“I love you,” he said. “As a friend and as a woman. You are the only girl I have loved in a long time. Don’t tell me to forget about you that easily.”
She took a step forward, and let him lift her chin up. Without a word she gave in, and let their lips meet. He moved his hands to her waist and she reached out to place hers around his neck. Their height difference made her lean up as they continued the embrace.
Nick let the moment overtake him, the softness of her skin against his neck, and the pressure of their lips. It was intimate. It was beautiful.
Olivia pulled back first. She held a hand over her lips.
“That was a mistake,” she said. “We can’t do this.”
The beauty of the moment shattered. “Why? Give me one reason.”
“Because love is one thing Nick. It’s beautiful and inviting, and it makes you blind to everything else. But the moment it’s gone, all that’s left is anger and bitterness and hatred. I don’t want to feel that way about you.”
Then without thinking, he blurted out the last thing he should have said. “We’re not your parents.”
Her eyes widened. He continued.
“Your parents messed you up, so you think every other relationship will turn out the same way. You’re not your mom and I’m not your dad. Maybe they did grow apart, and maybe your mom did see it coming.”
She took a step back from him. He knew he didn’t mean anything that he had said. Nick was bitter and angry, and so he said what he knew would hurt Olivia the most.
“I need to go,” she said. He didn’t try to hold her back. She turned one last time. “You shouldn’t have said anything.” Then she was gone.
He didn’t go after her. He waited until he had something to say, something other than an apology. His mind kept reverting to what he had confessed to her.
I love you. Olivia, I love you. He went back to the hotel room. Things would have to be solved as they came along.
His suitcase was on the bed where’d he left it, on top of unmade covers. Her side of the room was empty. Nothing. There was no evidence that Olivia had ever been there. He walked over to the nightstand. There was writing on the complementary notepad.
I’m staying at the airport. Got an earlier flight back home. My share of the car rental and hotel room is in the envelope.
A white envelope covered the bottom portion of the note. He didn’t check to see how much she had left. Knowing Olivia, she had probably left more than she needed to.
He set on her empty bed and stared around the vacant room. There was a chance he could still catch up to her, and apologize. He knew he should. The part of him, the one that valued their friendship, it urged to him to go and make up.
Go after her. Just say you’re sorry. Give her a reason to forgive you. But then Nick realized he didn’t want to apologize, not for what he confessed to her. He sighed and lay back.
He would have to wait until he got back to Glensford to see what tonight had unleashed. He’d wait. He was ready to face it.
25
Senior Year
Olivia liked to be right, most of the time, anyways.
The day she chose to walk out of the hotel room, leaving nothing but a note behind, she knew there was no going back. Whatever friendship she had wanted to salvage was lost the moment she didn’t stay.
He called her three weeks after the trip, and she made the choice to pretend like it hadn’t happened. None of it: not the kiss or the confession. It was better that way. But she had known after that call, full of pauses and silence, that things wouldn’t be the same afterward.
Fall Semester flew by. They saw each other twice, once when he showed up to one of her performances, as if by habit, and another time while sitting in the library. The calls stopped. The texts stopped. Their friendship dissipated after that.
Olivia saw him one last time during Spring Semester, on graduation day. He wore a well-fitted suit, and a gray tie that almost matched the hue of her eyes. They called him up on stage, announcing he had graduated Magna Cum Laude. She watched her friend, for she still considered him that, walk off stage, with his diploma in hand. She had gone up before him, and had tried to find his face in the crowd, but her eyes had fallen on someone else entirely, Simon. He saw her and gave her a wink. It made her stomach rile up.
Nick had been taking photos with his family then. She recognized Mimi and their Abuela, and Mr. Rivero. There were others, but despite the crowd around him, Olivia saw only Nick.
Mimi saw her first. His sister was no longer a little girl and she’d made it past the years of being an adolescent. Her hair had pink and blue stripes mixed in with her usual dark brown color. She froze her gaze on Olivia, turned and whispered something to her brother.
Nick stopped smiling for the photos. He looked up, his gaze landing right on Olivia. She unconsciously took a step back, bumping into her mom, the only person she had invited to her graduation.
“Everything okay sweetie?” her mom asked.
She nodded. They’d already taken their pictures.
“Could you get the car mom? I want to say hi to someone.”
Her mom nodded. “Sure. We can grab lunch after. I have a present for you.”
Olivia kissed her mom on the cheek and sent her off. She turned back to the spot where Nick had been. He had gone back to taking pictures, but his eyes traveled in her direction in between shots.
She waited, and eventually he walked over to her. She thought she would feel hesitation of some form, but she ran right up to him, meeting him halfway. He opened his arms and she held onto him, her fingers wrapping around his graduation gown. He pulled back first, and she was reminded of the night on the beach, and the kiss she had wanted so desperately to continue.
“Olivia,” he said. The words felt foreign to her ears, the way he said it, as if it were a fact. There was no warmth.
“How have you been?” she asked.
“Good,” he said. “Happy to graduate. What about you?”
“Busy,” she managed. “So what are your plans? Are you staying in Glensford?”
He shook his head. “I got a job down in Florida, back in Shepton. I’m going to work at the mayor’s office.” He paused as she stared at him. What had happened to the boy who couldn’t stand his political science classes? “It’s a good start.”
Nick didn’t ask her about her plans. They stood in silence, as other graduates passed by them, smiling and laughing, rejoicing at their final hurrah before adulthood.
“I’m happy for you,” Olivia said. “You’ll have nice weather year round.”
“My grandparents left me their house for the year, so I’ll be close to my office.”
“Was that the place where you took me to wait out the thunderstorm?” she asked.
He smiled, as if remembering. “Yeah. It’s also the place where you lost at the balance challenge.” His smile faded as he looked up at her, as if suddenly remembering that they were not supposed to carry conversations on with such ease. “It’s remodeled now. “
“Well good. You have a place to live and a good job. I’m jealous.” She wanted him to ask her about where she was headed. Then they’d have a reason to continue the conversation. Olivia could tell him about the closet size apartment she was going to rent out in New York, and all the auditions she had lined up for the summer. He didn’t ask anything more.
Nick adjusted his cap. “I should go. My family planned a graduation party so I don’t want to keep them waiting. I hope everything goes well for you,” he said.
Olivia sighed. “It was good to see you. I hope everything goes well for you too.” And without thinking she reached up for her graduation cap, the palm tree dangled from it. She pulled it free and placed it in his palm. “For luck.”
He pulled his hand away when his eyes fell upon it. “I don’t need it.” He placed the palm tree back in her hand.
“Just in case.” She tried to place it back in his hand, but he stepped back.
Nick turned back toward his family. “I have to go,” he said, more firmly than before. “Keep the keychain.” Then he paused and something in his expression eased. “It was yours to begin with.”
Olivia nodded and wrapped her fingers around it. The metal felt hot to the touch. “I won’t insist,” she said. “It was good to see you again. I mean it.”
He looked to the ground and then back at her. “You don’t need luck either Olivia. You’ll become a great actress.”
And for a moment she saw a trace of the boy she had left behind almost a year before. He gave her a soft smile, and then turned away. She didn’t wave goodbye to him. The short conversation, it had been their goodbye. It was better this way, parting with most of their good memories left intact.
Olivia left to an emptier area and waited for her mom to pass by. They drove to La Petite. The tiny French restaurant was full of graduates and their families. They took a seat in a corner booth, away from the bustle.
“I hadn’t seen him in a while,” her mom said, when the appetizers finally arrived.
“Who?” Olivia asked.
“Your friend, Nicolas.”
“Nick,” she corrected, before taking a bite of her soufflé.
She remembered the few times her mom had met him. Whenever extra hands were needed to finish an issue of the magazine or for last minute deliveries, Nick had always volunteered.
“What happened?” her mom asked.
Olivia shrugged. “We grew apart. That’s all.”
“People don’t just grow apart, Liv. They choose to.”
She shook her head. “Sometimes things happen mom, and people just move on. It wasn’t my choice.” Olivia realized that was a lie. She had walked out that night. He’d stopped calling. She’d stopped texting. Those were all choices.
“I won’t pry if you don’t want me to,” her mom said. “He just seemed like a nice boy, that was all. Nicer than your ex boyfriend.”
She dropped her fork. “We broke up a long time ago. Why are you bringing him up now?” Olivia could hear herself getting defensive, and she knew her mom was picking up on it too. The truth was that only Nick knew why she’d broken up with Simon. Well Kate knew too, but her old roommate didn’t count, since she had been a part of the entire dilemma.
“I know you broke up, but you never really told me why. In fact you never told me why you broke things off with Michael either.”
“Because you never asked,” Olivia said. “And because you already had a lot going on. Besides it doesn’t matter, they’re in my past.”
Her mom stopped eating. “What happened, Liv?”
She shook her head, staring down at her half eaten soufflé. “Nothing.” She needed to change the topic. “It’s something I didn’t mention. Just like you never told me you still talk to dad.”
Her mom’s expression remained calm. “We only talk in reference to you. I know you think he doesn’t worry about you, but your father…”
“Please don’t call him.”
“Liv, he’s your dad, no matter how you feel toward him now, he will always be your father.”
Olivia took three bites in a row before answering. “He hasn’t seen me in a year. He didn’t call after the day I saw him in Orlando. He didn’t call on my birthday or to ask when I was graduating.”
Her mom stared at her, regret seeping through her ever feature. “He did. He called every time.”
“What?”
“He called today to make sure I used the money he sent to treat you out. He calls on every holiday and birthday. He’s been to most of your opening performances too. He brings your sister…”
“Jocelyn’s daughter isn’t my sister,” Olivia said. “And I don’t believe you. He probably says he does all that to coax you into turning me back to his side.”
Her mom tilted her head. “He doesn’t have to coax me to do anything. I stopped being angry at your dad a long time ago. I spent years building up hatred for him, but in the end I forgave him.”
Olivia put her fork down. “You don’t mean that.”
She felt herself reverting back to her fourteen-year-old self again, defensive and uncapped.
“The Christmas you gave me the best present I could ever receive. I knew then, that somehow, despite everything he’d done, something good had come out of it. I’m not saying I’ll ever forget what he did, but I healed from my hatred a long time ago. I only regret one thing.”
“What?” Olivia asked, trying to make sense of the woman who was in front of her.
Her mom shook her head. “I regret thinking that by letting you keep your distance from him, I was somehow letting you heal on your own terms. I think it only made you resent him more.”
“He cheated on you,” Olivia said. “I will never forgive him for that.”
Her mom gave her a gentle smile. “Don’t forgive him because you think he deserves it, Liv. Do it for your own sake. If you don’t, it’s only going to damage the way you see others.”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Not today,” Olivia said.
Her mom said nothing more on the matter. They ate, discussing other small topics for the night.
Yet, all Olivia could think about was how much she wanted to call her dad and tell him about all her future plans. If only it was that easy. If only one could forgive without forgetting. That wasn’t life, not hers anyways. If she ever forgave her dad, it would be because he came to her first.
26
May 25,2013
Mimi’s graduation came a year after Nick’s.
He spent the week working overtime so that he could compensate for the three days he had asked to have as unpaid vacation time. His colleagues were working on a new campaign for the Mayor’s upcoming reelection, and the work had been nonstop.
There were calls from supporters and endless events to plan, along with deciding which ads to run and through which mediums. It was like his job had become an all-encompassing position. Nick felt trapped in an endless loop that had become his life in Shepton.
He got up early in the morning, made the drive out the office, arriving roughly at eight. Then he didn’t come home until eight at night. Some days it was later, and some days were actually the majority of days. It wasn’t the time frame that Nick minded; it was the job.
He had signed up to run the research on local demographics, focusing on educational reforms and certain government aid programs, but he hadn’t been able to collect or analyze data in months. The worst part was that everyone around him loved their jobs. They had a passion for politics and debating on reforms. He liked to be alone, working in an office, and maybe meeting a co-worker for lunch.
Nick had actually started to meet one of his co-workers for lunch. Joy handled the publicity campaigns for the mayor. They had run into each other on his first day, and she had asked why he had never called her back. Somehow they made lunch plans and had continued on with the tradition. They hadn’t made anything too official, upon Joy’s insistence. She thought their age difference complicated things enough, the three years that it was.
“Mimi Rivero, founder of our school’s music appreciation club, and graduating Cum Laude.” San Mateo’s Principal Shepard handed Mimi her diploma.
She turned to Nick and gave him a closed mouth smile. Their dad snapped a picture, and Abuela cheered. Grandpa Felix hadn’t shown up not for a lack of trying. He wanted to stay with Grandma Joan, who had begun more intense treatments for her dementia.
Nick watched his sister stroll across the stage. She had dyed her previously highlighted hair into a single coat of black. It made her usually tan skin seem paler.
She walked off stage, other students followed. It seemed like tradition now that Mimi was headed off to Glensford College as well. She wanted to study broadcast journalism. The more he thought about it, the more Nick realized he barely knew the young woman she had grown into. No one really did. Mimi it seemed, like to keep her things very private, even from her family.
The
y left for an Italian restaurant in the San Mateo district, not too far from the school. Nick sat next to Mimi, which at the moment felt like sitting next to a stranger. They hadn’t seen each other since Christmas day.
“I didn’t think you would show up,” she said while chewing on a breadstick.
“Why wouldn’t I show up? It’s your graduation.”
“I know,” she said. “You just seem busier now. You’re an actual adult. It’s hard to get used to.”
Their dad laughed at a joke Abuela told. Nick grabbed a second breadstick.
“You’re an adult too, and you’ll be a full fledged one in four years.”
She laughed at that. “Not if Abuela gets her way. If it were up to her, she’d send me an allowance until my deathbed.”
“Always her favorite,” he said. It was true. Whenever Abuela sent them birthday presents or Christmas cards, Mimi’s always had something extra: ten more dollars, a gift card to a nicer store. Nick didn’t complain though, since he knew Grandpa Felix had a special place for him.
He turned to look for the waitress. The saltiness of his breadsticks had cost him his cup of water, and all he could think about was a refill. He looked about the crowded restaurant, and then as if by magic, she appeared right in front of him.
It was Olivia, in the flesh, and wearing some type of period costume. A group of performers followed her inside. They laughed and talked. He didn’t recognize any of them, except for one. Simon was the last to walk in. He kept his distance from her.
Nick watched, wondering how he could hide from them. Maybe if he just turned back around he could unsee her. He tried.
“Isn’t that Olive?” Mimi asked. She squinted her eyes; he tried to pull his sister back. She raised her hand in the air, not taking notice of his attempts.
“Mimi. What are you doing?”
His sister stood up before he even finished asking the question. She walked over to Olivia, who at this point had already seen the table packed with his family members.
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