by Dannika Dark
A dim candle on the wall sconce flickered out, so I replaced it with a fresh one and lit the wick. I never won the battle for electricity, but I did manage to convince Justus to install it in the bathroom so I could see in the shower.
“Knox isn’t trying to become a Mage, is he?”
A sharp laugh flew out of his mouth and his eyes crinkled. “Hell no. Why would you even think that? Knox would never contemplate being anything but human.”
“I trust I’ll find out soon enough, Captain Confidential.”
It was the first time that we had a chance to talk privately, and I struggled with bringing up the topic. “I need to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me. Do you resent me for the choice you made that night? I knew there was a risk you could die, and that killed me, Adam. But I had no idea that Novis was a Creator and would give you a choice to become something you despised.” I paused for a moment as I stood by a chair. “You had every reason to hate us.”
His lips formed two thin lines; he didn’t appreciate the question.
“It was my choice to become a Mage and I knew what I was bargaining for. I know where you’re going with this, woman, and you can rest easy. A Mage murdered the one person who mattered to me, but I feel differently about it now. I can’t blame an entire race for the actions of one man. I have no regrets.”
I stared at a painting on the wall.
“Are you really upset about this?” he asked.
“It’s not the same.” I shook my head and wrapped a lock of hair around my finger. “I never wanted you to give up your life, or to make that choice. You had to give up photography, your home, and—”
“And nothing. If you’re worried about my career then you need to get your priorities in check. I did that to find meaning in my life when I had none. You’re forgetting that it was a choice, and not forced on me like…”
Like me, he meant to say. I never had the choice.
He dropped his eyes. “I have peace of mind knowing you never have to see that motherfu—”
“Okay,” I said, raising a hand. “Let’s not talk about him. I refuse to let that man haunt the rest of my life, and I don’t want to make his name part of table conversation, if you don’t mind.”
It wasn’t just how Samil treated me, but I felt robbed of the experience others had with their Creator and first spark. Watching Novis change Adam was a beautiful moment, and part of me would always be envious of that bond.
“If you knew it could have been offered, why were you so willing?”
Adam lowered his eyes without an answer.
I left the table and entered the main room with its majestic warmth and solace. Although we were underground, the ceiling was high, and gave the illusion of a larger house than it was. Justus enjoyed his fire, but I hadn’t lit one since he left. The wall on the left contained a deep bookshelf, and a brown rug spread on the floor before the hearth. It was my favorite room. The leather complained as I sank into the chair.
“Your Ghuardian lives in the Stone Age.”
“Tell me about it,” I chuckled, turning on my side. “Do you know how long I had to beg to have power installed in the bathroom? Justus likes his peace and quiet; you can’t imagine how irritated he gets when I start running the hair dryer.”
“Is it too late to find another Ghuardian?”
I wondered if he was joking. “I would never do that. Justus won’t change overnight, but I trust him with my life. He’s more lenient than he used to be. It’s not as if I can’t go out, but I’d rather not because of all the women licking him up like ambrosia. At least he gives me time alone with Simon.”
Adam took a seat on the floor beside my chair and cracked a knuckle.
“Are you and Simon an item?” His throat cleared.
“Can you light a candle? I’m about to fall asleep in this chair.”
Adam stretched over on his right arm and lit one of the candles by the fireplace. I lifted the wallet from his back pocket before he could stop me.
The Mageri provided us with new identities to use in human establishments, so I was dying to know what Adam’s alias was. Those who monitored law enforcement databases would spread the word to the proper Breed authorities if you were in trouble, and they made sure our names were uncommon. I curled it against my chest when he tried to take it, although I was tempted to snap him with my light. Simon and I often played around, sparking one another with tiny increments of energy—like static, only stronger. I was wary of starting that with Adam. He had never tasted my light as a Mage, and I had to be careful about throwing my power around.
“I want to see your new ID, Adam.”
“You didn’t answer my question about Simon.”
I squinted in the candlelight. “Your name is Lucan Riddle?” Of course, I had no room to talk, because I ended up with Ember Gates. We had no say in what name the Mageri assigned us. I tucked the card back in the sleeve.
“Simon and I are nothing more than friends,” I said, fumbling through his wallet.
“Sunny took it all pretty well. You two couldn’t be more opposite. I can see why you get along; she’s a good girl.”
“Are you implying that I’m the bad influence?”
“No comment from the peanut gallery.”
“Justus is being unreasonable. He led me to believe it was a law that we had to sever human ties, but they were his laws, not the Mageri’s. There’s no reason that I can’t spend time with Sunny. I finally have someone I can talk to.”
“Now I’m hurt by that,” Adam said. “You don’t want to share your feelings with me, girlfriend?”
I flicked my finger on the back of his neck. “Don’t be ridiculous. Anyhow, it’s not the—hey, what’s this?” I pulled a photograph from the inside sleeve of his wallet. It was cut to fit the pocket perfectly. I expected to see a picture of Adam’s sister, instead, my fingers held a picture that once hung in a frame in my apartment. It was an old picture of me sitting on a rug in my bedroom when I was a human.
“Where did you get this?”
“The night we went back to your apartment. It’s a nice picture and I wanted to keep it.”
“Why?”
“It’s you.”
“It was me.”
“That’s the real you, Silver. That’s the girl I found.”
Something snapped. I flicked it into his lap. “You see that picture and you think that’s me?” His eyes fell on the image.
“Keep it,” I said sharply.
He frowned and tucked the picture back in his wallet. “Why are you mad? It’s only a photograph.”
“You’re holding on to a girl who doesn’t exist, someone you never even knew. That’s not who I am, not anymore.” I narrowed my eyes and tapped my chest. “This is me, Adam. It’s not just about the fact that my brown eyes are now his color, or that I no longer have the same face; I’m different inside. I’ve changed from the girl I once was in that photograph—the one you never knew. You can’t go through the hell I did without changing. You want me to be someone I’m not.” My voice softened. I cared about Adam, but I never completely understood him. “You never accepted me as a Mage, and now I know it.”
“The hell I haven’t.” He touched my hand and I jerked it away. “I’m not a human, Silver. You can’t hurt me anymore.”
“Don’t get emotionally attached, I’m not wired like that. It would only end badly for you.”
He angrily smiled. “Deny you’ve been involved with Simon. I dare you.”
“What I do is my business.”
“Why won’t you trust me and tell me the truth?” His voice rose, demanding an answer. I got out of the chair and stood over him, shaking my head.
“What is this conversation even about? I don’t know what you want from me, why don’t you tell me?”
He fell silent. There it was, neatly folded in my lap. Adam tugged strings of guilt within me, but it was obvious he wasn’t even sure of his own feelings.
“My heart
is not a piñata. I don’t give it away freely, and I don’t think you were ever asking for it. I want you as my friend. Why has that never been enough?” I reached down to touch his hair, but he pulled back and stood up, throwing his disapproval at me. He was punishing me for something I couldn’t help.
“You have no right to be mad at me, Adam. I can’t lead you on if you never asked anything of me. I get more mixed signals from you than a traffic light, and I don’t want there to be any tension between us.”
“You should never have kissed me, then.”
Emotions swirled like one of those whirlpools that suck you to the bottom. It upset me to know that I wouldn’t be able to touch him affectionately without him interpreting it the wrong way—that we wouldn’t be able to move past this weirdness between us. I became the bad guy, but he had no business feeling a sense of entitlement to me for any reason. I had no clue what role he wanted in my life, because he didn’t know himself. My thoughts clouded as anger spilled out in harsh words. I went somewhere I shouldn’t have, but that hindsight thing is a real bitch.
“Maybe you just want to fuck me, is that what this is all about? Just tell me the truth, Adam. If I sleep with you, would that be enough to—”
His body shifted so quickly that I flinched.
“Silver,” he said reaching out to me, “you know I would never strike you.” I backed up and held my arms tightly.
Adam fell silent, staring at the space between us. When he left, his footsteps ruptured through the silent house until he slammed the door behind him. That was our first real fight, and I felt awful about it.
Chapter 6
“Why did you bring me here?”
I fidgeted in the booth of the same bar we were in the night before, looking into my Ghuardian’s eyes, tinted with shades of suspicion and wrath. Fine with me; I always loved a good apocalypse.
Justus returned home early, throwing a wrench in my plans. I called Sunny, but it didn’t take the sting away from the fact that I couldn’t see her.
Tonight, Justus wasn’t dressed in expensive threads, but a muscle shirt and loose pants. In fact, that’s what troubled me. I knew something was wrong when he flew out of the training room—dripping in sweat—and told me to get in the car.
He stroked the edgy lines of his tattoo, which was a habit. His eyes fell on me like a jury, and his tongue was the gavel waiting to slam down.
“Tell me, what do you think of this place?”
Like a good defendant, I sipped my vodka and changed the subject. “Did you get that tattoo before you were made?”
“No. In my family, men did not mark themselves.”
“If we heal, how can you have a permanent tattoo?”
“Are you reading the books I give you, or staring at the pictures?”
I joked on occasion about there being no pictures to break up the reading, but his condescending attitude rubbed me the wrong way. I spent months learning our history from his books. Granted most of it was boring, but I made every effort to live up to his expectations.
“Liquid fire seals any scar or tattoo; it’s an ancient extract and only a few know how it is made.”
“Why did you bring me here?” I asked again.
His fingers rapped on the table. “What kind of Ghuardian would I be if I did not allow my Learner to have some fun? I thought this looked like... your kind of place. What do you think?” He stretched his left arm over the back of his seat and flexed his jaw. “Are the men here to your liking?”
“It’s so-so.”
His fist slammed against the table. “Why did you defy my orders? I told you not to leave!”
The bartender polished the bar, watching us closely.
“Are these Mageri rules, or your rules?” I hissed.
“Don’t test me.”
“Oh, I’m testing you,” I said, pointing a finger. “Adam has the freedom to leave without an escort. You have kept me in a prison with invisible bars.”
I cringed at the ugly stare looking my way. I should have been grateful for everything he did for me—and I was—but it wasn’t enough.
“How did you know I was here?” I shifted in my seat and the cheap vinyl croaked.
“I don’t have to follow you, Ember Gates. Every time you pass off your ID or pay for something, it flags our system. I keep a watch on your account, and I know where you go.”
I huffed loudly. “Good to know, because next time I’m paying with cash.”
He lowered his voice. “I am responsible for you. Your safety is my priority, and I do not approve of your barhopping.”
“I wasn’t barhopping, I was…”
I pursed my lips when the truth almost slipped out. Justus may not have minded the seclusion of his home, but I came from a life where I had a job and went out with friends, and even by myself. My independence was the hardest thing to let go of, and the thought of how many years this could go on frightened me. I rubbed my cheek and saw the bartender from the corner of my eye. He was pretending to arm-wrestle a man who looked like a bouncer by the way they were keeping an eye on our conversation.
“You were just what?”
“Having a drink.”
“I do not like secrets,” he said, emphasizing every word.
“Of course not, you wear a halo. I live with you, Ghuardian. I’m going to find out, so why can’t you trust me enough to tell me what you do for HALO? I want to know more about your life.”
He leaned forward, lowering his voice. “We work independently from the Mageri, or any other form of government. Two friends organized the group years ago and took an oath to represent and protect all races. There are powerful men consumed with undermining their leaders. We track these unlawful activities and collaborate for the greater good.”
“Sounds like a flea circus.”
“Don’t turn your nose from the fact that we exist to protect your freedoms.”
“You implied people know about HALO, so I just don’t understand the swarm of secrecy. Why is Simon involved if he’s not a member?”
“He has intellect and connections, but Simon is too immature about the politics and refuses to join. We contract his services as needed; the man has skills.”
“You got that right,” I smirked.
I didn’t mean for it to have any hidden innuendos, but to my embarrassment, it spread across the table like a hooker in a brothel. They were old friends, which made it awkward that Simon and I had a careless moment.
“Why did you come here, Learner?”
My lips pressed together like magnets.
“Your nights with Simon are out.”
“You can’t do that!” I shouted. “You can’t—”
Justus scratched his shaved, blond hair. “Punish you? Yes, I can. That is my duty, and if you disobey me again, there will be no going out.”
“You cannot cage me up like some kind of animal. I may be under your custody, but I have freedoms.”
“Not under the Mageri. Once you earn my trust, I’ll reconsider the conditions. Until then—“
“Until then, bullshit!” I stood up and threw my finger at his chest. “I am a grown woman, and you should treat me as such.” I snatched his wallet from the table.
“You don’t behave like much of a woman,” he said in a condescending tone. Justus spread his arms across the back of the booth and I was so furious with him I wanted to scream. A plump woman in a red dress slowed down to admire his arms, and bumped into me as she walked past.
“I can’t believe how insensitive you are. This is my life, not a social experiment. I’ve done everything you asked of me; don’t treat me differently because I’m a woman.”
“A Unique woman,” he corrected.
I spun on my heel and marched down the aisle. When he rose from his seat, I shouted to the bartender, “He’s trying to leave without paying!”
I got the hell out of there. Fast.
A fine mist coated my face as I stepped on the curb. Through the window, two men confr
onted Justus, blocking his exit, and an argument heated up. I plucked the phone from my purse and sprinted up the street.
“Dial-a-friend,” a cheery voice answered.
“Sunny! I’m in the area, where’s your hotel?”
“Where are you?”
“Just passing a bakery on my right.”
“Oh, uh…” she paused. “Do you know the Brooks Hotel?”
“No, is that—”
“I’m coming down,” she decided. “Keep going straight and you’ll see a pizza shop across the street. I’ll meet you there.”
As I ran northbound, I looked back, but didn’t see Justus. I hated my childish behavior around him, but that’s exactly what he treated me like.
It was after sunset and when I passed the third bar, I was getting hammered by heavy rain. It was a couple of minutes struggling not to slip in my shoes when I saw the red neon lights of the pizza place. In fact, I smelled the rich spices before I noticed the sign. I darted across the street, splashing through puddles without a thing to cover my head.
I swung the door open and looked around the room, but Sunny wasn’t in there. A teenager at the soda fountain wearing an anarchy shirt turned around, half smiling at my drenched appearance.
“Can I help you?” a man offered, in a welcoming voice. He had a handlebar mustache and a red apron that barely wrapped around his potbelly.
My shoes squeaked on the linoleum floor. “I’m looking for my friend—blond hair, real pretty?”
“I’m looking for your friend, too!” he laughed.
I rolled my eyes and pushed out the door, the bell jingling behind me.
Standing beneath the short awning, I scoured the streets. It was a torrential downpour, pelting the cars like bullets. I slicked my hair back and tucked my hands beneath my arms, waiting. Five minutes passed and the rain died down. Sunny never showed.
There was no sense standing around when the hotel was up the road. Knowing that girl, she was still searching for the perfect outfit. It looked desolate straight ahead, so I turned right at the next street. In the distance, I saw there were signs on buildings—possibly hotels. Passing another alley, I heard a noise. I thought a dog followed me so I turned to look, but the dumpster obscured my view. I stepped forward, and peered around the edge.