by Taylor Dean
“Okay. What’s your problem? Is it personal?”
Luke panicked inside. He had an older sister, but he didn’t know anything about girl problems.
“What?” Callie said, puzzled.
Luke glanced down at her desk. Her pencil hovered over problem #12. I am a complete idiot.
“You need help with a math problem?”
“Yes.” She looked at him like he was slow. “Can you help me?”
“Sure.”
That’s how it had all begun. And he was sure he’d found the girl of his dreams, the one he’d marry one day, the one who would have his babies.
Then one day he approached his locker and there was Callie, waiting for him. She was talking to Troy and they seemed deep in conversation. Callie’s face held a slight frown.
“Oh, uh, I-I’m not, uh, sure. I’ll have to ask Luke,” he heard her stutter.
“Ask Luke what?” Luke queried, smiling at the mere sight of Callie Lewis.
“Troy has asked me to Junior Prom,” Callie told him, her eyes filled with tension.
What? Luke’s gaze immediately shifted to Troy’s. Frankly, he couldn’t hide his shock.
Troy didn’t look at him. Instead he kept his eyes on Callie, “Why would it be Luke’s decision?” Troy said, a challenge in his voice.
“Well, uh, we, uh . . .” Callie trailed off.
Luke felt his heart sink. He didn’t know Troy liked Callie, his Callie. Was he serious? Didn’t he know how much Callie meant to him?
Actually, Luke had never confided in Troy about Callie. But Troy knew there was something between them. Didn’t he? How could he not?
Troy finally turned his gaze on him and Luke felt as though he’d just been sucker punched in the gut. Silent messages seemed to pass from Troy to Luke. Messages that Troy didn’t need to say aloud. Luke got them loud and clear. “You owe me, Luke. I just want this one tiny thing, this one tiny little moment of happiness. Surely you won’t deny me. I know you won’t deny me.”
He was right. He wouldn’t.
“You, uh . . . you should go, Callie. You’ll have a good time with Troy,” Luke said, looking down at the ground.
“Luke?” she said, a question evident in her tone.
He looked up at her then.
“You want me to go with Troy to the Junior Prom?”
“Sure, why not?” He shrugged his shoulders as if it were no big deal.
But it was a big deal. It was a huge deal. Callie’s eyes filled with tears, but none fell. Luke felt like a jerk. He wanted to explain, but what could he possibly say?
“All right, I’ll go with you, Troy,” Callie said quietly.
27
Luke and Jill
April 2003
Present Day
“Callie never spoke to me again. I didn’t go to Junior Prom and I never asked Troy how their date went. I never saw them together at school. They didn’t even acknowledge each other in the hallway.”
Jill wasn’t sure how she felt about the story Luke had just imparted. On one hand, she understood Luke’s decision to step aside and allow Troy a chance to have a date. Obviously, Luke felt as though he owed Troy. On the other hand, it painted a picture of Troy that made him seem . . . well, like the evil villain.
“Did Troy really not know how you felt about Callie?” Jill asked.
“I’m not sure. I’ve never asked him and we’ve never discussed it. He knew we were friends, no doubt about that.”
“I’m confused. Are you saying he did it maliciously?”
Luke stood, his hands in his pockets. He stared out the window for a moment, then turned and faced her. “Honestly, I’m not sure.” Luke sounded tired, as if sharing his life story was taking all of his energy. “I know that I should have pulled him aside and explained about the budding relationship between Callie and me, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wanted Troy to be happy. I couldn’t even entertain the idea that he would deliberately try to hurt me. I didn’t let the thought enter my mind. I regret hurting Callie though. She had no idea what she’d gotten herself into when she became friends with us. She stumbled into a huge pile of baggage.”
Gulp. Jill now found herself in a similar situation. She unwittingly stood between best friends. Best friends with a tragic history—a history she hadn’t been aware of.
Jill set the disturbing thought aside. “Either way, you’re a good man, Luke.”
He massaged his temples as if he had a massive headache. He returned to the couch across from her and sat down. He looked her directly in the eyes as he imparted the rest of his story.
“In our Senior year, Troy became quite social. He met a girl named Sophie. He began to spend more and more time with her and less and less time with me. It was a turning point in our relationship. It was the moment when we began to part ways and live our own lives. He made other friends and had his own social life. He no longer depended on me to keep him company.
“Troy still attended every single track meet of mine. He watched me run more times than my own parents. We went to State that year. I ran the 1500 meter and the 3000 meter and I won them both. I’ll never forget the feeling I had right after I’d won the 3000 meter. I’d had a good surge at the start which put me in an excellent tactical position. In the finishing kick, it was Troy’s voice in my head that gave me the final burst of speed and energy I needed at the end in order to win.
“When I heard my name announced over the loud speaker, it was such a thrill. I was breathing hard, trying to catch my breath, my muscles screaming and burning, yet I felt exhilarated too. I looked into the crowd and found my parents. They were on their feet, cheering and hollering. It was a moment I’ll never forget.”
Jill thought about the track trophies tucked away on his closet shelf and knew he had never really celebrated his achievements. Instinctively, she knew it was because he didn’t want to rub his success in Troy’s face. But, wasn’t it Troy’s success too? He’d been coaching him for years.
“Then I noticed Troy. He sat a few rows behind my parents, and a little to the right—apart from the crowd. He was the only person not on his feet cheering. My teammates were congratulating me, patting me on the back—everyone talking at once. But my eyes were glued to Troy. He sat with his elbows on his knees, no smile or expression of any kind on his face. And he was staring at me, his eyes burning holes in my skin. He looked at me like he hated me in that moment. My victory was his defeat.”
Luke’s eyes glittered, the emotion of the moment evident. Even during one of the happiest events of his life, he was thinking of Troy’s feelings.
“Sophie met up with him then. She sat down next to Troy and they kissed. My eyes scanned the crowd. I saw Callie, standing and clapping for me. Her boyfriend stood next to her, his arm around her.
“And that’s when it hit me. Everyone had moved on with their lives. Everyone except me. All those years, I thought I was helping Troy when really I think I hindered him. I was a constant reminder of the worst thing that had ever happened to him. Trying to hang onto our friendship did more harm than good. It wasn’t a concept a twelve year old could wrap his mind around. Or even a sixteen year old for that matter. My intentions were good. I thought he needed me. I thought I had to be there for him no matter what. But what he did for me can never be repaid. No matter how much I tried to do things for him, I would never feel I’d done enough. I finally let it go. And that’s when I knew I was the one holding onto the events of the past. Troy had already moved on.
“There I stood, having achieved victory at something I’d worked at long and hard. And I felt so alone. I was about to graduate in a few weeks. I’d been accepted to several colleges but hadn’t decided which one I would attend. I’d been worrying about leaving Troy. I wondered how he’d manage without me. It was only then I realized he didn’t need me. Not at all. I’d been in complete denial.”
Jill couldn’t imagine how hard realizing that simple truth must’ve been on Luke.
“The next day he a
nnounced that he was leaving to go to France to study abroad for a year. Sophie had family in France and she was going with him. I was shocked. Troy was actually doing things on his own. In the back of my mind, I didn’t think he’d really do it. I quickly realized he was determined to do it and nothing was going to hold him back.
“The funny thing is I felt like I’d been left behind. I decided right then and there it was time for a fresh start. I knew I needed to go out of town for college. I chose to go to UT in Austin. It was the right thing to do. It gave me a new life.”
Luke broke eye contact and stared down at the table. “Of course, in the end, both Troy and I ended up back in our childhood homes, living next to each other once again. Our relationship had changed drastically. We were more like acquaintances than anything else. I still found myself wanting to help him whenever he needed it. It’s a need, a compulsion, I can’t ignore and I’ve come to accept it. Call it friendship or call it guilt or call it accountability. It is what it is. We’d both changed, grown up, and had come into our own. Troy had found new hobbies, new interests, and new friends. He found things he was able to do in spite of his handicap. He started writing novels and found success in the publishing world. I followed my dreams and joined the police force and the Army.” He looked up, his eyes piercing. “And then I met you.”
In his intense gaze, Jill felt several things. Love, deep emotion, and passion. Yet, there was something else too.
Conflict. That was it. Luke felt conflicted.
Seemingly frustrated, Luke wandered into the living room and plopped down onto a chair. His elbows rested on his knees and he held his head in his hands.
Jill followed him.
His story was heartbreaking. Didn’t he realize he should be applauded for his loyalty to Troy? Jill couldn’t fault him.
But the purpose of telling his story to her was to explain why he’d left her. In that respect, she still felt puzzled. Now that he was done, shouldn’t he feel relieved? Instead, he seemed restless and troubled. “Luke, you okay?”
“Not really.”
Jill sat across from him, taking his hands in her own. “I understand why you’re so dedicated to Troy now. Thank you for sharing your story with me. To be honest, I love you more because of it.”
She smiled gently, attempting to erase his tortured expression. He pulled her close and they embraced tightly. He kissed her forehead several times. Then he stood abruptly and began to pace the room like a caged tiger. Jill sat on the edge of the chair cushion and watched him, feeling uneasy.
Maybe she needed to speak for him, make this a little easier on him. “So, I think I understand why I’m here.”
“I doubt it,” he mumbled.
“No, I get it. Now that I’m engaged to Troy, you’re back to fight for me. You didn’t fight for Callie and you’ve regretted it ever since. Is that what this is about?” She was okay with that. If a man was willing to fight for her, she was willing to forgive.
He shook his head. “No. I wish it were that simple.”
Okay then. There were a few other options ruminating in her mind. “Is this all some weird, sick, twisted competition between you and Troy? Let’s see who can get the girl?”
“Of course not. If that was the case, I’d already won.”
Yes, he certainly had. “All right. Maybe you want me to know that he isn’t sincere? That there’s a bit of bad blood between you and his heart isn’t in the right place?”
He stopped pacing and slowly shook his head in the negative. “No, Jill. No.”
Jill sighed. “I’m running out of ideas. How about . . . because you were being deployed and didn’t want to leave me in limbo, you left me, and now you can’t stand the idea of him having me? But you feel guilty for stealing me back because you feel like you owe him. Am I right?”
His eyes were wide and unblinking. “No.”
Jill was at a loss. “Then I don’t understand.” At all.
“I know,” he said. “I don’t really expect you to understand. I’m not sure I completely understand it myself.” He held out his hands and pulled her up to him, hugging her as if he was about to lose her. “I love you, Jill. I love you. Please remember that.”
“I love you too, Luke. I don’t understand what the problem is.”
His hands held her shoulders. “Why did you agree to marry Troy? Why?” he asked suddenly, his eyes intense, his voice a fierce whisper. “Why would you say yes if you don’t love him?”
He took her off guard. Was he angry with her? “That’s not fair. You left me and called off our wedding. You told me not to wait for you. You can’t be angry with me for moving on.”
His expression a mask of anguish, he rasped, “I’m not angry with you. I just need to know why. Why, Jill?”
It was obvious he was hurt by her actions. Had she hurt his pride by agreeing to marry another less than one month after he’d left her? Was that was this was all about? He didn’t have the right to be upset, not after what he’d done. “I . . . I thought you said you knew why.”
“I think I do. You have a soft heart and you felt sorry for him.”
“But you know the actual reason why I felt sorry for him, right?”
“Yes.” She didn’t like the way Luke was looking at her. His obvious hesitation made her feel as if he feared her response. His hands on her shoulders tightened almost painfully. “I didn’t think you’d do it,” he whispered slowly, enunciating every word. “I really didn’t think you’d do it.”
Wait. What? “Are you saying you . . . you knew he was going to ask me to marry him?”
His eyes darted around before he answered, like he needed to stall before he admitted to such a thing. “Yes.” His chest rose and fell as if he was getting worked up.
Jill pushed his arms off her shoulders and took a step back. “You knew?” she repeated, her heart turning to ice.
“I knew,” he stated quietly and closed the space between them, taking her hands in his.
For a moment, they simply stared at one another. The implications of his admission whirled through her mind. Jill pulled her hands from his and let her hands drop to her sides, ending her connection with Luke and wondering if the action was symbolic. She took another step away, her mind racing.
Luke would do anything for Troy, with good reason. It was his greatest quality and his worst fault. All rolled into one. How could such a good trait be his biggest downfall?
A dark feeling settled over Jill. She wasn’t expecting this. He was right, this was a game changer. His fear of her response all made sense now. “What have you done, Luke?”
Luke’s voice turned low and throaty, yet brimming with untamed emotion. “Do you know where Troy’s coat was as he hiked down that mountain?”
Jill’s mind ticked ahead, unbelief filling her soul. “Don’t change the subject. What does that have to do with anything?”
“Do you?” he rasped, his tone gritty and insistent.
She gave in. “No.”
“His coat was wrapped around me so that I would be warm. Do you know where his dad’s jacket was?”
“Luke, it doesn’t matter . . .”
“Do you?” he persisted.
“No.”
“It was still bundled up beneath me so that I would have a pillow, so that I would be comfortable. Do you know what Troy was wearing?”
“No.” Jill’s hands started to tremble.
“He was wearing a long sleeved t-shirt and jeans along with his dad’s sweatshirt and sweater. That’s it. In below freezing temperatures. It’s a miracle he survived at all. It’s a miracle he didn’t lose more body parts or even his life.”
“No, Luke. No.” Her eyes filled with tears.
“Do you know what part of me Troy’s coat covered?”
“Stop it.”
“Do you?”
“No.”
“He wrapped my legs in his jacket. He didn’t want my legs to get cold. MY LEGS! Not his, mine! The only reason I’m standin
g here today is because Troy Kelley saved my life. He was freezing while I was warm. He walked for miles while I slept. He lost the normal use of his legs while I recovered and healed. He lost his father while I still had mine. He coached while I enjoyed the exhilaration of running. I ran races and won trophies while he sat on the sidelines and watched.”
Tears slid down Jill’s cheeks. “What does that mean, Luke? Are you his servant for life? Will you do anything he asks of you? Will you be at his beck and call for the rest of your existence?”
Luke’s eyes flashed with emotion. “Yes.” His voice didn’t sound like his own. His answer surprised her. They’d merely scratched the surface when it came to his overwhelming feelings of guilt.
“You just said it’s not a debt that can be repaid. You realized that and you moved on.”
“I can’t repay him. I can never repay him.”
“But you’ll spend your life trying. Is that what you’re saying?”
“Yes.”
“And you’ll sacrifice your own happiness for his? Am I right?”
“Yes.”
Jill felt as though she couldn’t catch her breath as the implications of his words settled in her heart. “What have you done, Luke?” Jill repeated. “Am . . . am I one of those sacrifices?”
He stood tall and proud, a stone cold statue, fierce and unmoving. “Yes.” The word seemed to echo in the small room, bouncing off the walls and whizzing around in her ears.
The moment he uttered that one simple word, Jill felt her heart skip a beat. Tears that had plagued her all day would not dry up as they stood there facing each other. The large droplets reached her lips and she tasted their saltiness on her tongue.
The room was silent other than her gasps between each agonizing breath. His earlier words haunted her.
“I took the coward’s way out, Jill. It seemed as if there wasn’t a right thing to do no matter which way I turned, so I simply took myself out of the situation. Too late, I realized I should’ve just told you the whole story right then and there. Together we could’ve faced it, I know that now. Instead I ran away. I’m not asking you to forgive me. I’m not sure you can. I’ll always regret that. I’m hoping we can move on from this and have a life together. But I know I made a huge mistake and I’ll understand if you want nothing to do with me. At least you’ll know the truth. You’ll be able to let it go . . . and I’ll be able to live with myself. At least we’ll have that.”