by Ana Medeiros
“It was over for us a long time ago. The fights, the broken furniture, the bruises…it kept getting worse and worse. He couldn’t let me go, and I was too afraid to pack up and leave like I’d done before.” Tatiana pressed her hands tighter together and some of the dirt fell on her lap. “Steven had access to my bank account. He knew exactly how much I spent and saved. I had tried to find a job before, but Steven said he could give me in a day what I’d make in a month at any job I was qualified to do.”
Meredith’s hatred toward Thompson intensified.
“I wanted to have my own money, put all of it aside so I could leave him,” Tatiana continued. “I wanted a new life that didn’t give him the chance to find me. That’s all I wanted, Meredith. To be free from Steven.”
“He hit you from the beginning of your marriage, didn’t he?”
“He’d slap me when we had bad arguments. It got worse after he found out I had the abortion.”
Tatiana opened her hands and the remaining dirt fell on her lap. It had rained earlier, and Meredith smelled the dampness coming from all around them. She didn’t care her dress was getting wet from sitting on the ground.
“I really fucked up, Meredith. Big time. I have nothing. Now that my sister is gone I don’t have anyone either. Every day I wake up and I wonder if it will be the day that Julian kicks me out of his place.”
“I remember the way Julian looked at you the first time he saw you at the club,” Meredith said. “You don’t have to worry about him throwing you out. It’ll be your decision when you leave.”
“Julian’s not that predictable.”
They got quiet and Meredith tried to pick up on the sound of the traffic from the road. There were so deep inside the cemetery she couldn’t hear it.
“Or that honorable,” Tatiana added.
“If he threw you out I’d be there for you.”
“You can’t protect me the way Julian can.”
Meredith wanted to ask her why, but Tatiana continued. “I remember the first time I saw him at The Raven Room. It was still early in the evening, not many people were around. As I walked through the main floor, toward the staircase, I heard a laugh. There wasn’t anything special about it, it was just a laugh, but it made me look toward the bar. I saw this tall man in a dark suit, dressed like almost any other man at the club, talking to Ben. His wavy black hair, the way his body was leaning on the counter, I don’t know…grabbed my attention for a second too long. I went to the bar and, even though there were a few people between us, I managed to get a good look at him. Then he laughed again and I thought: it’s him. It’s Reeve. How did that junky motherfucker end up looking like a million bucks?”
“Did you tell your husband about him?”
“I did. Big mistake. He hates Julian.”
“Because of what happened between you, Julian, and your mom?”
“You’d think, right? But no. Other than my husband, Julian is the only other man I’ve ever loved. That bothers Steven.”
Meredith hadn’t expected such a confession. Julian reserved his most honorable feelings toward Sofia and Tatiana, and it felt right to Meredith that he was as important to Tatiana as she was to him.
“Your husband is bothered by the power that Julian has over you,” Meredith said. “That’s something your husband wants to have just for himself.”
“Both of them have hurt me so much.”
Meredith hugged Tatiana tighter.
“Steven wasn’t the one who killed Sofia,” Tatiana whispered into Meredith’s ear.
“How—”
“I need you to know that,” Tatiana continued. “It’s important to me that you do.”
Tatiana rubbed her dirty palms on her dress and got to her feet. She was halfway down the main path before Meredith realized Tatiana had decided it was time for them to leave.
Chapter 13
“Why did you go?”
Julian followed Tatiana into the guest room. She started to undress as if she didn’t care that he stood right beside her, clad only in a pair of sweatpants.
“Do you have any idea what could have happened?” His stare traveled from her muddy feet and over her wrinkled dress, ending on her messy hair. Whatever makeup she’d had on earlier was now gone.
After several attempts to unzip the back of her dress, Tatiana sat on the bed. “Are we really going to do this now?”
“Do what? Have a conversation about you going to The Raven Room and taking Meredith with you?”
“That didn’t take long.” She faced him for the first time since she had returned to the condo. “Who told you?”
“How can you be so reckless?”
Tatiana started to fight with the zipper again and Julian, both frustrated and impatient, moved toward her. As soon she felt his hands on her back, she pulled away.
“Don’t touch me.” She lifted her feet into the bed, smearing mud onto the white duvet cover.
“You’re filthy. Where are have you been?”
Tatiana ignored him.
“Where’d all the dirt come from?”
She refused to answer.
“Have you taken a good look at yourself?” He caught himself screaming at her, but didn’t try to stop. “You’re here in my home, covered in dirt, dressed in borrowed clothes, with no friends, no money, no place to go. Hiding from the police and your husband. You’ve run out of options. I’m it. I’m the end of the road for you. So when I tell you going to The Raven Room is a bad idea, you listen.” Julian closed his hands on the back of her dress and pulled hard. “You need me Tatiana, so you do what I tell you.”
The zipper finally came undone and so did the dress. Tatiana didn’t react to the sound of fabric tearing. Julian, with brusque but purposeful movements, tore off her clothes.
Grabbing Tatiana by the arm, he took her to the bathroom and dragged her to the shower. As he turned on the water, he let go of her and she lowered herself to her knees on the tiles. Julian crouched by her, hot water falling on both of them. With her forehead almost resting on the shower floor, her hair clung to her. For the first time since the night he had found her on the street, he saw her naked body.
He admired her scars to their smallest detail. With no symmetry to them, they stood out—small and large—scattered on her pale skin. While he abhorred what they represented, they only made him want to touch her more.
Julian dug his nails into his palms. He refused to succumb to the urge to run his fingers along the discolored lines on her shoulders.
As he turned his back on Tatiana, she slammed her fists into him. She wasn’t strong enough to harm him but her reaction startled him.
She hit him again. “This is all your fault. Everything has always been your fault.”
He took hold of her wrists and pressed her against the bathroom wall, forcing her to cease her attack on him.
“My sister is dead.” She tried to break free from his hold. “She’s dead because of you.”
Julian flinched at her words.
She kicked out, and he pressed his body to hers, making it impossible for her to strike him again.
“Look at me.” Tatiana demanded. “Are you afraid you’ll see her in me? Or do I remind you of what you did?”
When Julian didn’t comply, she bit his naked chest. He cried out in pain. He continued to hold her wrists with one hand and got her mouth away from him by gripping her chin with the other.
“Steven killed Sofia,” she blurted out. “He’s the one who killed my sister.”
“Why…” Julian’s voice cracked. “How do you know that?”
“I was there,” she paused, swallowing hard. “But I got away. If he finds me, I’m afraid of what he’ll do to me.”
“Why did he kill her?”
She attempted to break free but he held her more forcefully.
“Tell me!”
“You!” She shouted. “He killed her because of you!”
Words failed Julian.
“Steven knows who y
ou are,” she continued. “I had told him about the years you lived with us when we were kids. I told him everything. When you came up to me at The Raven Room, he thought I had gotten involved with you.”
“Why did he think you’d do that?”
She had gone very still, no longer struggling against him. “He didn’t believe me when I said I’d never fuck you. After security kicked you out of the club, I thought he’d kill me.”
“He almost did,” he whispered more to himself than to her. Tatiana’s bruises had been some of the worst Julian had ever seen.
“I tried to make him understand it was Sofia. Not me. Steven wanted to ask her himself so we went to the New Jackson Hotel.”
“Why did he care if she and I were involved?”
“He didn’t. He hit me again in front of her. She tried to get him off me. She tried to protect me. He pushed her.”
Tears ran down her face, over his fingers, and that made Julian let go of her chin. He didn’t want to feel her tears on his skin.
“It gave me a chance to run out,” she said.
Julian pictured Sofia’s lifeless body. He squeezed his eyes shut to make the image disappear.
“Have you told anyone else?” he asked.
Tatiana shook her head.
“Don’t tell Meredith. Do you understand?”
“I’d never do that.”
His chest throbbed where she had bit him and Julian didn’t know if it was blood or water from her wet hair that dripped down his stomach.
“How do I know you’re not making this up to incriminate your husband?” he asked.
“Steven hit me in front of you. When you thought I was Sofia, you had no hesitations believing he was a man capable of violence. Now, because it’s me telling you he killed Sofia, you have doubt.”
It didn’t matter to Julian that it had been Tatiana and not Sofia whom he had seen Thompson hit. He loathed Thompson just the same.
“I’ve thought about getting a gun,” Tatiana said. “Taking a taxi to our house, ringing the doorbell, and then, when he opens the door, shooting him right between the eyes. Straightforward justice.”
The scenario Tatiana described brought Julian pleasure. He wanted Thompson dead.
“Steven won’t get locked up for what he did to my sister.” When she pressed her face to Julian’s neck he didn’t stop her. But instead of biting him once more, she kissed him. Her gesture, absent of eroticism, brought him unexpected comfort. “I know too much. He’ll never let me go.”
“He won’t hurt you again.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist. “The police don’t care what I have to say about Sofia’s murder. Steven has friends there.” She held Julian tighter. “If the police find me or if Steven does, it’s the same thing. They’ll make me disappear.”
He didn’t hug her back. “You’re right. I’m the reason Sofia is dead. Ever since the beginning, I’ve always been bad for both of you. If you stay here, near me, it won’t end well.”
Tatiana didn’t let go of him. “I’ve been surviving men my whole life. I’ve survived you once before. I’ll do it again.”
Chapter 14
Julian opened the top dresser drawer and found it empty. He walked into his en suite bathroom and went through all the drawers of the vanity. Many of the useless grooming products he had accumulated through the years ended up scattered on the floor. When he realized he had misplaced what he was looking for, he raked his hands through his hair forcefully. He hadn’t slept in two days and the only way he would be able to fall asleep was if he knew that, when he did, there would be no dreams.
He rushed through the silent condo. The overbearing gray sky peeked through the curtains. Having lost his sense of time, he glanced at the bright green numbers on the stove. He came to a dead stop when he saw it was four o’clock in the afternoon. Filled with a new resolve, Julian went straight to the guest room at the opposite end of the condo. He didn’t bother to knock. He slammed the door open and walked up to Tatiana, who was lying on the bed.
“Have you seen my pills?” he asked, his voice not hiding the panic he felt.
“I threw them out.”
He felt his stomach drop. “You did what?”
“You heard me.”
“Where did you put them?”
“Down the toilet.”
“How dare you go through my things? I need those pills!”
“That excuse won’t work on me.”
“You don’t understand.” His voice carried a pragmatic tone. He felt desperate enough to try reason with Tatiana. “I can’t just stop. The withdrawal symptoms will make me sick.”
“I’m helping you the only way I know how. Might not be the best way, but if it gets you to think with a clear head again then it’s good enough.”
Before Julian could respond, the sound of a bell ringing echoed through the condo.
“Stay here,” he said. “If you hear anyone come toward the bedroom, hide.”
He closed the door behind him and went to find out why the concierge had called. It was Grace, stopping by with the boys. He couldn’t turn them away.
“What happened to your phone?” Grace asked as soon as he let her in. “I was worried. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all day.”
“You have?” Julian didn’t even know where his phone was.
“You should get a landline.”
Julian watched as Grace carried the twins, and several bags, to his living room. He didn’t understand why she always showed up carrying the twins in her arms.
“Don’t you have a stroller?” he asked, concerned she would drop them. He took one of the boys from her. “They’re getting too big for you to carry them both by yourself.”
“It’s broken and I haven’t had the time to go buy a new one.”
Julian didn’t know if he was holding Seth or Eli and because he didn’t want Grace to know he couldn’t tell them apart, he hoped she would call one of them by name.
“You don’t look too good,” she continued. “How have you been holding up?”
I feel unhinged and I don’t know what to do, Julian thought. Instead he said, “Don’t worry about me.”
“Anything you need. Anything at all, you let me know, OK? Pete won’t tell me why he isn’t talking to you, but he’s worried too.”
Julian didn’t want to discuss what had happened between Peter and him.
“What’s got him so upset?” Grace asked.
“I’d rather not get into it, but please believe me when I say it has nothing to do with you and the boys.” He tried to smile and failed. “Men being stupid.”
Peter knew more than Julian wanted him to about the night Sofia had died. If Peter ever decided to speak to the police, Julian would be in trouble. He had decided that as long as Peter remained silent, he could stay angry forever.
“How are things between the two of you?” he asked.
“Better, actually.” Grace smiled. “And it has somewhat to do with why I’m here today. I need to ask you for a huge favor. With everything you’ve got going on, I feel awful asking but you’re the only person I can rely on on such short notice.”
“Stop rambling and tell me what you need.”
“Pete and I have decided to open up our marriage. Give it a go and see what happens. We both have dates tonight, and our babysitter just canceled on us. I’m hoping you can watch Seth and Eli for a few hours.”
“You guys are trying an open marriage?”
“Yes, you know, we have both agreed we can see other people as long—”
“I know what an open marriage is, Grace. Seeing the state your relationship is in, I’m surprised you guys chose to go that route.”
“You don’t think it’s a good idea?”
Julian didn’t want to discuss Grace and Peter’s marriage when he couldn’t make sense of the signals his body sent him. One second he needed to sit down, the next to walk around. The words coming from Grace’s mouth sounded too fast to him, and h
e struggled to concentrate. “Can we talk about this later?”
“This is important to me, Julian.”
He looked at the boy in his arms—he had to push through his discomfort. “With all honesty? No, I think it’s an awful idea. Why did you agree to it?”
“The open marriage was my idea, not his.”
“Is that what you really want, Grace?”
“For the first time since I got pregnant, I’m feeling sexy and beautiful and desired. Why wouldn’t I want that?”
Julian sat down on the couch. All of his energy went into maintaining his conversation with Grace. He worried he would collapse while holding one of the boys. “Of course you should want that. But if you have to sleep with other men to feel that way, then you’ve got a problem in your marriage that can’t be fixed by opening it up.”
“You and Pete are best friends, but I always felt if you and I met first we would be the ones calling each other best friends. I need you in my corner, Julian.”
“I am, Grace. I always will be.”
“Believe me, then, when I say that I need this. I know it sounds crazy—”
“It doesn’t sound crazy. A lot of couples have arrangements. But the timing for you and Pete is wrong. You’re just adding another challenge to your marriage, which is already having problems. What do you think will happen?”
“I don’t know, Julian.”
“Yes, you do.”
“So what if we end up separating? Pete and I won’t certainly be the first.”
“You can’t start an open marriage with that attitude. It’ll get messy—quick.”
“You think that instead of behaving like a slut, I should be working on my relationship with Pete.”
Julian frowned. “What?”
“Isn’t that what you think?”
“That you and Pete should go to therapy? Yes. That you’re behaving like a slut? I’d never think less of you for exploring your sexuality.”
“No one in my family, or any of my friends, know. I can’t tell them. They would never understand. Please, be with me on this.”
Julian sighed. “You know what I think, but yes, I’m with you. No matter what happens.”