by Faye Sonja
“She could still die today,” Rose thought. “Oh, God, I have to do something.” She moved away from the wall which has been holding her steady, and walked over to her favorite chair, sitting down to pray.
“Dear God, I have to do something. I need all my courage now. Please, with your grace, give me the strength and courage to save Ruby’s life.”
When she pulled her head up again, she knew what she needed to do.
* * *
She walked down to the paddock with shaking legs. Still, she’d never walked so fast in her life. She felt as though her legs weren’t even her own as she hurried down to where Ruby was waiting for her.
“My poor darling,” Rosella thought, looking at the distressed horse. “You just don’t know any better, do you? It’s not your fault you weren’t raised to obey orders.” She often wondered if the horse simply had an independent soul, and would never be tamed by a human’s commands. But even if that was the case, she was not willing to give up all hope, to give up on Ruby completely. Rosella never thought a situation was hopeless. With God’s grace, there was always a way forward.
She reached out and stroked Ruby’s head, praying as she did so. “There there, girl," she cooed, calming the horse. Underneath her gentle caress, she felt Ruby calm down, and saw some of the wildness leave her eyes.
"There there, girl, it's alright."
Ruby was very still, and Rosella kept stroking her on the head. Moving her hand down to the horse's back, she continued trying to make her feel at ease.
"That's a good girl, Ruby, that's a good girl."
Suddenly, Rosella stopped. Her heart racing at a million miles per hour, she realised, for the first time in thirteen years, she had not simply thought the words: she had spoken them out loud.
* * *
She ran as fast as her legs could take her, back to the homestead. Her limbs seemed to fly through the air, and her blue dress billowed out in all directions, dust kicking up behind her as she leapt over the earth. She'd never ran like this in her life. But she was desperate. Desperate to see Benjamin.
To tell him the news.
She grabbed at her throat as she approached the door, wondering if the words would come out as easily again.
"Oh, but if I can speak to Ruby, of course I'll be able to speak to Benji!" she thought gleefully, unable to get through the door quickly enough. Her head was full of visions of all the conversations they could finally have, all the misunderstandings that could at last be put to rest.
And most of all she was excited to be able to tell Benjamin of the best news she’d had in her life: that Ruby could be saved. She’d seen the change in the horse when she’d spoken to her. Maybe it was only small, but it was there. There was hope. There was no reason for Ruby to have to die.
Now she could tell Benjamin.
She ran in through the door, before she stopped dead in her tracks. Bringing her hands up to her mouth, she couldn’t believe the scene in front of her eyes.
The entire kitchen had been turned upside down. The table and chairs were knocked over, the drawers laying on the floor with all their cutlery and porcelain strewn and broken on the floor. And Rosella's orange cake, upside down on the floor, smashed to pieces.
At first she was so shocked she lost the ability to think. "What on Earth has happened here?" As she surveyed the ruin her thoughts quickly turned to fear.
"What if whoever did this is still here? Still inside the house?" She spun around before stopping, making sure to make no noise as she listened silently for a sound. The sound of footsteps maybe, or of floorboards creaking - anything to let her know that the intruder was still in the house.
She heard a muffled cry and held her breath. Listening for a second, she realised that it was Benji, crying out from the back room.
She quickly ran, all the fear leaving her body as she hurried towards her husband. Even if the intruder was still there, she had to do something. As she rounded the corner that led to the back room she grasped at her throat again, wondering if any sound could come out.
As she saw Benji sitting there with his hands tied behind his back and his mouth covered, she let out a gasp.
"What has happened?" No words came out as she frantically raced towards him, wondering at the same time if there was still anyone in the house with them. But there was no time for that, and no way to ask anyway.
She reached behind Ben and untied his hands. She then pulled the material from around his mouth so that he could speak at last.
"Rosella..." he gasped, his voice tight and raspy. "Thank goodness you're here."
She mouthed, "What happened?", shaking her head and pointing around the room.
"It was that red-headed outlaw! He escaped from the jail and came here looking for me. Looking for us." Ben reached out his arms and pulled Rosella in for a tight embrace. "Rosella, thank goodness you weren't here." He pulled back and looked at her face, taking it between his big hands. "Where were you, though?"
Rosella opened her mouth, praying for the ability to speak, but no words came out.
"Oh, what happened to my voice," she thought, as the distress showed on her face.
"It's okay," Benji said, stroking her cheek. "It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you are here with me now."
He pulled her close again and they sat like that for a long while, Rosella feeling Benji's heartbeat against her own chest.
* * *
8
A Miracle
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“ Could this really be a fresh start?”
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In all the excitement, Rosella had forgotten all about what had taken place with Ruby in the paddock, at least, temporarily. With all their belongings stolen by the robber they had more pressing issues to take care of, such as how to survive with all their money gone.
"What are we going to do...? All our valuable possessions. Our hidden stash. Gone, all gone," Benjamin asked. "I still can't believe this has happened..."
Rosella wanted to cry out that it didn't matter about the money and the possessions.
"As long as you're alive." When she'd come home that day to find Benji tied up like that, she just about thought she'd die if anything happened to him. To her, it wouldn't have mattered if they had taken every last thing they'd owned. As long as Benji hadn't been hurt.
But the financial issue was clearly heavy on her husband's mind.
Benji was pacing back and forth, lost in thought.
Rosella walked over to him and grabbed him by the shoulders, her way of getting his attention, to let him know that she wanted him to speak to her.
"Just because I'm silent doesn't mean you have to be," she thought, frustrated. She'd noticed that it had become an easy trap for them to fall into. Because Rosella was silent, Benjamin was also a lot quieter with her than he was with others. He often seemed to return her silence with his own. But Rosella wanted to hear him speak. She needed to hear him speak. His words were everything to her. Her reassurance, her comfort, her tie to the rest of the world. His words were the bridge between her and everyone else.
When he was silent she felt even more silent.
Benji looked up at her. "Sorry," he said. "Lost in my own thoughts again."
"Don't be sorry," Rosella wanted to say. She hated how much her husband felt he needed to apologise to her. "Oh, why can't things just be easy?"
With her hands on his shoulders, Rosella looked at him questioningly.
He sighed and nodded. "I guess it's time to tell you what's on my mind. What's been in my heart for months, actually. It's about Ruby."
Rosella took a step back, still looking up at him, but nervous about what was coming next.
Benji's face tightened as he began to explain about Ruby, about how was she untamable, about how he'd been debating her fate for months. He caught sight of the look on Rosella's face. Horror. Distress.
>
"Rose, I tried everything with her, really, I did..." he said, not wanting to see that look on Rose's face. He felt immediately that he'd let her down. Oh, maybe she really did care about that horse.
He continued on. "I was even starting to think that maybe she could be saved. On that morning we were robbed, I was still half-hopeful. I thought I might give her one last chance on that day. But Rose - now that this has happened..." He trailed off, looking around at their now threadbare house. "It doesn't seem reasonable to keep her. It takes a lot of time, and money, to take care of a horse like that. And now, with things the way they are and money now so tight...I need to focus on the horses I can actually help."
Rosella shook her head, and tears spilled down her cheeks.
She opened her mouth and still the words would not come. Oh, how much she wanted to plead with him, to tell Benji how Ruby could be saved, that if only Rosella could speak to the horse, and soothe her...
"She responds to me. I can help."
But what if she couldn't? Since the robbery she'd gone completely silent again.
Hot, large tears spilled down her cheeks and onto the floor. She was reminded in that moment of the darkest time of her past. "It seems like every time something 'bad' happens, I lose my voice."
"Any time it matters, I fall silent."
Deep down that is what she worried, what she feared, was true. She'd always felt, deep within her soul, that her silence was a weakness. That if she could just be stronger, if she could just gather the courage, that she'd be able to speak.
Maybe it wasn't that simple, but the guilt still plagued her. And now her beloved Ruby's life was at stake. She took a few deep breathes to steady herself, but Benji was already grabbing his hat and walking out the door.
"Enough is enough," she decided. Firmly. Forcefully.
It took guts, and it took all the courage she had in her, and it took a quick prayer to God before she was ready, but as Benji held open the door and walked through it she ran after him and grabbed him by the arm.
And she spoke.
* * *
9
Starting Over
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“ Could this really be a fresh start?”
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At first the words came out as only a croak, barely audible. Benjamin turned around slowly, in shock, as the first words squeaked out.
"What? Rosella?" he asked, his voice a mixture of alarm and joy. Can this be real? He wondered, thinking maybe he was seeing and hearing things. Perhaps he'd just wanted Rosella to speak so badly that he was imagining things.
A single word blurted out from her, from deep in her chest. "WAIT!" Rosella cried out. She once again grabbed Benji by the arm. "Wait," she repeated.
He nodded. "I'm waiting. It's okay, Rosella, I'm not going anywhere." His heart was beating fast from adrenaline. He could scarcely believe what was happening, what he was hearing. Noticing that Rosella was panicking, he took her hand and reassured her.
“It’s okay. Take as long as you need. I’m here, Rose. You can talk to me. In your own time."
"Wait," she said, again. Then, "No." She shook her head. "No. No. No." She kept shaking her head vigorously.
"No...no what?" he asked.
Rosella reached her hand out and pointed towards the paddock. "No!" she cried again.
"Ruby?" he asked. "No...no to Ruby. You don't want me going to her?"
Rosella nodded.
Ben couldn't help the sigh that escaped from his lips. "I know you want to save Ruby...but there's no use, Rose. She can't be tamed. Can't be helped. I've tried everything."
Rosella shook her head. That wasn't what she meant. Of course she didn't want Ruby to die, but Ben already knew that.
What he didn't know was that Rosella could help. That it was her very voice that could hold the key. She'd seen how the horse had responded to her voice. She knew, that if she could only speak, could keep speaking, could find the courage, that she could save Ruby.
Ben stood there waiting. He made himself be patient, allowing Rose to answer in her own time, even though a big part wanted to rush her. And an even bigger part wanted to jump up and down with excitement at the prospect of his wife finally talking. But he had to remain calm, and patient. He'd tried pushing Rosella to speak in the past, and he'd learned his lesson. He needed to let her speak in her own time.
She opened her voice and a few words came out. "Ruby. Can help."
Ben took her hand and led her over to a wood log, where they sat for a few minutes. It seemed to him that the effort to speak had almost winded her, and she needed time to recover.
"Your hands are shaking, Rose."
She nodded. With a little effort she stilled her shaking hands and took a few more deep breaths. Then, with the strength of God behind her, she began to talk.
With her voice restored Rosella was able to explain to Ben that the horse could be tamed - with a little care and with her help. The words came slowly, sometimes painfully, and sometimes not quite in the right order. But the meaning was there. Rosella needed to get just one point clear.
"Me," she said, pointing at herself. "Can help. Can help Ruby."
Ben took a step back, and looked at her unsurely. "Can you? How, though?" He caught a hurt look on Rosella's face.
"Can speak. To Ruby. To help her."
"You can speak to her?" Benji asked.
Rosella nodded excitedly. "She responds. To voice."
"But how do you know that?" Benji asked, confused.
Rosella felt like her voice might close up again. She was nervous to explain that she'd already spoken to the horse a few days earlier. How would Benjamin react?
"Come on Rosella, it is not the time to go silent again," she told herself. It was time to be strong. Ruby needed her.
"Spoke to her. Three days ago."
Ben looked up in shock. "You did?"
Rosella nodded, a little more unsurely this time. "You...you mad?" she asked.
"Mad?" he asked, reaching out for her hand. "Rosella, no I'm not mad. I'm just...I'm shocked. I had no idea..." he thought it over for a moment. "Was this on the day of the robbery?"
She nodded, and in her own way, tried to explain that she'd come rushing home to tell Benji the news when she'd seen that the house had been torn apart.
He took a deep breath, trying to process everything. After a moment his voice went very serious. "Rosella, does it really work? You voice, with Ruby, I mean? Did she really respond to you?"
Rosella nodded eagerly.
"My my..." Benji murmured, looking at her with pride. "My little horse whisperer."
* * *
Benjamin was overjoyed by the news about Ruby and to finally hear Rosella speak. Down at the paddock he watched on in awe as Rosella went up to the horse and whispered in her ear. The change in the horse was instant and noticeable. Ruby was instantly calm and still, and seemed to react to every word and whisper from Rosella.
Benjamin could hardly believe what a perfect day God had blessed them with.
Back at home, he began to open up about his own past and pain with Rosella. She listened on quietly, as Benjamin described the pain he felt at losing his first wife back in San Francisco.
"I'm so sorry, Benji...I can't imagine the unbearable sorrow that must have been for you." She was surprised at how easily the words were flowing now. It seemed the more she felt the words in her heart, the easier they were to say. But there were still some things she held back.
"I'm glad to be able to speak to you about these things, finally."
Rose went quiet for a moment. Something about that statement upset her. She couldn't quite articulate what. Sensing that she was holding something back, Benjamin prodded her, asking what the matter was.
"It's..." she stammered a bit, unsure of whether to bring it up or not.
"Yes? Rose, you can tell me." The look in h
is eyes told Rosella that he was desperate for her to talk to him. He could see the fear in there as well: the worry that she might go silent again at any time.
She knew it was time to be brave and speak. "Why did you feel that you could only speak to me - truthfully and honestly - once I could speak to you?"
He was taken aback. "What do you mean?"
"I mean...you could have spoken to me about this right from the start. I was the silent one, not you." She hung her head. "It seems as though you never really accepted me as a full, strong person when I was silent." She looked up. "Is it only now, that you see me as whole? Or trustworthy? Benjamin, I was the same person then as I am now."
"Rose..." he murmured, reaching out for her hand. "It's not like that at all..."
She looked at him, unsurely. "Isn't it?" she asked, quietly.
"Not at all. In some ways your silence was your greatest strength. I still love that you only open up and speak to people - or animals - that you truly trust. Or..." he added quietly, hopefully, "that you love."
She kept looking down shyly.
"To have you finally speak to me - well, I take that to mean that you now trust me. That's all. Not that you are any more whole, or perfect. I've thought you were perfect all along."
* * *
10
Trust
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“ Could this really be a fresh start?”
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The year was coming to an end at Gold Creek and Benji and Rose were busy making preparations for Christmas. With all their possessions - and money - returned to them, it was looking as though it was going to be a very happy Christmas. Things had changed. Rosella had a new nickname in town. No longer The Silent Bride, she was known now as The Silent Horse Whisperer, the women who had a magical way with even the most difficult of horses.