"Look at me," he ordered in a voice that dripped ice.
When she continued to stare toward the window, he grabbed her chin and forced her head around. "Look at me, damn it." She met his gaze with a cool detachment that infuriated him. There was nothing in her expression to indicate she was the woman he'd made love with only hours ago. How had she hidden this side of herself from him? How the hell had she fooled him so completely? It took every ounce of restraint he possessed not to shake her.
"You missed your calling, my dear. You could have been superb on the stage. You certainly had me convinced that you were all things good and decent. But clearly you are nothing more than a common schemer and accomplished liar. Your refusal to be a proper wife to me is certainly ample grounds for me to rid myself of you." He dropped her chin as if she'd scorched him.
Her face turned to chalk. "You'll agree to an annulment?"
"No, Elizabeth. I shall demand an annulment-as soon as I've ascertained that you are not already carrying my child. For the next two months you shall reside at my estate just outside London. That should be sufficient time to determine if you are pregnant or not."
Stark fear slashed across her features. She obviously hadn't considered that the damage might have already been done. "And if I'm not?"
"Then our marriage will end."
"What if I am… with child?"
"Then we'll be forced to endure this sham marriage. Whether you choose to stay or leave after the baby's birth-"
"I could never abandon my child."
A bitter laugh escaped him. "Really? You're certainly willing to abandon your commitment to our marriage. Given that fact, I'm not sure what you are capable of."
Something flashed in her eyes, and for a moment he thought she meant to argue, but she merely pressed her lips together.
"One more thing," he said. "I shall expect you to behave with the utmost propriety during the next two months. You will speak of this to no one and you will do nothing to bring shame upon me or my family. Do you understand? I'll not have my wife bearing some other man's child."
Again he thought he detected a flash of raw pain in her eyes, but she merely lifted her chin and said "I will not be unfaithful."
"You're damned right, you won't. And now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to get dressed. I'll make the necessary arrangements for your stay in the country."
"What about me helping you find William?"
"If you see anything else, send me a message. I shall conduct my own investigation from here. Without you."
Striding across the room, he opened the adjoining door to her bedchamber. She stood still for several heartbeats, her gaze riveted on his, her expression unreadable. Then she swiftly crossed the room and walked into her chamber. Austin closed the door after her and very deliberately turned the lock into place. The click reverberated through the sudden silence.
Alone in his chamber, he braced his fists against the door and closed his eyes against the emotions battling inside him, stabbing him, consuming him, overwhelming him until he wanted to scream. Half of him was furious. Coldly, darkly furious.
The other half of him hurt so badly he nearly fell to his knees. There was an empty hole in his chest where his heart had beaten only minutes before. Before Elizabeth had torn it out with her bare hands and sliced it in two.
Before he'd met her, he'd been only half a man, existing yet not living. She'd made him whole with her sweetness and innocence, laughter and love… but they didn't really exist. He'd never thought a woman would want him for himself, but he'd believed Elizabeth had. He'd never thought he'd fall in love, but he had with a heart and soul he'd thought gone forever.
Walking to the window, he pulled the curtain aside, and looked with unseeing eyes out the window at a world suddenly gone bleak.
She'd made him love her.
And it was all an illusion.
Until Elizabeth, he'd never carried around hopes and dreams for his future. He'd been consumed by the secrets he carried inside and had moved from one meaningless affair to another, from one club to the next, from one boring party to another.
But she'd changed him. She'd turned him from that cynical, detached lonely man into someone with hope for the future… a future filled with happiness, a loving wife, and fine, healthy children.
And now all his newly found hopes and dreams were gone. Vanished. Shattered. She'd said she couldn't bear to lose someone else she loved-yet she was willing to lose him. And that left no doubt what her feelings toward him were.
God Almighty, if he didn't hurt so damn bad if he wasn't so racked with pain and anguish, he could almost laugh. The "incomparable, invulnerable" Duke of Bradford brought to his knees by a woman… a woman he'd thought was the answer to all his dreams. Dreams he hadn't even known he had.
Instead she'd turned out to be his worst nightmare.
Elizabeth stared numbly at the door Austin had just closed and listened to the lock fall into place with a click that echoed in her mind like a death knell.
Just as she wondered if she'd ever feel anything again, pain ripped through her, exploding everywhere, searing her very skin. Clapping her hands over her mouth to contain a cry of anguish, she sank to her knees on the floor.
Never, ever, would she forget the look on his face, the gentle tenderness her words had turned into bitterness; the warmth changed into icy indifference; the caring into loathing.
Dear God she loved him so much. So much that she couldn't bear to give him a child who would die. She'd never make him understand that he would blame himself for their daughter's death, and that his guilt and anguish would destroy him. That he would never recover.
She'd paid with her soul to offer him his freedom. But the cost to her did not matter. An honorable man like Austin would balk at ending their union, would have consigned himself to enduring a lifetime with her and a childless marriage. A celibate marriage. He deserved happiness, a proper wife, children to love. She would have said anything to convince him. And she had.
A bitter laugh erupted from her throat as she recalled her words. I fancied being a duchess… I cannot have children with you… but I could with someone else. It was my child with you who died.
Those lies had cost her everything. The man she loved. Children. She could never, would never, be with any other man. She'd nearly choked on the words I fancied being a duchess. She'd said them as a last resort, when it became clear that he wasn't going to accept her decision unless she extinguished every bit of caring he had for her. And now he believed her to be nothing more than a scheming fortune hunter and a liar. The effort of keeping her anguish hidden, of making him believe she'd wanted a title, wanted a life without him, had nearly killed her.
But then he'd made it so much worse with his declaration of love. I love you, Elizabeth. She couldn't contain the tortured sob that rose from her chest. How much more pain could she bear before she simply shattered? To have longed for the precious gift of his love, to have been given that gift, then to have had to destroy it… to see that love fade from his eyes, replaced by hurt, then anger and disgust… Dear God how was she going to survive this?
And what if it was all for naught?
What if she were already pregnant?
Chapter 19
Elizabeth snipped fragrant lilac blooms from a leafy bush along the perimeter of the formal garden at Wesley Manor, the country estate just outside London that had been her home for the past three weeks. She tried to concentrate on the task at hand so as not to cut her fingers, but it was nearly impossible.
Three weeks had passed since her confrontation with Austin.
Three weeks since he'd sent her here, sent her away from him with nothing more than a terse note: You will send a message immediately should you see something or when you know if yo 're with child.
But after three weeks she hadn't had a single vision… hadn't felt anything but heartache. And she still didn't know if she was with child. Every night she lay in her lonely bed, filled with
anxiety, her hands resting on her stomach, trying to sense if a child grew within her, but all she saw was darkness. Unrelenting darkness.
These had been the longest, loneliest three weeks of her life.
Yet the alternative, living in the same house as Austin, facing him every day, trying to hide her misery and live the lie she'd created would have proven impossible. She was much better off here.
Even so, the anguish that was her constant companion showed no signs of abating. She tried to keep herself busy, to keep her thoughts occupied so as not to torture herself wondering what he was doing. Or whom he was doing it with.
But no matter how many flowers she picked how much lilac water she distilled how many hours she spent reading or roaming the grounds, nothing eased the ache in her heart. She tried to console herself with the knowledge that her actions had spared Austin the torment of losing a child and the emptiness of a cold marriage bed but nothing could erase the agony that clawed at her every time she pictured his face.
A memory of him filled her mind and turned her blood cold. Him staring at her, as he had in those final moments, with loathing in his eyes.
Hot tears spilled from her eyes and she impatiently wiped at them with her gloved fingers. She'd promised herself that she wouldn't cry today. How long would it take before she could make it through an entire day without crying? She almost laughed. Dear God how long before she could make it through an entire hour without crying?
"There you are," came Robert's jolly voice from behind her. "Caroline and I had nearly given you up for lost."
Dismay filled her and she quickly swiped at her eyes. Adopting what she hoped was a cheerful expression, she turned and smiled at her approaching brother-in-law.
Robert saw her face and his footsteps nearly faltered. By damn, she'd been crying again. In spite of her smile, there was no hiding the red-rimmed eyes that spoke so eloquently of sleepless nights and profound sadness.
A spurt of anger shot through him. What the devil was wrong with his brother? Couldn't Austin see how miserable she was? No, of course he couldn't-he was in London. Three weeks ago, Austin had asked him to accompany Elizabeth, Caroline, and their mother to Wesley Manor, explaining that he didn't want them to return to Bradford Hall until the case of the Runner's death was solved.
But Robert knew something was seriously wrong between his brother and Elizabeth. He'd visited Austin yesterday, and based on their time together, Robert knew his brother was just as miserable as Elizabeth, if not more so. He'd never seen Austin in such a holy foul mood.
As for Elizabeth, he'd simply never encountered such a dispirited brokenhearted individual as his sister-in-law. She reminded him of a lovely flower that someone had forgotten to water, so it simply wilted and withered away. Well, he'd had enough of it. Whatever was keeping Austin and Elizabeth apart was about to end.
Pretending he didn't see the tears still shimmering in her eyes, he made her an exaggerated formal bow. "How lovely you look, Elizabeth." Without giving her a chance to reply, he slipped her hand through his elbow and propelled her down the path. "We must hurry, the coach is leaving in"-he quickly calculated how much time Caroline and his mother would need to pack their things-"two hours." He knew both women would be frantic when he told them, but desperate times called for drastic measures. "We don't want to hold up the party."
"Coach? Party? What are you talking about?"
"Why, our excursion to London. Did Caroline not tell you?"
He glanced at her and saw she'd visibly paled. "No. I… I do not wish to go to London."
"Pshaw. Of course you do. Too many solitary days spent in the country is stifling. We'll attend the theater, go to the shops, visit the museums-"
"Robert." She halted, then pulled her hand from his arm.
"Yes?"
"Although I appreciate the invitation, I'm afraid I cannot join you. I hope you enjoy yourself."
He wondered if she had any idea how heartbreaking her palpable sadness was. And he guessed why she didn't want to go. His idiot of a brother.
Heaving a sigh, he shook his head. "A pity you won't join us. That big, empty town house certainly won't seem the same without you."
She frowned. "Empty?"
"Well, yes, what with Austin visiting his Surrey estate for the, er, annual inspection of the crops. Surely he told you." Annual inspection of the crops? He nearly rolled his eyes heavenward at his outrageous fabrication.
"I'm afraid he didn't mention it to me."
Shaking his head he uttered a disgusted sound. "How like my big brother. Always forgetting these things."
"How long will he be in Surrey?"
"Oh, at least a fortnight," Robert lied with a perfectly straight face. "We'll have a wonderful time. Besides, Caroline will fly into the boughs if you refuse to join us. She desperately needs you as a shopping companion as Mother's tastes are far too staid. And you'll be saving me the dreary prospect of having no one to converse with except my mother and sister? He screwed his face into a horrified expression. "So you see? You simply must come."
He could almost see her mind working, and relief swept through him when she offered what appeared to be a genuine smile… a small smile, but genuine nonetheless. "All right. Perhaps a trip to London would be a nice change. Thank you, Robert." "My pleasure."
"I suppose I'd best be off to pack." "An excellent idea. You go on ahead. I'll be along shortly."
He watched her retreating back, waiting until she disappeared into the maze. When he was sure she couldn't see him, he vaulted over a hedge in an un-lordlike manner that would have sent his mother into a swoon, and dashed pell-mell toward the side entrance of the manor.
He had to inform Caroline and his mother of their imminent trip to London.
Was she pregnant?
Austin sat in his study, staring into the fire, nursing his fourth brandy, trying without success to banish the question that had haunted him for three weeks. Miles stood by the mantel, relating something regarding the latest on dit he'd heard at White's, but Austin had no idea what his friend was saying. After another several brandies, he would no doubt cease to hear Miles altogether. Perhaps he would cease to feel as well.
He'd spent the last three weeks tracking down two soldiers who had served with William, but as they had a year ago, both men stated that they saw him, like so many others that day, go down in battle. He'd also waited in vain, to receive further instructions from the blackmailer, but none came. Why hadn't he sought to collect the five thousand pounds he'd demanded? If Elizabeth were here, perhaps she could-
He sliced off the thought, but it was too late. She was embedded in his mind and no matter how he tried to banish it, the question reverberated through him-was she pregnant? He both longed for and dreaded the answer. If she was, they'd have a child… a child destined to die before she'd really had a chance to live. If she wasn't pregnant, his marriage was over. A bitter laugh rose in his throat like bile. Hell, either way, his marriage was over.
Tossing back the contents in his snifter, he rose and walked to the crystal decanters by the windows overlooking the street. He poured himself a double, then pushed the curtain aside.
The expansive lawns of Hyde Park lay just across the street, and a line of fine carriages promenaded through the lanes. Fashionably dressed lords and ladies strolled in the late afternoon sunshine, their faces wreathed in what appeared to be happy smiles.
Happy smiles. An image of Elizabeth, laughing and smiling, rose before his eyes, and he swallowed half his drink in one gulp. Bloody hell, how long would it take before she didn't occupy every corner of his mind? Before his anger, and damn it, his hurt, would abate? Before he could draw a breath without his chest aching with loss? Before he would stop hating her for tearing his heart out, and hating himself for letting her? Damn it, how long before he stopped loving her?
He didn't know, but by God another brandy would hopefully speed the process along. He raised his snifter to drain the contents down his throat, but pau
sed as a shiny black carriage pulled by four exquisite matched bays rolled into view. By damn, that looks like one of my coaches. Leaning closer to the window, he saw the distinctive Bradford crest emblazoned on the ebony lacquered door.
Bloody hell! It was no doubt Robert, come back to plague him. He'd suffered through his brother's company only yesterday and he had no desire for a repeat visit.
"What has captured your attention?" Miles asked joining him at the decanters. Miles craned his neck. "Isn't that one of your coaches?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so. Apparently my brother has decided to return for but yet another unannounced visit."
The coach halted in front of the town house and a footman opened the door. Austin's mother alighted.
"What is she doing here?" Austin asked. No doubt another shopping excursion. He suddenly stilled his stomach clenching into a hard knot.
Could his mother or Robert have a message from Elizabeth? The disturbing thought had no sooner crossed his mind than Elizabeth alighted from the coach. His fingers tightened around his snifter and the elaborately cut glass dug into his skin.
"Bloody hell, what is she doing here?" But even as Austin growled the words, his mind whirled. Did she know if she carried his child? Only three weeks had passed. If she knew this quickly, she most likely wasn't pregnant-or was she? Or maybe she'd come because she'd had another vision of William? He looked out the window and fought the urge to press his nose to the glass like a boy at a sweet shop, eager for a glimpse of her.
She was dressed in a peacock blue traveling suit, with a matching bonnet. Loose auburn tendrils framed her face and he immediately recalled the feel of her soft hair sifting through his fingers. Even at a distance he could see the circles shadowing her eyes, a telltale sign of sleepless nights.
The footman reached a hand into the coach and helped Caroline alight.
Miles drew a sharp breath. "What the hell is she doing here?" he asked elbowing past Austin to get a better view.
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