by Melanie Dawn
While he was gone, I searched for Gia and Dane. Brynlee and Lance had long since given up and headed to Lance’s bedroom in the SigUp house. Gia and Dane were leaned against a back wall to rest. Dane’s chin was resting on her head. He was softly snoring.
“Damn,” Gia groaned, “I can feel the sexual tension from over here. Just go home with him already.”
I shook my head. “I can’t. At least not until eight tonight. My money has to go to Glenbrook.”
She chuckled. “Well the minute the clock strikes eight, I’m kicking your ass out the door so you two can go relieve yourselves. It’s painful to watch.”
I shrugged. “Then don’t.” Winking, I returned back to our spot and waited for Ryder. He came back quickly, no less embarrassed.
We took breaks for meals, snacks, and restroom breaks throughout the day. Besides those infrequent times, he didn’t pull away from me again, even when his dick was painfully hard against my stomach.
IT WAS FINALLY nearing eight o’clock. Our resolve was starting to crumble. My feet hurt and my back ached. Not to mention the riveting pulse of desire that zinged through me every time he pressed his hips into me. I felt the urgent need to get to my dorm room and take matters into my own hands.
“I think I’m ready to get out of here,” I told him. I already had my mind on the tiny vibrator I had hidden in my underwear drawer.
He smiled. I guess he was just as eager to release the valve of sexual tension between us as I was, and a smile seemed to be the only form of communication I’d be getting from him.
Gia walked up to me. “Ryder, I’m not sure what your plans are after this, but do you think Alexis could hang out at your place for a while? Dane and I are going back to my room… to… uh, rest.” She looked hopeful.
Ryder glanced at me. While I was desperate for the relief that a good orgasm would bring me, I was also dreading the fact that we were going to have to go our separate ways after the long night of fighting our desires. Part of me could’ve kissed Gia right then.
“As long as Ryder doesn’t mind…” my voice trailed as I shot a sidelong glance toward him.
Ryder didn’t hesitate. He gripped my hand and practically dragged me toward the front door, tossing our wristbands at the check-out table.
“Glenbrook Nursing Home,” I called to the volunteer just as Ryder pulled me around the corner of the doorway.
As soon as the words left my mouth, Ryder stopped dead in his tracks. He turned to look at me. His lips slightly parted as he drew in a breath. A tentative smile built as he took a minute to let the surprise sink in.
Grinning back at him, I tried to explain. “Your grandmother—”
I didn’t even finish my sentence before Ryder grabbed me and pulled me toward him, enveloping me in his arms. He held me there, squeezing me, a clear sign of his sincere gratitude.
He pulled back to look at me again. A very different look clouded his eyes—one of lust and painful need. Biting his lip, he squeezed his eyes shut. I wondered what he was thinking. I already knew exactly what I had on my mind. He skated his fingertips down my arm and intertwined his fingers with mine. Gently pulling me along, we walked in the direction of his dorm.
We only made it to the dark alleyway before he spun around. He reached up, gripping my head in his hands and coming at me like a voracious lion. Pressing his lips to me, he hungrily nipped and massaged my mouth against his. He pressed his tongue into me, tasting me as if I were his last meal. Walking me backwards, he slammed his body into mine, pushing me back against the brick wall behind us. I succumbed to him, letting him tangle his fingers in my hair and tug gently. I ran my hands down his molded pecs, splaying my fingers against his rippled abs. He devoured my mouth, kissing me with reckless abandon.
“Your place,” I breathed into him. He pulled away quickly, panting. In an instant, we were sprinting to get to his dorm.
The moment we stepped onto the elevator and the doors shut behind us, he was in my face again, pushing me back. I gripped his biceps, appreciating their strength as he held me flush against the wall of the elevator.
As soon as the doors dinged, Ryder practically clawed the door open. We raced down the hall, and he fumbled for his keys. Turning the lock, he shoved his shoulder into the door, swinging it open with full force.
We stepped into the room, lips locked. He slammed the door and locked it behind us. Our bodies were trembling with desire, hungry for each other. Wasting no time, I slid my hands up and under his shirt, slipping it over his head. He flung it somewhere behind me.
Once again, he tangled his fingers up in my hair. I quietly moaned at the painful pleasure it brought me when he gently tugged me closer. That was all it took. Before I knew it, my dress was unzipped and dropped to the floor, while my bra was tossed in the same direction as his shirt.
He stared at me for a moment. I suddenly felt hyper aware of the freckle below my left breast and of the small appendectomy scar on the right side of my abdomen. Before I could cover myself, he was pressing into me again, tracing his fingers up my side and gently cupping my breasts in his hands. My knees felt wobbly. I reached up, running my fingers through his hair and clasping the back of his head for support. He bit his bottom lip. A painfully blissful expression was on his face.
“Kiss me, Ryder,” I demanded.
He leaned down to devour my lips again. It wasn’t long before his lips had traveled down my chin, across my neck, making pit stops at each breast. My nipples immediately pebbled under the soft touch of his wet lips. I quivered at the touch of his tongue on my sensitive skin and groaned with disappointment the moment he stood back up. Reaching for the waistband of his jeans, I slid two fingers toward the front and released the button.
The massive bulge of his boxer briefs sprang forward the moment he stepped out of his jeans. I wasn’t a virgin, but the sheer size of that tent he pitched was intimidating.
He pressed himself against me, walking me back toward his bed. I settled back against the soft microfiber of his blankets. He lay down beside me, and immediately began kissing me again. His fingers traced circles on my stomach. My hips pressed upward, willing his fingers to delve a little lower.
When he didn’t, I breathed the words against his neck. “Touch me.”
Cautiously, he slid his fingers down the waistband of my panties. I bucked against the feel of his fingers so close to the one spot that had desperately longed for a release for the past sixteen hours.
“Lower,” I pleaded.
He tugged my panties down and slid his fingers between my slick folds, immediately circling my needy clit.
I moaned with relief. Thank god. Finally. I thought I’d implode before I felt the satisfaction of an orgasm. He continued to glide his fingers back and forth over my clit. I pressed my hips into his hand, rumbling with an impending euphoria. He watched me intently, as if he were learning as he went. Every time I closed my eyes, he’d repeat the motion several times. When I moaned, he’d move his fingers a little faster. Each time my eyes fluttered open, watching him watch me, he’d lean down and kiss me again.
His astute sexual instincts surprised me. I was quickly riding a hot wave of desire. My leg muscles suddenly went limp as I felt myself toppling over the crest.
“Oh Ryder,” I moaned into his mouth, just as the first delicious quake of my orgasm hit me. I thrust my hips hard against his rigid fingers, enjoying every wave of pleasure that overcame me. By the time I’d reached the blissful end, we were both breathless.
I rolled over, pulling myself up to straddle him. I was immediately rewarded with a strong throb of his cock against the sensitive crux between my legs. The pressure of it against me caused me to rock against him, craving that euphoric ecstasy again. I knew Ryder had to be suffering from a mean case of blue balls after a long night of grinding against me.
The look of hunger in his eyes was evident. He grasped my hips and thrust himself against me, pulling me toward him to find some relief. I slid off of him, tug
ging the waistband of his boxers down, gasping at the sight of his cock as it sprang from its binding. He tossed the boxers toward the chair, catching his breath as I slid my hand up and over his hard length.
Grasping its thick base, I leaned down and took the weeping tip in my mouth. His chest rumbled with an impending groan, but he refrained from releasing it. Instead, he grasped the back of my head, slowly guiding me. I watched him as he stared at me—hot, molten desire stirring in his irises. A strong pulse in my mouth indicated how close he was to losing control, so I withdrew him and kissed my way back up his chest.
He reached toward the floor, pulling a tiny square from the back pocket of his jeans. I quickly realized his intentions and quivered with anticipation. He handed me the packet, putting the fate of our union in my hands. The look of hunger in his eyes was startling. And in that moment, there was nothing I craved more.
I ripped open the package. Is he really ready for this? He practically sighed with relief as I rolled the condom down his considerable length. The moment it hit the base, he reached around my waist and flipped me over onto my back. Oh god, he really wants this. Nudging my knees apart, he settled his weight between my legs. I half expected him to selfishly shove himself into me, but he didn’t. Instead, he kissed me with more passion than before. But there was something behind his kiss. Fear. His lips trembled slightly. He tried to mask it by devouring my mouth the way he had in the alleyway, but something felt very different.
He’s not ready. “Wait,” I said, stopping him.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” I asked, hearing the hesitation in my own voice. I wasn’t even sure if I was ready. What if he was a virgin? What if he was opening himself up to me in a way he had never done before—with anyone? He would be giving me something special. The gift of his virginity that would only ever be mine. I wasn’t sure if I could handle the aftermath if he struggled with that fact later.
He smiled, and leaned down to kiss me again.
“Wait, Ryder,” I stopped him again. “I need to know that you’re okay with this. This is a big deal for me. For you. I just need to know that you’re gonna be alright.”
He leaned on one of his elbows, hovering above me. I felt powerless under the strength of his masculinity, and yet the way he traced his fingers across my skin made me feel as though I were precious china in his gentle hands. I trembled beneath him. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and kissed the tip of my nose. A sexy, half smile tugged at his lips.
“I want you, Ryder,” I admitted softly. “I just want to be sure…” my voice trailed.
He pressed his hips against me, throbbing against my inner thigh as he leaned down to kiss me again. His kiss began slowly, teasing me with gentle flicks of his tongue. I spread my legs farther apart, centering his hips by pulling him against me with my knee. His hard length pressed against my clit. I bucked my hips, anxiously awaiting the pressure of his girth as he pushed into me. But he took his time, relishing every taste of my tongue in his mouth. He ran his hands down the length of my body and back up again. I rocked against him, feeling the glide of latex against my slick, wet skin. I was rewarded with a strong pulse of desire throughout my core. I couldn’t take it anymore. I reached up, tangling my fingers in his hair and cramming my mouth against his. He responded, as I hoped, thrusting himself against me again. I moaned into his mouth.
Reaching his hand down, he grasped his cock in his hand. He centered himself at my opening. We both looked down, knowing the moment of truth was upon us. I glanced up just as his eyes met my gaze. I nodded slightly, silently reassuring him. He nodded slightly too, and I instantly felt the pressure as he pushed his way inside of me.
I’d only had sex a handful of times, but nothing prepared me for this—the closeness I felt to Ryder as he pushed slowly, stretching me. I sighed with relief the moment his hips connected with mine. I could tell by the look on his face how amazing it must have felt. But, he squelched his eagerness to finish. Instead, he took his time, rocking against me. I lost myself in the moment. Somehow, someway, I’d crept into Ryder’s head long enough for him to give himself to me like this. Somehow, someway, this silent boy had crept into my heart long enough for me to lose control under him. I cracked under the intensity of the moment and pulled him toward me, kissing him as silent tears slipped down my cheeks. He didn’t see them because his eyes were closed, lost in his own moment. As he kissed me back, his thrusts became harder and faster. He was reaching the apex, just as I was crumbling into an emotional mess. The moment he shuddered his way into oblivion, I trembled my way into a sentimental wreck. We were both spent, heaving with staggering breaths by the time it was over.
Resting his head in the crook of my neck, he caught his breath. As he lifted his head to look at me, he saw for the first time the tears that were pooling in my eyes. The instant he saw them, he grimaced, bouncing off me like a gymnast on a trampoline. He perched on the edge of his bed, leaning his head into his hands as his elbows rested on his knees, clearly guilt-ridden.
I reached a shaky hand out to comfort him. Placing it on his shoulder, I reassured him, “I’m sorry. It’s not you. You didn’t do this. You didn’t make me cry.”
He pressed his palms to his eyes, sucking a deep staggering breath. Releasing it, he turned to look at me with a pitiful expression, a mixture of insecurity and fear.
“I didn’t realize how emotional I’d get. What we did just now… that was some pretty powerful stuff.”
He closed his eyes, compulsively nodding.
“Ryder, I just wish I knew what you were thinking,” I blurted.
He took another deep breath, holding it in then blowing it out with one hard exhale. His fingers tapped quickly against his knees.
“I’m not trying to get you to talk,” I assured him. “I just want to understand. It’s really hard having a one-sided conversation. I just feel really confused sometimes, not knowing what you’re thinking.”
His fingers stopped tapping, and he turned to look at me. The look in his eyes told me everything and nothing in the same moment. He forced a smile, cupped my chin in his hand, and kissed me lightly on the lips. I glanced up at him as he stood up and walked toward his bathroom to clean up.
Suddenly feeling very exposed, I slipped into one of his T-shirts that was draped across the mountain of laundry piled in his chair. I’m not gonna lie and say I didn’t eye the pile for the coveted Rites of Spring shirt. Instead, I settled for a vintage Sonic Youth T-shirt.
By the time Ryder came back out, I’d curled myself up on his bed and pulled the sheet up around me. He didn’t lie down beside me right away. Instead, he tapped the screen of his iPhone and connected it to its dock.
A song I didn’t immediately recognize came on. Soft and low, the voice crooned through the speakers. I glanced at the screen of his iPod, dying to know whose song Ryder had chosen to speak to me through. “Tangled Up in You” by Staind. I’d recognized the lead singer’s familiar voice; I just wasn’t familiar with the song. Aaron Lewis’s gravelly, raspy voice sang words that sliced straight through my heart. If I was wondering what Ryder was thinking, this man was giving me my answers.
Ryder stood in front of me, watching me as I listened to the words. It was as if the lead singer was speaking for him, telling me everything I meant to him… everything I was to him. The moment he sang the lyric about me being the words when there were none, I broke down. Silent tears slid down my cheeks. Ryder fell to his knees beside the bed, wrapping his arms around me. He held me in his arms, comforting me, but I could tell his shoulders were shaking with pent up emotions, too.
When I’d finally pulled myself together, I looked up into his red-rimmed eyes. “Thank you for the song,” I whispered. “It’s exactly what I needed.”
Ryder pulled back the sheet, sliding in beside me and curling himself around me. I lay my head on his chest, resting against the warmth of his body.
“Ryder,” I sighed into the darkness. “I don’t know what ha
ppens next. I don’t know where we go from here. Of course, I long to hear your voice, but I’m not asking you to speak. All I’m asking is for you not to turn and run away from me.”
His strong arms wrapped around me and pulled me tighter, assuring me. As he held me in his arms, I relaxed at the sound of his rhythmic heartbeat. Overcome with exhaustion from a physically tiring and emotionally draining twenty-four hours, we listened to the song he’d played for me on repeat until we both fell asleep in each other’s embrace.
I LAY AWAKE, watching the clock. Alexis’s slow and steady breathing relaxed me, but sleep evaded me as I listened to the sound of her soft sighs. I looked at the bottle of pills on my night stand. Just one would push me over the edge, but I didn’t want to move and run the risk of waking her up. Instead, I stared at the ceiling, long after she’d fallen asleep, relishing the feel of her body against mine. The warmth that had washed over my body, from the soft feel of her skin on mine, was a sharp contrast to the emptiness I’d felt deep in my heart for the past two years. The weight of her body comforted me. Our legs were tangled. Her hair was piled in a soft mess on my pillow. Her hot breath warmed my skin. This strange feeling overcame me, a feeling that could only be described as… heaven.
I thought back to the instant we truly connected. Right here on this bed. In this very spot. In that moment, it was as if the night sky opened up and released a thousand moths on my body, tickling and fluttering against every nerve ending on my skin. She’d looked up at me with those sultry, wanting eyes, and I’d lost myself in the moment. Lost myself in the soft, tender folds of her skin. Lost myself in the wave of pleasure that caused my body to shudder against hers. When I saw her tears, I panicked. I wanted to say something so badly. Something that would wipe every ounce of sadness out of her. Something that would express to her how amazing she made me feel inside. Something that would show her that she was the only person who could bring that kind of vulnerability out of me. But I couldn’t will myself to say anything.