by Ana Medeiros
“Every time someone disappoints you it hurts less and less,” Tatiana said, her voice softer. “I promise.”
Meredith heard a noise coming from inside the condo. “What’s that?” she asked, looking at the closed bedroom door. “Julian?”
“You should thank me.”
Confused, Meredith waited for her to continue.
“He’s tapering off the benzos. He’s on medical detox.”
“How did you get him to do that?”
“You can use someone’s weaknesses to destroy them or help them. I used Julian’s biggest weakness to help him.”
“You’re scaring me, Tatiana. What did you do?”
“Have you met Seth and Eli, Grace’s twin boys?”
“What do they have to do with this?”
“They’re beautiful.”
“I’ve never met them.”
Tatiana seemed to consider what to say next. “All I did was take something away from Julian, watch him understand how it would feel to lose it, and then give it back to him.”
“He’s himself again?”
“You mean an addict? Julian will always be dependent on something.” Tatiana reached out for Meredith’s hand. “Stay the night. I don’t want to be alone.”
Meredith nodded. She didn’t want to be alone either. “I need to eat something. I’m starving. I haven’t eaten all day.”
“I’ll grab us something. There’s lots of food in the house. More than I could ever possibly eat. I guess Julian gave up trying to starve me to death.”
With Tatiana now in the kitchen, Meredith ran a bath in the en suite bathroom. The bathtub was only half full when she undressed and got in. As the tub continued to fill, she laid back and water rose to touch her hairline. She tilted her head further back until her face became submerged, and then she screamed as loud as she could.
When Tatiana joined Meredith in the bathroom, she sat with black mascara running down her cheeks.
“Come eat,” Tatiana said.
“Get in the tub with me.”
“Not starving anymore?”
Tatiana pulled the oversized t-shirt she wore over her head. She dropped it on the floor. Next, she slid out of her underwear. Meredith recognized them as the black panties she had bought for her.
She climbed into the bathtub and shifted closer to Meredith, their legs intertwined, sitting face-to-face. Tatiana pressed her palm to the middle of Meredith’s chest, between her breasts. “Why are you doing all of this?” Tatiana asked. “Forget about the murders. Steven and your stepmom? They aren’t getting in your way so you should keep your distance. It’s not on you to seek justice for Sofia’s death, to be here for me. If I were you I’d be miles away. I wouldn’t get tangled up in something that isn’t my business.”
“I’m not you,” Meredith replied, scooping water in her hand and then letting it drip over Tatiana’s head.
“You’re smarter.”
“Not by a long shot. I have something to tell you.” She had decided to disclose the existence of her article—she needed a friend in Tatiana. “But you can’t repeat it to Julian. I’ll talk to him when the timing is right.”
“What is it?”
“I’m writing a piece on the deaths of those women and how they’re connected to The Raven Room. I’m going to reveal that the police know about the murders but they’re taking no action.”
Tatiana remained silent.
“Say something,” she pressed.
“That’s crazy, Meredith.”
“I just need proof that those four women worked at the club.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Write the piece? Because women are being murdered and no one is paying attention.”
“Your stepmom is.”
“She’s covering it up. And there’s clearly something going on between her and your husband. He’s a member of the club. I can’t trust her.”
“He’s only a member because of me. Julian is a member. You trust us.”
“Are you defending your husband and my stepmom?”
“I’m asking you to think this through.”
“I know it’s dangerous but it’s the right thing to do, Tatiana. Don’t you want justice for your sister?”
“Nothing will bring her back.”
“You refused to answer this question before—did you see who murdered Sofia?”
“I didn’t. I told you, when I got to the New Jackson Hotel she was dead already. I didn’t spend more than ten minutes in that place.”
“But you know it wasn’t your husband.”
“I do.”
“How?”
“He stayed at the club. He didn’t go to the New Jackson with me.”
Meredith shared with Tatiana the potentially damning evidence against Julian that she had found in his bathroom drawer, a necklace that was, according to Samantha Williams, almost identical to the one Lena always wore—gold with a small cross. Samantha had seen Lena wear the necklace the day before she died, but, when the police had discovered Lena’s body, the necklace was nowhere to be found. She told Tatiana how she had been trying to locate Samantha to show her the necklace and to find out if it was the same one.
“The necklace, regardless if it actually belonged to Lena, puts Julian in a bad spot,” Tatiana said. “If Steven and your stepmom share a goal, I doubt it’s to see Julian walk away untouched. All they have to do is convince Samantha to say that this necklace belonged to her friend and Julian will be in serious trouble. I’m sure your stepmom won’t let the tidbit of my mom ending up with a bullet in her head go unnoticed. There has always been doubt about whether Sofia was really the one who pulled the trigger.”
Tatiana’s comment jarred Meredith. “You said you saw Sofia pull the trigger.”
“I was eight years old. I was scared out of my mind. What I remember holds little weight. Make sure no one knows you have that necklace,” Tatiana insisted. “Cease looking for Samantha. She shouldn’t know you have it either. Who else have you told about the necklace?”
“Just you.”
“Please, Meredith, stop with the article.”
“Does this mean that you won’t help me find out if those women worked at the club?”
“I’m sorry, Meredith.”
“Why won’t you?”
“Because I don’t know how to access that information.”
“How about Vincent? I know he works at the club. What’s his role?”
“Forget about Vincent, OK?”
Meredith leaned back, resting her head on the edge of the bathtub. “Please don’t share anything I just told you with anyone.”
“Of course not.” Tatiana kissed Meredith’s collarbone. “I can still smell it…you always smell so good. Body lotion? Perfume? What is it?” She pressed her nose closer to Meredith’s skin.
“Chanel No. 5. Every day, any day, always.” Meredith closed her eyes as she spoke. “I started to wear it because it reminded me of my mother. It was her scent. When I was a little girl I used to sit on the bathroom counter and watch her put on makeup. I loved watching her do it. She always hummed a song under her breath. I thought she looked beautiful even without it, but as she layered the makeup on her cheeks and around her eyes, she would come to life and suddenly look so confident. At the end, she would always put a few drops of perfume on her wrists and on the sides of her neck. And then she would wink and put a few drops on me too. It was our ritual. It made me feel special. Now the perfume is just part of who I am.”
“Do you look like her?”
“Not at all. I always carry a picture of her with me. Do you want to see?’ Meredith reached out of the tub and searched for her wallet inside of her purse. She passed Tatiana a photo that had seen better days. The corners were bent and, at some point, it had been folded in half. “That’s us when I was five or six on a family trip to New York City. I think that was taken in Central Park.”
Tatiana stared at the photo. “What happened to your mom?”
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“She died when I was nine. Breast cancer. The thing I remember most from that time is my father disappearing for a while, then coming home for a day or so, crying when he thought no one could hear him, and then disappearing again. My nanny basically raised me for well over a year.”
“He must have loved your mom very much.”
“He never got over her death.”
“He remarried.”
“Yeah.”
“But you don’t think he loves Pam.”
“No, I don’t know. I’m pretty sure he loves her. But it’s a different kind of love. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because she’s like the opposite of my mother, and so when they are together he never has to think about her.”
“That’s sad.” Tatiana returned the photo to Meredith. “You weren’t kidding when you said you didn’t look like your mom.”
“I have her eyes but I’m the spitting image of my father. According to him, I’ve also got my mother’s personality. I always took that as a compliment but now I wonder.”
They both laughed.
“You and your mom have that girl-next-door charm down pat, though. Rich, girl-next-door,” Tatiana added.
“I splurge on perfume and beauty products because I can’t do it on clothes, shoes, and bags, at least not yet.”
Tatiana frowned. “You lost me there.”
“I’m twenty-three. If I walk around on a pair of Manolos and holding a Birkin bag what kind of message would I be sending? That I’m a rich girl that knows how to spend either her parents’ or her boyfriend’s money. That’s not how I want people to perceive me. One day I’ll buy everything I want. But until then, I spend money on things that make me feel pampered but which cannot be seen. Understated, Tatiana. That’s the secret.”
“I’m Russian. I don’t do understated. And everything you just said is bullshit. I’ve seen you wear a Burberry raincoat.” She reached out of the bathtub and picked up one of Meredith’s flats. “These are Alexander McQueen.” Next, she reached for Meredith’s shoulder bag and held it up. “Don’t make me search the inside of it for the brand tag.”
“It’s Céline.”
Tatiana stared at Meredith, wide-eyed. When Meredith didn’t reply, Tatiana dropped the bag on the floor.
“It’s still understated,” Meredith said, defensively.
“You’re privileged, spoiled, and—”
“You still like me,” Meredith said, cutting Tatiana off. She grinned.
“Do I have a choice?”
• • •
With Tatiana asleep beside her, Meredith got up and grabbed Glendon’s journals from her large purse. With a set of copies back home, she felt she should hide the originals in a second location, yet somewhere she could easily access them.
Careful not to make any noise, Meredith tiptoed to the living room. She scanned the built-in shelves that covered an entire wall. Finding hardcover books would be easy—Julian preferred to read philosophy and classic literature and most of those works were published to look beautiful on a shelf, leaving her a vast selection of hardcover books to choose from. She needed to find three that looked unremarkable, that wouldn’t tempt a casual browser to leaf through them. Narrowing her attention to the top shelf, she spotted a few books that might be perfect—difficult to reach and written in Hungarian.
Lifting a lounge chair that proved to be heavier than she had anticipated, she struggled to bring it closer to the shelf. She couldn’t drag it and risk waking either Tatiana or Julian. She exhaled with relief when she managed to rest the chair down quietly.
Climbing on the chair, Meredith pulled three of the Hungarian hardcover books off the top shelf. She removed the books from their jackets, replacing each one with one of Glendon’s journals. She then returned the covers, with their new contents, into the space the books once held. She stepped down from the chair, took a few steps back, and turned her gaze to the bookshelf—no one would ever be able to tell the difference.
Moving the chair back, Meredith returned to the bedroom and hid the three books inside her purse. When she turned around, she found Tatiana looking at her from the bed.
“Where did you go?”
“The kitchen. I needed water.” Meredith got under the covers with Tatiana.
“How long have you been awake?”
“Not long. I woke up and saw you.”
“Do you want me to turn off the nightstand lamp?”
Tatiana shook her head. “I don’t think I’ll fall back asleep.”
“Are you OK?” Meredith hoped Tatiana hadn’t seen her hide the journals.
“Most of the time I can’t sleep. I think I did earlier because you’re here.”
“What’s your plan, Tatiana? You can’t hide in Julian’s home forever.”
“I don’t have a plan.”
“You need one.”
“Before my sister’s death, I hoped to leave Chicago. Go to school.”
“That sounds like a great plan to me.”
“I don’t have enough money. And you’re forgetting Steven.”
“I know if I talk to my dad he’ll do whatever he can to help you divorce your husband. You have me. You have Julian. You’re not alone. I’ll help you apply to college.”
“I didn’t even graduate from high school.”
“So you’ll get your GED.”
Tatiana moved closer to Meredith and kissed her. “You’re a good person, Meredith.”
She smiled in response. “I thought I was privileged and spoiled.”
“Yes. But don’t forget that I like you.”
Meredith caressed Tatiana’s hair, continuing her touch down to Tatiana’s naked breasts. “I like you too,” she whispered.
They kissed and Tatiana moved her hand under the covers. When Meredith felt Tatiana’s fingers in her, she thought—we are in this bed together not because we like each other but because we are both lonely.
“You’re wet.”
Meredith moaned in response.
Tatiana rested her other hand over Meredith’s mouth. “Sh.”
Swaying her hips, Meredith made sure the heel of Tatiana’s hand remained pressed firmly against her body.
“Ride my hand. Let me make you come,” Tatiana commanded.
Meredith buried her face in Tatiana’s hair, still damp from their bath, and opened her mouth in a silent cry. Tatiana’s hair carried the scent of the shampoo Meredith had bought for her.
Meredith’s orgasm hit her, lurching her body forward against Tatiana, who wrapped her arm around Meredith and held her as tightly as she could. She kept her fingers inside Meredith and as her hand moved in circles, it triggered renewed pleasure for Meredith. Spasms rocked her and she lost control of her body.
As the spasms subsided, the first thought that entered Meredith’s mind was that she could barely move and that she felt very wet—wetter than she had ever felt in her life. With her face still in Tatiana’s hair, Meredith started to laugh.
Soon they were both laughing, hard.
“Did I pee myself?” Meredith asked, trying to find her breath. They were speaking in hushed tones, so close to each other they whispered into each other’s mouth.
Her question made Tatiana lose herself in another fit of laughter.
“Seriously, did I?” she asked again, feeling the wet sheets.
“Meredith, don’t be crazy. You squirted all over the bed, that’s all it is.”
“But it’s never happened before.” There was wonder in her voice. “I didn’t think I could.”
“Now you know better.”
“I don’t want to sleep on this wet spot.”
“You’re not stealing my side of the bed,” Tatiana said, unable to stop laughing.
“Can you?”
“What?”
“Come like that.”
“Sometimes.”
As they kissed Meredith rolled onto her back, bringing Tatiana with her.
“You have the nicest tits, full and heavy.” Tatian
a squeezed them with her open hand. Before Meredith could react, Tatiana licked her erect nipple. Meredith wanted to feel her mouth on her whole body, but for now, the sensation of Tatiana sucking on her breasts proved to be erotic enough to bring Meredith to the brink of another orgasm. The sharp bite of Tatiana’s teeth on her nipple made Meredith cry out.
Tatiana raised her head and smiled at Meredith. “Your body was made to fuck.”
Holding Tatiana by the hair, Meredith brought her face closer. They kissed, in earnest now, and in the same way Meredith had initiated the kiss, she closed her fingers on Tatiana’s hair and pulled hard, making Tatiana’s head jerk back.
Meredith took in the sight of a flushed Tatiana. “I’m so attracted to you.” She buried three of her fingers in her own mouth and moved them in and out several times, slowly, covering them with her saliva. They continued to stare into each other’s eyes and Meredith felt hypnotized by Tatiana’s expression.
Meredith placed her fingers between Tatiana’s open legs and started to stroke her.
“I like that you have hair on your pussy. It’s sexy.” She smiled when she felt Tatiana’s arousal coat her fingers.
Offering more of herself to Meredith’s touch, Tatiana bent her knees and brought them closer to her chest, on each side of Meredith’s body.
“How close are you?” Meredith licked Tatiana’s skin, from her stomach to her lower abdomen. “My fingers are drenched.”
“Put your mouth on my pussy,” Tatiana demanded, her whole body undulating.
As Meredith complied, it only took a few short seconds for Tatiana to come undone, panting, her knees still pressed to her chest.
With the aftermath of her orgasm still rolling through her, Tatiana sat up and kissed Meredith. “I can taste myself on your mouth.”
“Get on your hands and knees,” Meredith ordered.
Being with a woman as slight as Tatiana made Meredith feel strong, powerful. At that moment, arousal seeped out of her body. Without thinking twice, Meredith dabbed her fingers with it, knelt behind Tatiana, and buried them deep inside her, mixing her own arousal with Tatiana’s.
She got a loud groan in response. “Spread your legs wider.”