by Faye Sonja
"I only hope he won't pity me even more..." Rosella thought. "Oh well, it's the risk I had to take. We are married now, and Benjamin needs to know the real truth about me, the dark times as well as the good."
Once he'd gotten to the end he dropped the paper and looked up at her. "Rosella, I...I didn't know about any of this. I'm so sorry. I..." Now he was the one struggling with his words. "I didn't know," he said again, his voice filled with regret.
Now it was Rosella's turn to feel a tiny twinge of regret. She hadn't meant to make Benjamin feel guilty, and she hadn't meant to upset him. She'd simply felt the time had come to tell him the truth.
"I can't even imagine how it must have felt to go through something so horrible..." his voice was deep and troubled, and Rosella could hear that even he was having trouble speaking about it. The topic was not an easy one to talk about - she knew that better than anyone.
"I'm so sorry, Rosella. So sorry for what you've been through, and for what I said earlier. I was pushing you, without knowing the full story. I had no idea. You're right - I thought it was an easy thing, something you could just snap out of if you trusted me I guess, but now I know you have to trust me in a different way. Trust me to respect you, and to not push you on this matter."
She nodded as he spoke, so grateful for his reaction. She let out a breath that she hadn't even realized she'd been holding all this time. She'd been so nervous to give him the letter, to open up her heart and to tell him about the darkest time of her life. But he had reacted just the way she'd hoped he would.
Looking up at her, Benjamin had another suggestion. "Maybe this can be a way for us to talk in the future - a way for us to communicate properly, I mean."
Rosella turned her head to the side. "What do you mean?"
He held the letter up to show her. "By writing, I mean. Maybe from now on you can write your thoughts down, when we have a conversation."
"Oh," she thought, her heart sinking a little. She thought back to how silly she'd felt writing the letter. A necessity, sure, to clear some important things up. But she didn't want to have to depend on writing everything down, in order for them to communicate. She was sure there had to be a better way than that.
"What does he think, that every time we need to talk to one another, I will just get out a pen and paper and write my responses down?" she thought, a little bitterly. She supposed there was a degree of sense to the idea, but she couldn't help but feel let down. She still hoped that they could find a way to communicate properly, one-on-one. Perhaps naively, she'd even hoped that Benjamin would be able to tell what she was thinking and feeling just by looking at her face and body language.
But it didn't seem like it would be that way.
"So what do you think?" Benjamin asked, and as Rosella heard the hope in his voice, she couldn't bear to let him down.
"He seems so happy to have found this way for us to talk," she thought.
So she simply nodded and smiled. But inside, she vowed to find a better way forward.
* * *
5
A Robbery
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“ Could this really be a fresh start?”
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two months later
The General Store was quickly becoming Rosella's favourite place in Gold Creek, second only to the farm and her home. Mr. McGillicuddy had been so kind and welcoming to her that she found herself travelling down there even when she had nothing she needed to buy. She found herself making excuses to go in, buying far more tea, sugar and flour than they strictly needed.
Looking around at their overflowing pantry, Benjamin even commented on it. "Are you sure we need all of this stuff, Rosella?" he murmured. "We'll barely get through all of this before it starts to turn bad..."
He turned around to look at Rosella for a response, but she was only grinning and shrugging her shoulders. He laughed in return. "Ah well, it's okay to stock up in advance I guess. I tell you what we do need though, if you want to go into town today..."
Rosella brightened up even more. She raised her eyebrows to ask what was needed.
"Horse feed. Do you think you can managed to carry it in back on your own, though?"
She frowned, but in a teasing way. "Of course!" She was glad of a real reason to go to the General Store, and more than willing to prove that she could carry a bag of horse feed on her own.
Happily, she set off on her journey, carrying a purse with just the right amount of money for the horse feed - her decision, as she didn't want to be tempted by anything else. Ever since that day when Mr. McGillicuddy had been so kind and given her the sugar for free, she'd wanted to pay him back by being a good patron of his store.
"The town seems very empty today..." she thought, as she wandered up the street. "Usually at this time of day there are people milling about everywhere." In fact, it was so strange that she had to stop and think for a moment.
"Just where is everybody? Is there a special event on today, or something?" She had to wrack her brains for a moment.
"It's not...it's not the day that Horton is due to be released from the county jail, is it?" she thought, a little nervously. Around her, there was a stillness in the air that unnerved her even more. No breeze at all - even the wind seemed to be staying away that day. "Yes," she realised. "I think it is the day he was due to be released."
"But surely everyone in this town isn't so delicate that they stay indoors just because an outlaw is being set free!" she thought, astounded that could be the case. The people who lived in Gold Creek were a sturdier breed than that - not easily frightened. "Still, it could be a little unnerving for them, I suppose."
Taking a deep breath, she put one foot in front of the other, a little unsure at first, and continued walking towards the General Store. "Perhaps I should turn and go home as well," she thought. "After all, if the rest of the town is this restless, maybe there is something to worry about."
But she looked down at her coin purse, and remembered Benji's teasing her that she couldn't carry a bag of horse feed on her own. He'd think she'd given up if she returned home without it! "No, best to press on," she told herself, firmly. "After all, I'm not scared."
As she approached the General Store she noticed that her feet had slowed down. There was no denying there was a feeling of uneasiness in the air. Rosella couldn't help the dark thought that flashed into her head. There was a terrible sense of foreboding, a feeling she had had once before...when she was seventeen.
She stopped walking again and took a deep breath. "Come now, you're just being silly. This is nothing like that day." But there was no denying the clenched feeling in her throat. Like a reflex, her throat seemed to seize up at the same time that her heartbeat rose.
"Something's not right," she decided. It was one thing to be silly, but now it was about trusting her senses. And they were telling her something bad was about to happen.
"That's it, I'm turning around, going home. The feed will have to wait for later. I'll deal with Benji's teasing well enough. More important to keep out of danger."
But as she turned around she heard it: a gun shot. It echoed around the empty town, and the street seemed to vibrate with the aftershock of it.
Rosella dropped her coin purse and spun around. She was standing in the middle of the street, unprotected. But it wasn't for herself that she felt worried. The sound was coming from the General Store.
"Horton," she thought. And then, “Mr. McGillicuddy."
* * *
A man came running out of the general store, in one hand carrying a bag of goods, in the other a gun.
Rosella squinted and leaned forward. The man running out - this outlaw - had bright red hair. Even from a distance she could tell that. She'd never seen the infamous Horton, but she knew from Benjamin's vivid stories about him that he had dark hair, not red.
The man took off down the street in the op
posite direction with his loot in one hand and the gun in the other, shooting it into the air. Once he was out of sight Rosella started to run in the direction of the store. She had no care for how she looked, or how much dust and dirt was getting kicked up onto her skirt and face. She only cared about making sure that Mr. McGillicuddy was alright.
She flew through the door, unable to shout out for a response, so instead she had to look around for Mr. McGillicuddy. She heard a muffled cry and run behind the counter, where Mr. McGillicuddy was tied up and blindfolded. She sped over to him and set him free, thanking God that he was alright, not hurt by the gun shot. Rosella had seen enough violence in her life, and experienced enough loss. She was grateful that her new friend was unhurt.
Gasping, he looked up at Rosella, surprised that she was his rescuer. "Rosella, it's not safe for you out, what are you doing, dear?" he asked, frantically. "You should go home."
"Nonsense," she thought. "I was hardly going to leave you alone to fend for yourself after hearing those gunshots!"
Sitting up, Mr. McGillicuddy tried to make sense of what happened. He rubbed his head. "It all happened so quickly..." he shook his head, looking around his store. "I wonder what he took."
Rosella wanted to tell him not to worry about that too much, that the most important thing was that he was okay, and safe now. The man was old, and Rosella knew - thanks to Benjamin - that he had a bad heart. Rosella reached out and put a comforting hand on the old man's shoulder, trying to get him to calm down. She was worried that the stress might cause his heart trouble. He already seemed disoriented about what had taken place.
"I can't believe Horton would do this! On his first day of release!"
Rosella leaned back, shocked to hear this.
"But it wasn't Horton!" she cried out, inwardly. "It couldn't have been - the man had red hair." She tried to shake her head frantically, mouthing the word "no," but Mr. McGillicuddy misunderstood.
"Don't worry, dear, we'll get him caught! As soon as I tell the Marshall, Horton will be back in jail as quick as you can say!"
Rosella shook her head again. "No, no, you've got the wrong man..." As she thought about it she suddenly felt her palms go sweaty and her head begin to get lightheaded. She stood up, shaking.
"It's okay, Rosella," Mr. McGillicuddy said. "We'll get him caught, you're not in any danger."
"It's not that," she wanted to shout. It was all coming back to her. That day, when she was seventeen...when she saw the terrible thing and couldn't speak of it. Now she'd seen another terrible thing and she couldn't speak about it. The wrong man was going to be convicted of the crime. What hope did Horton have, if he was already considered an outlaw, and. Mr. McGillicuddy was convinced he'd been the one to rob the store?
Horton may have done wrong in the past, but it wasn't fair for him to be convicted of this crime.
But that's what was going to happen if she couldn't speak out.
Mr. McGillicuddy pulled himself to his feet, with the help of Rosella, though she wasn't sure the old man was in a fit enough state to be standing right then. He kept going on about Horton, about how he needed to tell the Marshall immediately, so that he could be caught before he got away.
"I don't know who that man was, but he wasn't Horton..." Rosella wanted to say. She looked around for a pen or a pencil, thinking that she might be able to write down what she saw. Nothing.
She was going to have to go home and get Benjamin.
* * *
"Rosella, what's wrong?" Benjamin asked, seeing his wife fly into the room in distress.
She shook her head, opening her silent mouth.
"I can see you've been crying," Benjamin said in distress. "Come here..." he said gently, reaching out a hand to place on her arm.
If only she could tell me what the matter is, Benjamin thought, but he didn't say that out loud. He didn't want to put pressure on her, to let her know how badly he wanted her to be able to speak to him.
Rosella felt her legs shaking beneath her, and reached out clumsily for a chair arm to steady herself.
"Woah," Benjamin said, reaching out for her. "Easy there. You're not going to faint, are you?"
She looked up at him with frustration. "I'm not so weak that I faint at any sign of distress!" Once again, she was distressed that people often mistook her silence for weakness.
But as she steadied herself on the chair she had to wonder... "Is my silence a form of weakness?" Her mind kept racing, thinking back over the scene she had witnessed in the general store. She worried now that if she were stronger, then she'd be able to speak up and tell of what really happened.
"An innocent man is going to go to jail..." the thought kept running over and over in her head.
Rosella pointed towards the notebook on the shelf. Though she disliked communicating in this way with her husband, she knew it was the only thing to do.
Ben nodded and fetched the book along with a pen. Holding it out to her he said, "Here. Tell me what is wrong.
Her hand scribbled so quickly across the paper that her writing was scrawled and illegible.
"Woah," Ben said, placing a hand over hers. "Slow down. I can't read what you're writing."
"Can't hear me speak, can't read my writing," Rosella thought quickly. "Are we ever going to be able to communicate?"
Still, she took a deep breath and took a hold of her nerves. Bringing her hand back up, she noted that the shaking had lessened, and she began to write again, this time more clearly. Over her shoulder, Benjamin read along with his brow furrowed.
"Are you sure?" he asked, interrupting her writing. He started to grab the paper out of her hands but she reached a palm out to keep it on the table.
"I'm not finished," she thought. "Let me finish."
After she'd explained that it was the red-haired man who'd committed the robbery, not Horton, Benjamin's face fell. Rosella saw his hand drop away, as he dragged it silently across the table and then watched it fall off the table.
"He can't have, though..." Ben murmured. "Are you sure? Rosella, you need to be one hundred percent certain that this is what you saw."
She nodded vigorously. Then, grabbing the paper again, scribbled, "I promise."
* * *
"Are you ready?" Ben asked. Rosella nodded. "Okay, let's go." He grabbed her hand to steady her, and they walked out of the house, towards the General Store, where Rosella hoped Mr. McGillicuddy would be recovering still. "Hopefully he hasn't jumped the gun and already gone to see the Marshall!" Rosella thought. She hated to see an innocent man accused, no matter what his reputation was. She had a theory that the red-haired man had simply jumped on the opportunity to frame Horton, by robbing the General Store on the day of Horton's release. And if Rosella didn't do something, the plan was going to succeed.
"Come on, Rosella,” Benji said, with an encouraging smile. “I know you can do it. And I’m here with you, every step of the way, remember.”
They hurried back towards the main street, Benjamin keeping a keen eye out for anything unusual. He could also sense the unease in the town, the way the air crackled with the tension. As they entered the main street he could see wary eyes peering out of windows, checking to see if it was safe to come out yet. Benjamin gripped Rosella’s hand to make sure she felt safe.
“She’s already been so brave today,” he thought, proudly. “Perhaps she really is cut out for life here. Most people would have run in the other direction at the sound of gun shots, but Rosella ran to make sure Mr. McGillicuddy was safe."
He looked over at Rosella and realized he should be saying some of these things out loud to her. He was conscious of the fact that he often fell into the trap of becoming silent, just because she was.
"I'm proud of you, Rosella," he said, simply. She squeezed his hand a blushed a little, looking down.
"I'm not so brave," she thought, but she was grateful for the compliment.
"Here we are," Benjamin said, taking a deep breath, as they arrived back at Mr. McG
illicuddy' store. "Time to speak up and tell the truth. Well, I will, at least. But I'll be sure he - everybody - knows that it was really you who witnessed the crime, and who wanted to come forward."
Rosella's stomach flipped a little, at the mention of witnessing a crime. There'd been another crime she'd witnessed, all those years ago, and she'd never come forward to finger the right culprit.
She stood back as Benjamin explained the situation to Mr. McGillicuddy, explaining to the old man that it couldn't have been Horton that robbed his store. But Rosella was barely listening - she was transferred back in time, to thirteen years in the past, to the incident that had taken her voice away.
"Oh, I'm not brave," she thought. "Would a brave girl have remained silent for thirteen years? I don't know what Benjamin sees in me, this braveness he was speaking about, but he's mistaken."
With the incident cleared up - and Mr. McGillicuddy left scratching his head, shocked that Horton was actually innocent after all, but grateful to have the truth set straight - Rosella and Benjamin left the store, with Rosella very quiet. A different kind of quiet this time, one that went beyond just a lack of words. Benjamin could tell that she was withdrawn into herself, that although her body may have been there next to him, that her mind was somewhere else.
"You okay?" he asked gently, placing a hand on her arm. "I know today must have been very shocking for you. You really were very brave, as I said."
She shook her head.
"You don't think you were brave?"
"No."
"Rosella, how can you think that? Look at everyone else cowering in their homes, while you've been out here not once, but twice: once to check for danger, and secondly to tell the truth about what really happened. How is that not brave?" He frowned, willing Rosella to hear what he was saying, really hear it. It hurt him that she could think so badly about herself. "Rosella, you are so strong."