by Taylor Dean
Of course she did.
3
Luke and Jill
April 2003
Present Day
At Jill’s silence, Luke flicked on the radio. Sheryl Crow busted out the words, “If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?”
Good question. Luke had made her happy once upon a time. She should feel happy right now, being forced to spend time with him. She should be saying, “Darn, alone time with Luke? It’s gonna be tough, but someone’s gotta do it.” Then she’d laugh, throw her arms around him and kiss him.
Instead she sat there wondering why the hell she was so sad.
Luke was not an unkind man. She knew she wasn’t in any danger. Luke would never hurt her. She’d known that from the moment she’d seen his face in the Walmart parking lot.
It wasn’t physical danger she worried about.
Emotionally, he had the power to tear her apart at the seams and for that reason and that reason alone, he was dangerous. Not just dangerous . . . lethal.
Hearing what he had to say would leave her vulnerable and Jill wasn’t sure she was prepared to face those emotions quite yet.
Still, why the over-the-top tactics? Stealing her out of a parking lot and handcuffing her to the car? Seriously? What on earth was he thinking? She shouldn’t have ignored him yesterday. How could she have known it would lead him to desperate measures?
It was time to reason with him, logically and rationally.
“Luke, my mother will be worried when I don’t arrive home.”
“Your mother knows you’re with me.”
“You spoke with my mother about this?”
“Yes, I did.”
“She is gonna be furious when she finds out what you’ve done.”
“I doubt that.”
“You underestimate her. She’s quite protective when it comes to me.”
“Yes, she is. That’s why she packed a suitcase for you. She didn’t want you to ‘go without’ during our weekend together.”
Weekend? An entire weekend with Luke? “What?”
“Look behind you.”
Jill turned and there, sitting on the backseat, was her never-been-used floral luggage set, the one her mother had purchased for her honeymoon—the honeymoon with Luke that had never happened. It had once been filled with dainty lingerie, chosen and purchased with Luke in mind.
Jill was going to have a strongly worded talk with her mom when this was over. “My mother knows you kidnapped me?”
“She knows I decided to surprise you with a weekend getaway. I told her we needed to talk and she agreed.”
Huh. Good thing she had the weekend off. “Let me guess, you left out the part about the handcuffs?”
He acted as though he was thoughtfully considering the question. “Hmmmm . . . I can’t really say how your mom imagines our love life. She might assume handcuffs are involved.”
Jill cast him a chilly glare. “Aren’t you the comedian.” It was a statement, not a question.
“Sorry, it was staring me in the face and I just couldn’t resist.” He laughed and Jill loved the sound, feeling as though a layer of ice around her heart had cracked open. “And unlike you, I can pull off a joke.” His cheesy grin softened his words.
“Shut up.” She didn’t attempt to soften her words, even though they were meant to be droll.
The light turned green and they shot forward as if Luke really was in a hurry to escape with his captive.
The captive being her. Luke’s captive. It wasn’t such a bad place to be.
Bite your tongue, Jill.
Jill stared at his face in profile, the rigid set of his jaw line and the bob of his Adam’s apple. In spite of his comical response to her question, tension emanated from him. His hands held the steering wheel with a death grip.
“Luke, I’m not going to stay the weekend with you,” she said slowly, enunciating every word.
“I need to talk to you. I need you to hear me out. That’s all I ask, Jill. Then you’re free to go. Deal?”
“I don’t really have a choice in the matter, do I?”
“Nope.” His cocky mannerism aggravated her to no end.
Jill scoffed and stared out the passenger window, deliberately tuning him out. She couldn’t believe he’d stoop to these methods just for an audience with her. This was ridiculous. After dumping her so callously, there wasn’t a thing he could say that would sway her.
Yeah right. Who am I kidding? I’ve never been un-swayed.
“Jillian Claire Barrett, it isn’t like you to sulk. Knock it off. Admit it, there was no other way for me to have a chance to talk to you and you know it.”
“Guess that ought to be a clue for you. When a woman won’t speak to a man, it means she wants nothing to do with him. More to the point, you already had your chance. You left me, remember? Practically standing at the altar too. I think I’m allowed to freeze you out. As a matter of fact, your actions have granted me full ice queen privileges.” Jill’s heart wanted her to throw her arms around him, tell him she loved him and announce that all was forgiven. Her brain told her to not make this easy on him. It had been his choice to end things between them.
Besides, she had no idea what he wanted. Getting back together could be the furthest thing from his mind.
“That’s why I need to talk to you. I’d like to explain my actions,” Luke said, the hard edge to his voice gone. Strangely, she could’ve sworn he sounded . . . sad. Almost regret-filled.
Jill longed for an explanation from Luke. Something, anything, to account for his sudden departure from her life—she just didn’t want to be forced to hear his explanation.
She’d just barely begun to live again. If you could call finally returning to work living again. Now that she finally felt as though she could breathe without him, here he was, wreaking havoc on her already-broken heart. The roller coaster of emotions was killing her.
“Does this sudden desire to make amends have to do with my recent engagement?” Jill asked.
“I never said anything about making amends. I’m well aware of the damage I’ve done. I just said I wanted to explain. I think I owe it to you. I can’t leave without clearing my conscience. It’ll drive me crazy. From there, the decision is yours.” Luke sounded subdued.
Jill swallowed through a dry throat. “There is no decision to be made. I’m engaged.”
“It was awfully fast, Jill, was it not? Did you cry over me for one minute or two?”
Oops. Resentment tinged his words. Perhaps her sudden engagement had prompted his rash actions. “Thirty.”
“Thirty? Thirty minutes?” he asked, puzzled.
“Thirty seconds,” she corrected. It sounded funny in her head. Instead it just came off as mean and testy. Jill didn’t want him to know that it had actually been thirty days—and counting. The past month since he’d left her had been miserable. Nearly unendurable.
Dang it, it was none of his business. He had no right to be angry if she’d moved on. After all, he was the one who’d made it clear he wanted no promises between them.
He had no idea what he’d done to her. Jill stared out the window, her eyebrows deeply furrowed as she remembered the two awful weeks after Luke had abandoned her. Never in her life had she felt as though she couldn’t get up in the morning. Really and truly. She couldn’t physically get up. Lifting her body out of bed had seemed a monumental task. Never had she felt as if she couldn’t smile, as if her face would crack and crumble into a million pieces as a result. Nothing had seemed funny, nothing had seemed beautiful, nothing had seemed amazing or miraculous. The world turned a sickening color of gray, losing its luster, its shine. Staring out the window had felt as though she’d done something for the day. For that matter, getting dressed had become an accomplishment. As for her hair and make-up, why bother? She didn’t go anywhere and she didn’t see anyone. She’d never sunk to the level of despair she’d felt in those two weeks. Luke had messed with her psyche and broken her spir
it.
Jill couldn’t go there again. It was a little place called hell reserved for the broken hearted. She’d sprung free of depression’s grasp and she had no intention of going back. Ever again.
She didn’t want Luke to know how completely he’d destroyed her, that he’d sent her spiraling into a deep, dark black hole. He had power over her, emotional power.
The strongest kind.
And it scared her.
Presently, she made the decision to play along, treat his actions as if they were one big joke. Ha ha. So funny. Kidnap me, handcuff me. Aren’t you hilarious, Lucas Graham? Did he really think this little ploy of his would come off as cute and clever?
But cute and clever might be the only way to cope. If she didn’t embrace cute and clever, she’d probably cry and scream any minute now. Cute and clever covered up a myriad of emotions she’d rather not display.
Keep it light, Jill.
Of course, one glance at Luke told her he wasn’t exactly happy about the situation either. He looked indomitable. Unswerving. He had a goal in mind and nothing would get in his way. His serious demeanor weighed on her. It was so unlike him. How should she respond to his crazy actions? She had no idea. Humor seemed like the best avenue.
“Where are we going for this little heart to heart? Burger King? So you can have it your way?” Jill asked, proud of her play on words.
Luke sped down the Dallas freeway, weaving his way in and out of traffic effortlessly. He didn’t answer. He didn’t need to. Her attempt at humor was an epic fail. It always was.
He knew her well enough to know that humor was a cover up. Too bad. It was the only emotion he was going to see from her. The rest of her emotions were sealed up tight deep inside of her.
“Where are you taking me, Luke?” she demanded icily. Okay, so she immediately broke her own rule about keeping it light.
“You’ll see,” he answered enigmatically.
“Whatever.”
A bark of laughter escaped his perfect lips. “A woman’s way of saying, ‘screw you.’ ”
At least she’d made him laugh. Maybe it was a little forced, but hey, it was laughter. Of course, he was laughing at his joke, not hers.
Minor detail.
If he knew a woman’s mind so well, he’d know this ploy of his would not go over well with her. He may have knocked her down once, but she wasn’t about to go “down and out for the count” again.
No, the total “knock out” was reserved for being jilted one month before her wedding.
Never again.
She’d never give someone that kind of emotional power again. She was locked up and closed for business. No opening date in the near future.
Jill’s train of thought came to a screeching halt. The coldness in her heart terrified her. When did she become so bitter? So prickly? Vinegar must be running through her veins.
“You do realize this weekend would’ve been our wedding?” she asked, deliberately keeping a despair-filled tone out of her voice. “Tomorrow to be exact.” That’s why she had this weekend off. She hadn’t bothered to change her work schedule. Instead she’d planned on having a pity party—and no one was invited.
“Yep,” he clipped, concentrating on his driving.
“Great timing. How’d you leave Iraq? Are you AWOL?”
“Four day pass. And we haven’t even left the States yet. Been busy with pre-deployment training at Fort Bragg all this time. In North Carolina. Doesn’t even count towards the actual deployment time. It’s one year or more ‘boots on the ground’ in Iraq. Got here late Wednesday night and I have to be back at zero-seven-hundred Monday morning. Like I said, I don’t have much time.”
“Time for what?”
“Time to talk to you.”
Luke wants to talk to me. “Why?”
“I owe it to you.”
“I release you. You don’t owe me anything.”
“It doesn’t work that way, Jill.”
“Why, Luke? Why now?”
“I can’t leave things the way they are.”
“Things are the way you wanted them to be. You can’t just change your mind and expect me to be ready and waiting.” Anger pulsed in her heart like a deeply embedded sliver.
“I know that. I need to be certain my affairs are in order before I leave.”
He didn’t say it, but she knew what that meant. In case anything happened to him and he didn’t return. If he died.
The thought left her cold.
“I knew I had to see you one last time. I left too many things unsaid. I need to make my peace. Please let me.”
Jill’s emotions warred inside of her. As a soldier leaving for deployment, fighting for our country, she felt an obligation to do whatever he asked. On the other hand, it had been his decision to leave so abruptly, with no promises between them. “So, is this the Apology Tour?”
He didn’t laugh. N to the O. No, Jill, not funny.
“You might say that.”
They’d made it out of the city proper and countryside now whizzed past her eyes. Suddenly, she knew where he was taking her. “Are we going to the ranch house?”
“Yep.”
His family’s vacation home. The place where he’d planned to take her for their honeymoon. Fantastic. More painful unmade memories to tug at her sleeve. This weekend promised to be the pits.
Secretly, in the very depths of her soul, buried so deep it was practically hidden, Jill felt a little glimmer of hope ignite.
Lucas Graham wanted, no needed, to talk to her. To explain. It was important.
Vitally.
What did it all mean? Jill stared out the window and hid a very small smile. It appeared without her consent, as did the tingle of anticipation.
Luke. Wants. Me.
“Almost there. This is the last neighborhood before we get to the ranch house,” Luke announced as they bounced over an annoying speed bump. A bright yellow diamond shaped sign announced, “SLOW.”
“That was my nickname in high school,” Luke muttered in an unnaturally deep voice.
Jill chuckled in spite of the circumstances, a breathy, uncontrollable giggle. The silly sound escaped without permission. It was one of Luke’s standard jokes. Once when they were eating at a restaurant, the menu advertised, “Dynamite Mussels.” Luke had immediately said, “That was my nickname in high school.”
The memory made her gut clench. She’d known she was in love with Luke that night. Actually, she couldn’t think of a moment when she wasn’t in love with Lucas Graham.
Not since the moment she’d met him.
4
Luke and Jill
August 2002
Eight Months Earlier
Jill smoothed her chef’s coat and checked her hair in the mirror. It wasn’t rare for a customer to request a visit with a chef at Chateau, but she was never the one to fulfill the request.
Eric had asked her to handle a customer visit, mostly because he hated doing them. He wasn’t a social man and tended to stumble over his words in polite company. Plus, the kitchen was crazy busy tonight, hence the job had been given to her. So here she was, the lowly garde manger chef, visiting with customers.
“Hello, I’m Jillian.”
“Ah, the woman responsible for my overly full, but happy stomach. Hi, I’m Troy Kelley and I just wanted to tell you that the foie gras was absolutely amazing.”
She shook his offered hand. Okay, this she could talk about easily. While Eric had approved her foie gras tonight, and given her many tips while she’d perfected the dish over the last year, she was the one who’d actually prepared it for this evening’s service. “Thank you, Troy. So happy you could dine with us at Chateau this evening.”
“I spent a year studying abroad in France. It’s hard to find foie gras prepared correctly. My compliments to the chef.”
“Thanks so much,” she said again. “It’s a bit of an acquired taste for many Americans.” Foie gras was made from the liver of a goose or duck. Contr
oversy surrounded it as the geese or ducks are force fed in order to fatten them up to achieve the rich taste in the liver. Jill had prepared it as a terrine for this evening’s service, atop brioche, topping it all off with a sauternes geleé, which was in essence a champagne jello. The three flavors combined to create a fascinating culinary experience.
“I try my hand at French cuisine here and there. I’m making a few appetizers for a get-together at my house tomorrow evening. Maybe you’d like to join us, Jillian?”
Jill assumed he wasn’t asking her out since he had a date at his side. Still, this man was a stranger to her and she hesitated, taken off guard at the sudden invite.
“Please, I’d love to pick your brain. It’s rare to meet someone who really knows what they’re doing when it comes to French cooking.”
A polite decline sat on the tip of her tongue and he seemed to sense it.
“Here’s my address.” Troy handed her a card. “Just stop by. You don’t have to stay long if you don’t want to. Bring a friend if it makes you feel more comfortable. We’re pretty casual. It’s just a backyard thing.” He waved his hand, indicating no big deal.
His date smiled at her, obviously not threatened. “Hey, I’m Joni. The food has been to die for this evening and I feel as though I’m going to pop. Guess I’ll die happy, huh? Come on by tomorrow night. Troy’s a great cook and you won’t leave hungry. I guarantee it. I’ll be there too,” she added.
Jill took a liking to Joni at once and thought, why not?
When she looked at the address the next day and saw it was in the middle-class-ritzy part of town, curiosity got the best of her. It was an obsession of hers to look inside fancy homes. She felt drawn to open houses like a moth is drawn to flame. She absolutely could not pass them by without stopping to take a look inside. Besides, being twenty-three and single meant she sometimes had to be creative when meeting men. But she wasn’t naïve either and knew it would be foolish to go alone. So she called her best friend, Lacy, who readily agreed to tag along.
As it turned out, the party was on the up and up—simply a casual get-together amongst friends in Troy’s backyard. She immediately felt comfortable and didn’t feel the need to worry about nefarious motives. The sprawling house appeared quite elegant if curb appeal was anything to go by, and she longed to explore it. How long would it be proper to wait before she asked to use the restroom so she could sneak a peek inside?