He felt like a complete shit when he returned home in his SUV. When she had requested clothing, he was supposed to buy her sensible things. Instead, he bought what he thought would look gorgeous on her. And now he was a little apprehensive about giving them to her or what Joe would think about them.
When Brian came into the house, Joe and Freya were sitting in the living room. Both eyed the multiple handfuls of bags.
“Um...how much do I owe you?” Joe asked, his eyebrow raised.
“Nothing,” Brian told him, setting the bags on the floor. When Joe looked at him oddly again, he explained, “Insurance will cover it.”
It was a slight twist of the truth. Sure, the insurance would cut him a check for everything damaged in the storm, including her belongings. But he hadn't cared. He had wanted to buy Freya nice things. He wanted to pamper her a bit.
“I see,” Joe commented, still giving him a questioning look.
“Here, Joe, why don't you help me get the rest of the bags from the SUV?” He asked.
“There's more?” Joe asked, suddenly looking a lot like he had earlier this morning when he had accused Brian of screwing his daughter.
“Well, some of its groceries,” Brian told him, suddenly getting nervous again.
If Joe wanted to say something, he refrained. Instead, he trudged out to the SUV with Brian and began helping with bags.
“Look, Brian,” Joe said as he helped gather bags from the back trunk. “I've seen the way you look at my daughter, and I've seen the way she looks at you. I know that both of you are beating around the bush about what's going on between the two of you. I get that. I also know you saved Freya's life. And for that, I will be forever grateful. But you know she's been through so much. She can't handle being one of your flings.”
Brian shut the trunk door of the Audi a little too hard. He wished he could articulate how he felt about her. Shit, he hadn't even told Freya how he felt about her, and now he was trying to have the conversation with her father of all people.
“She's not a fling to me, Joe,” he said, his voice raw.
He looked at the older man dead in the eye. Joe stared back at him, his eyes intense. It was a stand-off.
“Okay,” Joe finally said, gathering all the bags in his hands. “But I swear if you hurt her, I'm going to cut your nuts off.”
Brian stared at the man and decided exactly how serious the man was. After a moment, Joe grinned.
“Hey, I would just kill you, but I need you to write me some more best-sellers,” he joked. “By the way, how is that book going?”
“Uh, yeah,” Brian told him. “About that...”
“Yeah, I thought so,” Joe told him. “Let's get inside before these groceries get too warm.”
And suddenly, everything seemed okay between the two men, even with the threat hanging over Brian's head. Yeah, he had expected something like that from Joe. The man did not play around with things that were important to him.
When they got inside the house, Freya's eyes widened when Brian dumped the rest of the clothing bags on the floor. Joe grabbed the groceries and headed toward the kitchen.
“I'll get the groceries in the fridge,” Joe offered.
When Joe headed toward the back of the house, Freya stared at Brian and told him, “I can't accept these...It's...too much.”
“As I told you, the insurance will pick it up,” he told her softly.
She got up from the couch and limped over to the clothing bags that were scattered all over the floor. After looking through some of the bags, she began to look flustered.
“Still...these are so nice. You didn't have to get all of this,” she murmured.
“Don't worry about it. Why don't I help you upstairs, and you can start putting them away?”
Before Freya could respond, Joe walked back into the living room. His expression was very serious.
“She doesn't need to put away the clothes,” he told him. “I was expecting to take her with me tomorrow when I left. We've already been more than a bother to you, and you have enough to deal with, looking at the damage to your property. I'm grateful for all of your help, but I don't want to impose any more than we already have.”
Brian looked at Freya. She looked upset; he could see it in her expression. She didn't want to go.
Damn it, he told himself. Do something. She wants to stay with you, and you want her to be with you here.
“No,” he said firmly. “She stays here.”
Joe looked visibly pissed.
“Look, Brian...I know you two have become...attached lately, but you've got a lot to deal with. There are issues about safety. This James Walker guy is dangerous. Plus, she's injured. She needs medical attention.”
“You more than most people should know that I can protect her,” Brian told him, trying to control his anger. Joe knew how good he was with a gun. “And I was planning on taking her to a doctor tomorrow. She'll be okay.”
“I'm sorry, Brian,” Joe told him, shaking his head. “She needs to be back with me.”
Brian wanted to argue. But was he going to push the issue with her father? Would he push the issue with his employer?
Before he could respond, Freya suddenly spoke up.
“I want to stay, Dad,” she said quietly. “I like it here. I like this house, this climate, these mountains. I feel good here. I'm not so scared anymore. And I like being here...with Brian.”
Brian let out a hiss of air through his teeth. He hadn't expected her to stick up for him again. She always acted so timidly, so he was seeing a different side of Freya. Perhaps this was what she had been like before her ordeal?
“No, Freya,” Joe said, shaking his head. “You need to come back with me.”
“The last time I checked, I am an adult, capable of making my own decisions,” she told him firmly.
Somehow, she had arched her back a little, even with her injury.
“And I'm choosing to stay here.”
Joe's mouth opened, then closed. He looked about as shocked as Brian felt. Who knew that Freya would go against her father's wishes? She had always seemed like such a daddy's girl.
“If that's what you want...” Joe finally told her, his voice sounding strained.
Brian looked back at Freya. She looked upset. It was obviously distressing her that she was having to choose between him and her father. And why was she even choosing him? He had made no promises to her. He was probably more surprised than Joe was at this point.
“Why don't you have Brian help you get your new clothes up to the guest bedroom?” Joe suggested, his voice sounding a little hurt. “I've got some business calls to make.”
“Dad, I'm sorry...” Freya started, but her father cut her off.
“Don't worry about it,” Joe told her. “Go get settled in.”
Brian felt like a complete asshole. He hadn't meant to strain things between Freya and Joe. He had just wanted her to stay. Hell, he had needed her to stay. He felt like a different man when she was around, and he couldn't imagine spending time away from her at this point. If only he could tell her these things.
As he helped Freya collect the clothing bags, Brian tried not to look at Joe's icy stare. He was starting to worry if he was burning bridges that he couldn't rebuild.
4:58 PM
Freya felt horrible as she limped into the guest bedroom across from Brian's room. She had never gone against her father like this, and she felt awful for hurting him. She knew he was angry and hurt because of her decision, but she had to start making her own decisions again. The fact was, she felt good when she was with Brian. He didn't baby her as her father did. He didn't expect her to be emotionally unstable. He didn't hire expensive psychiatrists to come in and medicate her to death (a realization that she had made after she had gone off her meds for a day). He just let her be herself.
She knew her father meant well, but she just couldn't go back to New York City. She'd be condo-ridden in no time and spend most of her time in bed again. At leas
t here with Brian, she could go outdoors. Plus, he cooked so well that she wanted to eat what he made her. And he was handsome and wonderful and made her feel things that she hadn't in a long, long time.
“Are you okay?” Brian asked softly as he set down the clothing bags he had been carrying.
“I'm...fine,” Freya stammered, but honestly, the only thing she wanted to do was have a good cry.
“No, you're not,” he told her.
He approached her, his hands coming up to her shoulders and squeezing them in a gentle reassurance. His nearness made her stomach flutter.
“I'm sorry that I've fucked things up.”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” she told him. “My dad...he's very protective of me, especially since what's happened...But I can't stay with him anymore. He's not what I need right now. He's spent the past six months smothering me.”
“And what do you need right now?” Brian asked, his strong hands moved over her shoulders and down along her arms.
His fingertips were so gentle, yet they seemed to almost burn her skin as he gently trailed down her arms. She shuddered involuntarily. Why did he have to be so sweet, so sexy, so sensitive right now?
“I don't know,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
It was a lie, though. She knew exactly what she wanted, and it scared her. She wanted Brian. For the first time in so long, she had the desire for intimacy with a man. She trusted him but not only that. She wanted him in a way she never imagined. He was drop-dead gorgeous with a body she had only dreamed of seeing on a man. He was dangerous, but he was also sweet and sensitive. And she trusted him not to hurt her.
Brian seemed to consider her answer for a while, his expression unreadable. Finally, he said, “Why don't we get your clothes put away?”
He had chosen to ignore the issue for now. That was fine with Freya. She didn't know if she could handle any more drama for one day. So instead of talking about it, he helped her put away clothes in the drawers and closet of the guest bedroom that she was supposed to be staying in, even though the only room she really wanted to stay in was Brian's.
As she began putting away the clothing, she began to realize that these weren't all just basic jeans and t-shirts. Yeah, he had purchased some comfortable clothing for her, but he had also gotten her some beautiful pieces of clothing that she would never dream of wearing. There were cute sleeveless tops, short shorts, skirts, and dresses. Each garment, though very nice, was not what Freya would wear. They showed off her scarred back and wrists. How could she ever wear cute things like this again?
As she continued rifling through the bags of clothing, she found a bag that made her face grow hot. Brian had delivered on buying her underwear, but instead of buying the all-purpose underwear one could buy in a package, he had bought her undergarments that made her blush. The underwear and bras were in all kinds of materials: cotton, lace, silk. And to make things worse, they were all in different colors, none of them basic white. Then there was the matching black thong and bra set he had gotten her, which made her face burn with embarrassment. How could he have gotten her these things?
When she looked up at him, he seemed to stare intently at her. He had been watching as she had gone through the underwear
“I...can't wear these things,” she told him.
“Why not?” He asked, his voice low. His body, though not near hers, seemed to take up most of the space of the room. “You'd look beautiful in them.”
Freya's chest seemed to tighten. As much as she thought she wanted intimacy with this man, she didn't know how to respond to some of his advances. She was a complete novice when it came to that kind of stuff. She had been a virgin until James had violated her and hadn't had any kind of heavy relationships.
“I'm sorry,” Brian said suddenly. “I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“No, it's not that...” She told him. “I'm just not used to...all of this.”
She didn't know how else to describe it to him. For most of her life, men hadn't been a priority to her. She had been more focused on getting good grades in college, and then once she had started her career, she had focused on that. Yes, she had had urges, but those urges had been fixed easily by her hand.
“And some of these tops,” she continued (yes, yes...focus on the tops, not the lingerie). “They show my wrists and my back. I can't wear them.”
“And why not?” Brian demanded, his voice firm, his body hovering near hers.
“Because...I don't want others to see them...I don't want them to know...” She trailed off.
How could she possibly describe her embarrassment and humiliation of being violated in such a way?
“Then you can just wear them around me,” he said huskily. “I would love to see you in them.”
Freya felt her cheeks grow hot. She hadn't felt desirable since her ordeal with James. But suddenly, Brian made her feel like the most desirable woman in the world.
“Okay...” She murmured, her voice trailing off.
If he wanted to see her in cute clothing, then that was what she'd wear. She was quite frankly getting tired of hiding and covering herself. That was what James wanted. He wanted her to hide and be afraid. She wasn't going to give him that satisfaction.
Besides, there was a small thrill in knowing that Brian wanted to see her in those types of clothing. And for the first time in a long time, she wanted to please a man in that way.
Chapter 16
Monday, June 8
12:05 AM
Freya woke up from a dreamless sleep, hearing voices. They were faint and sounded like they were coming from downstairs.
The rest of the evening had been a bit tense with her father, but there had been no more arguments, and by the end of the night, her father didn't look like he was about to bite Brian's head off. Eventually, all three of them had retired early to bed. Freya knew that her father must have been exhausted from driving all night, and Brian had been running around all day as well.
Straining to hear what was being said, she crawled out of the bed of her guestroom. Sadly, she had not been able to sleep in Brian's bed that night. It had been unspoken between both her and Brian that she wouldn’t sleep in his bed while her father was in the house. It would have certainly caused more tension than she would have wanted.
She hobbled to the doorway, though her foot was somewhat starting to feel better after a constant on and off icing regiment that Brian had put her on throughout the day. She peeked out the doorway to see a light on downstairs. Freya wanted to go further, but she was afraid her father might see her in what she was wearing.
Unfortunately, she had decided to wear one of the nightgowns that Brian had purchased for her. It was a white silk gown that left nothing to the imagination because it was transparent. It was amazingly comfortable, but she felt too exposed in it. She didn't want her father to see her in it, and she wasn't exactly sure how she felt about Brian seeing her in it either.
Still, she was curious about what was going on downstairs. Scanning the hallway, it looked as if her father and Brian were definitely downstairs. What were they doing up this late after such a long day? She was sure that her father had to have been positively exhausted. So quietly, she tip-toed down the hall and half-way down the stairs until she could hear the voices better.
“I thought it was getting better,” Freya heard her father say from what sounded like the family room.
“Yeah, well, I have my good days and my bad days,” Brian replied. “And I guess tonight is one of the bad ones.”
Curious, Freya crept down a few more steps to try to hear a bit better.
“Have you been going to the VA hospital recently?” She heard her father ask.
“Not as recently as I'd like,” Brian told him. “As I said, I haven't had many dreams lately, but every once in a while, one creeps up on me that gets to me.”
Dreams? Freya thought. What sort of dreams would Brian have that would upset him? She crept down the last
few steps and listened.
“Brian,” her father continued. “A lot of guys that came back from the war are dealing with PTSD. And you were in Special Forces, a sniper for God's sake. You had to deal with a lot of shit.”
“I know,” she heard Brian say. “But I feel like I should be stronger than that.”
PTSD? Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Did Brian have that? Freya had been so preoccupied with her issues that she hadn't realized that Brian, who had been an Army Ranger for years, had issues of his own that he needed to deal with. She suddenly felt selfish. She had been so fixated on herself that she hadn't realized that Brian had needs of his own.
Retreating up the stairs to the safety of the guest bedroom, she sighed heavily as she plopped back down into the bed. While pulling the covers back over her, she decided that she would not mention to Brian what she had overheard. He was such an alpha male. He tried to be such a rock. It must have driven him crazy that he had to share that information with her father. She also decided that she would try to be less of a drag on Brian. It was obvious that he was struggling. He didn't need her to be a complete wreck.
10:55 AM
After a very awkward breakfast and some even more awkward goodbyes, Freya's father departed. He hadn't been able to stay long, just enough to check up on her. However, she was worried about the fact that she had pretty much thrown him out. It hadn't been that long ago since she had completely depended on him. Now, she had pretty much made it obvious that she needed something more than just her father hovering over her. She felt awful. But her father had seemed to be upbeat.
After giving him one last hug before he left, he asked, "Are you sure you'll be okay?"
She paused for a moment before telling her father, "I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."
He squeezed her arm in response.
"I'm trying not to worry about you. I haven't for a long time in your life, but I just hope you are making the right decisions."
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