in my hand giving him one more chance to come up with something.
“You’re dumping me? Because of some floozy I met at the bar last week?” There’s a hushed hey on his end of the phon
e. Probably said floozy disagreeing with his assessment. I don’t have time to roll my eyes before he keeps going. “You’re in God knows what country doing who knows what with your brother and his best friend and all the other men in the snowboarding team, but you judge me?”
“You’re kidding. Right?” How do men have the ability to make everything about them?
As quickly as I ask the question, I decide I don’t care. Kidding or not I’m done with Jake. I tap the large end call button, turn the phone on mute, and slip it back into my pocket.
CHAPTER THREE
“So you’re there? Right now?” Knox is way too alive for eight o’clock in the morning.
I fall down on one of the large overstuffed leather couches in the lodge’s main sitting area. “Yes, Knox, I’m here.”
“And you’ll stay until I see you for lunch?”
An exaggerated sigh escapes, but there’s no one around hear it. “Yes.”
I have no idea why he is being so needy all of a sudden. You’d think after spending most the night being groped by hot girls and probably taking at least one if not two back to his room, he’d be in a better mood.
At six o’clock this morning he stopped at both mine and Marley’s rooms, waking her and Remi up as well. He explained we had to eat breakfast together and then watch everyone practice.
Remi thinks he’s having empty nest syndrome since this is the last gold-medal event we’ll be at together. Knox will continue to compete in regular events, and as long as his health holds out, he’ll participate in the trials for another Winter Games. But I think he knows Remi is done, even if he hasn’t accepted it yet.
So basically because my brother is retiring at the age of thirty-one, I had to wake up at a God-awful early hour this morning to eat cold scrambled eggs and bacon.
“Okay, I’ll see you for lunch. You better be there.”
“Yeah. I’ll be here. Bye.” I end the call, shoving the phone in between the couch cushions.
Sure I may sound like a pubescent teenager, but did I mention what time he woke me up this morning? It’s not natural.
I think Remi’s right. It’s finally hit Knox. This is his and Remi’s last big event together. It’s made him nostalgic. He made me promise no less than five times that I’d be here to watch him practice all day. For good luck, he said. I’m pretty sure he’s having a mental breakdown.
I’d go back to my room, wrap myself in the covers, and have a good cry. But I can’t because in my family we get up, we put a smile on our face, and support our family members as they get ready to compete. And Knox, whether I want him to be or not, is like a family member to the entire Jonsson clan. So even though I feel like my heart is breaking, I’m here ready to fake it for everyone else.
And the worst part? My heart is breaking, but not because I dumped my boyfriend last night. If I’m being honest, I knew deep down inside it was going to happen eventually. It’s the number one reason I moved to Texas rather than Vegas when I had the chance.
I’m upset because…. I don’t even know. I mean, I do know, but I don’t want to admit it.
It’s not what you think.
Really.
I’m envious.
Told you it wasn’t what you thought.
I love Marley like she’s my own sister. I can’t wait to have her be an actual member of our family when she marries Remi. But I want what she has. I mean, I don’t want to marry my brother. But she and Remi are so happy. Sickeningly so at times. I want that. Someone I have such a deep connection with that it won’t matter if I’m a little cranky in the morning because they understand my need for a full night’s sleep or that I don’t like red wine only whites. Jake could never remember those small pieces of who I am. Isn’t shit like that integral to a long relationship? If I drink coffee I want him to remember I take two sugars not three. Is it too much to ask? I guess.
“Why do you look like someone pissed in your Cheerios?”
Great. Now I won’t be able to get the idea of Knox peeing in a cereal bowl out of my head all morning. And I’ve seen his penis, it’s not like I need to make one up. I’ll be able to visualize the real thing.
“Do you know what time it is?”
Marley sits on the other side the couch. Kicking her feet up, she rests one on top of the other on the coffee table in front of us. She lets a minute or two pass with both of us quietly staring out the large glass window as a group of brightly colored snowboarders stand together in a circle. The group slowly grows in size.
Later than I expected, but sooner than I want, she turns and gives me an all-knowing expression. “Is that the only reason?”
“Where’s Remi?” It’s a cheap tactic and one she is not likely to fall for, but you can’t blame a girl for trying. With Remi’s one event completed, he won’t be practicing anymore. They like to leave the mountain trails available for athletes who have events. Which means big brother should be down here providing support to Knox even more than me.
She leans back on the couch getting comfortable. “He’s coming. Your mom decided now that he’s done competing he needed to eat more food. She’s making some poor soul find him a third helping of breakfast.”
Sounds like our mom.
“So the Cheerios thing? Don’t think I forgot about your bad cereal,” she presses like an annoying older sibling.
And here come more pictures of Knox and his dick. “Of course you didn’t.” I sigh. “Can’t a girl hate mornings without judgement?”
“Not you.” Marley shakes her head.
There’s no point in trying to hide it. She’s going to figure it out sooner or later anyway. She’s like a dog with the scent of a bone stuck in his nose when she gets fixed on a topic. “Jake and I broke up last night.”
“What? You’re kidding me. What did the rat bastard do now?”
McKenna, one of the snowboarding team public relations assistants, swipes back a piece of her dark brown hair and sits down in the chair to Marley’s side. “Who is the rat bastard?” she asks, pausing for a second. “If I can ask? I don’t mean to butt in.”
McKenna really is the new girl if she thinks Marley isn’t ready to spill the beans on every sordid affair that’s gone on between Jake and me while we were dating. A year and a half is a lot of opportunities to fuck up. To say she isn’t fond of him is an understatement.
“Her boyfriend,” she replies with the expected amount of malice.
“Ex-boyfriend,” I interject, holding a finger in the air.
“Her ex-boyfriend,” Marley rolls her eyes, “is a jackass.”
McKenna nods her head in understanding. “What did he do?”
“I don’t even know.” Marley’s voice reaches new decibels boarding on high and screechy.
“Do I have to tell?” I moan through a deep breath. Marley nods her head yes like I knew she would. “I called him last night after leaving the bar and a girl answered his phone.” There short and sweet.
Both women suck in a breath of air between their teeth and lean back.
“That rat bastard,” McKenna says. “Men are dumbasses.”
McKenna is one to know considering she’s in charge of making sure none of the new athletes make fools of themselves or the American team this year. There’s always one who causes problems.
“Where is Cyrus?” I ask hoping to steer her away by asking about one of the guys she’s in charge of.
“He’s practicing this morning. It’s usually safe when they’re on the hill. I figured I could do better watching all of them from here. As long as you ladies don’t mind me sitting with you.”
“Of course not,” I answer, my attention stolen by Marley. She doesn’t do anything in particular, but the way she sits quietly on her side of the couch with her hand resting slightly underneath her chin is not good. She’s thinking way too hard about something. Probably something I’m not going to like.
“You know,” she starts and she’s right I do know… something not good is going to come out of
her mouth. Nothing good ever starts with “you know.”
“This could be a good thing.” Marley drops her feet from the coffee table and leans forward getting into the conversation.
I roll my eyes but am too tired to do much else. “Me breaking up with my boyfriend is a good thing because?” She’s never been Jake’s biggest fan but this is a little much.
Marley smiles, getting more and more excited by the second. “Think about it. You’re single. Knox is single. Have the stars ever aligned this way before?”
They have, but I’m not about to tell her that fact. The drunken night two years ago is the only time I remember. After that I met Jake and jumped into a relationship and then Knox started dating some tall gorgeous brunette model. The kind of girl who walks around during fashion week runways wearing little itty-bitty lingerie.
Needless to say I wasn’t her number one fan.
“Marley, Knox and I are not going to hook up. Our stars will never align that way.”
She tilts her head to the side and leans in even further. “Really? So it would be okay if McKenna had a go at him.”
“Had a go with him? What? Now one of our oldest and dearest friends is what, a video game machine? Sure, McKenna. Go for it.”
McKenna throws her hands up and leans back in her chair. “Oh no, he’s all yours. I don’t want to have a go with him. I don’t even know what that means.”
“It means Reagan has been madly in love with Knox for at least the past two years but both of them are too thick in the skull to admit it.”
“Me!”
Marley shrugs. “I want to see both of you happy, but you’re both so pigheaded. Eventually one of you really is going to find somebody else and then you’re both screwed.”
HIS LAST FALL Page 2