by Faye Sonja
Benjamin waved to Mr. McGillicuddy at the main store, tipping his hat, as the older man called out a cheery hello.
"You look like you're lost in thought, Benji! Something getting you down?"
Ben shook his head and grinned. "Nah, nothing I can't handle!"
"It's not that horse of yours, is it...that black one with the bad temper?"
"Ah..." Benjamin replied, "She's not too bad. A little trouble, but I'm sure I can get her to come around in the end."
"Well, you are the best at your job!"
"That's what they say," Benjamin replied with a laugh, but deep down he didn't feel so confident. His pride wouldn't let him admit that the horse might just get the best of him. Not out loud, and not even to himself.
It had been six months since the collapse of the gold mine - the reason all the pioneers had moved out there in the first place - and it was a time of transition for the town. Those that had been caught up in the gold fever had thinned out, going back to San Francisco or other large cities, and those that had stayed behind had had to find new lives, new jobs. When he'd first arrived Benjamin had been a miner, second-in-charge down at the mine, but now he had settled into a more peaceful life as a horse whisperer.
At least, it was peaceful at times; when he didn't have a disobedient horse to deal with.
But there were other things on his mind that day, far happier things.
He was expecting a letter. The thought that one might be waiting for him back at his home made him quicken his pace. He was trying not to get his hopes up too high; after all, it had only been a few days since the last one.
Another letter! He opened it eagerly, keen to know Rosella's answer. He loved the way she wrote, the way with words she had. Every letter from her was like talking to a close friend. Her words seemed so familiar, like they had been talking all their lives.
He couldn't wait for her to arrive. To talk to her face-to-face, not just in letters. He could tell from the way she wrote that she was intelligent and wise, funny and kind, and as far as he was concerned, letters were no longer enough.
It was time for him to ask her to move to Gold Creek. To marry him. He'd never been so sure of anything in his life.
With joy, he picked up his pen and wrote the most important letter of his life. The letter that would ask Rosella to leave her home in Chicago, to come out to California to be with him.
"We can make a wonderful life out here, Rosella, I truly believe that. I can tell from your words that we have so much in common, and your love of animals means so much to me. I can't wait for you to be here with me, so that we can be married."
He sealed the letter and set out for the post office without any delay. As he made the walk Benjamin was happier than he had been for a great many years. He felt as though Rosella might just be his perfect match. An animal lover, with a fine way with words....what could be better?
* * *
3
The Wedding
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“ Could this really be a fresh start?”
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There she was. Rosella. Benjamin's face lit up as he strode down the coach platform. The moment he had been anticipating for weeks had finally arrived.
He took his hat off and approached the pretty blonde woman. She was wearing a full length dress of white and pink, with matching bonnet and gloves, and Benjamin thought she was the prettiest woman he had ever seen in his life.
"Rosella?" he asked, a little shyly. "Hi. I'm Benjamin. I've been waiting so long to meet you. I'm so glad you're finally here."
She stood up shyly, keeping her face hidden under her bonnet. Gazing up at him, she smiled coyly.
"How was your journey?" he asked. "Was everything okay?"
She smiled and nodded.
"Were there any problems?"
She shook her head, still keeping her face slightly downwards.
At first Benjamin took her silence for manners, thinking that his new bride was simply shy, and overwhelmed by the occasion of the day. Anyone would be, he reasoned, not thinking too much of it.
"She'll open up a bit once we get to the church," he reasoned. "And even if she is a bit shy, she'll come out of her shell once she gets to know me a little. It must be very overwhelming for her."
He picked up her luggage and she smiled shyly again. As they walked along Benjamin was a little nervous about what to talk about himself, and found that he began to ramble on about whatever came to his mind. He started to tell Rosella all about the town, about how they'd just appointed a new Marshall, and that the town's most notorious outlaw was about to be released from jail.
He noticed Rosella make a nervous face.
"Oh, don't worry," he said, laughing to try to make her feel at ease. "It's perfectly safe here in Gold Creek. A little rough, of course, as we are still quite a new settlement, but you aren't in any danger." He paused. "Except maybe from the horses."
She looked up, questioningly.
"There's one or two wild horses I'm trying to train at the moment. Well, one..." As they walked along, Benjamin filled Rosella in on the whole Ruby story, surprised at how much he was talking. Usually he was a man of few words. Especially when he first met someone, and especially a pretty woman. He wasn't sure what had come over him. He figured he was just nervous. Plus, Rosella wasn't saying much, and he felt as though he needed to fill in the gaps.
"So..." he said, finally taking a breath from his long speech. "What do you think of the town so far?" They were in the middle of Gold Creek's main street, right out the front of the general store. "I know it's not much - not compared to Chicago, anyway. This is probably a big change for you, hey?"
She nodded.
Benjamin realized she still hadn't said anything. Boy, she must be really shy. "Oh well, not to worry! I know from her letters that she has plenty to say. Must just need a little time to feel comfortable. That's understandable."
"Is there...is there anything you want to know?" Benjamin asked, eager to hear her speak.
She shook her head.
"Oh." He looked around the town. "Sorry if I'm talking so much. I can't seem to stop rambling on and on..."
Rosella shook her head to show that she didn't mind.
He laughed. "I guess it's just because you're not saying much." Or anything, he thought to himself. As they walked on towards the church he began to get worried.
Did she not like him? Was that why she hadn't said anything?
"Oh no, she hates me," Benji thought. "She doesn't know what to say, so she's just being polite."
As they walked the sinking feeling in his stomach got worse and worse. He began to fear that Rosella hated the town, hated him, and was regretting her decision to even come.
"She must be regretting it...or else why would she not be saying anything?" he thought. He wondered how he should go about asking if she was okay. After all, they were about to be married, about to take the most important vows of their lives, in front of God, and he wanted to make sure this was what Rosella actually wanted.
He stopped walking and Rosella paused besides him.
"Rosella, is this..." he trailed off, wondering how to broach the difficult topic. He needed to bring it up though, to make sure. "Is this what you want?"
She tilted her head as though she didn't understand.
"Being here, I mean. Marrying me. Is this what you want to do?"
She nodded her head, still looking confused.
"Oh," he said, smiling a little. "I was just...a little unsure. Because you're not saying anything. Just wanted to make sure you're happy."
Rosella stopped walking and made a sad face.
"Oh," Benjamin said. "You're not happy, are you?" He looked down at her and frowned, wondering why she wouldn't tell him what was going on.
She attempted to shake her head to show that he was mistaken, that she was happy, that he'd gotten it a
ll wrong, but he read the action to mean that she wasn't sure about the wedding, or him.
"Rosella, I know it must be overwhelming for you, arriving here in a foreign place, so far from everything you've known, but...please talk to me," he said, kindly. "If you can talk to me - even a little - we might be able to sort this out."
Rosella shook her head and Ben caught the look of distress on her face. She opened her mouth and pointed at her lips, then shook her head.
"What?" Benjamin asked, furrowing his brow. "Have you lost your voice? You have a bad throat? Is that it?" He wondered if maybe the dusty environment was affecting her voice, or maybe the long, rough journey on the coach had caused her some kind of injury.
Rosella dropped her head and shook her head again, more gently this time.
"What is it, Rosella? You can tell me..." When she still didn't speak, he wondered if he should just leave it. "It's rude to push her - impolite. She is probably just shy around a strange man, and overwhelmed in a new town."
* * *
Rosella trotted along, taking in the new town. Her senses were overwhelmed - dust flew up into her face, and into her eyes. She tried to use her bonnet for protection, but it still stung her. Around her, she tried to take in her new surroundings.
"It's so tiny," she thought. She'd expected small - from Benjamin's letters she knew Gold Creek was a new settlement, but she hadn't expected to be able to walk through the entire town in less than an hour.
"I wonder if this is all there is..." she wondered, looking from left to right, at the tiny little shops and houses, some of which were no less than a few feet wide, and none of which were more than one story high. She'd been used to living in a large, grand house back in Chicago - her master's house had been three stories tall, and rock solid. The houses here looked as though they could blow over in a strong wind. Still, there was a sense of excitement building in her stomach.
"It's different alright, but different is just what I wanted," she thought, looking around the town with bright eyes. "This is so different from Chicago in every way...this really will be the fresh start I need to put the past behind me."
Beside her Benjamin was talking, and Rosella was glad to hear his voice. She listened intently while at the same time checking out the new town, taking in the strangeness of it, wondering at the twist of fate that had led to her arriving in such a wild place.
"I wonder where we will live..." she thought, as they reached the end of the street. "I know we're a bit out of town, on a farm, with horses. Oh, I can't wait to see it!"
Of course, she couldn't ask about the farm out loud, and it was becoming apparent that Benjamin was wondering why she wasn't talking.
Guilt tugged at her, as she stole a few shy glances at her soon-to-be-groom. Benjamin was handsome, there was no doubt about that. Tall, much taller than her, and with golden brown hair that spilt out from under his hat. Just the kind of cowboy that she had read about, and imagined. She could hardly believe a man like him could exist in real life.
But there was the guilt: Rosella wondered if she should have been more honest in her letters. Oh, she'd been as honest as she could have been of course, and she hadn't lied about anything important. Hadn't lied at all, to be technical. She'd just...left one thing out.
"He is wondering why I haven't spoken yet..." she thought, the butterflies in her stomach starting up. "And he keeps asking what is wrong, wishing for me to talk back to him. How long before it becomes too much, and he demands I talk to him?"
She hoped that he only thought she was shy, and that he wouldn't press the point too much. Instead, she was grateful that he rattled on, filling the silence for her. She listened eagerly as he described the town to her as they passed through it. She was a little nervous when she heard that an outlaw was about to be released from the jail, but Benjamin reassured her that she would be safe.
"I do feel safe with him, with Benjamin," she thought. "I feel already as though I have known him for a very long time." And for once this was a thought that she was glad not to say out loud. Imagine what he would think if she spouted such things the moment they met! He would think she was very sentimental and foolish. No, this was a thought she was glad to keep private.
But there were other things she didn't want to keep private - even though she'd only just met Benjamin, there were already things she longed to say. He seemed disappointed, and kept asking if she was alright, if she regretted coming to Gold Creek.
She wanted to shout out, "No!' She wanted to exclaim that she loved the town already, and its strange shops and houses, and that Benjamin seemed wonderful, and that she was looking so forward to meeting his horses, and starting their new life and adventure.
But all she could do was shake her head and point to her mouth. Her way of trying to explain that, yes, she was fine...she just couldn't speak the words to tell him so.
But he mistook the action, thinking that she was unhappy. She saw his face drop, and he turned away from her, falling silent himself.
"Oh, please keep talking," she thought, wanting to apologise, wanting to explain that she was happy, and excited, but it seemed the damage had already been done.
As they approached the Church, Rosella's heart sunk, wondering if this was how it was always going to be: a wall between them, a barrier that could not be broken down.
"Can we have a real marriage, if we can't communicate?" she wondered, sadly.
* * *
It was when they took their vows that Benjamin finally realised that Rosella couldn't talk.
Before the ceremony, he'd asked her one more time if she was fine, if she was happy, and she'd looked up at him with her big blue eyes and nodded, her eyes filled with what he hoped were happy tears.
But when they stood before God and their pastor to say the words that would bind them together in marriage, Rosella did not have the ability to repeat the words the pastor recited.
"Is she alright?" the pastor whispered, leaning forward towards Benjamin. "She seems a little overwhelmed, sir."
But Benjamin was only focused on Rosella, who was looking across at him with her large, bright eyes. "Rosella, you can't speak, can you?" he asked, gently.
She shook her head. At the same time the pastor did a sort of double take, trying to remain proper and polite, but the shock still showed on his face. "Should I continue on, then?"
Rosella nodded with vigour. "Yes," she mouthed, to show that she dearly wanted the wedding to continue. She didn't travel for weeks by coach, leaving behind everything she had, to give up on her new adventure already. In her heart she was sure she'd come to the right place, and that this was her chance for a new start. There'd been times when she'd been in the wrong place...the very wrong place. When she was seventeen, for instance. But now she was sure that God had guided her to Gold Creek by placing that advertisement in her hands. Travelling out here had been a blind leap of faith, and now that she'd met Benjamin she was even surer that this was her new home.
If she could have spoken she would have said so. All she could do was look into Benjamin's eyes and try to tell him in this way. She stared into his brown eyes and tried to say, "This is where I want to be."
Benjamin nodded and turned back to the pastor. "Carry on, please."
* * *
As they walked back to the house, Ben was overwhelmed with a hundred thoughts.
"She can't speak? But how will we get along, if I don't know what she is thinking? What she wants? How she feels?" He scratched at his face, thinking about the walk to the Church. He felt silly now, thinking about how he'd rambled on, and the assumptions he'd made.
"She isn't shy at all, she just can't speak. Well, maybe she is shy as well, there's no way to tell..." he thought, wondering how Rosella would cope in such a small town as Gold Creek.
"People here talk, they gossip," he thought. "This will be the talk of the town by tomorrow, make no doubt about that." He looked over at his new bride, feeling protective of her already. He wanted to shield her f
rom the opinions and attitudes of the other women in the town. It was bad enough that she was new in town, and from such a different city as the rest of them. But with this to worry about as well, Ben was scared it might all be too much for him.
"I just wish she'd told me..." he thought. He felt guilty as the thought hit him, and he had to consider it. "Would it have made any difference, though? From her letters I could tell she was a kind, loving, intelligent woman, the perfect wife for me. Should her being silent make any difference to that? She is still the same person on the inside."
No, he decided: even if he had known Rosella was mute, he would still have wanted her to come to Gold Creek, would still have wanted to marry her. But if she'd been more upfront with him, he could have at least been better prepared. Now, he felt blind-sided by the news, and struggled to make head or tails of it.
"How do you - how do you go about every day activities?" He asked her. "For instance, when you go to a shop. How do you ask the shopkeeper for what you need?"
Out of habit he waited for the reply. "Oh," he said, embarrassed when it didn't come. He shook his head, feeling it go red a little. "Sorry about that. I'm just...I'm not used to... well, you know." He cleared his throat, wondering if he was saying too much, offending his new bride. That was the last thing he wanted to do. He only wanted to know that she would be alright, and to understand a little of her plight.
Rosella tapped him on the arm. The motion caused him to jump a little, before he looked down, realizing that was her way to get his attention. "What is it?" he asked.
She pointed toward a field up ahead, with some excitement.
"The horses?" he asked.
She nodded, to show her enthusiasm.
He broke into a smile. Perhaps this would be a way for them to communicate. He was eager to show her the horses, so he led her to the field which played home to the animals. He caught her eyes lighting up as they approached the creatures.